i like older guys

i like older guys. like more than five years older than me. i cant exactly figure out why, but there's just something about the way they act and when i'm with them, they dont make me feel so young, so much like a child.

i'm kinda crushin' on this guy josh, he's 26 and lives in plymouth. i met him thru billie and he's really nice and i had fun that night i met him and we went to culver beach and i almost hit like 18 deer and i was freaking out. and i wanted to kill his best friend because he was so getting on my nerves.

but i dont exactly know what's goin on with us. we're just friends and all and i told him i liked him, but i dont know how he feels.

and then there's d. when i'm with d, i'm a totally different person. i'm not some twenty year old who still lives with her parents and has to come home every night and is bored outta her mind everyday. no, i'm this girl who he gives rides to on his motorcycle, who he loves to cuddle with and watch movies at his house, and who he just calls when he needs to get away. i'm a great listener when he needs to just talk about what's going on in his life. and he doesnt treat me like i'm ten years younger than him. he treats me like we're the same age. maybe i make him feel ten years younger again, who knows. but i love the time i spend with him. but if anything ever did happen between me and him again, which it probably wont, i dont really know what i would do. he's still battling custody for his kids and i'm just living it day by day. i'm here when he needs me.

so i'm kinda torn. the simple answer would be to steer away from both of them. thats what people tell me. that i'm crazy for liking guys so much older than me. but if you were me, what would you do? i have fun with both guys and they're really great guys, you just have to get to know them like i did. but for now, i think we're just friends, in both situations. and i guess that's good enough for me.