Talladega Nights

If you ain't first, you're last.

Shake and bake!

Ricky Bobby: Well, Let me give you a saying from Colonel Sanders. I am too drunk to taste this chicken.

Ricky Bobby: Well, I'm the best there is. Plain and simple, when I wake up in the morning I piss excellence.

Ricky Bobby: I've sent in my application to the Real World. So I'm hoping to hear back from that. I'm putting A LOT of my eggs into that basket, the MTV basket. I'm also thinking about getting a gun, and dealing crack. Being a crack dealer. Not like a mean crack dealer, but like... like a nice one. Kinda friendly like, "hey, what's up guys? Want some crack?" I'm just waiting on those two things to flesh themselves out.

Jean Girard: Hakuna matata, bitches!

Susan: It's because it's what you love, Ricky. It is who you were born to be. And here you sit. Thinking. Well, Ricky Bobby is not a thinker. Ricky Bobby is a driver. He is a doer, and that's what you need to do. You don't need to think. You need to drive. You need speed. You need to go out there, and you need to rev your engine. You need to fire it up. You need to grab ahold of that line between speed and chaos, and you need to wrestle it to the ground like a demon cobra. And then, when the fear rises up in your belly, you use it. And you know that fear is powerful, because it has been there for billions of years. And it is good. And you use it. And you ride it; you ride it like a skeleton horse through the gates of hell, and then you win, Ricky. You WIN! And you don't win for anybody else. You win for you, you know why? Because a man takes what he wants. He takes it all. And you're a man, aren't you? Aren't you?
Ricky Bobby: Susan, I've never heard you talk like that... Are we about to get it on? Because I'm as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.

Ricky Bobby: Hi, I'm Ricky Bobby. If you don't chew Big Red, then f*** you.

Ricky Bobby: I'm going fast again!
Cal Naughton, Jr.: How fast is he going?
Lucius Washington: 26 miles per hour.

Cal Naughton, Jr.: I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger.

Jean Girard: Why do you want me to break your arm so badly?
Ricky Bobby: You don't understand. You don't understand because you don't understand liberty. You don't understand freedom. So you put a crack in my arm like the crack in the Liberty Bell! You hear me?

Texas Ranger: Old man, I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey!

Texas Ranger: I'm all jacked up on mountain dew!

Texas Ranger: One of you turds is gonna get smacked in the mouth!

Ricky Bobby: [while signing autographs] I'd love to sign your baby!

Texas Ranger: Why, if it isn't our mangy, transient grandfather.

Reese Bobby: Hey shut up you little pot-licker I'll stick you in a microwave!

Ricky Bobby: This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient, but I do love Fig Newtons.

Ricky Bobby: Did that blow your mind, because that just happened!