Gilmore Girls: Rory & Lorelai

Rory: You look happy.
Lorelai: I am, kid.
Rory: Did you do something slutty?
Lorelai: I'm not that happy.

Lorelai Gilmore: I'm going to the coat closet to make out. Don't eat my chicken.
Rory Gilmore: That's going on your tombstone.

Rory: You're happy.
Lorelai: Yeah.
Rory: [suspiciously] Did you do something slutty?
Lorelai: I'm not that happy.

Lorelai: So who is he?
Rory: There's no guy.
Lorelai: Dark hair, romantic eyes, looks a little dangerous?
Rory: This conversation is over.
Lorelai: Tattoos are good too.
Rory: I don't wanna change school because of all the reasons I've already told you a thousand times. If you don't wanna believe me, that's fine. Goodnight.
Lorelai: Does he have a motorcycle? 'Cause if you're gonna throw your life away he'd better have a motorcycle!

Lorelai: Hey, what do you think of Luke?
Rory: What do you mean?
Lorelai: I mean, do you think he's cute?
Rory: Oh, no. No way.
Lorelai: No way what?
Rory: You cannot date Luke.
Lorelai: I said nothing about dating Luke.
Rory: If you date him, you'll break up, and we'll never be able to eat there again.
Lorelai: I repeat, I said nothing about dating Luke.
Rory: Date Al from Pancake World, his food stinks.
Lorelai: I cannot believe what I'm hearing. Al's food does not stink, Al stinks.

Rory: [about the Chilton students] They kept calling me "Mary."
Lorelai: You're kidding me. Wow, I cannot believe they still say that!
Rory: What?
Lorelai: Mary, like Virgin Mary. It means they think you look like a goody-goody.
Rory: You're kidding.
Lorelai: No.
Rory: Well, what would have called me if they thought I looked like a slut?
Lorelai: Well, they might have added a "Magdalene" to it.

Lorelai: I'm talking about that you take my sweaters and you wear them and you stretch them out.
Rory: I couldn't possibly stretch them out! Your boobs are way bigger than mine.
Lorelai: That is not true.
Rory: Yes it is.
Lorelai: Your boobs are totally bigger than mine!
Rory: You're crazy!
Lorelai: Do you want to measure?
Rory: What?
Lorelai: I'm serious. Why don't you get the measuring tape right now?
Rory: I am not going to measure my boobs.
Lorelai: Because you know that you are totally bigger.
Rory: I'm going inside.
Lorelai: Fine, don't measure. We'll just compare bras.

Rory: You called him 'il duce'!
Lorelai: Which means 'kind sir' in Cantonese.

Rory: You're my mother!
Lorelai: Stop saying "mother" like that.
Rory: Like what?
Lorelai: Like there should be something after it.

[Rory is freaking out about Dean]
Rory: I just don't want to do or say anything else that's going to be completely moronic.
Lorelai: I'm afraid once your heart is involved, it all comes out in moron.

Rory Gilmore: You just want to hold a grudge.
Lorelai Gilmore: Yes. Burns more calories.
Rory Gilmore: That's not true.
Lorelai Gilmore: Yes it is. How do you think your grandma got those legs of hers? She's not exactly a Stairmaster gal.

Lorelai: Okay, so... How important is this business school, anyway? I mean, so what if I never run my own inn? I like my job, I like my house, I like my life. And I certainly don't wanna be one of those people who are never satisfied with what they have, you know? I mean, some people don't have legs... or arms. I have legs. And arms. What could I possibly want more than legs and arms, I mean, I could take all the classes in the world, they're still not gonna give me what I already have.
Rory Gilmore: Legs and arms.
Lorelai: Yes... Am I sounding completely crazy?
Rory Gilmore: Yes, you are.
Lorelai: Walmart is boring!

Lorelai Gilmore: Hey, you didn't wake me up.
Rory Gilmore: I set the clock.
Lorelai Gilmore: Yes, but see, the clock stops ringing once I throw it against the wall, giving me ample time to fall back to sleep; you, however, never stop yapping no matter how hard I throw you, thus ensuring the whole wake-up process!
Lane Kim: [pause] I'm gonna get a soda. Anybody want anything?
Rory Gilmore: Gum.
Lorelai Gilmore: Yes. The night of my fourteenth birthday back, so I could right the green-hot-pant-roller-disco-outfit wrong. Ugh.
Lane Kim: Coming right up.

[at Luke's, playing "1, 2, 3," a game to find prospective husbands]
Lorelai Gilmore: [about a man around 50] Pass.
Rory Gilmore: Why?
Lorelai Gilmore: Because I'm not Anna Nicole Smith.
[a man about 20-ish passes the window]
Lorelai Gilmore: Pass.
Rory Gilmore: Why?
Lorelai Gilmore: Because I'm not Mary Kay Letourneau.

Rory Gilmore: Oh, you should walk down the aisle to Frank Sinatra, with a huge bouquet of something that smells really good.
Lorelai: [Smiles widely] Pot roast.

Lorelai Gilmore: [Rory and Lorelai are walking through Stars Hollow to Luke's Diner discussing friday night dinner, where she told Emily she was getting married] ''Mom i'm getting married'', I'm an idiot! And you know, as my mouth was opening my mind was screaming ''Don't do it, I meant it, you'll regret it!''. But did my mouth listen?
Rory Gilmore: [looks sad] No.
Lorelai Gilmore: No! And it opened, and the words came out, and Emily was Emily, and my mouth was stunned, and my mind said ''I told you so.'' and then my mouth got mad because no mouth likes to have its nose rubbed in it. And now my mind and my mouth aren't talking, it'll be weeks before we get the boys together again.
Rory Gilmore: Your mouth has a nose?

Lorelai Gilmore: I am a grown woman!
Rory Gilmore: Says the woman with a hello kitty waffle iron.

Lorelai: That's repetitive.
Rory Gilmore: And redundant.
Lorelai: That's repetitive.
Rory Gilmore: And redundant.

Lorelai Gilmore: [talking to Rory about her dream] And then, he kissed me and talked to my stomach.
Rory Gilmore: Why would he talk to your stomach.
Lorelai Gilmore: Because, apparently I was pregnant - with twins.

Rory Gilmore: You want catharsis?
Lorelai Gilmore: Yes.
Rory Gilmore: I know what'll do it for you.
Lorelai Gilmore: What?
Rory Gilmore: Jess' car.
Lorelai Gilmore: What?
Rory Gilmore: We egg Jess' car. It's perfect!
Lorelai Gilmore: Are you serious?
Rory Gilmore: No one's around. It's just sitting there.
Lorelai Gilmore: Rory, if rearranging Sherry's medicine cabinet is immature, what's this?
Rory Gilmore: Off the chart!
Lorelai Gilmore: We can't egg his car.
Rory Gilmore: Sure we can.
Lorelai Gilmore: Doose's is closed and we don't have any eggs at home.
[Rory holds up the leftover devil's eggs]
Lorelai Gilmore: You want to devil egg Jess' car?

Lorelai Gilmore: Don't study so much that you get brilliant, go mad, grow a big bald egghead and try to take over the world, okay? Cause I want to go shoe shopping this weekend.
Rory Gilmore: Promise. I will not go mad until we get you some boots.

Lorelai: Rory what are we if not the world's champion eaters?
Rory: It's too much food.
Lorelai: It's not too much food. This is what we've been training for our whole lives. This is our destiny, this is our finest hour.
Rory: Or final hour.

Lorelai: Um, okay, I may be crazy, but he almost looked ...
Rory: Disappointed.
Lorelai: Yes. Disappointed. We disappointed Luke!
Rory: I didn't think it was possible.
Lorelai: Our powers are greater than we know.

Rory: Hug-a-World!
Lorelai: What?
Rory: Hug-a-World, it's my Hug-a-World.
Lorelai: Where's the world?
Rory: It's faded.
Lorelai: Oh, wait, I can see something.
Rory: Canada.
Lorelai: Canada, nice. Okay.
Rory: What are you doing?
Lorelai: I'm throwing it out.
Rory: You can't throw out Hug-a-World.
Lorelai: I'm not throwing out Hug-a-World, I'm throwing out Hug-a-Canada.

Lorelai: It's from my mother.
Rory: What is it?
Lorelai: It's heavy. It must be her hopes and dreams for me.
Rory: I thought she discarded those years ago.

Rory Gilmore: I gotta go, but call me if there's any news.
Lorelai Gilmore: You mean if Michel kills Babette, then Miss Partty, them himself, and then it's a bizarre murder, suicide.
Rory Gilmore: Amongst other things.

Rory: So you mean someone broke into our house, went past our TV, our stereo and our jewelry, then headed straight for the booster club cashbox, took $18 and left the rest?
Lorelai: Some burglars aren't as greedy as others.

Lorelai: So, not only did you GO to a cop raided party, but you were the cause of the fight that caused the raid!
Rory: Yes...
Lorelai: [singing] Did you ever know that you're my heeero. You're everything I wish I could be!

Rory Gilmore: [visiting from Yale to find the house's new alarm blasting] I can't even believe there's a security company in Stars Hollow. Nothing ever happens here!
Lorelai Gilmore: Oh that is not true. Plenty happens here.
Rory Gilmore: Like what?
Lorelai Gilmore: Like, people now break into your houses and install alarm systems.
Rory Gilmore: I heard about that.
Lorelai Gilmore: And we have a new mail carrier.
Rory Gilmore: We do?
Lorelai Gilmore: Yeah. So now, if you want to get your mail, you have to go see Miss Patty.
Rory Gilmore: Why?
Lorelai Gilmore: Cause that's where he brings it. He brings Babette's mail to Andrew, Norma's mail to the deli, and Taylor still hasn't found his mail, which I have to admit is kinda fun.
Rory Gilmore: I rescind my previous statement. This place is hopping.

Lorelai: So the guy's a dud?
Rory Gilmore: Trevor’s fine, I'm moronic, I bring the conversation to a crashing halt every time I speak.
Lorelai: Where is he now?
Rory Gilmore: In the bathroom, probably pondering my brilliant anecdote about urine mints...
Lorelai: What?
Rory Gilmore: You know, when people go to the bathroom and they don't wash their hands and they come out and take a mint.
Lorelai: [gasp] Oh my God, I've been eating those mints for years!
[to Luke]
Lorelai: Hey did you know about urine mints?

Rory Gilmore: One of them, a married man, had a long conversation with, how shall I put this delicately? A woman of less than reputable nature.
Lorelai Gilmore: Hmm... do hookers charge to let you talk to them?
Rory Gilmore: Depends on what they're doing when they're talking to you.

Rory: It seems a little wrong that Jessica Simpson is alive and well and Roy got eaten by his tiger.
Lorelai: Aw. Survival of the fittest, baby.

Rory Gilmore: Nope, I'm a surprise.
Lorelai Gilmore: As was your conception.
Rory Gilmore: I'll be two minutes.
Lorelai Gilmore: As was your conception.

Lorelai: I'm going to make out in the coat room. Don't eat my chicken.
Rory: That's going on your tombstone.

Lorelai: [to Rory's answering machine] Hey Rory it's me, how's school? You learning stuff? Listen, we have the horses, Desdemona and Cletus, and the first two rides have to be me and you, hopefully you're over the time that I took you for the pony ride and the pony was old and just sort of stopped and laid down and you sort of rolled off into the ditch, it's really not likely to happen again, I promise, so call me, call me.
Rory Gilmore: [later, to Lorelai's answering machine] Mom, it's me, I left you a message at home too. I love that you got horses, as far as that pony ride when I was a kid, you're forgetting one little tidbit there, that pony did not lie down... he died ok... he died... and then the owner dragged him away by the back legs, everytime I use glue I think of him, but I'll watch you ride how's that?

Lorelai: You don't take off without telling Mommy!
Rory: I love that I didn't have to clear it with you to go on spring break but I had to clear it with you to come home.
Lorelai: I had visions of you being swallowed by a whale, or taking off with some surfers to go chase the perfect wave and not inviting me.

Lorelai: I think I'm dating Luke.
Rory Gilmore: What? How? Where?
Lorelai: Well, we went to his sister's wedding and it was really nice, we had a really good time. We laughed a lot and we ate, and then we danced...
Rory Gilmore: Danced... how?
Lorelai: We pop-locked.
Rory Gilmore: Was it a fast dance, slow dance, group dance...?
Lorelai: It was a slow dance... what's a group dance?
Rory Gilmore: The Hustle. The Hora.
Lorelai: No Hustle. No Hora. It was a waltz. Luke can Waltz.
Rory Gilmore: Luke can Waltz?
Lorelai: Luke can *Waltz*
Rory Gilmore: Look how you just said "Luke can Waltz"!
Lorelai: What? I was just saying I'm surprised Luke can Waltz.
Rory Gilmore: That sounded more like "I'm surprised I still have my clothes on"!
Lorelai: Oh, stop!

Lorelai: I can't believe you won't flirt with me in front of my own daughter. She's going to think something’s wrong with me.
Rory: Please, I got that confirmation letter a long time ago.

Rory Gilmore: [in Richard's study] The drink cart's over there, Grandma. We can grab the gin and vamoose.
Lorelai Gilmore: No, she's got vamoose, remember? It’s the gin we need.

Rory Gilmore: Okay, just to remind you, once again, the drink cart is right over here. Oh, and I think I spot gin. It's brown, right?
Lorelai Gilmore: I love that you think that.

Lorelai Gilmore: In fact, he actually owes us a lot of money because we weren't supposed to be tipping him all these years.
Rory Gilmore: I know. Customarily, you do not have to tip the proprietor of an establishment.

Rory Gilmore: What'd you have in mind?
Lorelai Gilmore: I'll surprise you with it; but it's a classic Stars Hollow slate of activities.
Rory Gilmore: So we're gonna TP Taylor's house again?
Lorelai Gilmore: Oh! I wanted it to be a surprise.

Lorelai Gilmore: Well, if you feel it is best to end the Friday night dinners, then as your mother I feel it is my duty to support you.
Rory Gilmore: I'm not saying we should end Friday night dinners.
Lorelai Gilmore: Okay, well then, as your mother I feel it is my duty to tell you you're wrong.

Rory: Where would a sixteen-year-old girl go for a good time?
Lorelai: Oh! How sad! That you had to come to me for this conversation.

Lorelai: I can't believe you're going to a therapist. You know, they're totally going to ask you about me.
Rory: What?
Lorelai: They always want to ask about your mother. It's okay. Say whatever you want. But make sure you start with "my mother's very hot".
Rory: Yes, that won't seem at all disturbing to the doctor.

Lorelai: Well, it came down to Journey without their original lead singer, INXS without their original lead singer, Queen without their original lead singer, The Supremes without Diana and, weirdly, the James Brown Band without James Brown.
Rory: But we wound up seeing Tony Danza, who was sublime!
Lorelai: Oh, the tap dancing!

Lorelai Gilmore: [after receiving a massage] Oh wow, I was like in a zen trance, totally somewhere else.
Rory Gilmore: Me too, I was in Greece. Where were you?
Lorelai Gilmore: Bergdorf Goodman.

Lorelai Gilmore: ...Do they make flasks for hot beverages?
Rory Gilmore: Yeah, it's called a Thermos.

Lorelai: My brain is a wild jungle full of scary gibberish. I'm writing a letter, I can't write a letter, why can't I write a letter? I'm wearing a green dress, I wish I was wearing my blue dress, my blue dress is at the cleaners. The Germans wore gray, you wore blue, 'Casablanca' is such a good movie. Casablanca, the White House, Bush. Why don't I drive a hybrid car? I should really drive a hybrid car. I should really take my bicycle to work. Bicycle, unicycle, unitard. Hockey puck, rattlesnake, monkey, monkey, underpants!
Rory: Hockey puck, rattlesnake, monkey, monkey, underpants?

Rory: We're farming rutabagas
Lorelai: Oh! You're a filthy child. I will disown you. Bringing your father to dinner. Pickles, Pickles, Pickles, smell, pickle train conducting.

Rory Gilmore: Maybe this is a cheesy perspective to offer you, but Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale went through the same sort of situation. He found out he had a kid that he didn't know about, but they made it work. As far as I know.
Lorelai Gilmore: Meaning?
Rory Gilmore: If they can, you can.
Lorelai Gilmore: Really?
Rory Gilmore: They're people, you're people. I mean, you don't sing, and neither does Luke, but really neither do Gwen and Gavin. But they're still together. I think. I haven't read anything to the contrary.

Rory: [about Kirk] Now he's gonna hate us forever.
Lorelai: No he's not. He's just gonna hate us till something shiny comes by.

Rory: Oh, sure, but first why don't you use a medieval torture instrument to crush my ribs and flatten my spinal cord in order to accommodate your sadistic wishes.
Lorelai Gilmore: Don't use subtlety on us, we're slow.