Grey's Anatomy: Alex Karev

And you're the pushy, overbearing kiss ass. I hate you too.

You're the ovarian sister, here.

I mean, how are we supposed to get any O.R. time if everyone's gonna live?

No, it kills me that anybody got the harvest but me. Boobs do not factor into this equation. Unless, uh, you want to show me yours.

That's cool man. Get yours. I’m done with the rainbow. Oh, you're not gay?

BWA HA HA! It's Hellraiser!

Talk about shrinking the salamander.

I grew up in a bar. Literally, in a bar. My dad was always doing one of two things in there: playing music or drinking. Never took me to the park, just figured this is my chance to get out with the guys. The one time I tried.

So, Grey and Stevens really walk around in their underwear? And they just let you look at them? Like sisters? But they're no coming on to you? They don't expect you to do anything. Like sisters. Just like sisters.

Maybe he's lucky. Maybe this is his way out of the hole. My father was into smack pretty heavy. He was a musician. It's tolerated in his line of work, not good for the family at home.

Oh, do you want to go out for a drink later, and hear about my secret pain?

Everybody's got a secret just be glad yours is out in the open.

Look, if you don't wanna go out with me just say so, you don't need to lie.

Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. O'Malley, you think too much, can't you see it? You gotta dance and jab, dance and jab! Like me. I am the Ali of this place.

Basically, you tried to kill a guy.

Oh, look who found some clothes.

I say live your life while you can, in the Bahamas.

I know I’m pretty to look at and all but George back up.

I bet you got a bunch of sneaky skeletons in your closet.

My mother used to pray to Saint Jude for me.

Nice skirt Esther, what are you? Amish?

Does the wall ever bow back?

Nice panties Yang.

If I had a chance to lose the urine bag around my ankle, I wouldn’t hesitate, either. But then again I don’t let my mommy do all my talking for me.

I’m a doctor George. It’s called a penis. You have a rash on your penis.

Gives a whole new meaning to metro-sexual.

I guess sleeping with your boss has its perks.

Syph-boy - it's got a nice ring to it. Kinda like Super-boy, only diseased.

Nobody sends back a superhero.

Oh, sure, I'm the guy with the heart of stone, and you brought snacks.

He's gonna die die, no pulse pulse, he is gonna be dead dead.

It’s always a nice thing when the patient doesn’t die.

The dude punches like my sister.

Oh, Isabel Stevens has finally left the hospital. So does this mean heart patient dude finally kicked it?

You don't want to go to County. I mean here they know how to kill you and bring you back, but at County they just know how to kill you.

Surgery is the only specialty where we don't waste time getting to know the patients. They're slabs of meat, we're butchers.

I'm not evil. Unless evil turns you on.

Sounds like there's a sick and twisted story behind this.

Whip it out, I'll measure.

Because I have a head and you are a tail.

Fine, she's Satan's whore.

For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can't get out of your head. So that when your lips finally touch, you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air. You can't cheat your first kiss, Nicole. Trust me, you don't want to. Because when you find that right person, a first kiss, it's everything.

I'd look at you in a skirt, something short, maybe school girl. Pleated.

You cut 'em off, you build 'em back up. Maybe you get to upgrade. Life goes on.

Here's the thing - I like your rack.

I like your rack and I'd want them around if I could have them, trust me I would, but it wouldn't be the end of the world if you got rid of them... because really, I'd want you.

She's McHot.

What I’m saying is, Izzie likes you, and she’s not going to be the one to pull away.

Because he's Mark Sloan. He's like the go-to plastic surgeon on the East Coast.

The She-Shepard just walks in here and pulls me off surgery?

Izz, it's not Denny. The minute his heart stopped beating, he stopped being Denny. Now I know you love him, but he also loved you. A guy like loves you like that would not want you to do this to yourself. Because it’s not Denny, not anymore.

The problem is the colors and - and the balloons and the Under the Sea. No, it's Titanic. Hey, let's go with Tears In Heaven. No, that's too morbid. It should be pink, it should be red, it should be a freakin' rainbow.

Let's say you were drafted to a team that wasn't your first pick. You know, you don't like the players. You hate the way they play the game. You even think the quarterback is full of crap. The quarterback is a pain in the ass that you don't owe a damn thing to. But it's your team. You don't quit. You don't talk to the press. You don't bitch to the coach. You just, you just go out there every Sunday and you make the blocks and you take the hits and you play to win. You show up and you suit up and you play, because it's your freaking team.

And the tequila thing, and the inappropriate men thing.

Yang decanulated a heart. Why is Alex not surprised?

She’s Callie O’Malley.

I would notice... if you were missing. I would notice.

I need to use your bathroom cause O'Malley's puking in mine.

Your first shift starts now and lasts 36 hours. You're grunts, nobodies, the bottom of the surgical food chain. You run labs, write orders, work every second night until you drop. And you don't complain. You NEVER complain.

Dude. None of you are normal. You're freaking band nerds!

It’s not like I should be surprised. When your life is sucking you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate men. It’s your thing, whatever. I find it charming.

Nobody should die alone.

I kissed you. And I plan on doing it again and again. Get used to it. End of discussion.

George, get a clue. Syphilis is the best thing that's happened to you. In their eyes you're a player.

My anger had a life of its own. I bulked up, became a wrestler and the next time he laid a hand on my mother I beat the crap out of him. When he got out of the hospital he took off. He just took off and never came back.

You realize when I said the apocalypse I meant it metaphorically, not literally.

Doesn't matter how tough we are. Trauma always leaves a scar. I follows us home. It changes our lives. Trauma messes everyone up. But maybe that's the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all that is what keeps us moving forward. It's what pushed us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up before we can step up.

Captain of the Vagina Squad.

I don’t do vagina, not as a doctor anyway.

I'd really like to try your method of healing with love.

Yeah give Nurse O'Malley a drink on me.

O’Malley, you are a sad excuse for a man. I know you heard me. You’re like a whiny little girl. You know why he’s not speaking to you, it’s because he’s not over you. And you got laid, and it went badly. A man would move on. But you, you mope around this place like a dog that likes to get kicked. You make me sick. And if it wouldn’t get me thrown out of the program, I’d smash your pathetic little face right into that locker.

I failed the medical boards. If I tell Izzie, she’ll be all nice and supportive about it. She mind as well rip my nads off and turn them into earrings.

You’ll move on when you’re ready to.

Man, high school really does suck.

The stuff you don’t remember is usually the stuff you don’t want to remember.

Get your mind out of the gutter, crack whore.

I got to hand it to the guy, trying to get some action just before he’s a corpse.

You’re breaking up with me over a corpse?

Left pocket of my lab coat Georgie. No glove no love.

O’Malley’s a fetus. He’s all whiney and afraid of the light.

Fetus is freaking out.

You’re his doctor Izzie. And he’s your half-dead, possibly soon to be all-dead patient. How could I possibly be threatened by that guy?

I need to tell you something, and I need you to not panic. I need you to keep breathing. I need you to stay alive, 'cause... I swear to God, I need you to stay alive. All right?

I tell the truth. It’s what I do. It doesn’t make me a bad doctor. Everyone walks around this place fine. Look, we tell the patient that’s dying that there’s hope when there is no hope. Maybe I’m a pig, maybe I’m an ass, maybe I’m a vermin like everyone says, but I tell them the truth. It’s the one thing that I’ve got going for me, and you don’t get to take that away from me and call it a lesson. Sir.

You wrote some hokey crap on a post-it note in the resident's lounge. Sorry, but until you're sweating it out in a morning coat with a ball of white taffeta coming at you, you're not really married.

You died in my arms. You freakin' died and then you left instructions that I wasn't allowed to save your life. You want to know what I'm scared of? I'm scared of everything! I'm scared to move! I'm scared to breathe! I'm scared to touch you! I can't lose you. I won't survive. And that's your fault. You made me love you, you made me let you in, and then you freakin' die in my arms!

Izzie Stevens does penance. You did something bad.

You can get over a bad childhood. You can have the worst crap in the world happen to you. You can get over it. All you’ve got to do is survive.

Did Santa ever hit you in the stomach with a baseball bat?

People die, and the other people kinda get messed up about it.

I’m so handsome, I intoxicate you.

Izzie. I never wanted to hurt you.

Well, we make a mistake here, and people die. It happens all the time.

We all have setbacks Mauer. You’re a writer, I’m a doctor. We don’t have a “Plan B.”

He’s got serial killer eyes.

I have a free 20 minutes. Do you want to go have not feelings somewhere?

Dude, you’re lucky you have a famous last name.

Not here. Sloan’s gone all psycho killer on me. Smiles and crazy eyes, I don’t know what he’s gonna do.

I’ve got to operate with the guy. You mess with him. He might stab me with a scalpel.

Dude, he failed his exam and got left back in kindergarten.

Check it out, Bambi’s a bridesmaid.

Dude, wake up and smell the surgical board.

You say she’s not your sister. You say you don’t want to get to know her. So why do you care so much?

I don’t do secrets. I don’t do any of the fifteen year old ‘Ooh I’m gonna tell you but don’t tell anyone else.’

You’re playing dress up. You’re here playing dress up. You have a husband, Rebecca. You have a baby and I have a life. That girl you were talking to earlier today while playing med student, I’m screwing her. She might be a bigger wreck than I am but at least she’s not married. At least she’s not going to get me suspended. At least she’s not pretending to be someone she’s not. You’ve got to ask yourself what you’re doing here. If you could just tell the truth for one damn minute, I think you have to admit you’re not here to talk.

I’m the Angel of Death, got it.

You’re on a space ship to the moon. Enjoy the ride.

Dude, a Lexopedia.

I know I'm being an ass. I can't help it. I'm pissed off, all the time. So much so that I can’t even breathe. But you can't be pissed at a crazy chick for losing her mind, so there's nobody else for me to be pissed at. Except you. Nobody else.

Interns is the other white meat.

He said the ER’s like being in the field. You use what’s available.

I’ve already got my quota for crazy for the year.

She could lie to you and tell you what you want but she’s not. She’s telling you what’s real for her. Stop walking away.

Is this about Denny? Is this some kind of dead boyfriend art therapy?

You can’t help the epilepsy but nobody made you join the marching band. That’s like spreading nerd on nerd.

Dude, none of you are normal. You’re freakin’ band nerds.

[voiceover] Surgeons are all messed up. We’re butchers, messed up, knife happy butchers. We cut people up and move on. Patients die on our watch, we move on. We call trauma, we suffer trauma. We don’t have time to worry about all the blood and death and crap it makes us feel.

Do you know how many people are in this hospital waiting, hoping that their loved one might actually live? You’re a bunch of vultures.

[voiceover] It doesn’t matter how tough we are. Trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives, trauma messes everyone up, but maybe that’s the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap, maybe going through all of that keeps us moving forward. It’s what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up before we can step up.

Today’s the day my life begins. All my life I’ve been just me, just a smart mouth kid. Today I become a man. today I become a husband. Today I become accountable to someone other than myself. Today I become accountable to you, to our future, to all the possibilities our marriage has to offer. Together, no matter what happens, I’ll be ready for anything, for everything, to take on life, to take on love, to take on possibility and responsibility. Today, Izzie Stevens, our life together begins, and I, for one, can’t wait.

I’m not the one with a carrot for a brain but I’m married to it. because of some crock of a wedding we walked into, but only because two of us thought you’d be dead in a week. You made me promise you that you wouldn’t live like this. So now what the hell am I supposed to do? Smother you with a pillow? Shoot you up with an overdose of morphine? Not really psyched about that. Leave you, not really psyched about that either. So I guess I’m kinda screwed. I mean, not as bad as you but not a freakin’ walk in the park either! I’m sorry, Iz.

Stroke before you’re even born, rough way to start a life.

Kid’s gonna die. Deal with it or get out.

Maybe that’s my problem. I’m nobody’s bitch.

Love comes and goes. Surgery doesn’t.

It all happened Iz. You got cancer and we got married. You died and you lived again. And then you left and came back. And we got through it. I got through it. and I’m on the other side. Iz I love you so much and I met you, I used to think I wasn’t just a good guy. Growing up with my family and that’s what they told me. But now, after all of it, I know I’m a good man. And I thank you for that, because I know now that I’m good enough not to deserve this. Not to have to feel like this. Not to love you so much that I almost hate you. I deserve someone who will stay. I’m happy you’re okay, and I’m happy about your job and I want you to go and be happy and not come back.

I get it. You get dumped by your boyfriend and you go for the extreme makeover. Chicks always do that.

Dude, it’s like working with Forrest Gump.

Dude, you’re like a kid with trading cards, except with heart surgeons.

Powerful guys like adorning girls.

I can see you like vegetables, after surgery you might become one.

What do you call the man who’s so fat he couldn’t get out of bed? Dead and selfish, because you left a 700 pound mess for your wife to clean up.

This isn’t right. I know crazy. I grew up with crazy, I dated crazy, I don’t’ think this girl is crazy.

I figure if you walk like a duck and quack like a duck, eventually start to feel like a duck. Lexie is nice and normal and healthy. I’m acting like a guy who can stick with nice and normal and healthy.

You could be nicer to me because he peed his pants and I cleaned it up before you got here.

You've just been called a dumb blonde.

If it was my arm and I couldn't operate anymore, I'd do everything I could to keep it.

You want your kid to be a man? Let him make his own decisions.

Lily, I told you already - turn it down or put on your head phones. The rest of us don't have Bieber fever - whatever that is.

Pediatric surgery has nothing to do with liking kids. You go into peds because it's elite. The best of the best.

Let's play a game. There's only one rule. You don't call Starke.

You need to get over this thing where you're just thinking of her as your wife, because your wife is the only person twisted enough to handle this crap.

I hear there's a turnip in the cabbage patch.

Yeah, well, you keep squinting like that, and you're going to get crow's feet, but I'm good at plastics. You want me to do something about that?

Maybe it's glaucoma. Hey, you can get a prescription for pot.

You're gonna screw your way to the top. I'm impressed.

I'm sure she's pretty much going to go crazy or get cancer, shot by a gunman, or get hit by a truck, so don't get your hopes up Karev's big happily ever after.

You know happens when you break the rules, Mer? You get a hundred thousand bucks.

Look life is too short. I almost died trying to stop that guy. Besides, you know how much tail you get offered when you're carrying a bullet in your chest. It's like I'm a legend.

You've just been called a dumb blonde.

Men don't discriminate when it comes to jugs. You have hot boobs and I stare at them too.

Lily, I told you already - turn it down or put on your head phones. The rest of us don't have Bieber fever - whatever that is.

Pediatric surgery has nothing to do with liking kids. You go into peds because it's elite. The best of the best.