Everwood

Ephram: You're talking faster than my brain processes language.

Dr. Andrew Brown: Do me a favor, you know how you normally behave?
Ephram: Distant and miserable?
Dr. Andrew Brown: Yeah. Do the opposite.

Ephram: [to Andy] Look. I'm Superdad, let's fish and make waffles.

Dr. Andrew Brown: You know, when your mother died, a thousand people said a thousand stupid things to me and I just wanted one of them to give me a reason not to die.

Dr. Andrew Brown: You know, your grandfather thinks I'm only half a person - and if you leave - he'll be right.

Dr. Abbott: And behold the people, who had every attribute of dogs, except loyalty.

Ephram: You know, no offense, but he's really my least favorite thing about you.

Ephram: You gotta stop doing that.
Amy: What?
Ephram: Saying things that make me wanna kiss you.

Ephram: So what do people do up here, besides wait for an early demise... and ask really dumb questions?

Amy: Ephram Brown, the melting man. The melting man, Ephram Brown.
Ephram: He's quiet.
Amy: He's not having the best day. They say it's his last.

Ephram: [to Amy] I haven't made anything for myself here... except you.

Dr. Andrew Brown: What is that out front?
Ephram: Doe, a deer. A female deer.

Ephram: [to Bright] I'm sorry, I don't speak Dumbass.

Ephram: [to Bright] You guys choreograph the bathroom stall exit, and I'm the loser?

Amy: What exactly is going on between you and Colin? I mean, why are you being all buddy buddy with him?
Ephram: First of all, I'm not being all buddy buddy with anyone, all right? He approached me.
Amy: He did, why? I-I mean, why?
Ephram: I don't know, maybe he thinks I'm pretty.

Bright: We were like Mike and Scottie. Only shorter... and whiter.

Dr. Andrew Brown: Now, if you choose not to respond to my parental authority, I should warn you, I have mind altering drugs in the other room and I'm not afraid to use them.

Rev. Tom Keyes: I'm not sure, but everything has a rainbow halo around it. You look like Jesus.

Ephram: You know, you're the only guy I know who's so dark it turns me into an optimist. It's kinda scary.

Doctor Brown: I melt down, you practically carry me home, and YOU want to say sorry? You - you're like a saint, only annoying.

Bright: I have to go help my dad. If I die and don't go to Heaven, I'm gonna be so pissed.

Dr. Andrew Brown: Clue doesn't come travel sized?
Ephram: One of the world's greater atrocities.

Bright: You know, there's a reason men don't wear ruffles.
Colin: It's not that bad. If this were 1775, you'd be a total chick magnet.

Bright: Uh, Dad, depending on how many people are there today, do you think I could borrow that rifle to shoot myself?

Ephram: So, what's he like? Colin.
Nina: He's a charmer. You know, he's the kind of kid who forgets to mow your lawn for two weeks, then when he finally comes, you end up paying him for three. I think he was All State football. And pretty smart, too.
Ephram: So he's basically like God.

Colin: [to Bright] Hey, Johnny Tremain. Wanna see something that will knock your pantaloons off?

Mole: Nice truck, Hart. Too bad it's your Daddy's.
Colin: Whatever, McNally. Like I can't drive this whenever I want.
Mole: I'm sure you can.
Colin: Besides your brother there is still the kid who threw up on the DMV guy during his driving test.

Dr. Andrew Brown: Somewhere, Jerry Garcia is weeping.
Rose: I just don't know what Irma was doing with all this marijuana.
Dr. Andrew Brown: Well, I can certainly guess what she was doing with some of it.

Bright: This is totally great. The dudes at school are not gonna believe this.

Rose Abbot: [seeing her husband peer out the window] What are you looking for?
Dr. Abbott: Trouble.
Rose Abbot: Which starts with 'T', which rhymes with 'P' and that stands for 'pot'?
Dr. Abbott: Oh, joke away my dear. Once word gets out, every dope fiend and pot head within 50 miles is gonna come sniffing around this house.
Rose Abbot: And do what? Roll around on the front lawn stoned? Its not catnip, Harold.

Bright: He's not like us, Colin. Trust me, I know him and I know you. It's like ketchup and peanut butter... really bad.

Dr. Andrew Brown: I'm not THAT clueless.

Dr. Andrew Brown: Did you two find God nicely?
Delia: Yep.
Dr. Andrew Brown: Where was He?
Delia: In the gas tank.
Dr. Andrew Brown: I knew it.

Ephram: [drunk] Greetings tree, I am your sprinkler.

Dr. Abbott: Newsflash Dr Brown, you're not here to save the world. Only to annoy it.

Dr. Andrew Brown: So have you heard? Everwood is now officially dope-free.
Ephram: Bright moved?

Ephram: Come on, you're a sock. Why do you have to fight me all the way up?

Laynie Hart: I hate that the egg rolls at Gino Chang's smell like lasagna.
Ephram: I hate that everything's a fest. Thaw fest, fly fest, pie fest. What does that even mean? What's so festive about catching a fish or watching a guy melt?
Laynie Hart: I hate that they call it "Main Street" even though it's pretty much the only one. Why don't they just call it "Street"?
Ephram: Do you have a subway map of another city covering one of the walls in your room?
Laynie Hart: Do you pick colleges based on how far away they are from here?
Ephram: Have you ever had that dream where you're trapped in a sewer for life, and you wake up and you're disappointed that you're still in Everwood?
Laynie Hart: Do you have a packed bag and a plane ticket in your room?
Ephram: Oh come on.
Laynie Hart: You don't believe me? I'll show you!
Ephram: No, I believe you. I've kept the bag around for a while, I just haven't gotten around to buying the ticket yet.

Ephram: [to Amy] You've turned your entire schedule into something the President couldn't even handle! Not that that's saying much!

Bright: Do you think if aliens would probe you, you'd still be considered a virgin?

Amy: ...And if you love someone... it should be easy... I love you Ephram.

Ephram: Ah, that's what she always says. Like a junkie begging for more smack.
Delia: I'm not a junkie, you're a junkie.
Dr. Andrew Brown: Nobody's a junkie in this house.

Ephram: The more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm not sure who the first person was who said that. Probably Shakespeare. Or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it's the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw, my inability to change. I don't think I'm alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it's kind of everyone's flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible, standing perfectly still... It feels safer somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected... Who knows what other pain might be out there, waiting for you. Chances are it could be even worse. So you maintain the status quo. Choose the road already traveled and it doesn't seem that bad. Not as far as flaws go. You're not a drug addict. You're not killing anyone... Except maybe yourself a little. When we finally do change, I don't think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we're like this different person. I think it's smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn't even notice unless they looked at us really close. Which, thank God, they never do. But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a world of difference. And you hope this is it. This is the person you get to be forever... that you'll never have to change again.

Andy: What did you just say?
Delia: I said... it tastes... like shit.

Ephram: That was right on my list of things to do today, right between picking up my dry cleaning and chopping off my hand.

Ephram: I'd like to take a moment and point out that this is by far the weirdest restaurant we've ever been to, and we're from New York City where we're regularly served by drag queens named Frank.

Ephram: [drunk and relieving himself] Hello, Mr. Bush... so nice and green. I'm your sprinkler.
[snickers]
Ephram: Sprinkler... That's funny. More people should like me.

Ephram: I wish you had died instead of mom.
Andy: Well I wish I had, too, you little bastard.

Ephram: Look, Amy, I know this sucks for you because of Colin and I want to be there for you, I do, but I can't do this anymore. I can't keep being your second choice, not when you're my first.

Amy: Ok, four years ago you came to my little town. And you changed my life. I never thought that one person could do that to you, but you did. From the moment that I met you and each moment after that... somehow everything that happend to me, kept comming back to you. I don't know if the Faries Wheel reminds you of anything?
Ephram: Are you kiddin' me? How could I forget our first thaw-fest? It's where you first told me that your nickname was Grover.
Amy: I can't belive you remember that.
Ephram: I remember everything about us Amy.
Amy: Me too, See that's the thing. Everytime I try to forget, The feelings that I have for you, They just they keep comming back, I know they're back. And I don't wanna push them down anymore, I don't wanna run away from this because I never erh, wanna lose you again, I just wanna be with you, Next year, wherever you are.
Ephram: Amy...
Amy: And I'm sorry that it took me so long to figure it out, I really am because I-I hate all of the time that we lost and I know it's my fault and I just really hope that you could forgive me.
Ephram: Amy...
Amy: Because I love you Ephram, I love you
Ephram: [kisses her] It's my turn yet?
Amy: nods
Ephram: Good, Cuz I love you too.
[With a broken voice]
Ephram: I knew it then and I know it now. I know it always, you're IT Amy. You're my one.
Amy: I am?
[smiles]
Ephram: [Smiles] You always have been
[They laugh and turns around and looks at the Faries Wheel]
Amy: You're on for a ride?
Ephram: In a second

Amy: Maybe love's like math. You don't get better at it but you just get used to it. Simple equations with the occasional variable.
Ephram: I hope not. I suck at math.

Dr. Andrew Brown: There she blows!
Delia: You can say that again.
Ephram: Emphasis on blows.

Phil Drebbles: Hop In. Your future awaits.
Ephram: If this is my future, even my past is startin' to look good.

Older Car Salesman: She ain't much to look at that's true, but your girl will like her.
Ephram: Oh, I don't have a girl and I don't think that I'm going to be getting any with this thing. No offence, but this is kinda a mojo killer and I don't have any to spare.
Older Car Salesman: No the girl that's right for you - she'll like this car.
Ephram: What, some kind of weed out? Thanks but my face has that covered.
Older Car Salesman: There's a girl who you like, who likes you. She like's the car.
Ephram: A specific girl who likes this car?
Older Car Salesman: Don't listen to me. What does a guy with grease under his nails know about romance? Here, hop in your future awaits.
Ephram: If this is my future that even my past is starting to look good.

Madison: Ephram, you left the house. Why, was it on fire?

Harold: We got here as fast as we could, which wasn't very fast.

Delia: Boys are so obvious.

Edna: You like Linda, she likes you, and you're both nincompoops who do nothing about it.

Dr. Andrew Brown: The thing is, I promised Delia I wouldn't go out with her.
Edna: You also promised Delia a horse. I don't see Mr. Ed galloping around here.

Linda: I tried living by Buddha's rule "Live simply". Then I started collecting Buddhas.
Andy: Enlightenment has a lot of props.

Harold: You never take any responsibility for your own actions. Do you blame Colin, Dr. Brown, us?
Amy: No, I just blame you.

Harold: Here's your prescription for Amy Abbott. Not my daughter because my daughter would never do this.

Phil Drebbles: People don't really want the truth, they just want good news.

Dr. Linda Abbott: Mom, I'm not putting up my own roadblocks.
Edna Harper: Well you sure as hell aren't pulling any down.

Madison: Ephram, you don't even know me.
Ephram: I may not know everything about you but I know that you're the only one who makes my little sister think that it's okay to be a girl. And I know that you're only with Jay because you think he can take you where he can't. Because it's easier to say that I'm too young than to risk something you think you want. And I also know that ever since I kissed you at the DMV and every time I've seen you, I've wanted to kiss you again. And I don't know for sure, but I'm pretty certain, that you have, too.
[they kiss]
Ephram: Thought so.

Brenda Baxworth: Just what makes you so sure he's innocent, doc?
Dr. Abbott: Because Marvin Harrison was my father's closest friend. He's no more a murderer than any of you are civilized.

Laynie: Nightmare, isn't it?
Ephram: What's going on, except my exact version of 'hell on earth'?
Laynie: Spoils of war. The result of a commercially financed assault against the unattached individual.
Ephram: Valentines Day?
Laynie: Week after is always the hardest. These newbie couples have the lifespan of a monarch butterfly. By Friday, the halls will be littered with their crispy corpses.

Laynie Hart: You looked so uncomfortable the other day. Like I embarrassed you or something.
Ephram: Look, I'm gonna mess up because that's just what I do. But at least give me a chance to mess up. I mean, I'm capable of such stupidity that you'd be wasting my talent by ending this now.

Edna Harper: I did pick up a thing or two from my 'rumble in the jungle'. Maybe they'd apply.
Dr. Andrew Brown: As long as you don't ask the cast to make necklaces out of ears, then, yeah, go for it.

Dr. Linda Abbott: Every time I come here I feel like I've fallen down a rabbit whole into some other time and place.

Dr. Harold Abbott: My daughter is dating a paroled addict.
Dr. Andrew Brown: My 16 year-old son is dating his 20 year old baby sitter.
Dr. Harold Abbott: Barkeep, two more.

Doctor Brown: There's someone in my office...
Edna Harper: Gee, no wonder you brain surgeons make so much money.

Doctor Brown: Isn't he supposed to be dead?
Edna Harper: Yeah, I thought that was a little weird, too.

Doctor Brown: Ohhhh, nothin'. A patient I diagnosed with the flue has life-threatening meningitis. And Phil the mechanic is psychic.

Madison: This isn't the first time Jay's walked out. He loves drama.

Louise: The proliferation of 15 minute coffee breaks to include more than three per day or the extension of said breaks to encompass greater than 20 minutes of downtime in the span of a three hour period should be avoided.

Dr. Linda Abbott: You mean there's something left uncovered in the October management summit of 2003? I'm stunned.

Edna Harper: Phil Drebbles, Marcus Welby of the paranormal. Phil's just your average guy. Has a repair shop, sells a few cars here and there. Some years back, word gets out: he has predicted Sam and Jenny Hess will have a male child before the year is out. Only everyone knows Jenny can't get pregnant on account of her ovaries were malformed at birth. By St. Patrick's Day, Jenny knew she was pregnant. And around Halloween, Baxter was born. Well, you can imagine. The whole town beat for a path to Phil's repair shop. Finally about eight months or so, he makes the mother of all predictions: a flood is gonna hit Everwood...
[Dr. Brown chuckles as does Edna]
Edna Harper: ...and, well, by now, his word is golden. Everybody packs up, evacuates the town and...
[Dr. Brown finishes]
Dr. Andrew Brown: No flood!
[Edna chuckles again]
Edna Harper: Not a drop. Drought that year as I recall...

Ephram: Thank God the mad genius is back. You know, you guys can really use a visionary like him?
Madison: He just likes to make sure his presence is felt.
Ephram: Oh believe me. I'm feelin' it.

Madison: Why didn't you tell me you were some kind of prodigy?
Ephram: Well, prodigy would imply youth while I'm actually an
[deepens voice]
Ephram: old soul. At least somebody once told me that. So, you like it?

Edna: I KNOW that girl. I know how she looks when she's excited about something. And for reasons unknown given your complete incompetence in the dating arena, she's excited about you.

Ephram: Why didn't you tell me Jay was your boyfriend?
Madison: He's not my boyfriend. We just hang out, sometimes.
Ephram: Like now? Like when you, when he's got his tongue so far down your throat I thought I was gonna have to give you oxygen?

Bright: I go where the booty goes.

Ephram: I thought that that was a code!
Madison: What? When I said my roommate was going out of town and I wanted you to come over, that's ALL I meant!
Ephram: I thought we were gonna... ya know.
Madison: Okay, you're not allowed to hang out with Bright anymore.

Ephram: Would it be bad if I said I wished I'd been there? I mean, not in a creepy "I'd like to watch" sort of way, I just don't like the idea of you ever being unhappy - even in the past.

Bright: Sometimes your pride comes before your nads. Not often, but sometimes.

Ephram: Let's face it. We were never really friends, we were just...
Madison Kellner: ...in love.

Ephram: I say we keep walking until we run out of fries.
Amy: You know, we can always buy more fries.

Andy: ABORT! ABORT!

Laynie: I found him after school at the post office hanging around the outbound mail box. I think someone was trying to return him.

Laynie: Happy people depress me. Drunk, happy people make me want to slit my wrists.

Bright: The way you handled those guys at the party... that was... you were...
Ephram: Bright, I get it. Eloquence is not your thing.

Delia: Are you having a fight?
Dr. Abbott: Perpetually, child.

Mindy Wheeler: [planning a surprise party for her friend] She's clueless as a Playboy Bunny, so don't spill the beans.
Ephram: No problem there. All beans shall remain unspilt.

Bright: [talking about Hannah, dismayed] She's not going to have premarital sex until she's married.

Dr. Andrew Brown: [in a letter to Julia] Dear Valentine, come away with me. If I had a day with you and you only, I would enjoy the simple things. The things that, in the end, when time steals the rest away, are the only things we'll remember. I would paddle you across a still lake in a rowboat and read poetry to you until you fall asleep and I would never think about the hours. Dear Valentine, if I had one day with you and you only... I would admire every line of your face, every strand of your hair... Every graceful movement of your hands or your eyes or your body. If I had one perfect day... Don't you see? My heart beats only for you. Dear Valentine, these are the things I remember of my love. A warm hand, a warm breath. Your warm mouth. Your arms around mine... I remember feeling safe, cease-less. Like one person. The two of us still, at rest, entwined... I remember how I felt the first time I kissed you. It felt like the high dive. What do you remember? How will I ever know what was inside your heart? Where did they go? All the things we think and feel but don't say. Dear Valentine... These are the things I never told you. These are the things I need you to know. That I loved you always. And my love was so big, it lives still after you're gone. I'd like to tell you that I would do it differently. That if I had one more day I would do everything right. But I know that isn't true. I'd make all the same mistakes. That is except one. I wouldn't say goodbye.

Edna Harper: Well, I guess it finally fell out!
Irv Harper: What?
Edna Harper: That stick up his ass!

Edna Harper: I think he found that stick!

Narrator: I wasn't there the day Dr. Brown's life changed forever. But I was around for many days thereafter. When he and his family would call Everwood their home.

Ephram: Dick.
Andy: Don't you talk to me like that. You're gonna get yourself another one.
Ephram: You know what? You said you were crazy. And you know what? News flash, you are. All right, you quit your job, you grow this ugly ass beard, you look like you wear your clothes to bed and you move us to No-wheres-ville U.S.A.! And why? Because someone told you it was pretty once.!? And if that's not enough, you talk to mom like she's still her and hasn't seen you and Delia threw some. What do I have to say to myself?! What do you have to say to yourself?!
Andy: I can't believe you think my beard is ugly.
Ephram: Mom would have never had done this to us! She never would've moved us here and gone crazy!
Andy: Don't be so sure of that!
Ephram: I am sure! All right, I knew her. You didn't know her. We all just tolerated you!
Andy: Hey, that's pretty good, what else you got?!
Ephram: I wish you died instead of her!
Andy:Well, I wish I did too you little bastard!
Ephram: I hate you!
Andy: Well, I hate you right back! Now get in that house!
Ephram: I'm going for a ride!
Andy: Oh, yeah?!
Ephram: Yeah!
Andy: At some point you're getting in that house!

Andy: I'm making some pancakes, you want some?
Ephram: Go to hell!
Andy: That's my boy.

Ephram: Yeah, if you use the term 'father' loosely.

Ephram: Your name is Bright? That's ironic.

Bright: Dad is gonna skin your ass when he finds out you're hanging out with Ephram.
Amy: Dad isn't going to find out because you're not going to tell him.
Bright: Oh aren't I?
Amy: Not if you value all that porn you have stored on your computer. What was the file name again? Favorite Biblical Passages?

Dr. Abbott: Well, a little pain can become a big lawsuit. Let's say, hypothetically, I were to misdiagnose you now with an osteoarthritic condition and advise you to purchase some aspirin. You would adhere to my suggestion and then, this evening you would drop dead, again hypothetically, when you had a vascular brain disorder expressing itself unilaterally in your left leg. Can you imagine the malpractice case your family would have against me? Sorry, I don't make the rules. I just live by them. Friday, 2:15, then.

Narrator: I wasn't there the day Dr. Andrew Brown's life changed forever. But like most folks in Everwood, I've heard the story enough times to be able to tell it. It begins where many stories begin. In the city of New York, where Dr. Brown lived comfortably with his wife and two children.

Dr. Abbott: Why on earth would my Amy associate with your misfit?
Dr. Brown: Well, he said something about a crack deal.

Dr. Abbott: Perhaps I remind you of one of the inmates you knew from whatever asylum you escaped from.

Ephram: I find it best when dealing with any unfamiliar bully to strike early with sarcasm. It makes them wonder whether I have some secret butt-kicking prowess they're unable to detect.

Kid 1: Hey freak. What's with the hair, man? They run out of green at the store?
Kid 2: Hey, you. My friend here asked you a question.
Ephram: I'm sorry. I didn't understand him. You see, I don't speak dumb-ass. But since you obviously do, maybe you could translate.

Andy: (about moving to Colorado) Now, I want this to be a democratic decision, so we're going to put this to a vote. Everyone who wants to move... and get their own horse, raise your hand.

Ephram: (to Delia) I want you to remember this moment. This is the moment you conspired with a psycho to ruin whatever was left of our pathetic little lives.

Nurse Barb: She called already to say she was leaving and asked me to remind you that you're a lousy husband/father.

Andy: I was once a happy sack of hormones myself.
Ephram: Gross. Find another sack to share with.

Andy: Someone's unusually quiet this morning.
Ephram: Someone's unusually interested.

Edna: I should've told you old tight ass is my son. Apologies, Sparky.

Ephram: It was ok, I found out I'm in love with in a girl who's in love with a guy that's in a coma. Other than that it was pretty standard.

Dr. Abbott: And as much as this town enjoys celebrating this anomaly, for those of us who are extra-sensitive to the allergens in the air this is not much of a fun week.
Dr. Brown: As opposed to all those other weeks where you just like to party down.

Ephram: In what universe do hayrides and ferris wheels translate into fun?

Bright: When it comes to my sister Amy I'm a genius and she's playing you dude. As soon as she gets your daddy fixing Colin she's not going to look at you anymore.

Ephram: You know for the classic girl next door you have a really warped mind.

Ephram: You're about this close to knowing pain you've never known before.

Narrator: The family doctor. An icon of the American experience. For generations, they've mended our wounds and warmed our hearts. In my life time, Andy Brown was just about the best example I ever knew of one. Doctor-wise, that is. As for the family half of the job title, he was a bit rough around the edges.

Ephram: Spoken for? Hey, Bright... the '50s called. They want their lingo back.

Andy: I found mom's old recipe book.
Ephram: And you cooked it?

Ephram: (Arguing with Amy) Explain to me what? Why your friends are total bitches, or why you continue to be friends with them?!

Nina: I'm not a single parent by choice.

Walter: (About Edna) We went steady in the 5th grade. She introduced me to hickies and shoplifting.

Amy: Maybe if you weren't scowling all the time people wouldn't feel the need to disinvite you places.
Ephram: You're right maybe I should take up football and cow tipping and then I could the most popular boy in the school.

Andy: You really ought to take a squeegee to these menus - that or serve them as an appetizer.

Andy: When you have another medical question, feel free to come back - in fact mail it.

Ephram: Boy, can I clear a hallway or what?
Amy: That's Kayla and Paige. They're allergic to anyone who's not at the top-2 popularity percentile.
Ephram: I'm only 98 percent short.

Employee: We could be fined for this. This county has a very strict health code.
Ephram: Yeah, how long you been using ants as chocolate sprinkles? Where are the knives?
Employee: Uh... all we have are spatulas.
Ephram: (Holding up an egg whisk) What about this? Will this work?
Employee: Yeah, if you're making a custard.
Ephram: Give me another pot.
Employee: What size?
Ephram: Big enough for me to barf in.

Andy: Right now he is doing the welcome speech. Then there's going to be a brief order for confession and forgiveness. That's where people confess and forgive briefly, in an orderly fashion. Then we'll do the first hymn... then lesson 2... gospel lesson... another hymn... then the sermon... then the offering, and... Jesus! How long is this thing?

Amy: He yells, I apologize, there's a sentencing of some sort, and then I plea bargain with my mother until the sentence gets reduced.
Ephram: In my house it's more like, I yell, he yells, we both keep yelling, and eventually someone gets tired.

Edna: About a hundred times now. I swear, you yammer on like an old woman. Besides, we're almost there.
Dr. Abbott: Almost where? We're in the middle of forest oblivion. If I didn't know you better mother, I'd think you brought me out here to knock me off. On second thought...

Dr. Abbott: I'm familiar with gonorrhea of the throat.

Dr. Abbott: Listen here, Dr. Cocoa Puffs, if I treated anyone for anything, I wouldn't tell you about it. There's this little rule, called Doctor-Patient confidentiality... perhaps you've heard of it.

Brenda: Well I for one say it's about time, that thing has just been a safety hazard for years.
Edna: Your mouth is more of a safety hazard than that bridge and no one's torn you down...yet.

Dr. Abbott: You're donating your body to science to further the medical understanding of the North American dimwit.

Andy: Look, Ephram, I think you're being just a little bit melodramatic, it's not like I'm trying to ruin your life.
Ephram: You don't have to try, you do it pretty naturally.

Andy: I can't do that Ephram, besides your mom used to go to all the PTA meetings, and she was a member of the school board, you never minded that.
Ephram: Mom used to make banana bread for the bake sales, she didn't front line any of my sex assemblies.
Andy: Well you've seen my cooking, I can't do bake sales!

Bright: I'm kind of like Elka (Real World-Boston). In that, I'm very attractive, but I haven't, you know, done anything. You know.
Harold: Oh!
Bright: Actually my reasons have less to do with religion, more to do with the fact that my girlfriend's won't. Which is why I'm SO done with freshmen.

Narrator: Legend has it this bridge was constructed by a young man and women who lived on opposite sides of the river the two fell in love and contructed the bridge so they could meet in the middle and share what would be their first kiss. From that day on it would be known appropriately as the kissing bridge and if people had just stuck to the kissing Dr. Brown would have been able to avoid one heck of a crisis.

Amy: Anyways, what's the big deal about gonorrhea? It's completely curable. Unlike the herp, which never goes away. Right dad?