Lane: That's so cute, you're like a really sweet old agoraphobic couple!
Lane Kim: Hello, Mama? Hi, how are you doing tonight? It's Lane. Yeah, Lane. Nothing's wrong. In fact, I'm feeling pretty good right now. Had a beer and a half - nice cold beer - and I just thought I'd tell you I'm drumming in a band tonight at a party and we rocked. We were the Clash and Rage Against the Machine and Nirvana combined. And i'm in love with Dave Rygalski. He's my guy, not Young Chui. Young Chui is a ship in the night, Mama. Not even a ship. He's a little tugboat tooting along. And I'm not going to the prom with him. Uh-uh. I'm going with Dave. Because we rock together, Mama. The charade is over!
Lane Kim: You cannot put those flyers in here! I'm surprised my mother told you that you could, but you can't! So, go stand on a street corner like I had to do ages six through fourteen! - Go! - What?
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Gilmore Girls: Luke Danes
Luke: He’s bagging groceries. It’s hard to be smug, bagging groceries.
Luke Danes: Yeah, that's tough when the universe is against you, that's like taking on the Manhattan garbage union.
Luke: I've just never heard anyone use "beaked" as a verb before.
Luke Danes: Don't pull the sheet back after I pull it, i need more room for this side.... You pulled it back again.
Luke Danes: [to Jimmy Mariano, Jess' dad] I'm gonna put your head through a wall, any wall, you can pick the wall, but it will be a wall.
Luke: I'm not storing your microbe mattress, forget it.
Luke Danes: There is no fate, there is no destiny, there is no luck. Astrology is ridiculous. Tarot cards tell you nothing, you cannot read a palm, tea leaves make tea and nothing else. Jim Morrison is not hanging out with Elvis. And the Kennedys did not kill Marilyn.
Luke Danes: I don't have time to kill you right now, Kirk. Come back in a couple of hours.
Luke: If I could pick anyone in the world for my sister to be with, that guy would be... his cab driver.
Luke Danes: I wasn't running I was walking, I wasn't yelling I was talking.
Luke: [walking into Jess' run down apartment] Hey neighbor! The guys next door just ran out of crack to sell so they sent me over to borrow a cup.
Luke: Lorelai, this thing we're doing here me, you I just want you to know I'm in. I am all in.
Luke: No, I fulfilled my whacking quota for the week.
Luke: Oh, really? Well, where the hell where you when she had the chicken pox and would only eat mashed potatoes for a week? Or when she graduated high school and started college, huh? Where the hell were you when I was moving her mattress into her dorm and out of her dorm and back into her dorm?
Luke: [talking about the pink drink Emily created] God, that's terrible. It's like drinking a "My Little Pony".
Luke: Yeah, but I'm the one who had to hear it. And she was loud! And she said "hell"; I never heard her say "hell", I didn't even know she knew how to say "hell". She was mad and she yelled and she said "hell".
Luke Danes: [to support group] Can I get you ladies anything? Compassion? Perspective?
Luke Danes: Yeah, that's tough when the universe is against you, that's like taking on the Manhattan garbage union.
Luke: I've just never heard anyone use "beaked" as a verb before.
Luke Danes: Don't pull the sheet back after I pull it, i need more room for this side.... You pulled it back again.
Luke Danes: [to Jimmy Mariano, Jess' dad] I'm gonna put your head through a wall, any wall, you can pick the wall, but it will be a wall.
Luke: I'm not storing your microbe mattress, forget it.
Luke Danes: There is no fate, there is no destiny, there is no luck. Astrology is ridiculous. Tarot cards tell you nothing, you cannot read a palm, tea leaves make tea and nothing else. Jim Morrison is not hanging out with Elvis. And the Kennedys did not kill Marilyn.
Luke Danes: I don't have time to kill you right now, Kirk. Come back in a couple of hours.
Luke: If I could pick anyone in the world for my sister to be with, that guy would be... his cab driver.
Luke Danes: I wasn't running I was walking, I wasn't yelling I was talking.
Luke: [walking into Jess' run down apartment] Hey neighbor! The guys next door just ran out of crack to sell so they sent me over to borrow a cup.
Luke: Lorelai, this thing we're doing here me, you I just want you to know I'm in. I am all in.
Luke: No, I fulfilled my whacking quota for the week.
Luke: Oh, really? Well, where the hell where you when she had the chicken pox and would only eat mashed potatoes for a week? Or when she graduated high school and started college, huh? Where the hell were you when I was moving her mattress into her dorm and out of her dorm and back into her dorm?
Luke: [talking about the pink drink Emily created] God, that's terrible. It's like drinking a "My Little Pony".
Luke: Yeah, but I'm the one who had to hear it. And she was loud! And she said "hell"; I never heard her say "hell", I didn't even know she knew how to say "hell". She was mad and she yelled and she said "hell".
Luke Danes: [to support group] Can I get you ladies anything? Compassion? Perspective?
Gilmore Girls: Sookie St. James
Sookie: Well, he was lying on the floor pretty much like that, tinkering in the stuff back there and I got down and leaned in to see what he was doing, and after a while I realized that the whole time, my hand was on his butt.
Sookie St. James: Oh! I am so glad! You two are perfect for each other. I have always thought that someday, if you just sort of turned around and opened your eyes, that you'd see it. And now you have, I'm just so damn happy!
Sookie St. James: You're not gonna die alone. I mean, somebody will be there! Somebody will know! Somebody will find the body, and call the police, and -
Sookie St. James: Oh! I am so glad! You two are perfect for each other. I have always thought that someday, if you just sort of turned around and opened your eyes, that you'd see it. And now you have, I'm just so damn happy!
Sookie St. James: You're not gonna die alone. I mean, somebody will be there! Somebody will know! Somebody will find the body, and call the police, and -
Gilmore Girls: Emily Gilmore
Emily: [Dean has honked, as arranged, when picking up Rory] It certainly is not fine. This is not a drive through, she's not fried chicken.
Emily: You traded my lovely gift for a semi-pornographic, leering monkey lamp? How could you?
[to Rory, after an explosive family dinner between the Gilmores and the Haydens]
Emily Gilmore: I know you heard a lot of talk about various disappointments this evening. And I know you've heard a lot of talk about it in the past. But I want to make this very clear. You, young lady, your person and your existence, have never, ever been, not even for a second, included in that list.
Emily Gilmore: You do not just leave a person a note.
Emily Gilmore: [quoting the letter 16-year old pregnant Lorelai left for them] "Dear Mom and Dad, I'm in labor. See you later, Lorelai."
Emily Gilmore: You do not leave your house when you're having a baby without telling your mother. You say, "Excuse me, Mom, I'm having a baby, give a ride to the damn hospital".
Emily: Is that "uh-hu, yes I'm coming" or "uh-hu, I was reading while you were talking"?
Emily Gilmore: Stop being so dramatic. I just came in for lunch. It's not like I did anything truly terrifying like telling you that buttcrack-bearing jeans have gone out of style.
Emily Gilmore: Lorelai, when a woman has a crack baby, you do not buy her a puppy!
Emily: [to Luke] My daughter and I aren't speaking. She won't take my calls. She won't come to dinner. She apparently wants nothing to do with me. I'm sure you know that Lorelai and I have had many battles, most of them have been because I feel I know what's best for her. But Lorelai has her own ideas about she thinks will make her happy. She wants you Luke. She's made her decision, God help her, but there it is. It doesn't matter if I agree with it, I can't fight it, you've won. Go back to her, I promise I will stay out of it.
Emily Gilmore: [to Rory, who is asleep in bed in the pool house at 8:30] Good morning! You're still sleeping? My goodness, you're young, these are the good days. There's plenty of time to sleep when you've gone up a couple of dress sizes.
Emily: Now let's talk about your money. You were a two-bit gold-digger fresh off the bus from Hicksville when you met Mitchum at whatever bar you happened to stumble into. And what made Mitchum decide to chose you to marry amongst the pack of women he was bedding at the time I'll never know. But hats off to you for bagging him. He's still a playboy you know. Well of course you know! That would explain why your weight goes up and down thirty pounds every other month. But that's your cross to bear. But these are ugly realities, no one needs to talk about them. Those kids are staying together for as long as they like. You won't stop them... Now enjoy the event!
Emily Gilmore: [Lorelai and Rory have a high-spirited discussion at Friday night dinner] Spaghetti and meatballs is just too much excitement.
Emily: He's just become a pain in the you-know-what.
Emily: Would it really please you to hear me say ass?
Emily: You traded my lovely gift for a semi-pornographic, leering monkey lamp? How could you?
[to Rory, after an explosive family dinner between the Gilmores and the Haydens]
Emily Gilmore: I know you heard a lot of talk about various disappointments this evening. And I know you've heard a lot of talk about it in the past. But I want to make this very clear. You, young lady, your person and your existence, have never, ever been, not even for a second, included in that list.
Emily Gilmore: You do not just leave a person a note.
Emily Gilmore: [quoting the letter 16-year old pregnant Lorelai left for them] "Dear Mom and Dad, I'm in labor. See you later, Lorelai."
Emily Gilmore: You do not leave your house when you're having a baby without telling your mother. You say, "Excuse me, Mom, I'm having a baby, give a ride to the damn hospital".
Emily: Is that "uh-hu, yes I'm coming" or "uh-hu, I was reading while you were talking"?
Emily Gilmore: Stop being so dramatic. I just came in for lunch. It's not like I did anything truly terrifying like telling you that buttcrack-bearing jeans have gone out of style.
Emily Gilmore: Lorelai, when a woman has a crack baby, you do not buy her a puppy!
Emily: [to Luke] My daughter and I aren't speaking. She won't take my calls. She won't come to dinner. She apparently wants nothing to do with me. I'm sure you know that Lorelai and I have had many battles, most of them have been because I feel I know what's best for her. But Lorelai has her own ideas about she thinks will make her happy. She wants you Luke. She's made her decision, God help her, but there it is. It doesn't matter if I agree with it, I can't fight it, you've won. Go back to her, I promise I will stay out of it.
Emily Gilmore: [to Rory, who is asleep in bed in the pool house at 8:30] Good morning! You're still sleeping? My goodness, you're young, these are the good days. There's plenty of time to sleep when you've gone up a couple of dress sizes.
Emily: Now let's talk about your money. You were a two-bit gold-digger fresh off the bus from Hicksville when you met Mitchum at whatever bar you happened to stumble into. And what made Mitchum decide to chose you to marry amongst the pack of women he was bedding at the time I'll never know. But hats off to you for bagging him. He's still a playboy you know. Well of course you know! That would explain why your weight goes up and down thirty pounds every other month. But that's your cross to bear. But these are ugly realities, no one needs to talk about them. Those kids are staying together for as long as they like. You won't stop them... Now enjoy the event!
Emily Gilmore: [Lorelai and Rory have a high-spirited discussion at Friday night dinner] Spaghetti and meatballs is just too much excitement.
Emily: He's just become a pain in the you-know-what.
Emily: Would it really please you to hear me say ass?
Gilmore Girls: Lorelai Gilmore
Lorelai: That's all were all looking for, a nice person to hang out with until we drop dead.
Lorelai: A crazy evil spirit obsessed with bra-size took over my body.
Lorelai: Alright, wait up! So what does the deer look like? Huh? Does it have any distinguishing marks - besides the word 'Jeep' imprinted on it's forehead?
Lorelai: I'll still love you...
even if you can't support me in my old age in the fabulous manner to which I plan on growing accustomed.
Lorelai: [about some homemade lemonade] Mmm... tasty and flame retardant.
Lorelai: I'm going to be so cool in there, you will mistake me for Shaft.
[Doorbell rings]
Lorelai: Who the hell rings a doorbell at a party? Bring your ass in here.
[Richard and Emily come in]
Lorelai: Or, asses
Lorelai: [to Lane who is upset because she has randomly touched a guy's hair] Hey, do you wanna talk? I'm not Rory, but we do use the same blow dryer.
Lorelai: I have to know where you are at all times, especially when you have my shoes on.
Lorelai Gilmore: So God is a women.
Lorelai Gilmore: We can't be lost; we don't know where we're going.
Lorelai Gilmore: We're almost there, but nowhere near it. All that matters is that we're going.
Lorelai Gilmore: [to Emily and Richard] Are you two completely out of your minds? There's a ceremony going on in there! Young girls in ugly dresses and stupid fans are parading around in circles for god knows what reason, and you two are ruining it!
[talking about Jess at town meeting]
Lorelai: I heard he controls the weather and wrote the screen play to "Glitter".
Lorelai Gilmore: Hey, I have a new year's resolution for you: Become more cynical and self-absorbed.
Lorelai Gilmore: I remember the days of lying to my mother about a boy. Once I had a boy hidden in the closet, and of course Mom wouldn't leave, so I finally had to pretend to get sick to my stomach just to get her out of the room long enough for him to climb down the window and down the tree. He fell. Broke his leg. Ah, to be young again.
Lorelei: It’s expensive to slowly rot your insides.
Lorelai: if you had your way mother you'd lock us up like veal, that's what you want is veal children
Lorelai: [Emily is reminding Lorelai of her DAR meeting on Tuesday ] It's burned into my brain, it's there forever.
Lorelai: When I’m senile and gaga and drooling into a cup... and I can't remember my name, I will still remember that your DAR meeting was on that Tuesday. I'm going to have to be deprogrammed by cult deprogrammers to get that Tuesday out of my brain.
Lorelai: Well, then I shall convert them, I am the Jehovah's coffee girl.
Lorelai Gilmore: And no one else can do it so you came slumming after me and I'm your last choice?
Lorelai Gilmore: [on telephone] Hi, yes. I was at your auction yesterday, I was wondering if you could help me? I met a man there, and I would like to contact him, but I didn't get his name and I wondered if you could look it up for me. He was paddle number 17, and - Oh, right. - Confidential. Got it. Well you know actually I misspoke earlier because this isn't a complete stranger I'm trying to contact here, he's an old friend from school - Good question. Well I don't know his name because I only knew him by his nickname, uh, Shamu, we called him Shamu, kind of a big guy in high school; he's slimmed down quite a bit. No, see, I don't have time to contact the high school alumni committee because time is of the essence! See, Shamu and I went into a liquor store after the auction and we bought a lottery ticket together, and we tore it, and I took half and he took half, and I'll be damned if the thing didn't win! Fourteen million dollars! Really. But see, we have to claim it by 4 p.m. today or we forfeit - Ah, yes. Oh. Well. But there's one more thing that I forgot to tell you, see, um, my blood type is O negative and he's O negative and I have a medical condition that - All right then. Well thank you, anyway. Bye.
Lorelei: We are “Anne Heche speaking her own special language” crazy.
Lorelai: I look adorable! No one ever told me that if you fish, you get to buy an outfit. I'll do just about anything if I can buy an outfit!
Lorelai Gilmore: Yeah, you got a girl's future in that sack of yours. Santa...
Lorelai Gilmore: It's the alarm clock. I had a dream once that you set eighteen alarm clocks to get me up. Which is not a bad way to get me up.
Lorelai: Are you sure she's gonna want that back? It's been left alone all night at a keg party, there's no getting it over that. That backpack is permanently scarred, that backpack is Zelda Fitzgerald.
Lorelai: [after seeing a brochure to Lane's college] Every kid in that brochure was awkward and panicked, it looked like the academy award audience during Michael Moore's speech.
Lorelai: Okay, um, little tip: the whole stalking thing works infinitely better when you don't actually smash your face in the window.
Lorelai: Happy Birthday, Doogie.
Lorelai: You've been stomping around, barking at people for days.
Lorelai: Ok, just one more warning, when they showed the first motion picture over 100 years ago, it featured a train rushing toward the camera, people were so sure the train would burst off the screen, that they ran away in terror, now luke, the train is not going to leave the screen...
Lorelai Gilmore: She was the most beautiful pink all over. She even smelled pink. That sounds weird. I can't describe it - that little, pink, baby smell. The first time her eyes focused on me and her little fingers reached out... I was someone new. She had me.
Lorelai Gilmore: I wouldn't dismiss it so fast Mom, the internet is more than just good porn now.
Lorelai: Welcome to tonight's episode of "Things I Never Needed to Know About My Father."
Lorelai: Twenty-three is old. It's almost twenty-five, which is, like, almost mid-twenties.
Lorelai: I think I forgot to put on underwear... can you check?... Did I just ask you to check if I put on underwear?
Lorelai Gilmore: Well dad, you know what monkeys do when they don't like people staring at them at the zoo...
Lorelai Gilmore: How beautiful are we talking? Catherine Zeta-Jones or the weird looking Hilton sister?
Lorelai: Well, he was breathing and standing. I think all signs point to alive!
Lorelai: I think so. But then we'll have to hide his jacket. So I suggest I put it under my dress and pretend to be pregnant, then Jason can pretend to be the doctor. Then Rory can dig a tunnel, and ...
Lorelai: Cold, cold, cold, cold, icy feet. Stupid, frozen tundra house. Honey, why are you sleeping in here? Your room is way warmer. Ok, here is the question for today kids: what the hell are the Eskimos thinking? I mean yes, the hoods are cute but it's always cold, always! Plus you have to eat fish for breakfast, and you have to eat whales, and polar bears, and penguins and Santa Clause. Coffee's on and Pop-Tarts are poptarting! If you're just gonna lie there I'm just gonna have to sit here. I'm gonna have to make myself very comfortable on my nice warm Rory!
Lorelai: Hey, did anyone ever think Sylvia Plath wasn't crazy, maybe she was just cold?
Lorelai: You know there are very few times in my life when I find my self sitting around, thinking I wish I was married, but today... I... I'm happy, you know? I like my life, I like my friends, I like my... stuff. My time, my space, my TV.
Lorelai: But every now and then, just for a moment I wish I had a partner, someone to pick up the slack, someone to wait for the cable guy, make ME coffee in the morning. Meet the stupid sink before it gets shipped back to Canada!
Lorelai: I just thought I had everything under control, but I didn't and the inn is just falling apart. This has been my dream forever and I have it and it's here and I'm failing and I can't handle it, I just spend every minute running around and working and thinking and I thought I would have help but Sookie has Davey and Michel has Celine and I'm... I can't do it all by myself! And I don't even have time to see my kid anymore, hell forget see her, just even talk to her and I miss her. And I sat there in my parents' house just listening to my grandma basically call me a charity case and I couldn't even argue with her, I couldn't even say anything, because I am, I'm running out of money! And I was going to ask you for $30,000 at dinner tonight, that's how pathetic I am.
Lorelai: Well, I've got my cloaking device activated so...
Lorelai Gilmore: Oh, I left a tip this time and I didn't put it under the water glass cuz I know you hate that and I made sure it didn't touch the syrup cuz that makes it sticky, and I didn't leave the last dollar in pennies just to get rid of them.
Lorelai: [Lorelai speaking of her to-do list for the inn] Hey, do you know that if the entire population of China walked by, the line would never end because of the rate of population increase? That's my list, every Chinese person in the world.
Lorelai: The cats. They know that I've broken up with Jason and that I'm alone, and they've decided that it's time for me to become a crazy cat lady.
Lorelai: Oh I cant stop drinking the coffee, I stop drinking the coffee, I stop doing the standing and walking and the words putting into sentence doing.
Lorelai Gilmore: Oh, now Liz, it's inappropriate for you to propose to me on your wedding day.
Lorelai: But maybe he didn't mean it as a date thing. Maybe he just needed to get out of the house. And since I'm currently one of the women sitting home, thinking "if I could only find a man like Aragorn," he picked me.
Lorelai: No, Rory, you didn't. You're 19, you're in college, you can handle your own affairs. Sorry, that's a bad choice of words you can handle your own life events.
Lorelai: If one of us had been a frog, it would have had some seriously impressive consequences.
Lorelai: So make sure they like the lemon candles and that the rooms smell pretty when they get up there. And you did a great job this weekend. Great job.
Lorelai: Ugh... I hate early. Early must die.
Lorelai: Alright, but no taking me to an art museum after hours, or to an empty Hollywood bowling alley, or give me a pair of diamond earrings that you bought with your college money when all the time you're really in love with your best friend the drummer who's posing as our driver for the evening.
Lorelai: Well, people don't read the back of the menu to find out what really happened. They read the back of the menu to be happy. To be uplifted. That's why they read the back of the menu!
Lorelai: Acting like a dim-witted salesgirl while showing off her mother's new personal panic room "I know how to protect you from Agent Orange and Shrapnel. Ask me how!"
Lorelai: I'm going right past the very few complaints comment because I know you're just trying to bait me what complaints?
Lorelai: Oh, forget the foot. I need caffeine. Whatever form you've got, I haven't had any all day. I'll drink it, shoot it, eat it, snort it, whatever form it's in, gimme.
Lorelai: Yeah, well, follow through, always been my problem.
Lorelai: Repaying your debt to society, I assume.
Lorelai: Be sure to send me a change of address card! Grandma can print them out for you with a little fleur-de-lis.
Lorelai: I tried so hard. I have a list of things that he's afraid of on the fridge. And I try to do the right thing. I should not have socialized him at Kirk's doggy day care the other day. I should have taken him to the best doggy day care in the country, even if it was in Seattle. That's where I should have taken him.
Did you leave a message? My answering machine dropped dead of exhaustion.
Lorelai Gilmore: He's totally fine having his personal freedom slowly stripped away, as long as he's completely unaware that it's happening. Just like a true American.
Lorelai Gilmore: Wow. Ice, ice, baby.
Lorelai: You're going to have to tell me how it is living with a guy before I let Luke move in. If it's too creepy he may have to stay with Babette.
Lorelai: And I've heard horror stories about toilet seats you wouldn't believe.
Lorelai: And just remember, if things don't go well, we will stop loving you.
Lorelai: I managed to find Uno and checkers, and also parts of Battleship and most of the pieces of Candyland. Which I figure, we can mix together to create a fabulous new game, Candyship Battleland. War never tasted so good!
Lorelai Gilmore: Lorelai Gilmore: disappointing mothers since 1968.
Lorelai Gilmore: Because an unmarried woman, alone, of a certain age, dressed the way I dress, apparently is Korean for Jenna Jameson.
Lorelai: Even when I have a man, I'm still the girl who doesn't have a man!
Lorelai Gilmore: Little tiny boxes can be scary... unless, of course, they contain big diamond earrings.
Lorelai Gilmore: [to a psychologist] Voices in your head? Totally normal, right... there's only two. That speak English.
Lorelai Gilmore: So you can't be shocked when you serve people three cups of coffee that they don't feel like going out for coffee. Not everyone's me.
Lorelai: [Explaining to Sookie why she had broken up with Luke for good] It was him not fighting for me. I gave him the ultimatum and he let me walk away. I didn't want a life separate from Luke, and that's all he could give me. It's like Luke is driving a car and I just want to be in the passenger seat. He's locked the door and I have to hold onto the bumper. I am not even asking him to open the door for me, just leave it unlocked and say come in, but he didn't do that. So I am hanging on to the bumper and life goes on and the car goes on, and I get really badly bruised and I'm hitting potholes. And it hurts. It really hurts. So yesterday I had to let go of the bumper. Because it hurts too much.
Lorelai: [Rory shows Lorelai her massive stack of materials for her cancelled Asia trip] Wow! Were you planning on visiting Asia, or invading it?
Lorelai Gilmore: You don't have to jump off the Empire State Building to know it's gonna hurt.
Lorelai: Well, Stars Hollow smells like pickles...
Lorelai: What about instead of La Boheme, we took our inspiration from Rent: East Village, 1985, rickety tables, chipped glassware...
Lorelai: I need you to know that you're the man that I want to want.
Lorelai Gilmore: I'll get you a thermos, that says "World's Greatest Reporter," to match your cap.
Lorelai: That's the last time I buy something just because its furry.
Lorelei: I’m crushed I’m bleeding, get me a tourniquet. They’re none left because Rory wouldn’t wash them with her laundry.
Lorelai: [entering Luke's] Okay! I have five minutes to drink as much coffee as I can before I have to drive to Hartford to spend the evening with my mother alone, and who am I saying this to?
Lorelai: No, sure it is. It's nice to be able to go from the beach to the mosque without having to change.
Lorelai Gilmore: Dry sugar on a dry toe isn't gonna work!
Lorelai: A crazy evil spirit obsessed with bra-size took over my body.
Lorelai: Alright, wait up! So what does the deer look like? Huh? Does it have any distinguishing marks - besides the word 'Jeep' imprinted on it's forehead?
Lorelai: I'll still love you...
even if you can't support me in my old age in the fabulous manner to which I plan on growing accustomed.
Lorelai: [about some homemade lemonade] Mmm... tasty and flame retardant.
Lorelai: I'm going to be so cool in there, you will mistake me for Shaft.
[Doorbell rings]
Lorelai: Who the hell rings a doorbell at a party? Bring your ass in here.
[Richard and Emily come in]
Lorelai: Or, asses
Lorelai: [to Lane who is upset because she has randomly touched a guy's hair] Hey, do you wanna talk? I'm not Rory, but we do use the same blow dryer.
Lorelai: I have to know where you are at all times, especially when you have my shoes on.
Lorelai Gilmore: So God is a women.
Lorelai Gilmore: We can't be lost; we don't know where we're going.
Lorelai Gilmore: We're almost there, but nowhere near it. All that matters is that we're going.
Lorelai Gilmore: [to Emily and Richard] Are you two completely out of your minds? There's a ceremony going on in there! Young girls in ugly dresses and stupid fans are parading around in circles for god knows what reason, and you two are ruining it!
[talking about Jess at town meeting]
Lorelai: I heard he controls the weather and wrote the screen play to "Glitter".
Lorelai Gilmore: Hey, I have a new year's resolution for you: Become more cynical and self-absorbed.
Lorelai Gilmore: I remember the days of lying to my mother about a boy. Once I had a boy hidden in the closet, and of course Mom wouldn't leave, so I finally had to pretend to get sick to my stomach just to get her out of the room long enough for him to climb down the window and down the tree. He fell. Broke his leg. Ah, to be young again.
Lorelei: It’s expensive to slowly rot your insides.
Lorelai: if you had your way mother you'd lock us up like veal, that's what you want is veal children
Lorelai: [Emily is reminding Lorelai of her DAR meeting on Tuesday ] It's burned into my brain, it's there forever.
Lorelai: When I’m senile and gaga and drooling into a cup... and I can't remember my name, I will still remember that your DAR meeting was on that Tuesday. I'm going to have to be deprogrammed by cult deprogrammers to get that Tuesday out of my brain.
Lorelai: Well, then I shall convert them, I am the Jehovah's coffee girl.
Lorelai Gilmore: And no one else can do it so you came slumming after me and I'm your last choice?
Lorelai Gilmore: [on telephone] Hi, yes. I was at your auction yesterday, I was wondering if you could help me? I met a man there, and I would like to contact him, but I didn't get his name and I wondered if you could look it up for me. He was paddle number 17, and - Oh, right. - Confidential. Got it. Well you know actually I misspoke earlier because this isn't a complete stranger I'm trying to contact here, he's an old friend from school - Good question. Well I don't know his name because I only knew him by his nickname, uh, Shamu, we called him Shamu, kind of a big guy in high school; he's slimmed down quite a bit. No, see, I don't have time to contact the high school alumni committee because time is of the essence! See, Shamu and I went into a liquor store after the auction and we bought a lottery ticket together, and we tore it, and I took half and he took half, and I'll be damned if the thing didn't win! Fourteen million dollars! Really. But see, we have to claim it by 4 p.m. today or we forfeit - Ah, yes. Oh. Well. But there's one more thing that I forgot to tell you, see, um, my blood type is O negative and he's O negative and I have a medical condition that - All right then. Well thank you, anyway. Bye.
Lorelei: We are “Anne Heche speaking her own special language” crazy.
Lorelai: I look adorable! No one ever told me that if you fish, you get to buy an outfit. I'll do just about anything if I can buy an outfit!
Lorelai Gilmore: Yeah, you got a girl's future in that sack of yours. Santa...
Lorelai Gilmore: It's the alarm clock. I had a dream once that you set eighteen alarm clocks to get me up. Which is not a bad way to get me up.
Lorelai: Are you sure she's gonna want that back? It's been left alone all night at a keg party, there's no getting it over that. That backpack is permanently scarred, that backpack is Zelda Fitzgerald.
Lorelai: [after seeing a brochure to Lane's college] Every kid in that brochure was awkward and panicked, it looked like the academy award audience during Michael Moore's speech.
Lorelai: Okay, um, little tip: the whole stalking thing works infinitely better when you don't actually smash your face in the window.
Lorelai: Happy Birthday, Doogie.
Lorelai: You've been stomping around, barking at people for days.
Lorelai: Ok, just one more warning, when they showed the first motion picture over 100 years ago, it featured a train rushing toward the camera, people were so sure the train would burst off the screen, that they ran away in terror, now luke, the train is not going to leave the screen...
Lorelai Gilmore: She was the most beautiful pink all over. She even smelled pink. That sounds weird. I can't describe it - that little, pink, baby smell. The first time her eyes focused on me and her little fingers reached out... I was someone new. She had me.
Lorelai Gilmore: I wouldn't dismiss it so fast Mom, the internet is more than just good porn now.
Lorelai: Welcome to tonight's episode of "Things I Never Needed to Know About My Father."
Lorelai: Twenty-three is old. It's almost twenty-five, which is, like, almost mid-twenties.
Lorelai: I think I forgot to put on underwear... can you check?... Did I just ask you to check if I put on underwear?
Lorelai Gilmore: Well dad, you know what monkeys do when they don't like people staring at them at the zoo...
Lorelai Gilmore: How beautiful are we talking? Catherine Zeta-Jones or the weird looking Hilton sister?
Lorelai: Well, he was breathing and standing. I think all signs point to alive!
Lorelai: I think so. But then we'll have to hide his jacket. So I suggest I put it under my dress and pretend to be pregnant, then Jason can pretend to be the doctor. Then Rory can dig a tunnel, and ...
Lorelai: Cold, cold, cold, cold, icy feet. Stupid, frozen tundra house. Honey, why are you sleeping in here? Your room is way warmer. Ok, here is the question for today kids: what the hell are the Eskimos thinking? I mean yes, the hoods are cute but it's always cold, always! Plus you have to eat fish for breakfast, and you have to eat whales, and polar bears, and penguins and Santa Clause. Coffee's on and Pop-Tarts are poptarting! If you're just gonna lie there I'm just gonna have to sit here. I'm gonna have to make myself very comfortable on my nice warm Rory!
Lorelai: Hey, did anyone ever think Sylvia Plath wasn't crazy, maybe she was just cold?
Lorelai: You know there are very few times in my life when I find my self sitting around, thinking I wish I was married, but today... I... I'm happy, you know? I like my life, I like my friends, I like my... stuff. My time, my space, my TV.
Lorelai: But every now and then, just for a moment I wish I had a partner, someone to pick up the slack, someone to wait for the cable guy, make ME coffee in the morning. Meet the stupid sink before it gets shipped back to Canada!
Lorelai: I just thought I had everything under control, but I didn't and the inn is just falling apart. This has been my dream forever and I have it and it's here and I'm failing and I can't handle it, I just spend every minute running around and working and thinking and I thought I would have help but Sookie has Davey and Michel has Celine and I'm... I can't do it all by myself! And I don't even have time to see my kid anymore, hell forget see her, just even talk to her and I miss her. And I sat there in my parents' house just listening to my grandma basically call me a charity case and I couldn't even argue with her, I couldn't even say anything, because I am, I'm running out of money! And I was going to ask you for $30,000 at dinner tonight, that's how pathetic I am.
Lorelai: Well, I've got my cloaking device activated so...
Lorelai Gilmore: Oh, I left a tip this time and I didn't put it under the water glass cuz I know you hate that and I made sure it didn't touch the syrup cuz that makes it sticky, and I didn't leave the last dollar in pennies just to get rid of them.
Lorelai: [Lorelai speaking of her to-do list for the inn] Hey, do you know that if the entire population of China walked by, the line would never end because of the rate of population increase? That's my list, every Chinese person in the world.
Lorelai: The cats. They know that I've broken up with Jason and that I'm alone, and they've decided that it's time for me to become a crazy cat lady.
Lorelai: Oh I cant stop drinking the coffee, I stop drinking the coffee, I stop doing the standing and walking and the words putting into sentence doing.
Lorelai Gilmore: Oh, now Liz, it's inappropriate for you to propose to me on your wedding day.
Lorelai: But maybe he didn't mean it as a date thing. Maybe he just needed to get out of the house. And since I'm currently one of the women sitting home, thinking "if I could only find a man like Aragorn," he picked me.
Lorelai: No, Rory, you didn't. You're 19, you're in college, you can handle your own affairs. Sorry, that's a bad choice of words you can handle your own life events.
Lorelai: If one of us had been a frog, it would have had some seriously impressive consequences.
Lorelai: So make sure they like the lemon candles and that the rooms smell pretty when they get up there. And you did a great job this weekend. Great job.
Lorelai: Ugh... I hate early. Early must die.
Lorelai: Alright, but no taking me to an art museum after hours, or to an empty Hollywood bowling alley, or give me a pair of diamond earrings that you bought with your college money when all the time you're really in love with your best friend the drummer who's posing as our driver for the evening.
Lorelai: Well, people don't read the back of the menu to find out what really happened. They read the back of the menu to be happy. To be uplifted. That's why they read the back of the menu!
Lorelai: Acting like a dim-witted salesgirl while showing off her mother's new personal panic room "I know how to protect you from Agent Orange and Shrapnel. Ask me how!"
Lorelai: I'm going right past the very few complaints comment because I know you're just trying to bait me what complaints?
Lorelai: Oh, forget the foot. I need caffeine. Whatever form you've got, I haven't had any all day. I'll drink it, shoot it, eat it, snort it, whatever form it's in, gimme.
Lorelai: Yeah, well, follow through, always been my problem.
Lorelai: Repaying your debt to society, I assume.
Lorelai: Be sure to send me a change of address card! Grandma can print them out for you with a little fleur-de-lis.
Lorelai: I tried so hard. I have a list of things that he's afraid of on the fridge. And I try to do the right thing. I should not have socialized him at Kirk's doggy day care the other day. I should have taken him to the best doggy day care in the country, even if it was in Seattle. That's where I should have taken him.
Did you leave a message? My answering machine dropped dead of exhaustion.
Lorelai Gilmore: He's totally fine having his personal freedom slowly stripped away, as long as he's completely unaware that it's happening. Just like a true American.
Lorelai Gilmore: Wow. Ice, ice, baby.
Lorelai: You're going to have to tell me how it is living with a guy before I let Luke move in. If it's too creepy he may have to stay with Babette.
Lorelai: And I've heard horror stories about toilet seats you wouldn't believe.
Lorelai: And just remember, if things don't go well, we will stop loving you.
Lorelai: I managed to find Uno and checkers, and also parts of Battleship and most of the pieces of Candyland. Which I figure, we can mix together to create a fabulous new game, Candyship Battleland. War never tasted so good!
Lorelai Gilmore: Lorelai Gilmore: disappointing mothers since 1968.
Lorelai Gilmore: Because an unmarried woman, alone, of a certain age, dressed the way I dress, apparently is Korean for Jenna Jameson.
Lorelai: Even when I have a man, I'm still the girl who doesn't have a man!
Lorelai Gilmore: Little tiny boxes can be scary... unless, of course, they contain big diamond earrings.
Lorelai Gilmore: [to a psychologist] Voices in your head? Totally normal, right... there's only two. That speak English.
Lorelai Gilmore: So you can't be shocked when you serve people three cups of coffee that they don't feel like going out for coffee. Not everyone's me.
Lorelai: [Explaining to Sookie why she had broken up with Luke for good] It was him not fighting for me. I gave him the ultimatum and he let me walk away. I didn't want a life separate from Luke, and that's all he could give me. It's like Luke is driving a car and I just want to be in the passenger seat. He's locked the door and I have to hold onto the bumper. I am not even asking him to open the door for me, just leave it unlocked and say come in, but he didn't do that. So I am hanging on to the bumper and life goes on and the car goes on, and I get really badly bruised and I'm hitting potholes. And it hurts. It really hurts. So yesterday I had to let go of the bumper. Because it hurts too much.
Lorelai: [Rory shows Lorelai her massive stack of materials for her cancelled Asia trip] Wow! Were you planning on visiting Asia, or invading it?
Lorelai Gilmore: You don't have to jump off the Empire State Building to know it's gonna hurt.
Lorelai: Well, Stars Hollow smells like pickles...
Lorelai: What about instead of La Boheme, we took our inspiration from Rent: East Village, 1985, rickety tables, chipped glassware...
Lorelai: I need you to know that you're the man that I want to want.
Lorelai Gilmore: I'll get you a thermos, that says "World's Greatest Reporter," to match your cap.
Lorelai: That's the last time I buy something just because its furry.
Lorelei: I’m crushed I’m bleeding, get me a tourniquet. They’re none left because Rory wouldn’t wash them with her laundry.
Lorelai: [entering Luke's] Okay! I have five minutes to drink as much coffee as I can before I have to drive to Hartford to spend the evening with my mother alone, and who am I saying this to?
Lorelai: No, sure it is. It's nice to be able to go from the beach to the mosque without having to change.
Lorelai Gilmore: Dry sugar on a dry toe isn't gonna work!
Gilmore Girls: Rory Gilmore
I have now used the word "suck" so much, it's lost all meaning to me.
[after running away from Doose's market after being kissed, to Lane]
I got kissed. [holds up a box of starch] And I shoplifted.
Hey my mom’s not wearing any underwear.
Because sometimes you have something you need to say, but you can't because the words won't come out, or you get scared, or you feel stupid. But if you could write a song and sing it, then you could say what needed to say, and it would be beautiful, and people would listen, and you wouldn't make a complete idiot out of yourself. But all of us can't be song writers, so some of us will never get the chance to say what we're thinking, or what we want other people to know that we're thinking, so we'll never get the chance to make things right again ever... So give this guy a license!
Because I love you, you idiot.
This isn’t Amish country. Boys and girls are supposed to date alone.
We're competing against the Michael Angelo of snow.
And then every year we put the flowers on the counter and forget the ugliness ever happened.
They had to work, I'm here all by myself, and I'm trying to be calm but I'm starting to feel nauseous and... and the hospital has a smell, and there are noises, and those gowns do not stay closed, and I've seen a lot of butts today, and and...
I need you, I need you here, I need you now, I cannot do this alone, I need my mommy and damn it, I don't care who knows it!
Alright, let's make it a foursome.
[to Luke's and Jess's answering machine] It's me. I just wanted to let you know that this is the last weekend I spend sitting around like an idiot hoping you'll call. Okay? I'm not going to be that girl. From now on, I want a plan. I mean a real plan with a time and a place. And I'm tired of hearing "Let's hook up later." What does that mean, anyway? What's later? How do I set my watch to later? Later doesn't cut it any more, got it? And, yeah, you know, maybe I am spoiled; but guess what, I like being spoiled! I plan to go on being spoiled. And if that doesn't sound like something that you can or want to do, then, fine! I'm sure you'll find another girl who doesn't mind sitting around cleaning her keyboard on a Friday night hoping you'll call. But it's not going to be me!
[almost hangs up]
Oh, yeah. This is a message for Jess.
I know. But it's my mom's favorite part. Once we tried to make a cake entirely out of frosting, which turned out to be better in theory than in actual execution.
Rory: [to Jess, on the phone] Jess, is that you? Jess, I'm pretty sure it's you and I'm pretty sure you've been calling and not saying anything but wanna say something. Hello? You're not going to talk? Fine, I'll talk. You didn't handle things right at all. You could've talked to me. You could've told me that you were having trouble in school and weren't going to graduate, and that your dad had been there, but you didn't. And you ended up not taking me to my prom and not coming to my graduation and leaving again without saying goodbye again, and that's fine, I get it, but that's it for me. I'm going to Europe tomorrow and I'm going to Yale and I'm moving on. And I'm not going to pine. I hope you didn't think I was going to pine, okay? I think... I think I may have loved you, but I just need to let it go. So, that's it, I guess. Um, I hope you're good. I want you to be good, and, um, okay, so, goodbye. That word sounds really lame and stupid right now, but there it is. Goodbye.
Rory: Headmaster Charleston, faculty members, fellow students, family and friends, welcome. We never thought this day would come. We prayed for its quick delivery, crossed days off our calendars, counted hours, minutes and seconds and now that it's here, I'm sorry it is, because it means leaving friends who inspire me and teachers who've been my mentors, so many people who've shaped my life, and my fellow students lives impermeably and forever. I live in two worlds. One is a world of books. I've been a resident of Faulkner's Yoknapatawpha County, hunted the white whale aboard the Pequod, fought alongside Napoleon, sailed a raft with Huck and Jim, committed absurdities with Ignatius J. Reilly, rode a sad train with Anna Karenina and strolled down Swann's Way. It's a rewarding world, but my second one is by far superior. My second one is populated with characters slightly less eccentric, but supremely real, made of flesh and bone, full of love, who are my ultimate inspiration for everything. Richard and Emily Gilmore are kind, decent, unfailingly generous people. They are my twin pillars, without whom I could not stand. I am proud to be their grandchild. But my ultimate inspiration comes from my best friend, the dazzling woman from whom I received my name and my life's blood, Lorelai Gilmore.
Rory Gilmore: Hey, talk more like a ferret!
Rory: You know, I have actually thought about this moment. A lot. What would Jess say to me if I ever saw him again? I mean, he just took off, no note, no call, nothing, how could he explain that? And then a year goes by. No word, nothing, so he couldn't possibly have a good excuse for that, right? I have imagined hundreds of different scenarios with a hundred different great last parting lines, and I have to tell you that I am actually very curious to see which way this is going to go.
Rory Gilmore: 5 years? Cool... I've got about the next 2 and a half hours planned... then there's just darkness... and possibly some dragons.
Rory: [Rory and Paris are in Florida for spring break; both are drunk] Whoa, I'm loving the spinning beach.
Rory: It was interesting, you know. We sat on the beach, went to a club, watched the Power of Myths, Paris and I kissed...
Rory: I am late for class and you put a printing press on my backpack!
Rory: Okay, this is the textbook definition of a perfect moment.
Rory: My mom and I have been planning for my 21st birthday since... well, my first memory is kindergarten, but I have a feeling she was talking about it before that. We had this whole big thing planned.
Rory: I mean, how fair is that? He's gone, and then he shows up out of the blue, 'You can’t live here, this place is a dump, and by the way, I love you!' I love you? Is he serious?
Rory: Yeah, I'm a treat! I don't know what I'm gonna do, I don't think I can take running into him every day in the halls, and in the paper and the coffee cart... Oh my god! I'm gonna have to quit drinking coffee! And I love coffee!
Rory: My books looks sad. Can books look sad?
Rory Gilmore: Because, Logan had many many blondes for Thanksgiving.
Rory Gilmore: He cheated on me... with an entire wedding party.
Rory: [screams out, as an excuse to not answer the phone] I'm a cat with no legs!
Rory Gilmore: A trench coat would be too 'All the President's Men' but my blue coat would be too 'His Girl Friday.' I don't know!
[after running away from Doose's market after being kissed, to Lane]
I got kissed. [holds up a box of starch] And I shoplifted.
Hey my mom’s not wearing any underwear.
Because sometimes you have something you need to say, but you can't because the words won't come out, or you get scared, or you feel stupid. But if you could write a song and sing it, then you could say what needed to say, and it would be beautiful, and people would listen, and you wouldn't make a complete idiot out of yourself. But all of us can't be song writers, so some of us will never get the chance to say what we're thinking, or what we want other people to know that we're thinking, so we'll never get the chance to make things right again ever... So give this guy a license!
Because I love you, you idiot.
This isn’t Amish country. Boys and girls are supposed to date alone.
We're competing against the Michael Angelo of snow.
And then every year we put the flowers on the counter and forget the ugliness ever happened.
They had to work, I'm here all by myself, and I'm trying to be calm but I'm starting to feel nauseous and... and the hospital has a smell, and there are noises, and those gowns do not stay closed, and I've seen a lot of butts today, and and...
I need you, I need you here, I need you now, I cannot do this alone, I need my mommy and damn it, I don't care who knows it!
Alright, let's make it a foursome.
[to Luke's and Jess's answering machine] It's me. I just wanted to let you know that this is the last weekend I spend sitting around like an idiot hoping you'll call. Okay? I'm not going to be that girl. From now on, I want a plan. I mean a real plan with a time and a place. And I'm tired of hearing "Let's hook up later." What does that mean, anyway? What's later? How do I set my watch to later? Later doesn't cut it any more, got it? And, yeah, you know, maybe I am spoiled; but guess what, I like being spoiled! I plan to go on being spoiled. And if that doesn't sound like something that you can or want to do, then, fine! I'm sure you'll find another girl who doesn't mind sitting around cleaning her keyboard on a Friday night hoping you'll call. But it's not going to be me!
[almost hangs up]
Oh, yeah. This is a message for Jess.
I know. But it's my mom's favorite part. Once we tried to make a cake entirely out of frosting, which turned out to be better in theory than in actual execution.
Rory: [to Jess, on the phone] Jess, is that you? Jess, I'm pretty sure it's you and I'm pretty sure you've been calling and not saying anything but wanna say something. Hello? You're not going to talk? Fine, I'll talk. You didn't handle things right at all. You could've talked to me. You could've told me that you were having trouble in school and weren't going to graduate, and that your dad had been there, but you didn't. And you ended up not taking me to my prom and not coming to my graduation and leaving again without saying goodbye again, and that's fine, I get it, but that's it for me. I'm going to Europe tomorrow and I'm going to Yale and I'm moving on. And I'm not going to pine. I hope you didn't think I was going to pine, okay? I think... I think I may have loved you, but I just need to let it go. So, that's it, I guess. Um, I hope you're good. I want you to be good, and, um, okay, so, goodbye. That word sounds really lame and stupid right now, but there it is. Goodbye.
Rory: Headmaster Charleston, faculty members, fellow students, family and friends, welcome. We never thought this day would come. We prayed for its quick delivery, crossed days off our calendars, counted hours, minutes and seconds and now that it's here, I'm sorry it is, because it means leaving friends who inspire me and teachers who've been my mentors, so many people who've shaped my life, and my fellow students lives impermeably and forever. I live in two worlds. One is a world of books. I've been a resident of Faulkner's Yoknapatawpha County, hunted the white whale aboard the Pequod, fought alongside Napoleon, sailed a raft with Huck and Jim, committed absurdities with Ignatius J. Reilly, rode a sad train with Anna Karenina and strolled down Swann's Way. It's a rewarding world, but my second one is by far superior. My second one is populated with characters slightly less eccentric, but supremely real, made of flesh and bone, full of love, who are my ultimate inspiration for everything. Richard and Emily Gilmore are kind, decent, unfailingly generous people. They are my twin pillars, without whom I could not stand. I am proud to be their grandchild. But my ultimate inspiration comes from my best friend, the dazzling woman from whom I received my name and my life's blood, Lorelai Gilmore.
Rory Gilmore: Hey, talk more like a ferret!
Rory: You know, I have actually thought about this moment. A lot. What would Jess say to me if I ever saw him again? I mean, he just took off, no note, no call, nothing, how could he explain that? And then a year goes by. No word, nothing, so he couldn't possibly have a good excuse for that, right? I have imagined hundreds of different scenarios with a hundred different great last parting lines, and I have to tell you that I am actually very curious to see which way this is going to go.
Rory Gilmore: 5 years? Cool... I've got about the next 2 and a half hours planned... then there's just darkness... and possibly some dragons.
Rory: [Rory and Paris are in Florida for spring break; both are drunk] Whoa, I'm loving the spinning beach.
Rory: It was interesting, you know. We sat on the beach, went to a club, watched the Power of Myths, Paris and I kissed...
Rory: I am late for class and you put a printing press on my backpack!
Rory: Okay, this is the textbook definition of a perfect moment.
Rory: My mom and I have been planning for my 21st birthday since... well, my first memory is kindergarten, but I have a feeling she was talking about it before that. We had this whole big thing planned.
Rory: I mean, how fair is that? He's gone, and then he shows up out of the blue, 'You can’t live here, this place is a dump, and by the way, I love you!' I love you? Is he serious?
Rory: Yeah, I'm a treat! I don't know what I'm gonna do, I don't think I can take running into him every day in the halls, and in the paper and the coffee cart... Oh my god! I'm gonna have to quit drinking coffee! And I love coffee!
Rory: My books looks sad. Can books look sad?
Rory Gilmore: Because, Logan had many many blondes for Thanksgiving.
Rory Gilmore: He cheated on me... with an entire wedding party.
Rory: [screams out, as an excuse to not answer the phone] I'm a cat with no legs!
Rory Gilmore: A trench coat would be too 'All the President's Men' but my blue coat would be too 'His Girl Friday.' I don't know!
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