Step Brothers

Brennan: I'm going to take a pillowcase and fill it with bars of soap and beat the shit out of you.

Brennan: Mom, I honestly thought I was gonna be raped for a second. He had the craziest look in his eyes and at one point he said, "Let's get it on."

Dale Doback: My dad and I decided that Nancy's kind of hot, so maybe we should just both bang her and in the meantime deal with the retard.

Brennan Huff: I swear, I'm so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she's of age, I'm putting her in a home.

Dale Doback: Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I'm looking good, got a luscious v of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and she goes "Oh my god, I've had the old bull now I want the young calf" and she grabs me by the wiener.

Brennan Huff: You better not close your eyes, because as soon as you do, I'm gonna punch you square in the face!

Derek: Brennan has a man-gina.

Brennan Huff: You are making an ass out of yourself, you geriatric fuck!

Brennan Huff: I tea-bagged your drum set!

Brennan Huff: [in his therapist's fantasy] I've come five hundred miles to deliver my seed.

Brennan Huff: This house is a fucking prison!
Dale Doback: On Planet Bullshit!
Brennan Huff: In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dicks!

Brennan Huff: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls!

Dale Doback: Martha Stewart, Oprah, your wife. You gotta fuck one, kill one, and marry one, who do you pick?

Brennan: Robert better not get in my face, I'll drop that motherfucker.

Dale: We're men, okay? That means a few things. We like to shit with the door open. We like to talk about pussy. We go on riverboat-gambling trips. We make our own beef jerky.

Dale: Why don't you take a picture, it'll last longer.

Dale: If you wanna get down on these hairy balls. Why don't you jump right in? It's a crotch party right up in here. Why don't you lick on this big joint?

Dale: That's so funny. Haha, the last time I laughed that hard I fell off my dinosaur.

Dale: The only reason you're living here is because me and my dad decided that your mom was really hot and maybe we should just both bang her. And we'll put up with the retard in the meantime.

Dale: You and your mom are hillbillies.

Brennan: You're a big, fat, curly-headed fuck.

Brennan: You better not go to sleep. As soon as your eyes shut, I'm gonna punch you square in the face.

Dale: I hope you stay still when you sleep because I'm putting a rat trap between your legs.

Brennan: Out of my face or I will round house your ass.

Dale: If you touch my drums I will stab you in the neck with a knife.

Dale: I'm gonna rub my balls on your mom's face.

Brennan: You drum set's a whore. I teabagged your fucking drum set!

Nancy: What the fucking fuck?

Robert: Okay here's the deal. Number one, you will fix that fucking drywall now. Number two, you have one month to find jobs or you're out on your asses.

Nancy: Today I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon. You yelled "rape" at the top of your lungs.

Dale: The clown has no penis.

Brennan: Hey Derek, you know what's always good for shoulder pain. If you lick my butthole.

Alice: I wanna roll you into a little ball and shove you up my vagina. You could just live there. It's warm and it's cozy. I wanna walk around with you in there and just know that whenever I feel a tickle or a scratch, it's your hair on my vagina. Please, just do it for me.

Brennan: It was Johnny Hopkins, and Sloan Kettering, and they were blazin that s##t up everyday.