South Park

Boobs come and go. Soon you'll find new boobs. And you'll want to marry those boobs. - Stan's Dad

No Kitty! This is my pot pie! Mom, Kitty's being a dildo! - Eric Cartman

Football Commentator: Oh I haven't seen a Jew run like that since Poland, 1938.

Football Commentator: Oh, I've haven't seen an Englishman take a blow like that since Hugh Grant.

Cartman: How come everything today has involved things either coming in or going out of my ass?

Trey Parker: You know, when Comedy Central asked us to do a Thanksgiving episode, the first thought that went through my mind was, "Boy, I'd like to have sex with Jennifer Aniston."

Kyle: Cartman, you have such a fat ass, that when you walk down the street people go, "God, dammit thats a big fat ass!"
Cartman: They do not!!
Random guy: God Dammit, thats a big fat ass!

Mr Garrison: Genetic engineering is man's way of correcting God's hideous mistakes, like German people.


Mr Garrison: A haiku is just like a normal American poem except it doesn't rhyme and it's totally stupid.

Mr Garrison: Tolerant, but not stupid! Look, just because you have to tolerate something doesn't mean you have to approve of it! Tolerate means you're just putting up with it! You tolerate a crying child sitting next to you on the airplane or, or you tolerate a bad cold. It can still piss you off!

Eric Cartman: Independent films are those black and white hippy movies. They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding.

Eric Cartman: I've been keeping this place free of hippies since I was five and a half.

Eric Cartman: Respect my authority!

Eric Cartman: Too bad drinking scotch isn't a paying job or Kenny's dad would be a millionare!

Eric Cartman: This picture, I'd like to call "The Pierre." I invited Butters to stay the night and while he was sleeping I made a mustache on his face with cat poo!

Eric Cartman: Attention shoppers! Outside today, we have a cripple fight. Cripple fight, outside!

Eric Cartman: I hate hippies! I mean, the way they always talk about protecting the earth' and then drive around in cars that get poor gas mileage and wear those stupid bracelets… I hate 'em!