Gilmore Girls: Paris Gellar

Paris Geller: I did tell my mother about having sex with Jamie and her only reaction was to talk about how my father hasn't pleased her in 15 years.

Paris: You're 18 grandpa, sleep when you're dead.

Paris: Excuse me for thinking a banana-eating contest was about eating a banana!

Paris: No, it's National Baptism Day. Tie your tubes, idiot!

Paris: Well, I always wanted to know. You can't really ask a guy that because it's a sign of low self-esteem which I read in a magazine is really not sexy. So, be honest. How was I when I kissed you? Was I too stiff? Too forceful? Do I need to relax my lips a little, maybe open my mouth a little more? Make it more inviting?

Paris Geller: Aren't you worried that one night you're going to sleepwalk right into that pool and drown?

Paris Geller: A job. I've never had a job. I don't know the first thing about having a job. All I've got on my resume is academic achievements, which will mean doodly-squat when I'm in line with eleven thousand people vying for an opening in the gardening department at Walmart.

Paris Geller: I am not your mother or your hugger.

Paris Geller: If you need some love, get a hooker.

Paris: Well, well, if it isn't New Haven's favorite whorehound.

Paris: What do you want to talk about? Life? Love? Common symptoms of sexually transmitted diseases?

Paris: You, Logan Huntzburger, are nothing but a two-bit, spoiled waste of a trust fund! You offer nothing to women or the world in general! If you were to disappear from the face of the earth tomorrow, the only person that would miss you is your Porsche dealer!

Paris: She's got a C average which means she's either lazy or stupid. I can work with either. Frankly sometimes stupid is easier. I can scare the stupid out of you, but the lazy runs deep.

Paris: I don't particularly like to take on such meek, diffident cases. Do you even know what diffident means?
[Caitlyn shakes her head]
Paris: That's OK. That knowledge isn't really required for the retail doughnut distribution industry.

Paris: [to Caitlyn's mother] Do you want your kid to spend the rest of her life behind the counter at Dunkin Donuts? Do you?
[Caitlin's mother says "No"]
Paris: Because that's where she's headed - selling chocolate doughnuts and glazed fritters for 40 years to people in business suits who actually gave a crap about their academic future.

Paris: Okay, enough of the hysterics. I have a big decision to make ,and all of this hooting and hollering is not exactly helping matters!