Gilmore Girls: Kirk Gleason & Taylor Doose

Taylor: Breathe in folks, smells like fall.

Kirk Gleason: Oh. Sorry. My excitement must be clouding my ability to judge comedic hyperbole.

Taylor: Your hand is near the wax lips.

Kirk Gleason: If you're gonna have an alarm, you need it loud. You don't want some crazed knife-wielding gunman at your throat, and the neighbors are going, like, "Is that a fan? Did I leave the water running?" You want them to know, hey, that's an alarm.
Kirk Gleason: Ok, so this meat loaf... is it a romantic food for you? Is it getting you hot?

Kirk Gleason: I read lips. My girlfriend taught me. It's so we can have quiet time and keep a conversation going at the same time. Okay: she just said "Hardwood sponge is the authority of the hostile biographer." And then he responded, "Just phone cords to original samovars."

Kirk Gleason: Oh, I think Luke's heading back, he just got up and said "Feel your taters."

Kirk Gleason: We won't let you down, Taylor, because not only are we going to find 20 eggs within the hour but we're going on to find 25 and then 30 and then 35 and then 40 and then 45 and then 50 until we find all 59 and take back the square!

Kirk Gleason: Basically I freak out at beddy-bye. About an hour after I fall asleep, I wake up in panic. Everything around me seems threatening. Scary. Out to get me. Two nights ago, I was suddenly gripped with the overwhelming feeling that there was an assassin in my house. I had to get out of the room before he got me. So, I jumped out of bed and locked my pillow in the bathroom.

Kirk Gleason: After neutralizing my pillow, I ran up the stairs, climbed out the bathroom window, scaled the trellis up the side of the house, and hid on the roof, completely naked.

Kirk Gleason: The worst part of night terrors is, it always ends up with me on top of the roof completely naked. Or running down the street completely naked, or swimming in the community center pool completely naked. That was the time I thought I was on fire.