Gilmore Girls: Lorelai & Others

Lorelai: [to the harpist] Drella, please, a little softer.
Drella: Hey, do I look like I got "Panasonic" stamped on my ass?

Michel: [explained to Lorelai that he once got attacked by swans] No one forgets that.
Lorelai: Oh, no, not being attacked by a band of swans. Was it an all-boy band? Kind of a scary, feather, 'NSync fiasco?
Michel: This is not funny.
Lorelai: No, I'm sorry. It's not funny at all
[swan shrieks/Michel freaks]
Lorelai: [laughing] Oh, my God. Now, come on. You have to admit that's a little funny.

[Drella plays "Iron Man" on her harp]
Lorelai: No Black Sabbath.
Drella: No one's listening!
Lorelai: No Black Sabbath, no Steely Dan, no Boston, and no Queen.
Drella: What happened to make you so cold?

Lorelai: I repeat the question, why should we date?
Max Medina: Because we are clearly attracted to each other.
Lorelai: Well, I'm attracted to pie, doesn't mean I feel the need to date pie.

Lorelai: Wow, Wow, there have been very few moments in my life where I have actually wished I had one of those enormous crème pies you can just smash in somebody's face. But this is definitely one of them.
Jess: Well now, that's not very neighborly.

Sookie: [discussing their upcoming business venture] And if we go down after two years...
Lorelai: It'll be the most exciting two years of our lives!

Lorelai: It's the title search for the Racel property. And guess who owns it!
Sookie: Tell me it's not that bastard Donald Trump.

Taylor: [Lorelai and Rory enter Town Meeting late] Late again, are we?
Lorelai: Yes, I hope I'm not pregnant.
Taylor: Really, you should try to be more punctual, Lorelai. I banged the meeting in a half hour ago.
Lorelai: Dirty!

Kirk: Three fourths caffeinated, one fourth decaff.
Lorelai: I four fourths don't care.

Michel Gerard: You know what heppens when you assume, don't you?
Lorelai Gilmore: No.
Michel Gerard: Well, it is something about a donkey, it is a stupid American phrase!

Kirk: In my heart I am a true Akira Kurosawa.
Lorelai: Ah, Seven Samurai.
Kirk: What?
Lorelai: Seven Samurai. It's a great Japanese movie directed by Akira Kurosawa.
Kirk: No, who's the guy that directed all those Facts of Life episodes? Asaad Kelada. In my heart, I am a true Asaad Kelada.

Lorelai: We cannot have this mouse running around the inn, customers will freak!
Michel: Tell them it's a baby, people love babies, they'll talk to it in funny voices.
Lorelai: Did you call an exterminator?
Michel: Why,no, what a wonderful idea! I was actually going to fasten a large wedge of cheese to my head and lay on the ground until Mickey gets hungry and decides to crawl out and snack on my face!

Lorelai Gilmore: The team needs you!
Dean: What team?
Lorelai Gilmore: Pick a team, it needs you!

[Lorelai displays a cootie catcher]
Lorelai: Pick a color.
Sookie: Pink!
Lorelai: 'Cause you're a girl.
Sookie: Exactly.
Lorelai: P-i-n-k. Pick a number.
Sookie: Five.
Lorelai: You will marry Shaun Cassidy and cheat with David.
Sookie: Well, good for me.
Lorelai: My turn.

Lorelai: Well the first thing you have to do is calm down and stop working.
Lorelai: And the second thing is you need to tell me why you're sitting like that.
Sherry Tinsdale: Maureen told me that Howard Stern said that if you squat it makes the baby come out faster.
Lorelai: Okay! So long as you have a sane reason from a reliable source.

Lorelai: Excuse me, hi. I am not seeing my coat here, and it was very cute and it was on sale, and I will fling myself off a building if I lose it.
Woman: We put some of the coat racks in the classroom over there. Take a look. Otherwise, the staircase to the roof is on your right.
Lorelai: Thank you. Hmm. Took two hundred years, but somebody at Chilton finally cracked a joke.

Sookie St. James: Not crying, right?
Lorelai Gilmore: Not crying. Keeping our cool so we don't miss anything.
Sookie St. James: Tears get in your eyes.
Lorelai Gilmore: And you miss things.
Sookie St. James: So we're not crying.

Lorelai Gilmore: Your imaginary attacker has a knife *and* a gun?
Kirk Gleason: And a really dirty tank top.

Jason: Lorelai Gilmore, you sure grew up good.
Lorelai: Oh, did I, Digger? Thanks. Listen, why didn't you return my calls?
Jason: Cause I hadn't seen you yet.
Lorelai: Four times. You never called me back.
Jason: I'll call you back now. What's your number?
Lorelai: 976-BITE-ME.

Bruce: Did you talk baby talk to Davey?
Lorelai Gilmore: Yes.
Bruce: Every second, Davey's brain is hard wiring for life, baby talk can retard list language acquisition rate, is that what you want?
Lorelai Gilmore: Definitely not, I want him fully tarded.

Jason Stiles: Hey, did you get any flowers lately?
Lorelai Gilmore: Uh, several times. Apparantly I have a secret admirer.
Jason Stiles: I signed all the cards "Jason".
Lorelai Gilmore: I thought it was Jason Priestley!
Jason Stiles: You're disappointed.
Lorelai Gilmore: No, I just wish I hadn't slept with Jason Priestley.

Lorelai Gilmore: My mother said she didn't wear any underwear.
Jason Stiles: Emily didn't wear any underwear?
Lorelai Gilmore: Your date didn't wear any underwear!

Jason Stiles: I have a gigantic bottle of vodka at my place: the largest bottle of vodka known to Man.
Lorelai Gilmore: But what will you drink?
Jason Stiles: Gin.
Lorelai Gilmore: Let's go.

Lorelai: Tom, I'm lovin' ya like a two-dollar whore.
Tom: Great. I'll tell the wife.

Lorelai: [while looking at the Twykham house] *sighs* It's big.
Sookie St. James: That's what she said.
Lorelai: Good one.
Sookie St. James: Hey! I'm still twelve!

Sookie St. James: Nope. I think it just got bigger.
Lorelai: That's what she said.
Sookie St. James: Good grief.
Lorelai: What? You can be twelve, but I can't be twelve?
Sookie St. James: No, you can be twelve.
Lorelai: Thank you.

Lorelai Gilmore: He's snarky.
Sookie St. James: And sarcastic.
Lorelai Gilmore: He's snarcastic!

Mrs. Kim: You can't come alone. An unmarried woman of certain age, unescorted, wearing the clothes you tend to wear. People will think things, bad things.
Lorelai: Like what?
Mrs. Kim: Like you're a tramp and possibly for sale.
Lorelai: Wow, suddenly Footloose is not seeming so silly.

Sookie St. James: Super cool party people bid ya super cool adieu!
Sookie St. James: [Lorelai gives Sookie a weird look] ... That's how you were saying goodbye to people at the wedding.
Lorelai Gilmore: Super.

Lorelai Gilmore: What's that smell?
Sookie St. James: 68 pounds of marijuana.

Lorelai: [in disbelief] We have to go. We have to pick up my mother. From jail.
Christopher: [laughs] Your mother's in jail?
Lorelai: Ohhhh, this night keeps getting better and better.

Christopher Hayden: Thought our stomachs should start adjusting to French cuisine so I got us croisants and cafe au lait
Lorelai Gilmore: I thought cafe au lait was Spanish
Christopher Hayden: No it's French for coffee and milk, leit is milk
Lorelai Gilmore: Really? I thought it was cafe ole! Like 'coffee, alright!'