"i play hockey and i fornicate, cause those are the two most fun thing to do in cold weather" -Mystery Alaska
"Take some time to live"
"If this is as good as it gets, then its good to be us"
"we went skiing all day, she touched my leg.... KILL HIM" lloyd christmas, dumb and dumber
"i'm the ass man" logan blair
"my last calc test i took the answer was 90 so i put down 2 plates" Meat stick Blair
"Your an all-american and our captain so act like it!"....."I believe I am!"
"It doesn't matter if you score on the ice"-Brett Hull
"she's hooked up with probably 7 guys and im going to be #8!" ~a round table classic haha
Go BIG or go home.
Fall 7 times, stand up 8.
Get Drunk and Be Somebody
"Is ice hockey hard? I don't know, you tell me. We need to have the strength and power of a football player, the stamina of a marathon runner, and the concentration of a brain surgeon. But we need to put all this together while moving at high speeds on a cold and slippery surface while 5 other guys use clubs to try and kill us, oh yeah did I mention that this whole time we're standing on blades 1/8 of an inch thick? Is ice hockey hard? I don't know, you tell me. Next question." -Brendan Shanahan
It's not worth winning if you can't win big
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Jersey Shore: Season One
Angelina: I am all natural. I have real boobs. I have a nice fat ass. Look at this shit, I mean, come on, I'm hot.
Mike: This is The Situation right here, my abs are so ripped up it's ... we call it The Situation.
Mike: Yo, I mean, this situation is gonna be indescribable, you can't even describe the situation that you're about to get into with The Situation.
Mike: You can hate on me all you want to, but what can you possibly say to somebody that looks like Rambo, pretty much, with his shirt off.
Angelina: I am the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island baby.
Angelina: How do you go in a f*%king jacuzzi with a thong and a bra? Wear a thong bikini ... that's a little bit more classier if you're gonna wear anything at all, ya know what I mean?
Vinny: Guys with the blow-outs and the fake tans, and guys that wear lip gloss and makeup, those aren't guidos, those are retards.
Sammi: I'm the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet, but do not fuck with me.
Sammi: Your #1 mission is to go out and find the hottest guido and take him home.
Sammi: A guidette is somebody who knows how to club it up, takes really good care of themselves, has pretty hair, cakes on makeup, has tanned skin, wears the hottest heals, pretty much they know how to own it and rock it.
Sammi: If you're not a guido then you can get the fuck outta my face.
Pauly D: I was born and raised a guido. It's just a lifestyle. It's being Italian, it's representing, family, friends, tanning, gel ... everything.
Pauly D: There's no way I'm going to Jersey without my hair gel. Can't leave without my gel.
JWoww: I am like a praying mantis, after I have sex with a guy I will rip their heads off.
JWoww: I have a bad habit of playing little emotional games with men. When they date me it's cool in the beginning, we do our thing in the first month, and then I send them on a roller coaster ride to hell.
Ronnie: You just take your shirt off and they come to you, it's like a fly comes to shit.
Snooki: My ultimate dream is to move to Jersey, find a nice, juiced, hot tanned guy and live my life.
Pauly D: Dude I got a fuckin' tanning bed in my place, that's how serious I am about bein' a Guido and living up to that lifestyle. My tagline is 'I'm Your Girl's Favorite DJ.' I want the girls to cum in their pants when they hear my music.
Snooki: When I woke up I was like what did I do last night? Like what did I do? I fucked up ... story of my life.
JWOWW: You have your penis pierced. I love it... I just saw your penis.
Vinny: I don't give a f**k if you're fat, you're ugly, you're 45 years old. I'll dance with ya. I think it's hilarious.
Mike: Everybody at the Shore definitely knows The Situation. As far as I know, everybody loves The Situation, and if you don't love The Situation, I'm gonna make you love The Situation.
Mike: Everybody loves me, babies, dogs, ya know, hot girls, cougars. I just have unbelievable mass appeal.
Mike: With me and Sam, it's not a matter of if she wants to hook up with me; it's a matter of just when I decide.
Mike: I wait till the last minute to shave, I wait till the last minute to put the shirt on 'cause you feel fresh. These are rules to live by, shave last minute, haircut the day-of, maybe some tanning and the gym. You gotta do the guido handbook.
Angelina: I feel like this job is beneath me, I'm a bartender. I do, like, great things.
Angelina: If a girl's a slut, she should be abused.
Angelina: Yo, I will cut your hair while you're sleeping!
Vinny: When I hear the music, I start fist-pumping, I start dancing, I'm pulling girls on stage and now... Vinny came out to play baby.
Sammi: You only learn, you grow, you move on, you have to push through every situation that you're in.
Pauly D: In a weird Snookers world, like me and Snookers would make the best, like, little guidos and guidettes, little poofs and blow-outs on our little kids.
Pauly D: Don't let the hair fool you, like, I'm not a bitch.
Jenni: I left the club early because I didn't want to cheat on my boyfriend, and I felt like eating ham and drinkin' water. Ham.
Ronnie: If I was just gonna get sloppy, I should have just pounded out what's her name on Friday night.
Ronnie: That's what you get for putting a fat girl's ass in your face! That's how you get pink eye!
Ronnie: Oh, the Ron-Ron Juice is the sh!t that gets the night going. I mean whenever that sh!t comes out it's always a filthy night.
Snooki: My ideal man would be Italian, dark, muscled ... juice-head guido.
Snooki: Snooki's staying and I'm ready to party. I'm ready to meet sexy guidos and I'm ready just to f*%king be single. [permalink]
Snooki: I am a princess at home, like, I am the f*%king princess of f*%king Poughkeepsie. Here, I am nobody. I'm, like, emotionally exhausted.
Ronnie: I'm gonna break it down dancing, I love the beats, I got my creepy patent move.
Mike: Angelina was like a half-ass firecracker. It just fizzled out real quick and made a loud noise
Vinny: Saturday night, I'm going to Headliners. I'm looking to have more of a classy night tonight
Snooki: Mike can be a nice guy. Like, he shows his good side then he shows his jerk off side. But that's what I like ... a good guy and a jerk off, it's all in the same.
Snooki: I had a feeling where I wanted to make out with somebody, so, umm, I just made out with Ryder, because all the guys like that.
Snooki: Pickles is my thing.
Ronnie: We hold hands in front of you, we cuddle in front of you, we make out in front of you, like what else do we need, do I need to beat it front of you, too?
JWoww: I guess I'm single, I don't know. If I am we got a problem on our hands. I'll show my true side ... my true, dirty, f*%king filthy side.
Pauly D: She just doesn't want to feel like a trash bag because she has a boyfriend and she kissed me with her tongue.
Sammi: I didn't even know what was going on in my head ... I'm like 'I'm gonna fuckin' knock a bitch up!'
Sammi: Next thing you know, the grill is legit burnt. Smoke. Like flames.
Mike: I'm like, chill out, Freckles McGee.
Ronnie: Mike would bang a Gatorade bottle if it had a pulse.
Pauly D: You got to stay fresh. Fresh haircut. Fresh outfit. Fresh tan. Just fresh.
Snooki: He's a really good guy. That's the kind of guy I need in my life. I think his name is Ron.
Pauly D: You have to stay fresh to death.
Ronnie: I was trying to put you in the equation. Like, you, in the equation!
Snooki: When I say I'm ready to go wild, I'm gonna go wild.
Ronnie: Yeah, we smooshed.
Ronnie: I'm gonna fucking get at her so bad right now. I'm gonna eat her alive. Bro, seriously? You wanna play this game?
JWoww: Snooki, Snickers came out of the woodwork, which is hysterical - it was the best thing I ever saw in my life.
Pauly D: When I go into the club I have a game plan ... I don't wanna waste my time and take home a girl that just wants to hang out, I just wanna get to the business. So. You gotta light it up and then you move on and at the end of the night you see who you end up with.
Pauly D: I couldn't have sex with my girl, she had her period. I go to take her pants off ... she wouldn't let me ... no big deal.
Pauly D: They were acting kinda stupid, but we just made the best out of the situation like we always do and just ride out.
Sammi: Yes, I had sex. Like, hello, you're gonna have sex if you're into somebody. It's natural.
Mike: I was thinkin' heavy fire and I didn't wear my bulletproof vest and I just don't know if I'm gonna make it.
Mike: You better be hittin' the gym and if you're not hittin' the gym for like an hour or so, you know, you may have a problem. Okay, cause I'm at the gym for like an hour-and-a-half... ya know? Workin' on my fitness.
Mike: I got girls back here almost every night, there's not a time that I don't have girls coming back. Girls love The Situation.
Pauly D: We're beatin'-up-the-beat, that's what we say when we're doing our fist pump. First, we start off by banging the ground, we're banging it as the beat builds 'cause that beat's hittin' us so we're fightin' back, it's like we beat up that beat.
Snooki: Friggin' duck phone!
Mike: Pauly D. was with the grenade ... When you go into battle, you need to have some friends with you, so that just in case a grenade gets thrown at you, one of your buddies takes it first.
Sammi: This little shrimp thing is like bopping all around, on the circle and like doing her thing, doing backwards flips with her thong hanging out; her whole crotch is in the air.
Mike: I'm hooking up with my girl. Pauly is hooking up with his girl. And we're going to have sex. That's the situation.
Snooki: I'm a vet tech. I save animals. I don't kill them.
Ronnie: Mike's out on the boardwalk with this chick. I don't understand. Schnookers just got punched in the face and we're all heated ... and the Situation's creepin'.
Pauly D: I think what happened to Snookers brought us closer to Snookers, definitely, 'cuz now we kinda feel bad. She's a real person.
Sammi: I yanked some bitch's hair for you.
Vinny: The boss' girl ... I am gonna get evicted!
Snooki: Please don't tell me I have missing teeth!
Ronnie: I would send her a picture of my c*ck and a pack of bubble gum and say, chew on this!
Pauly D: We're probably gonna have to chill with them at least three times before anybody hooks up. They're nice girls ... they're not, like, whores.
Pauly D: There are some girls who are respectful, who you have to actually treat like girls, uh, human beings.
Snooki: I tried to eat, but I couldn't get it in my frickin' mouth, 'cuz I'm disabled.
Vinny: These kids are robots. I could see basketball, pool, beach. Laundry? I don't see it.
Snooki: He friggin' jumped out of the car like it was on f*%kin' fire.
Pauly D: Someone needs to teach her how to fight or duck.
Snooki: Oh my god. Fucking Christmas.
Sammi: Ronnie's in prime creep mode.
Ronnie: If I didn't care, then I'd go find another creature outside.
Mike: It's like the Navy Seals. I get sent out first, do a little reconnaissance, bring girls back.
Vinny: GTL. Gym. Tanning. Laundry. That's how you make the guidos.
Mike: The only thing we care about is gettin' girls and going to the gym.
Sammi: No man will ever touch me ever twice like that.
Vinny: Mike is so grimy. She has my saliva in her mouth. I wonder how I taste?
Vinny: I don't know if she's using that for protection.
Snooki: I'm not a guido. I'm a guidette.
Snooki: I'm saving myself for cowboy.
Vinny: I'm think that she might have a crush on me, so ... it's gonna be a wild night.
Snooki: If I had to have sex with one person here, it would probably be him, because I know he's a nice guy, he's gotta be clean.
Snooki: I'm not trashy, unless I drink too much.
Snooki: If you leave, I'm going to stuff your nose with Tampons.
Mike: It's obvious that Sammi has a crush on me... it goes back to the days of prehistoric kindergarten.
Vinny: Yo, Pauly D has a little situation on his hands... she's definitely a stage 5 clinger.
Snooki: I came in with a bang and I'm going out with a bang.
Mike: Next thing you know, Snooks' clothes just started coming off.
Mike: It takes a special type of a person to get through this. We all should be proud that we balled out and had an awesome time.
JWoww: Tall, completely jacked, steroids, like, multiple growth hormones ... that's the type I'm attracted to.
Sammi: To us, past the Jersey Shore.
Snooki: I was honestly going to put my hat down so I could get money.
JWoww: There are so many juice heads out there. I'm like a kid in a candy shop.
Mike: If you're hungry, try a snickers.
Snooki: Yeah, try me.
Mike: If a guy doesn't like you ... it's called fuck you, and there's so many people out there in the world that's gonna like you for you.
Sammi: I feel like it is the perfect place to go to. Like, somewhere out of Seaside. We're getting away from it all.
Pauly D: We stayed boys throughout this whole thing. This bond that we shared brings us together and no one can ever take that away from us, ever. Like, we take that with us for life, this bond ... That was deep.
Ronnie: I regret that I got caught. I don't regret that I hit the kid, because he had it coming.
Mike: Sometimes you have to walk through the weeds to get to the flowers.
Mike: Hey Ma, this is my new girlfriend for a couple months until I break up with her for summer!
Pauly D: We like to beat the beat up.
Mike: This is The Situation right here, my abs are so ripped up it's ... we call it The Situation.
Mike: Yo, I mean, this situation is gonna be indescribable, you can't even describe the situation that you're about to get into with The Situation.
Mike: You can hate on me all you want to, but what can you possibly say to somebody that looks like Rambo, pretty much, with his shirt off.
Angelina: I am the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island baby.
Angelina: How do you go in a f*%king jacuzzi with a thong and a bra? Wear a thong bikini ... that's a little bit more classier if you're gonna wear anything at all, ya know what I mean?
Vinny: Guys with the blow-outs and the fake tans, and guys that wear lip gloss and makeup, those aren't guidos, those are retards.
Sammi: I'm the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet, but do not fuck with me.
Sammi: Your #1 mission is to go out and find the hottest guido and take him home.
Sammi: A guidette is somebody who knows how to club it up, takes really good care of themselves, has pretty hair, cakes on makeup, has tanned skin, wears the hottest heals, pretty much they know how to own it and rock it.
Sammi: If you're not a guido then you can get the fuck outta my face.
Pauly D: I was born and raised a guido. It's just a lifestyle. It's being Italian, it's representing, family, friends, tanning, gel ... everything.
Pauly D: There's no way I'm going to Jersey without my hair gel. Can't leave without my gel.
JWoww: I am like a praying mantis, after I have sex with a guy I will rip their heads off.
JWoww: I have a bad habit of playing little emotional games with men. When they date me it's cool in the beginning, we do our thing in the first month, and then I send them on a roller coaster ride to hell.
Ronnie: You just take your shirt off and they come to you, it's like a fly comes to shit.
Snooki: My ultimate dream is to move to Jersey, find a nice, juiced, hot tanned guy and live my life.
Pauly D: Dude I got a fuckin' tanning bed in my place, that's how serious I am about bein' a Guido and living up to that lifestyle. My tagline is 'I'm Your Girl's Favorite DJ.' I want the girls to cum in their pants when they hear my music.
Snooki: When I woke up I was like what did I do last night? Like what did I do? I fucked up ... story of my life.
JWOWW: You have your penis pierced. I love it... I just saw your penis.
Vinny: I don't give a f**k if you're fat, you're ugly, you're 45 years old. I'll dance with ya. I think it's hilarious.
Mike: Everybody at the Shore definitely knows The Situation. As far as I know, everybody loves The Situation, and if you don't love The Situation, I'm gonna make you love The Situation.
Mike: Everybody loves me, babies, dogs, ya know, hot girls, cougars. I just have unbelievable mass appeal.
Mike: With me and Sam, it's not a matter of if she wants to hook up with me; it's a matter of just when I decide.
Mike: I wait till the last minute to shave, I wait till the last minute to put the shirt on 'cause you feel fresh. These are rules to live by, shave last minute, haircut the day-of, maybe some tanning and the gym. You gotta do the guido handbook.
Angelina: I feel like this job is beneath me, I'm a bartender. I do, like, great things.
Angelina: If a girl's a slut, she should be abused.
Angelina: Yo, I will cut your hair while you're sleeping!
Vinny: When I hear the music, I start fist-pumping, I start dancing, I'm pulling girls on stage and now... Vinny came out to play baby.
Sammi: You only learn, you grow, you move on, you have to push through every situation that you're in.
Pauly D: In a weird Snookers world, like me and Snookers would make the best, like, little guidos and guidettes, little poofs and blow-outs on our little kids.
Pauly D: Don't let the hair fool you, like, I'm not a bitch.
Jenni: I left the club early because I didn't want to cheat on my boyfriend, and I felt like eating ham and drinkin' water. Ham.
Ronnie: If I was just gonna get sloppy, I should have just pounded out what's her name on Friday night.
Ronnie: That's what you get for putting a fat girl's ass in your face! That's how you get pink eye!
Ronnie: Oh, the Ron-Ron Juice is the sh!t that gets the night going. I mean whenever that sh!t comes out it's always a filthy night.
Snooki: My ideal man would be Italian, dark, muscled ... juice-head guido.
Snooki: Snooki's staying and I'm ready to party. I'm ready to meet sexy guidos and I'm ready just to f*%king be single. [permalink]
Snooki: I am a princess at home, like, I am the f*%king princess of f*%king Poughkeepsie. Here, I am nobody. I'm, like, emotionally exhausted.
Ronnie: I'm gonna break it down dancing, I love the beats, I got my creepy patent move.
Mike: Angelina was like a half-ass firecracker. It just fizzled out real quick and made a loud noise
Vinny: Saturday night, I'm going to Headliners. I'm looking to have more of a classy night tonight
Snooki: Mike can be a nice guy. Like, he shows his good side then he shows his jerk off side. But that's what I like ... a good guy and a jerk off, it's all in the same.
Snooki: I had a feeling where I wanted to make out with somebody, so, umm, I just made out with Ryder, because all the guys like that.
Snooki: Pickles is my thing.
Ronnie: We hold hands in front of you, we cuddle in front of you, we make out in front of you, like what else do we need, do I need to beat it front of you, too?
JWoww: I guess I'm single, I don't know. If I am we got a problem on our hands. I'll show my true side ... my true, dirty, f*%king filthy side.
Pauly D: She just doesn't want to feel like a trash bag because she has a boyfriend and she kissed me with her tongue.
Sammi: I didn't even know what was going on in my head ... I'm like 'I'm gonna fuckin' knock a bitch up!'
Sammi: Next thing you know, the grill is legit burnt. Smoke. Like flames.
Mike: I'm like, chill out, Freckles McGee.
Ronnie: Mike would bang a Gatorade bottle if it had a pulse.
Pauly D: You got to stay fresh. Fresh haircut. Fresh outfit. Fresh tan. Just fresh.
Snooki: He's a really good guy. That's the kind of guy I need in my life. I think his name is Ron.
Pauly D: You have to stay fresh to death.
Ronnie: I was trying to put you in the equation. Like, you, in the equation!
Snooki: When I say I'm ready to go wild, I'm gonna go wild.
Ronnie: Yeah, we smooshed.
Ronnie: I'm gonna fucking get at her so bad right now. I'm gonna eat her alive. Bro, seriously? You wanna play this game?
JWoww: Snooki, Snickers came out of the woodwork, which is hysterical - it was the best thing I ever saw in my life.
Pauly D: When I go into the club I have a game plan ... I don't wanna waste my time and take home a girl that just wants to hang out, I just wanna get to the business. So. You gotta light it up and then you move on and at the end of the night you see who you end up with.
Pauly D: I couldn't have sex with my girl, she had her period. I go to take her pants off ... she wouldn't let me ... no big deal.
Pauly D: They were acting kinda stupid, but we just made the best out of the situation like we always do and just ride out.
Sammi: Yes, I had sex. Like, hello, you're gonna have sex if you're into somebody. It's natural.
Mike: I was thinkin' heavy fire and I didn't wear my bulletproof vest and I just don't know if I'm gonna make it.
Mike: You better be hittin' the gym and if you're not hittin' the gym for like an hour or so, you know, you may have a problem. Okay, cause I'm at the gym for like an hour-and-a-half... ya know? Workin' on my fitness.
Mike: I got girls back here almost every night, there's not a time that I don't have girls coming back. Girls love The Situation.
Pauly D: We're beatin'-up-the-beat, that's what we say when we're doing our fist pump. First, we start off by banging the ground, we're banging it as the beat builds 'cause that beat's hittin' us so we're fightin' back, it's like we beat up that beat.
Snooki: Friggin' duck phone!
Mike: Pauly D. was with the grenade ... When you go into battle, you need to have some friends with you, so that just in case a grenade gets thrown at you, one of your buddies takes it first.
Sammi: This little shrimp thing is like bopping all around, on the circle and like doing her thing, doing backwards flips with her thong hanging out; her whole crotch is in the air.
Mike: I'm hooking up with my girl. Pauly is hooking up with his girl. And we're going to have sex. That's the situation.
Snooki: I'm a vet tech. I save animals. I don't kill them.
Ronnie: Mike's out on the boardwalk with this chick. I don't understand. Schnookers just got punched in the face and we're all heated ... and the Situation's creepin'.
Pauly D: I think what happened to Snookers brought us closer to Snookers, definitely, 'cuz now we kinda feel bad. She's a real person.
Sammi: I yanked some bitch's hair for you.
Vinny: The boss' girl ... I am gonna get evicted!
Snooki: Please don't tell me I have missing teeth!
Ronnie: I would send her a picture of my c*ck and a pack of bubble gum and say, chew on this!
Pauly D: We're probably gonna have to chill with them at least three times before anybody hooks up. They're nice girls ... they're not, like, whores.
Pauly D: There are some girls who are respectful, who you have to actually treat like girls, uh, human beings.
Snooki: I tried to eat, but I couldn't get it in my frickin' mouth, 'cuz I'm disabled.
Vinny: These kids are robots. I could see basketball, pool, beach. Laundry? I don't see it.
Snooki: He friggin' jumped out of the car like it was on f*%kin' fire.
Pauly D: Someone needs to teach her how to fight or duck.
Snooki: Oh my god. Fucking Christmas.
Sammi: Ronnie's in prime creep mode.
Ronnie: If I didn't care, then I'd go find another creature outside.
Mike: It's like the Navy Seals. I get sent out first, do a little reconnaissance, bring girls back.
Vinny: GTL. Gym. Tanning. Laundry. That's how you make the guidos.
Mike: The only thing we care about is gettin' girls and going to the gym.
Sammi: No man will ever touch me ever twice like that.
Vinny: Mike is so grimy. She has my saliva in her mouth. I wonder how I taste?
Vinny: I don't know if she's using that for protection.
Snooki: I'm not a guido. I'm a guidette.
Snooki: I'm saving myself for cowboy.
Vinny: I'm think that she might have a crush on me, so ... it's gonna be a wild night.
Snooki: If I had to have sex with one person here, it would probably be him, because I know he's a nice guy, he's gotta be clean.
Snooki: I'm not trashy, unless I drink too much.
Snooki: If you leave, I'm going to stuff your nose with Tampons.
Mike: It's obvious that Sammi has a crush on me... it goes back to the days of prehistoric kindergarten.
Vinny: Yo, Pauly D has a little situation on his hands... she's definitely a stage 5 clinger.
Snooki: I came in with a bang and I'm going out with a bang.
Mike: Next thing you know, Snooks' clothes just started coming off.
Mike: It takes a special type of a person to get through this. We all should be proud that we balled out and had an awesome time.
JWoww: Tall, completely jacked, steroids, like, multiple growth hormones ... that's the type I'm attracted to.
Sammi: To us, past the Jersey Shore.
Snooki: I was honestly going to put my hat down so I could get money.
JWoww: There are so many juice heads out there. I'm like a kid in a candy shop.
Mike: If you're hungry, try a snickers.
Snooki: Yeah, try me.
Mike: If a guy doesn't like you ... it's called fuck you, and there's so many people out there in the world that's gonna like you for you.
Sammi: I feel like it is the perfect place to go to. Like, somewhere out of Seaside. We're getting away from it all.
Pauly D: We stayed boys throughout this whole thing. This bond that we shared brings us together and no one can ever take that away from us, ever. Like, we take that with us for life, this bond ... That was deep.
Ronnie: I regret that I got caught. I don't regret that I hit the kid, because he had it coming.
Mike: Sometimes you have to walk through the weeds to get to the flowers.
Mike: Hey Ma, this is my new girlfriend for a couple months until I break up with her for summer!
Pauly D: We like to beat the beat up.
Friday, January 1, 2010
My Girl
Veda: I was born jaundiced. Once I sat on a toilet seat at a truck stop and caught hemorrhoids. And I've learned to live with this chicken bone that's been lodged in my throat for the past three years. So I knew Dad would be devastated when he learned of my latest affliction.
Veda: Dad, I don't want to upset you, but my left breast is developing at a significantly faster rate than my right. It can only mean one thing: cancer. I'm dying.
Shelly: I'll take real good care of these people. They deserve it. They're dead. All they've got left is their looks.
Veda: I only surround myself with people I find intellectually stimulating.
Veda: He forgot about the time I wanted to be a magician. I was really good at making myself disappear.
Shelly: The first rule of eye makeup is that you can never wear enough blue eye shadow.
Veda: 'Ode to Ice Cream' by Vada Sultenfuss. I like ice cream a whole lot/It tastes good on days that are hot/On a cone or in a dish/This will be my only wish/Vanilla, chocolate, rocky road/Even with pie, a la mode.
Shelly: You could be in a room with 100 men and not like any of them, or you could be in the room with one man and he could be the one you wanted.
Bingo old man: If you weren't 200 years old I'd kick your wrinkled ass!
Veda: I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls. Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over the cliff.
Veda: Why do you think people want to get married?
Thomas J: When you get old, you just have to.
Veda: I'm gonna marry Mr. Bixler.
Thomas J: You can't marry a teacher, it's against the law.
Veda: It is not.
Thomas J: Yes it is, 'cause then he'll give you all A's, and it won't be fair.
Thomas J: Veda, would you think of me. If you don't get to marry Mr. Bixler?
Thomas J: What do you think it's like?
Veda: What?
Thomas J: Heaven.
Veda: I think... everybody gets their own white horse and all they do is ride them and eat marshmallows all day. And everybody's best friends with everybody else. When you play sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets picked last.
Thomas J. Sennett: But what if you're afraid to ride horses?
Veda: Doesn't matter 'cause they're not regular horses. They've got wings. And it's no big deal if you fall 'cause you'll just land in a cloud.
Shelly: She won't come out. It's been a whole day. You have to do something, Harry.
Harry: The funeral's starting.
Shelly: Open your eyes, she's eleven years old! Her only friend in the world is dead.
Harry: I know that, but what do you want from me?
Shelly: Stop hiding, Harry! You run, Harry. When I first came here, the idea of working with dead people didn't exactly thrill me. When I saw a family that lived here, I thought, if I'm living without a family, at least I can work with one and maybe, once in a while, be invited in for supper.
Harry: Yeah... and when those suppers are disrupted because there's a car crash, or there's a fire, or a little boy steps on a beehive...
Shelly: I'm not asking you to stop caring for those people. But life isn't just death, Harry. Don't ignore the living, especially your daughter.
VEda: Weeping willow with your tears running down, why do you always weep and frown? Is it because he left you one day? is it because he could not stay? On your branches he would swing, do you long for the happiness that day would bring? He found shelter in your shade. You thought his laughter would never fade. Weeping willow, stop your tears. There is something to calm you fears. You think death has ripped you forever apart. But I know he'll always be in your heart.
Veda: Dad, I don't want to upset you, but my left breast is developing at a significantly faster rate than my right. It can only mean one thing: cancer. I'm dying.
Shelly: I'll take real good care of these people. They deserve it. They're dead. All they've got left is their looks.
Veda: I only surround myself with people I find intellectually stimulating.
Veda: He forgot about the time I wanted to be a magician. I was really good at making myself disappear.
Shelly: The first rule of eye makeup is that you can never wear enough blue eye shadow.
Veda: 'Ode to Ice Cream' by Vada Sultenfuss. I like ice cream a whole lot/It tastes good on days that are hot/On a cone or in a dish/This will be my only wish/Vanilla, chocolate, rocky road/Even with pie, a la mode.
Shelly: You could be in a room with 100 men and not like any of them, or you could be in the room with one man and he could be the one you wanted.
Bingo old man: If you weren't 200 years old I'd kick your wrinkled ass!
Veda: I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls. Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over the cliff.
Veda: Why do you think people want to get married?
Thomas J: When you get old, you just have to.
Veda: I'm gonna marry Mr. Bixler.
Thomas J: You can't marry a teacher, it's against the law.
Veda: It is not.
Thomas J: Yes it is, 'cause then he'll give you all A's, and it won't be fair.
Thomas J: Veda, would you think of me. If you don't get to marry Mr. Bixler?
Thomas J: What do you think it's like?
Veda: What?
Thomas J: Heaven.
Veda: I think... everybody gets their own white horse and all they do is ride them and eat marshmallows all day. And everybody's best friends with everybody else. When you play sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets picked last.
Thomas J. Sennett: But what if you're afraid to ride horses?
Veda: Doesn't matter 'cause they're not regular horses. They've got wings. And it's no big deal if you fall 'cause you'll just land in a cloud.
Shelly: She won't come out. It's been a whole day. You have to do something, Harry.
Harry: The funeral's starting.
Shelly: Open your eyes, she's eleven years old! Her only friend in the world is dead.
Harry: I know that, but what do you want from me?
Shelly: Stop hiding, Harry! You run, Harry. When I first came here, the idea of working with dead people didn't exactly thrill me. When I saw a family that lived here, I thought, if I'm living without a family, at least I can work with one and maybe, once in a while, be invited in for supper.
Harry: Yeah... and when those suppers are disrupted because there's a car crash, or there's a fire, or a little boy steps on a beehive...
Shelly: I'm not asking you to stop caring for those people. But life isn't just death, Harry. Don't ignore the living, especially your daughter.
VEda: Weeping willow with your tears running down, why do you always weep and frown? Is it because he left you one day? is it because he could not stay? On your branches he would swing, do you long for the happiness that day would bring? He found shelter in your shade. You thought his laughter would never fade. Weeping willow, stop your tears. There is something to calm you fears. You think death has ripped you forever apart. But I know he'll always be in your heart.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
American Dreams: Season Two
The smart ones make lousy military wives. - Diane
Is the doctor going to take blood, because that counts as a shot. - Will
My mother always said only tramps and whores where red. - Diane
Why is it he can go out with every coed and you can't date 100 guys? - Roxanne
Sometimes you have to get behind the wheel. Lots of guys like a girl that knows how to steer. - Roxanne
Drew: I would have introduced you except I couldn't remember her name.
Meg: Oh, that makes me feel better because I thought you couldn't remember mine.
Nobody's ever believed in me as much as you have. I mean it. - Lenny
For a very smart girl you lack some common sense. - Helen
Just tell me what city you're in, and I'm on the greyhound. - Roxanne
You gotta learn, you gotta pick and choose your battles. - Henry
You're just some girl who went all the way with some guy going on his first tour. - Meg
Roxanne: Remember when he was three and we made him eat those worms?
Meg: You made him. I just put them in the cupcakes.
I found out what they mean when they say "leave no man behind," because we don't. When you go out into battle, everyone on your team is looking out for each other. And that's how you make it. Everyone is behind you, Will. - J.J.
One for my baby and one for the road. Sinatra. - Pete
If someone is putting a noose around your neck and you're trying to take it off. That's not violence. - Sam
Meg: Is that legal?
Roxanne: It is when you drop out of catholic school.
So my brother likes a beer or two. What guy doesn't? - Jack
As serious as a heart attack. - Pete
You cannot tell me how to act. - Meg
What kind of guy in college messes around with a girl in high school? - J.J.
Girls can be a challenge. - Helen
Get it. My life is none of your business. - Meg
Most of these girls are here because they have nothing else. - Lenny
Have some waffles with your syrup. - Helen
That's exactly why God gave you a brother - so you could date his friends. - Roxanne
They have payphones on tour. - Roxanne
He probably misses you so much that he doesn't know what to say. It's probably easier not talking at all. - Luke
See, dating two guys at the same time isn't so hard. - Roxanne
Well my grandfather used to say when you don't know what to do, flip a coin. - Meg
If ping pong was a real sport, I'd have a gold medal. - Perez
That's not a family tree, Will. That's a family tumbleweed. - Patty
Meg: How am I supposed to compete with all theses girls who don't have -
Roxanne: Morals?
Meg: Curfews.
Meg, they are always ready before you are. - Roxanne
No, everyone goes out to meet Mr. Right, I've already met him. - Beth
Did you ever hear the expression, "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is?" - Henry
Remember to hold the door open for her. And tell her she looks nice. Oh, and don't try to kiss her unless you've held her hand first. Girls hate that. - Roxanne
A colored man can be his own boss. - Melvin Bishop
Put up or shut up. - Perez
We do a man's work here. War is no place for a woman. - Perez
I'd help too but when Meg's driving, we should all stay off the road. - Patty
People always pay up when they see a cop. - Pete
Sometimes with your brother, it's like having another child around. - Helen
Some people think the world revolves around them. - Jack
You want some cover up, try a paper bag. - Roxanne
Why do I feel like I'm catching stupid by being near you? - J.J.'s soldier friend
They're in a long distance argument. - Patty
What kind of religion tells you not to fight for your country? - Henry
People shouldn't have to fight if they don't believe in it. - Meg
I'm not really the type that protests, more just the type that lets things happen. - Roxanne
You're mean enough to be a nun. - Will
Is the doctor going to take blood, because that counts as a shot. - Will
My mother always said only tramps and whores where red. - Diane
Why is it he can go out with every coed and you can't date 100 guys? - Roxanne
Sometimes you have to get behind the wheel. Lots of guys like a girl that knows how to steer. - Roxanne
Drew: I would have introduced you except I couldn't remember her name.
Meg: Oh, that makes me feel better because I thought you couldn't remember mine.
Nobody's ever believed in me as much as you have. I mean it. - Lenny
For a very smart girl you lack some common sense. - Helen
Just tell me what city you're in, and I'm on the greyhound. - Roxanne
You gotta learn, you gotta pick and choose your battles. - Henry
You're just some girl who went all the way with some guy going on his first tour. - Meg
Roxanne: Remember when he was three and we made him eat those worms?
Meg: You made him. I just put them in the cupcakes.
I found out what they mean when they say "leave no man behind," because we don't. When you go out into battle, everyone on your team is looking out for each other. And that's how you make it. Everyone is behind you, Will. - J.J.
One for my baby and one for the road. Sinatra. - Pete
If someone is putting a noose around your neck and you're trying to take it off. That's not violence. - Sam
Meg: Is that legal?
Roxanne: It is when you drop out of catholic school.
So my brother likes a beer or two. What guy doesn't? - Jack
As serious as a heart attack. - Pete
You cannot tell me how to act. - Meg
What kind of guy in college messes around with a girl in high school? - J.J.
Girls can be a challenge. - Helen
Get it. My life is none of your business. - Meg
Most of these girls are here because they have nothing else. - Lenny
Have some waffles with your syrup. - Helen
That's exactly why God gave you a brother - so you could date his friends. - Roxanne
They have payphones on tour. - Roxanne
He probably misses you so much that he doesn't know what to say. It's probably easier not talking at all. - Luke
See, dating two guys at the same time isn't so hard. - Roxanne
Well my grandfather used to say when you don't know what to do, flip a coin. - Meg
If ping pong was a real sport, I'd have a gold medal. - Perez
That's not a family tree, Will. That's a family tumbleweed. - Patty
Meg: How am I supposed to compete with all theses girls who don't have -
Roxanne: Morals?
Meg: Curfews.
Meg, they are always ready before you are. - Roxanne
No, everyone goes out to meet Mr. Right, I've already met him. - Beth
Did you ever hear the expression, "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is?" - Henry
Remember to hold the door open for her. And tell her she looks nice. Oh, and don't try to kiss her unless you've held her hand first. Girls hate that. - Roxanne
A colored man can be his own boss. - Melvin Bishop
Put up or shut up. - Perez
We do a man's work here. War is no place for a woman. - Perez
I'd help too but when Meg's driving, we should all stay off the road. - Patty
People always pay up when they see a cop. - Pete
Sometimes with your brother, it's like having another child around. - Helen
Some people think the world revolves around them. - Jack
You want some cover up, try a paper bag. - Roxanne
Why do I feel like I'm catching stupid by being near you? - J.J.'s soldier friend
They're in a long distance argument. - Patty
What kind of religion tells you not to fight for your country? - Henry
People shouldn't have to fight if they don't believe in it. - Meg
I'm not really the type that protests, more just the type that lets things happen. - Roxanne
You're mean enough to be a nun. - Will
The Hangover
Alan: I want you to know, I'm a steel trap. Whatever happens tonight, I will never ever ever speak a word of it. Seriously, I don't care what happens, I don't care if we kill someone.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Tests From Last Night
(631): the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
(630): I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
(256): we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
(651): make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
(1-651): I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
(807): I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
(401): im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
(702): I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
(513): Ashley and Jimmy are about to have sex on Degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
(248): Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
(814): i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
(603): She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
(517): Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
(918): New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
(763): I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
(985): any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
(909): I thought it was weird tha...t her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
(519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
(510): he said he didn't have a condom.
(415): and you said?
(510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
(214): Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
(847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
(1-847): How was it?
(847): Fantastic, but that's not the point.
(601): I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
(515): Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definitely here
(954): so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
(773): I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
(214): probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time (972): i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
(254): just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
(937): Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
(267): New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
(248): He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
(773): omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
(256): A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
(650): I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
(609): So i'm using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
(575): She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
(224): Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
(512): I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
(407): Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
(916): Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
(517): dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
(612): I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
(845): i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
(617): Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
(860): yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
(860): but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
(860): but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
(443): i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
(602): So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
(734): I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
(914): after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
(407): Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
(931): dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
(561): my being single is dangerous.
(601): I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
(416): we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
(313): You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
(618): i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied
them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
(905): when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
(650): Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
(315): can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
(860): Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
(515): Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definitely here
(304): I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
(240): Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
(612): Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
(203): dont like to call her my roommate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
(610): I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
(661): how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
(587): His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
(780): You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
(587): She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
(740): i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
(303): This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
(608): If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
(910): is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
(1-510): you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
(248): ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
(908): My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
(781): I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
(218): No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
(810): I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
(229): New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
(530): the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
(317): There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
(913): I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a
whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
(407): Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
(931): dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
(630): I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
(256): we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
(651): make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
(1-651): I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
(807): I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
(401): im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
(702): I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
(513): Ashley and Jimmy are about to have sex on Degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
(248): Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
(814): i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
(603): She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
(517): Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
(918): New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
(763): I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
(985): any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
(909): I thought it was weird tha...t her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
(519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
(510): he said he didn't have a condom.
(415): and you said?
(510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
(214): Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
(847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
(1-847): How was it?
(847): Fantastic, but that's not the point.
(601): I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
(515): Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definitely here
(954): so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
(773): I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
(214): probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time (972): i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
(254): just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
(937): Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
(267): New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
(248): He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
(773): omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
(256): A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
(650): I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
(609): So i'm using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
(575): She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
(224): Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
(512): I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
(407): Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
(916): Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
(517): dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
(612): I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
(845): i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
(617): Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
(860): yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
(860): but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
(860): but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
(443): i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
(602): So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
(734): I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
(914): after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
(407): Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
(931): dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
(561): my being single is dangerous.
(601): I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
(416): we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
(313): You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
(618): i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied
them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
(905): when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
(650): Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
(315): can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
(860): Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
(515): Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definitely here
(304): I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
(240): Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
(612): Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
(203): dont like to call her my roommate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
(610): I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
(661): how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
(587): His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
(780): You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
(587): She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
(740): i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
(303): This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
(608): If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
(910): is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
(1-510): you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
(248): ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
(908): My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
(781): I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
(218): No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
(810): I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
(229): New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
(530): the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
(317): There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
(913): I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a
whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
(407): Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
(931): dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
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