What Happens In Vegas

Tipper: I just wanna junk-punch him in his man business.

Joy McNally: That's just the topping I wanted on my popcorn. I know the box said its movie theater butter, but you guessed it. What I really wanted was Jack's Sweaty ballsack flavor!
Jack Fuller: I'm just giving you what you want, baby.

Hater: This is my lesbian sister. Tell them about your softball team, tell them about your team.

Tipper: If I could kill someone with my mind right now, it would be you.

Jack Fuller: I did take myself out of the game. If you stop betting, you never have to lose.

Joy McNally: Is there any part of the night, I don't know, maybe say the part where I was about to marry the rebound guy, that you thought, 'hey oh my God, this is a really good time for an intervention'?
Tipper: [extremely hungover] Seriously?
Joy McNally: Yeah.
Tipper: I like... threw up in my own purse... so...

Judge R. D. Whopper: ...Listen, I've been married for twenty five years to the same wonderful, infuriating woman. And granted there are days when I want to light her on fire but I don't, because I love her. And that would be illegal. And you know something, and I might be old fashioned but when I said those vows, I meant them.

Jack Fuller: I'd rather do nothing and be happy than do something I know I don't love.

Jack Fuller: Where's the one place where you can step up and be a man?
Hater: Community college?

Chong: Be whoever you want to be, you'll still gonna be my subordinate.
Joy McNally: Excuse me?
Chong: It's from the Latin, meaning "my bitch."

Chong: I eat girls like you.

Hater: I didn't invent hip hop... but I was there!

Hater: You should never let a chick get in your head; that's why I prefer not to even talk to my dates.

Jack Fuller: It's like you're trying to come in first, but it's someone else's race.

Jack Fuller: [accepting an award] I have to thank my wife Joy. She probably never told you all the story about how we met. It might come as a surprise to many of you that we didn't know each other for very long before we got hitched. What can I say - when you know, you know.

Hater: I'm the law, bitch!

Tipper: You know what? I can get a couple of my brother's loser ass friends to go over to Mason's apartment , knock on the door and when he opens it wham! They'll junk-punch him all up in his man business and he'll fall to the floor whaling and crying "why?" and then we'll say "you know why!"