Chasing Amy

Hooper: Always some white boy gotta invoke the holy trilogy. Bust this: Those movies are about how the white man keeps the brother man down, even in a galaxy far, far away. Check this shit: You got cracker farm boy Luke Skywalker, Nazi poster boy, blond hair, blue eyes. And then you got Darth Vader, the blackest brother in the galaxy, Nubian god!
Banky Edwards: What's a Nubian?
Hooper: Shut the fuck up! Now... Vader, he's a spiritual brother, y'know, down with the force and all that good shit. Then this cracker, Skywalker, gets his hands on a light saber and the boy decides he's gonna run the fuckin' universe; gets a whole clan of whites together. And they go and bust up Vader's hood, the Death Star. Now what the fuck do you call that?
Banky Edwards: Intergalactic civil war?
Hooper: Gentrification! They gon' drive out the black element to make the galaxy quote, unquote, safe for white folks. And Jedi's the most insulting installment! Because Vader's beautiful black visage is sullied when he pulls off his mask to reveal a feeble, crusty, old white man! They tryin' to tell us that deep inside we all wants to be white!
Banky Edwards: Well, isn't that true?
[Hooper pulls out his gun, shoots Banky]

Hooper: For years in this industry, whenever an African American character, hero or villain, was introduced - usually by *white* artists and writers - they got slapped with racist names that singled them out as Negroes. Now, my book, "White-Hatin' Coon," don't have none of that bullshit. The hero's name is Maleekwa, and he's a descendant from the black tribe that established the first society on the planet, while all you European motherfuckers were still hiding in caves and shit, all terrified of the sun. He's a strong role model that a young black reader can look up to. 'Cause I'm here to tell you, the chickens is coming home to roost, y'all. The black man's no longer gonna play the minstrel in the medium of comics and sci-fi fantasy. We keepin' it real, and we gonna get respect by any means necessary.
Holden: Ah, come on, that's a bunch of horse shit! Lando Calrissian was a black guy. You know. He got to fly the Millennium Falcon, what's the matter with you?
Hooper: Who said that?
Holden: I did! Lando Calrissian is a positive role-model in the realm of science fiction/fantasy.
Hooper: Fuck Lando Calrissian! Uncle-Tom nigger!

Silent Bob: [to Holden, who has just revealed his trouble with Alyssa] Chasing Amy.
Holden: [Shocked that Silent Bob has broken his Silence] What? What did you say?
Silent Bob: You're Chasing Amy.
Jay: What do you look so shocked for, man? Fat bastard does this all the time. He thinks just 'cause he doesn't say anything, it'll have some huge impact when he does open his fuckin' mouth...
Silent Bob: Jesus Christ, why don't you shut up? You're always yap-yap-yappin' all the time, you're givin' me a fuckin' headache.
[to Holden]
Silent Bob: I went through something like what you're talkin' 'bout, 'couple years ago, this chick named Amy.
Jay: When?
Silent Bob: [annoyed] A couple of years ago?

Holden: I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the-the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is-is-is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't-I can't look into your eyes without feeling that-that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. And I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, 'cause I've never felt this way before, and I-I don't care. I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But God, I just, I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I'll accept that. But I know, I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there's a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. And all I ask, please, is that you just - you just not dismiss that, and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it is there between you and me. You can't deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I am forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.

Alyssa: You know, I didn't just heed what I was taught, men and women should be together, it's the natural way, that kind of thing. I'm not with you because of what family, society, life tried to instill in me from day one. The way the world is, how seldom it is that you meet that one person who just *gets* you - it's so rare. My parents didn't really have it. There were no examples set for me in the world of male-female relationships. And to cut oneself off from finding that person, to immediately halve your options by eliminating the possibility of finding that one person within your own gender, that just seemed stupid to me. So I didn't. But then you came along. You, the one least likely. I mean, you were a guy.
Holden: Still am.
Alyssa: And while I was falling for you I put a ceiling on that, because you *were* a guy. Until I remembered why I opened the door to women in the first place: to not limit the likelihood of finding that one person who'd complement me so completely. So here we are. I was thorough when I looked for you. And I feel justified lying in your arms, 'cause I got here on my own terms, and I have no question there was some place I didn't look. And for me that makes all the difference.
Holden: [pause] Well, can I at least tell people all you needed was some serious deep dicking?

Banky Edwards: What is it about this girl man? You know you have no shot at getting her into bed. Why do you bother wasting time with her? Because you're Holden fucking McNeil, the most persistent traveler on the road that's *not* the path of least resistance. Everything's gotta be a fucking challenge for you and this little relationship with that *bitch* is a prime example of your fucking condition. Well, I don't need a magic 8-ball to look into your future. You want a forecast? Here, will Holden ever fuck Alyssa? Oh, what a shock, "Not fucking Likely." This relationship is affecting you, our work and our friendship and the time's gonna come when I throw down the gauntlet and say it's me or her. Then what are you gonna say?
Holden: I think you should let this one go.
Banky Edwards: No, what would you say? Would you trash twenty years of fucking friendship because you got some idiotic notion that this chick would even let you sniff her panties, let alone fuck her?
Holden: Look fucking asshole, I'm telling you, okay, let it go!
Banky Edwards: What the fuck, man! What the fuck makes this bitch all that important?
Holden: 'Cause I'm fucking in love with her, man, okay?

Banky Edwards: Alright, now see this? This is a four-way road, okay? And dead in the center is a crisp, new, hundred dollar bill. Now, at the end of each of these streets are four people, okay? You following?
Holden: Yeah.
Banky Edwards: Good. Over here, we have a male-affectionate, easy to get along with, non-political agenda lesbian. Down here, we have a man-hating, angry as fuck, agenda of rage, bitter dyke. Over here, we got Santa Claus, and up here the Easter Bunny. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first?
Holden: What is this supposed to prove?
Banky Edwards: No, I'm serious. This is a serious exercise. It's like an SAT question. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first? The male-friendly lesbian, the man-hating dyke, Santa Claus, or the Easter bunny?
Holden: The man-hating dyke.
Banky Edwards: Good. Why?
Holden: I don't know.
Banky Edwards: [shouting] Because the other three are figments of your fucking imagination!

Banky Edwards: All every woman really wants, be it mother, senator, nun, is some serious deep-dickin'.

Alyssa: I love you, I always will. Know that. But I'm not your fucking whore.

Banky Edwards: I feel a hate crime coming on.

Silent Bob: Bitch, what you don't know about me I can just about squeeze in the Grand fucking Canyon. Did you know I always wanted to be a dancer in Vegas?

Alyssa: One minute, five seconds; you are such my bitch.

Alyssa: Let me ask you a question. Can men fuck each other?
Banky Edwards: What, are you asking for my permission?
Alyssa: In your estimation.
Banky Edwards: Sure.
Alyssa: So, for you, to fuck is to penetrate. You're used to the more traditional definition. You inside some girl you duped, jackhammering away, not noticing that bored look in her eyes.
Banky Edwards: Hey, I always notice that bored look in their eyes, alright?

Banky Edwards: [to Alyssa] Since you like chicks, right, do you just look at yourself naked in the mirror all the time?

Jay: Jedi bitch.

Banky Edwards: You gotta handle it like CNN and the Weather Channel: constant updates.

Banky Edwards: I just have to get something.
Holden: Look, man, we miss this train, I'm gonna shitcan you and just hire Charles Schulz.
[Banky pulls out a huge stack of porno books]
Holden: Oh my God. Who are you, Larry fucking Flynt? What are you gonna do with all of those?
Banky Edwards: Read the articles. What do you think I'm gonna do with them? They're stroke books, stupid!
Holden: You've got like thirty books there! We're only going to be gone for two days!
Banky Edwards: Variety's the spice of life. I like a wide selection. Sometimes I'm in the mood for nasty close-ups, sometimes I like them arty and air-brushed. Sometimes it's a spread brown-eye kind of night, sometimes it's girl-on-girl time. Sometimes a steamy letter will do, sometimes - not often, but sometimes - I like the idea of a chick with a horse.

Holden: How do you manage to get away with this all the time? I mean, shouldn't the cops be busting your head open right about now?
Banky Edwards: Wrong coast.

Hooper: I need to sell the image to sell the book. I mean, would the audience still buy the whole black rage angle if they found out the book was written by a... you know...
Banky Edwards: Faggot?
Hooper: When you say it, it sounds so sexy.

Hooper: See that man right there? He the Devil, understand? Never take your eye off the man.

Hooper: Screw that "all for one" shit, alright? I gotta deal with being a minority in a minority of the minority, and nobody's supportin' my ass.

Hooper: Men need to believe that they're Marco Fucking Polo when it comes to sex.

Holden: If this is a crush, I don't think I could take it if the real thing ever happened.

Hooper: Archie was the bitch and Jughead was the butch. That's why Jughead wears that crown-looking hat all the time. He the king of queen Archie's world.

Jay: You gotta boil it down to the essentials. It's like Cube says, "Life ain't nothin' but bitches and money."

Banky Edwards: What does it matter if I refer to her as a dyke? Or if I call the Whalers a bunch of faggots in the privacy of my own office, far from the sensitive ears of the rest of the world?

Holden: Okay, I've had my finger up my ass. I wouldn't say I've had anal sex.

Banky Edwards: I'm going to prove to you beyond the shadow of a doubt that Archie is all about pussy.

Banky Edwards: Bring on the free hooch!

Jay: [to Holden] Bitch tasted life, yo, now she's settlin' for your boring, funny-book-makin' ass.

Holden: Okay, I'm telling you, she's never even been with a guy, much less these two fucking zeroes.

Holden: I'm telling you the bitch could be a bigger fucking germ farm than that monkey in Outbreak.

Alyssa: Since most of these people are rooting for the home team, I'm gonna cheer for the visitors. I'm a big visitors fan. Especially the kind that make coffee for ya in the morning before they go!

Jay: Snootchie Bootchies. Who the fuck talks like that? That is fucking baby talk.

Holden: They fuckin' used you!
Alyssa: No! I used them! You don't think I would've let it happen if I hadn't've wanted to? Do you? I was an experimental girl for Christ sake! Maybe you knew early on that your track was from point A to B, but unlike you I was not given a fucking map at birth, so I tried it all! That is until we, that's you and I, got together and suddenly I was sated!

Alyssa: [about Holden's new comic, "Chasing Amy"] Looks like a very personal story.
Holden: I finally had something personal to say.

Banky Edwards: [playing video game] Fucking faggot, man! Did you *see* that? Your dyke-courting ass just got me scored on.

Holden: [after Banky just got into a fight with a fan for calling him a "tracer."] Can I explain the audience principle to you? If you insult and accost them, then we have no audience!
Banky Edwards: [shouting] He started it! Fucking cock-knocker! He's lucky I didn't put my pen through his thorax!

Hooper: I think it's more like Banky's having a real problem with all things not hetero right about now.

Holden: It all goes back to something my grandmother told me when I was a kid. "Holden," she said, "the big bucks are in dick and fart jokes." She was a church goer.

Hooper: So where's your better half?
Banky Edwards: Takin' a piss. The guy's got a bladder like an infant.
Hooper: That's funny. He says you're hung like an infant.
Banky Edwards: Does his mother tell him everything?

Alyssa: She is such a cunt.

Holden: You gotta respect that kind of display of affection, you know what I mean? Sure, it's crazy, it's rude, it's self-absorbed, but, uh, you know, it's love.

Alyssa: Fucking is not limited to penetration, Banky. For me it describes any sex, when it's not totally about love. I don't love Kim, but I'll fuck her. I'm sure you don't love every girl you sleep with.
Banky Edwards: Some of them I downright loathe.

Hooper: [waves a dollar at Banky] Here.
Banky Edwards: What?
Hooper: I want you to go down to the corner store, and buy yourself a clue.

Holden: Alyssa from last night Alyssa?
Hooper: How do you begin and end a question with the same word like that? You got skill.

Banky Edwards: Catholic school girls. The uniform's what does it for me. I wish I had've went with more Catholic school girls when I was a kid. As it stands I have no, "And then she unzipped her jumper," stories.

Alyssa: [to Holden] I like you, Holden. I haven't liked a man in a long time. And it's not because I'm a man hater or something like that. It's just been sometime that I've been exposed to a man that didn't immediately live into a stereotype of some sort. And I want you to feel comfortable with me, because I'd really like us to be friends.

Holden: You seemed weirded out back there.
Banky Edwards: That was my couch you were fucking on.
Holden: Sorry.
Banky Edwards: I wanted to watch some T.V. Hard to do when your best friend's wrapped around his naked rug muncher on your couch.
Holden: She had boxers on.

Jay: [about Holden] It smells like someone shit in his cereal. Huge.
Holden: Man, what took you guys so long? Where were you at the mall again?
Jay: Bitch don't even start, alright. We stopped that shit years ago. Toss the salad.

Jay: Come on, man. I know people who know people.
Holden: You sound like Barbra Streisand.
Jay: [about Silent Bob] That's because I got this tubby bitch playing her "Greatest Hits" tape in my ear all the time. You gotta see him, man, when she starts singing that uh... "You Don't Bring Me Flowers", this faggot starts crying like a little girl with a scraped knee and shit. Big fucking softie.

Jay: Holy fucking shit! Finger Cuffs? You're dating Finger Cuffs, you silly son of a bitch?

Silent Bob: So there's me and Amy, and we're all inseparable, right? Just big time in love. And then four months down the road, the idiot gear kicks in, and I ask about the ex-boyfriend. Which, as we all know, is a really dumb move. But you know how it is: you don't wanna know, but you just have to, right? Stupid guy bullshit. So, anyway, she starts telling me about him - how they fell in love, and how they went out for a couple of years, and how they lived together, her mother likes me better, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah - and I'm okay. But then she drops the bomb on me, and the bomb is this: it seems that a couple of times, while they were going out, he brought some people to bed with them. Menage à trois, I believe it's called. Now this just blows my mind, right? I mean, I am not used to this sort of thing. I mean, I was raised Catholic, for God's sake.
Jay: Saint Shithead.
[Silent Bob elbows him; Jay motions as if to start a fight]
Silent Bob: Do something.
[to Holden]
Silent Bob: So I'm totally weirded out by this, right? And I just start blasting her. Like, I don't know how to deal with what I'm feeling, so I figure the best way is by calling her a slut, right? And tell her she was used. I'm... I'm out for blood. I really wanna hurt this girl. I'm like, "What the fuck is your problem?", right? And she's just all calmly trying to tell me, like, it was that time and it was that place and she doesn't think she should apologize because she doesn't feel that she's done anything wrong. I'm like, "Oh, really?" That's when I look her straight in the eye, I tell her it's over. I walk.
Jay: Fuckin' A!
Silent Bob: No, idiot. It was a mistake. I wasn't disgusted with her, I was afraid. At that moment, I felt small, like... like I'd lacked experience, like I'd never be on her level, like I'd never be enough for her or something like that, you know what I'm saying? But, what I did not get, she didn't care. She wasn't looking for that guy anymore. She was... she was looking for me, for the Bob. But, uh, by the time I figure this all out, it was too late, man. She moved on, and all I had to show for it was some foolish pride, which then gave way to regret. She was the girl, I know that now. But I pushed her away. So I've spent every day since then chasing Amy... so to speak.

The Best Years

The weird thing about college is that sometimes it matches you up with someone that you wouldn’t have met otherwise. Then it turns out that that particular moment, that particular person is exactly what you need. – Sam

I need someone a little less complicated in my life right now. - Devon Sylar

Right, you're no fun. Shannon's a toga party. Discuss. - Noah

Funny, I always thought you Canadians were funny, peace loving people. - Sam
Why do you think I left? - Noah

That, at my old school, would be called arson. - Sam
That at my old school would be called Wednesday. - Devon

I guess I really am Cinderella, only I left the ball early to save the Coachman, who ended up not really being a rat, but that's what love's about, right? - Sam

Southern Belles of Louisville

Dating is like shopping. You have to try it on to see if it fits.

Family Quotes

Family... a group experience of love and support. - Marianne Williamson

It's a wonderful feeling when your father becomes not a god but a man to you - when he comes down from the mountain and you see he's this man with weaknesses. And you love him as this whole being, not as a figurehead. - Robin Williams

Love and Kindness Quotes

If you treat an individual as he is, he will remain as he is. But if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be. - Goethe

If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. - Romans 12:20

One kind word can warm three winter months. - Japanese proverb

Little deeds of kindness, little words of love, help to make Earth happy. - Julia Carney

Make yourself a blessing to someone. You kind smile or pat on the back just might pull someone back from the edge. - Carmelia Elliot

The best portion of a good man's life is his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love. - William Wordsworth

Every human feels pleasure in doing good to another. - Thomas Jefferson

Each one of us has the power to make others feel better or worse. Making others feel better is much more fun than making others feel worse. Making others feel better generally makes us feel better. - Laura Huxley

The heart has eyes which the brain knows nothing of. - Charles Perkhurst

The greatest gift is a portion of thyself. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love. - Thich Nhat Hanh

Love is a fruit in season at all times, and within reach of every hand. - Mother Teresa

Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes... just be an illusion. - Javan

The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection, and not a fountain; to show them we love them when we feel it, but when they do. - Nan Fairbother

Love means each person is free to follow his or her own heart. - Melodie Beattie

I'm not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship. - Helen Keller

You will find as well as you look back upon your life, that the moments when you have truly lived, are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love. 0 Henry Drummond

Nothing spoils the taste of peanut butter like unrequited love. - Charlie Brown

Love is the extremely difficult realization that something other than oneself is real. - Iris Murdoch

Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous, or conceited, or proud; love is not ill-mannered, or selfish, or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up: its faith, hope, and patience never fails. - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction. - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

In everything there is the desire for love. - D.H. Lawrence

He who is in love is wise and is becoming wiser. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I hold it true, whate'er befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. - Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Life Quotes

Live your life from your heart. Share from your heart. And your story will touch and heal people's souls. - Melodie Beattie

It's important to be involved and stand up for what you believe in. - Ione Skye

Don't forget to be kind to strangers. For some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it. - Hebrews 13:2

There is so much in the world to care about. - Laura Dern

I am always ready to learn; but I do not always like being taught. - Winston Churchill

The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core strength within you that survives all hurt. - Max Lerner

A human being's first responsibility is to shake hands with himself. - Henry Winkler

Relax, you're on a journey of discovery. Let life reveal itself to you. - Melodie Beattie

It may be all right to be content with what you have; never with what you are. - B.C. Forbes

My mother used to say, "The older you get, the better you get... Unless you're a banana." - Rose Nylund

What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from. - T.S. Eliot

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. - Albert Einstein

You must love yourself before you love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy. - Jane Roberts

The hardest battle you're ever going to fight is the battle to be just you. - Leo Buscaglia

Once you are real, you can't become unreal again. - Margery Williams

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. - Oscar Wilde

To thine self be true. - William Shakespeare

Happiness cannot come from without. It must come from within. - Helen Keller

When someone comments on my weight, I have to work hard to stand in front of the mirror and say, "This is who you are. You're okay in this lady, and you're a great, healthy, lovable and loving person." I try to accept myself. - Rosie O'Donnell

Love is not what we become, but who we already are. - Steven Levine

Whatever you are doing, love yourself for doing it. Whatever you are feeling, love yourself for feeling it. - Thaddeus Golas

To accomplish great things, we must not only act but also dream, not only dream but also believe. - Anatole France

You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. - Richard Bach

Hold fast to dreams, far if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. Hold fast to dreams, far when dreams go, life is a barren field frozen with snow. - Langston Hughes

Your chances of success in any undertaking can always be measured by your belief in yourself. - Robert Collier

I've learned that nobody's perfect, and I don't expect myself to be perfect anymore. - Carly Simon

Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them at least don't hurt them. - The Dalai Lama

Follow your bliss. - Joseph Campbell

In the end we will conserve only what we love. We will love only what we understand. We will understand only what we are taught. - Senegalese saying

Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced. - James Baldwin

The human spirit is stronger than anything that happens to it. - C.C. Scott

Wherever you go, there you are. - Buckaroo Bonzai

It is such a secret place, the land of tears. - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Other people may be there to help us, teach us, guide us along our path. But the lesson to be learned is always ours. - Melodie Beattie

When you have to cope with a lot of problems, you're either going to sink or you're going to swim. - Tom Cruise

Instead of weeping when tragedy occurs in a songbird's life, it sings away its grief. I believe we could well follow the pattern of our feathered friends. - Robert S. Walker

What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger. - Nietzsche

We are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it to the full. - Marcel Proust

That which hurts, also instructs. - Ben Franklin

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. - Kahlil Gibran

Much of your pain is self-chose. It is the bitten potion by which the physician within you, heals your sick self. - Kahlil Gibran

There is a great deal of pain in life and perhaps the only pain that can be avoided is the pain that comes from trying to avoid pain. - R.D. Lang

Although the world is full suffering, it is also full of overcoming it. - Helen Keller

Tings do not change. We change. - Henry David Thoreau

Friendship Quotes

Think where man's glory begins and ends and say my glory was I had such friends. - William Butler Yeats

Friendship is born at the moment when one person says to another, "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself." - C.S. Lewis

A true friend is one who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else. - Len Wein

Thy friendship oft has made my heart to ache; do be my enemy - for friendship sake. - William Blake

No distance of place of lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other's worth. - Robert Southey

Friends are people who help you be more yourself. - Merle Shain

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. - Anais Nin

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. - Elisabeth Foley

True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evil. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island. To find one really friend in a lifetime is good fortune, to keep him is a blessing. - Baltasar Gracian

Hold a friend's hand through times of trial, Let her find love through a hug and a smile; But also know when it is time to let go - For each and everyone of us must learn to grow. - Sharon A. Heilbrunn