One Tree Hill: Peyton Sawyer

You know, sex is the easy part. It's giving your heart to someone, that's the hard part.

You know every song ends. Is that no reason to enjoy the music?

You know that feeling you get on a Sunday where you just have the whole day to yourself and it’s been great and you remember you have to go to school the next day and it just ruins the night.

At this moment, there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared.. someone are coming home.. some tell lies to make it through the day.. others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men at war with good, and some are good.. struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls. And sometimes, all you need is one.

Losing your heart's desire is tragic, but gaining your heart's desire is all you can wish for. So if that's tragic, then give me tragedy!

Imagine a future moment in your life where all your dreams come true. You know it's the greatest moment of your life and you get to experience it with one person. Who's standing next to you?

I spent a lot of time being miserable, Jake. It’s like Misery is an old friend. And it tricks you sometimes into thinking that she’s always going to be there and you can’t be happy. But you can. You can walk away from pain and I think being in love is the best way to do it.

Imagine a future moment in your life where all your dreams come true. You know, it's the greatest moment of your life and you get to experience it with one person. Who's standing next to you?

Don't forget me when you're a big star Lucas Scott.

Time flies when you get what you wish for.

Yeah... you know Ellie once told me not to be afraid of the music, just cause it might end. Thanks Haley, you really are a good friend. And I am so happy I never shared any of my secrets with you.

My Mom used to sing to me, I don't think I've ever told anyone that before, it was like our little secret. But every night she'd come in and she'd tuck me in and she'd sing something, like lullaby's or album rock stuff. And after she was gone I remember lying in bed for the first time and just feeling silence, you know. Then realizing for the rest of my life that it was gone, all her songs were gone, her voice and the way it used to soothe me, just all of it. So I guess I tried to find new songs to fill that quiet, but none of them ever really have. Now she's gone and Mia's gone... and Luke is gone. There's just silence...There's just silence. I come in here and I sit in silence and hear the echoes of who we used to be. And so I wish for patience, and grace, and strength to just let him be happy. Mostly I pray for the strength to not make his life worse because of what I want. That's the toughest part, letting go, you know? That's the part of grace that really sucks.

I broke that knuckle punching something after we've broken up for like the twentieth time! We were horrible together!

Alright. How about, I hate you bitch you ruined my life. Does that do anything for ya?

He said 'I do', Brooke. The minister asked if he would love and cherish Lindsey forever and he said 'I do'.

Remember that day? Because that day changed everything and I didn't know it at the time. But when you fixed my car, you fixed my heart. And when you proposed to me two years ago, I just wasn't ready. And I was lost and scared, so I said 'someday', but someday's now Luke, it is. Someday is now and I love you. Please don't leave me again. People always leave. [back to reality and as a voiceover] At least that's what I should have said, instead, I said nothing and he said:

Okay. How about this? How about Peyton puts on a nice dress, watches Lucas get married, gets wasted and has drunk, meaningless sex with some guy at the reception?

It's fine Haley, Daddy's gonna make everything better for the little rich girl who got everything she ever wanted!

Her name is Lindsey, Man-faced Lindsey. And her fiancee proposed to me first, with the very same ring!

There is somebody that we know who is not coaching or playing in this game.

Dear Molly, this is gonna sound a little strange but I'd like you to paint over my old closet door. The thing is there is never a time when you will be more honest, and your convictions will be stronger, and your motives will be more pure than they are right now. Which means you should chase whatever excites you. Be confident, and take risks, and paint over my words so you can start writing your own. My story may have inspired you, but I'm certain your story will inspire the next girl to live in our room. I want you to know you don't need somebody to write about you in order for your life to mean something. You can write about yourself... make your own destiny. Then years from now the next girl will keep what you write on that door long enough to remind you how inspired your life is. And you can tell that girl to paint over the door because you realize the words you wrote, the friends you had, the urgency you felt will always be there under the paint. The love you professed will always be there, the spark of something undeniable, a seed of hope, the truth for better or for worse burning fiercely just below the surface. Love Peyton.

It's like you touched my soul. And a few days ago I was ready to quit again but you saved me with the words you wrote about me in your novel. So if you're struggling writing the next one you should know that your art matters Lucas. It's what got me here.

I was there Lucas. I was so proud of you, but we hadn't talked in a long time, and I saw you with Lindsey and I figured you guys were together. Which clearly you are. I like her. I do, but do you remember when you first joined the Ravens and you took all my sketches to Thud without even asking? And do you remember what you said that night when you first entered the gym?

Oh come on! We're gonna be graduating soon! We all know graduating plus partying equals Brooke Davis minus her clothes.

You made fun of my mom's death, Brooke. You knew her, you cried with me when she died and now you use her as a punchline in a joke to hurt me. It hurt, it did, but not anymore cause you and me, we're done. You're right, she's dead and as far as I'm concerned so are you!

Why do I care? Brooke this has been one of the worst years of my life, and I needed my best friend now more then ever, but you, you cut me out of your life because I was honest with you, when you were never ever honest with me!

Our friend here is pregnant and in a lot of pain and this bitch is about to get her ass kicked.

Speaking of stealing, hi I'm Brooke I stole my friend Peyton's artwork for my designs and didn't bother to say thank you!

And by the way, none of those words were, "Yes Peyton, I Love Him."

Fine. So, this is how it ends. A ten year friendship that survived two dead moms, three absentee parents, shoplifting, jail time and we can't survive one boy.

Go Brooke yourself.

You know, someone told me once that there's nothing wrong with fairy tales, because everybody lives happily ever after.

My pen is the barrel of a gun. Remind me which side you should be on.

Luke, it was your friend. The one from the time capsule. He had the gun. But he didn't look evil, or angry- he just looked scared.

You never worked so hard for anything in your life, except your fake ID!

Yes, losing your heart`s desire is tragic. But gaining your heart's desire? That`s all you can hope for. This year I wished for love... to immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted. And if having that is tragic, then give me that tragedy. Because I wouldn`t give it back for the world.

The journey lasted eight months. Sometimes I traveled alone. Sometimes there were others who took the wheel... and took my heart. But when the destination was reached, it wasn't me who'd arrived. It wasn't me at all.

OK, first off, I wanna say happy 67th birthday to Peyton Sawyer. You were pretty cool back in the day. Um... and to... Jenny Jagielski, who is... wow, um, like in her 50s now. Uh... your dad... sure loves you. Plus, he's a total fox. OK. Well, if you're young and you're watching this, uh, you guys know what you're up against, especially if you're a girl, it's... sex, right, and... and even fifty years from now, I'm guessing it's still a really big deal. You know, it's awkward... and... threatening... and thrilling. But, in a way, it's like sex is the easy part. You know, it's...giving your heart to somebody; that's the scary part. I lost my way, a little bit, this year. But.. lately it's been better. You know, um, it's pretty amazing how.. temptation can be silenced by a ray of hope. But.. when the face to that hope is a boy's face, I guess, for me, hope comes with trust issues too.

Okay, I'm ... I'm not gay, Mr. Turner! But you know what, if I was I wouldn't let other people tear me down because of it and I sure as hell wouldn't be looking for my answers in one of your pamphlets!

Can you hear my song now, Mr. Turner?

Ok, Mr. Turner, have you ever heard of Victor Jara? No? Um... he was this musician, right, and he fought injustice with his songs and when they broke his hands and when they taunted him, he just sang even louder.

Anna, it's not about who I am, okay. It's about who they are. They are people who hate, and they divide, and they feed off of people who don't fight back. Yeah I could laugh this off, but what about the girl who can't? Who's gonna help her? Silence only makes them stronger.

Huh. Well, I guess those that can't do, sell records. You insult all your customers this way?

Ok, hard image to forget. Uh, but, I meant more like, uh, I don't know; how your heart got there. Marriage is big. I don't know how you trust somebody for your whole life. I can't even date somebody with that escape hatch.

No! Because it's true. What difference does it make if you sleep with a popular guy, or you go to the right party, or you know the moves to some moronic cheer to do with some lame ass game I could care less about?

You're not even close. You're not even in the neighborhood close!

Dear diary, my daddy doesn't love me. P.S. stay out of my stuff!

You gotta grab every second you have with the people you love. Just don't forget about your hoes.

I've been trying to believe the best in people. That Nikki will back off. That Jake's lawyer would get him out.

I would give anything to have one more day with my mom and dad together.

Now why is it the garbage men always forget to pick up the white trash?

What did I get from her exactly, other than lies?

[to Lucas] I want to draw something that means something to someone. You know, I want to draw blind faith, or a fading summer, or just a moment of clarity. It's like when you go and see a really great band, live for the first time and, you know, and nobody's saying it, but everybody's thinking it, we have something to believe in again. I want to draw that feeling, but I can't. And if I can't be great at it then I don't want to ruin it. It's too important to me.

The reporters, and the psychologists, and the analysts, and the so-called experts, and they're gonna try to make sense of this. But they're not gonna be able to. And even if we do make it out of here, we're always gonna carry it with us, it's never gonna be the same.

Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will.

My best friend - okay this one is so important; choose wisely, I got really lucky with mine. My best friend is funny, intelligent, creative, beautiful, and successful, and very kind. She’s also impulsive, frustrating, um complicated, childish, but I would not have her any other way. And the best part about Brooke Davis is that she always puts friends first. So if you are ever in any kind of trouble, you know who to call. I can’t think of anyone I’d rather have watching over you.

You know I've got this theory, there are two kinds of people in the world. There are lyric people and music people. You know, the lyrics people tend to be analytical. You know, all about the meaning of the song. They're the ones you see with the CD insert out like 5 minutes after buying it, pouring over the lyrics, interpreting the hell out of everything. Um, then there's the music people, like Brooke. Who could care less for the lyrics as long as its just got like a good beat and you could dance to it. I don't know, sometimes it might be easier to be a music girl and not a lyric girl. But since I'm not, let me just say this. Sometimes things find you when you need them to find you, I believe that. And for me its usually song lyrics.

Yes, losing your heart's desire is tragic. But gaining your heart's desire? That's all you can hope for. This year I wished for love... to immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted. And if having that is tragic, then give me tragedy. Because I wouldn't give it back for the world.

When you stop fighting, you stop living. So.. Find your fight. Then fight like hell 'til your battle has won.

People are going to disappoint you. I get that, I kind of expect that. But, what if you wake up one day and realize you're the disappointment?

I should be stronger than this, you know, I should and I don't want to be a person that needs help, but I... feel all alone.

Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am home again. Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again. Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am young again. However far away, However long I stay. I'll always love you, I'll always love you. Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am free again. Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am clean again. I will always love you. I will always love you. I will always love you ~ Peyton

What happened to us? You know? I don't know who I am anymore. Or how I got here. I miss who I used to be. I wanna have a home again, you know? And real friends. You know, the kind of friendships we used to believe in. I miss that. And I miss you. I guess I miss all of it. Does any of that make any sense?

Life's too short. To fight. To be miserable. Don't let the bitter ones change how awesome you are.

Sometimes happiness doesn’t come from money or fame or power. Sometimes happiness comes from good friends and family.

I need to stop chasing after boys and start focusing on myself.

I guess I'm just a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside a bitch.

You said I was great. You said I could be great. You said we were destined to be together. You said it to the world, you said it to me, and I wish you never had because you did not mean any of it.

First they put away the dealers, then they put away the prostitutes, then they shooed away the bums, and beat and bashed the queers. Turned away asylum seekers, fed us suspicions and fears. We didn't raise our voice, we didn't make a fuss. It's funny, there was no one left to notice when they came for us.

Because being alone is even harder.

You have one chance, one life and what you do with it is up to you.

Is it too much to ask that a guy not be totally creepy because if it is, just let me know and I'll stop trying. I'll go ahead and I'll lower standards and hang out at the gas station on Saturday night wearing a T-shirt with a beer logo that says, 'Check out my cans!' you know?

Sometime when you care about someone a lot you just know you will make some kind of mistake and you end up losing the person you care the most about but if your lucky you might get a second chance.

Says the girl who poured drinks down my throat, and then dropped me off in my best friend's boyfriend's bed.

We're not giant pandas, you know? You can't just put us together and expect us to mate, and do me a favor, talk soft, you got a terrible voice.

Mia, most people dream of the chance to stand up to the person that's kept them down. This is yours.

Hey, Ice Queen! Stop being such a bitch to your daughter.

No, it is, when you tear her down and call her stupid. See, the truth is, you're actually worried she's smart. And that's a threat you to because when she figures out how to do the business side of this company - Goodbye, Victoria.

And why is bitch being a Brooke?

As a matter of fact, it's half-past the crazy bitch so leave me alone!

Are you not helping me move you because it brings back bad memories or because you're a lazy pile of crap?

Yeah, well not everyone gets to go on the Tree Hill death walk, so you should feel honored.

You know it's just too bad I ran out of time cause I really wanted to show you the place where I buried my prom date... kidding.

Here comes the Brookie Monster.

Yeah... it's like you touched my soul. And... a few days ago I was ready to quit again... but you saved me, with the words you wrote about me in your novel. So, if you're struggling to write the next one... you should know... that your art matters, Lucas. It's what got me here.

Marriage is big. I don't know how you trust somebody for your whole life. I can't even date somebody without an escape hatch.

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. You see lately I've been having impure thoughts about- Actually, I haven't been doing very well lately. This is the first time I've been in a church since my mom died. I think about her everyday. I just- I wonder what she would say to me right now if she could see me and see how I've been living. I wonder if she knows, on most days I fall short of being the person she wanted me to be, or I wonder if she saw me do that line of coke last week. And the thing is, I don't even know why I did it. You know, my life is pretty good... it is, but I was just searching for something to make it great... something to make it matter. So, I don't know, I guess last week when I had the chance to change that, and it was right there in front of me. I guess I was just scared to let that go. But I know it was wrong and I want my mom to know that and um, I want her to know that I am not that person... and I'm not going to be.

You know, I just can't believe what a creep he turned out to be. And I just let him waltz into my house. Like "Hey, I'm a crazy psycho, can I come in?", and I'm all like "Yeah, sure! Wanna see my bedroom?"

This is who I am. This is how I am. And 95% of the time, there isn't a moral, or a victory, or a silver lining. Take it or leave it. If you leave it, then you'll miss that other 5%. Your mistake.

Disintegration, is a great record. Wish was pretty much the end.

Oh, come on, Peyton that's what we do, OK? We have these inner conversations daily! Am I gonna look stupid? Am I pretty enough? Did Jake just want to get in my pants? Should Lucas be with me, instead of Brooke?

Whatever you say, cheerleader... whine, whine, mope, mope, always the victim! My mom died, Jake left, Ellie lied! Boo hoo.

I'm not the one who sent Ellie away. People always leave or Peyton always drives them away.

We had a snow day. Sixth grade, do you remember? It was like this whole other world just came in overnight and took ours away. Brooke, she came over and we made a snowfort... with a tunnel. And we stayed in there all day. It seemed so safe, like everything was okay. Like everything our world was about to become, maybe we could just stop it and stay little kids for one more day. But then it got cold, kinda like now. They're gonna come now. All of them. The reporters and the psychologists and the analysts. And the so-called experts. And they're gonna try and make sense of this. But they're not gonna be able to. And even if we do make it out of here, we're always gonna carry it with us. Its never gonna be the same.

Sometimes surviving is about all the living I can handle.

All the eyeliner in the world wont make you anything other than a psycho stalker bitch.

Hey if you get tired dragging that fat ass of yours there is a water fountain down the hall.

At least you're a dedicated bitch.

Imagine if that guitar could talk, the stories it would tell.

Yeah you know it's like, like with Distintegration I remember the very first time I heard that record, you know like- I remember everything about that day. The weather outside & the smell in the air... I remember all those things... & that's because that day, I... fell in love with something.

Are you not helping me move you because it brings back bad memories or because you're a lazy pile of crap?

You know it's just too bad I ran out of time cause I really wanted to show you the place where I buried my prom date... kidding.

I wanted to discover and sign bands that could change someone’s life. Like the bands changed mine.

Okay, you might not be rich, but you are still Brooke Davis, the most popular, least studious girl in school.

Boys won’t care about the “poor” part as long as you tell them about the “horny” part.

We both know sex is never just sex.