Friday, February 26, 2010

Where the heart is

Well that makes sense, all the pricks move to California. They should call it Prickafornia.

Sister Husband: Well, a little weight on a woman is no harm.

Novalee Nation: I lied. It wasn't true, I-I love you. It's just I lied because I thought you deserved something better.
Forney Hull: Something better than you? Novalee, there isn't anything better than you.

Novalee Nation: You tell them that our lives can change with every breath we take... and tell 'em to hold on like hell to what they've got: each other, and a mother who would die for them and almost did... You tell them we've all got meanness in us, but we've got goodness too. And the only thing worth living for is the good. And that's why we've got to make sure we pass it on.

Thelma 'Sister' Husband: Dear Lord, we ask that you bless this food to the nourishment of our bodies. And we ask forgiveness, Lord, for the fornication that Mr. Sprock and me committed this morning on this very table.

You never know, maybe I can get knocked up again on the way home.

Forney: Why would a man on a Harley steal someone's pillows?

Sister: We're alcoholics. We're generally satisfied just to hurt ourselves.

Novalee Nation: I ain't never lived in a house that didn't have wheels on it.

Novalee Nation: At the end of each letter he writes, "Please tell your mother I extend my best wishes."

Lexie Coop: Brownie! Brownie! Do not lasso your sister!

Willy Jack Pickens: Why does anyone lie? Cuz we're scared? Or crazy? Or jut mean?... There's a million reasons why a person lies... But sometimes, you tell a lie so big... that it changes your whole life... Lie's so big... it makes you think..

Lexie Coop: This old gypsy woman once told me that if you jump backwards nine times before the sun come up you won't be pregnant. Well, I jumped so far I had to take a bus back and then I had twins.

Lexie Coop: Honey, I know that your mother walked out on you and what that butthole Willie Jack did. But that is what makes them trash, not you.

Thelma 'Sister' Husband: Home is where your history begins. Home is where they catch you when you fall.

Americus: Forney, if you feed a cow chocolate, will you get chocolate milk?
Forney: Yeah, and if you spin a cow around real fast, you'll get whipped cream.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Desperate Housewives

Mothers don’t lie to their sons.

Mary Alice: Listen to me. We all have moments of desperation, but if we can face them head on, that's when we find out how strong we really are.

Lynette: I know someone, who knows someone, who knows an elf. And if any of you acts up, so help me I will call Santa and tell him you want socks for Christmas! Are you willing to risk that?

Rex: It means I'm sick of you being so damn perfect all the time. I'm sick of the bizarre way your hair doesn't move. I'm sick of you making our bed in the morning before I've even used the bathroom. You're this, this plastic suburban housewife, with her pearls and her spatula, who says things like, "we owe the Hendersons a dinner." Where's the woman I fell in love with? Who used to burn the toast and drink milk out of the carton? And laugh? I need her. Not this cold, perfect thing you've become.

Susan Mayer: Well, sometimes people are so unhappy, they think that's the only way they can solve their problems.

Julie Mayer: Oh, you mean like how Dad's girlfriend is always smiling and says nice things, but deep down, you just know she's a bitch?

Gabrielle Solis: It's like my grandmother always said: An erect penis doesn't have a conscience.

Mike Delfino: No, I just refuse to believe that anybody can screw up macaroni and cheese.

Bree: Change in behavior is one of the warning signs and you have been as fresh as paint for the last six months. That certainly would explain why you're always locked in the bathroom.

Rex: [to Bree] I want a divorce. I just can't live in this detergent commercial anymore.

Bree: [to Rex] If you think I'm gonna discuss the dissolution of my marriage in a place where the restrooms are labeled "Chicks" and "Dudes", you are out of your mind.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Poetic Justice

Justice: “Alone”
Alone. Lying, thinking. Last night
How to find my soul a home
Where water is not thirsty and bread loaf is not stone
I came up with one thing, and I don’t believe I am wrong
That nobody, but nobody, can make it out here alone
Alone all alone
Nobody, but nobody, can make it out here alone
There are some millionaires with money they can’t use
Their wives run around like banshees, their children sing the blues
They got expensive doctors to cure their hearts of stone
But nobody, no, nobody can make it out here alone
Now if you listen closely I’ll tell you what I know
Storm clouds are gatherin’, the wind is gonna blow
The race of man is suffering and I can hear them moan
Cause nobody, but nobody, can make it out here alone
Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody, can make it out here alone

Justice: “In a time”
In a time of secret wooing
Today prepares tomorrow’s ruin
Left knows not what Right is doing
My heart is torn asunder
In a time of furtive sighs
Sweet hellos and sad goodbyes
Half-truths told… and entire lies
My conscience echoes thunder
In a time where kingdom’s come
Joy is brief as summer’s fun
Happiness… its race has run
Then pain stalks into plunder

Jessie: Oh, Justice, look at your face. Hey, listen, I know I’m not your mama and I’m not trying to be. But honey, I’ve got to tell ya, you’ve got to move on. A man ain’t nothing but a tool. You’ve got to know when to take him out the box and when to put him back in, and hell if you lose him, you just go out there and get yourself another one. Take a chance, baby, do something different for a change. There’s another man out there somewhere. And out here man you’ve got to know sometimes you’re going to lose one, like a blow dryer or a good hairbrush.

Iesha: Don’t you know the world is just a big place for us to go out and fuck up in it.

Justice: Don't be callin me no bitch! If I'm a bitch, your mama's a bitch, BITCH!

Justice:
Love is a juice with many tastes
Some bitter, others sweet
A wine with just few, few vineyards

Lucky: We black, we all family. Especially when it comes to barbecue.

Aunt June. I want to talk to you about morals. The morals of the young people today is going to get them in big trouble. I'm telling you, because they act like they don't know the difference between right and wrong. And this is the truth. And see, one of the reasons is the parents. The parents are not taking care of their children. They are not telling them the difference between right and wrong. But then... Wait, now. No, no, no. No, ma'am. You have to listen. Because part of the responsibility is the children's, because this is *their* lives. It's not their mama's or their papa's. I'm telling you, they have to think for themselves. Even if their mama and papa didn't do something about them. Girl, look, the children have to think and try their best to come on up, come on up.

Justice:
A wise man once said,
You should look at the ocean and realize
That no matter how famous you are
Or how much money you make
You should know that you’ll never be as important as the ocean.

Justice:
Is it true the ribs can tell the kick of a beast from the lover’s fist?
The bruised bones record it well.
The sudden shock, the hard impact, then swollen lids.
Sorry eyes spoke not of lost romance but of hurt.
Hate is often confused
Its limits are in zones beyond itself
And sadists will not learn that.
Love, by nature, extracts a pain unequalled on the rack.

Justice:
Give me your hand.
Make room for me to lead and follow you beyond this rage of poetry.
Let others have privacy of touching words and love of loss of love.
For me, give me your hand.

Jessie: You don’t fight no man with his fist, you fight him in his wallet. Now see what you should of done, instead of swinging at him, you should of gave him some. Wait til he went to sleep, went into his wallet and took his credit card.

Jessie: Most of these young girls today don't know their cooch from a hole in the wall. See, all I do is dress... and rest, cause love don't live here anymore.

Justice:
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them, they think I’m telling lies
I say, it’s the reach of my arms, the span of my hips,
The stride of my step, and the curl of my lips.
I’m a woman, phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, that’s me.
I walk in to a room just as cool as you please
And to a man, the fellows stand, or they fall down to their knees
Then they swarm around me like a hive of honey bees
I say, it’s the fire in my eyes, the flash in my teeth,
The swing in my waist, and the joy in my feet
I’m a woman, phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, that’s me.
Men themselves have wondered what they see in me
They try so much but they can’t touch my inner mystery
When I try to show them, they still can’t see
I say, it’s the arch of my back, the sun of my smile
The ride of my breast, and the grace of my style.
I’m a woman, phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, that’s me.
Now you understand, just why my head’s not bowed
I don’t have to shout, jump about, or talk real loud.
When you see me passing, it ought to make you proud
I say, it’s the click of my heels, the bend of my hair,
The palm of my hand, the need for my care
I’m a woman, phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, that’s me.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Crybaby

Mrs. Vernon-Williams: A young lady does not like to be pawed.

Mrs. Vernon-Williams: Beauty, Brains, Breeding, Bounty.

Be a nudy cutie, make money patootie.

Milton's parents: Our only son, he drives around in fast cars. He wears clothes obviously designed by homosexuals, but Jesus is still in his heart.

Pepper: My brother wouldn’t touch your titties with a ten foot pole. He likes his women bad, not cheap.

Allison: I won’t get mononucleosis, will I?

Crybaby: Orphans have special needs.

Crybaby: I’m burning inside to touch you baby.

Wanda's parents: Your honor, could we take Wanda the Fuck home?

Crybaby: Lenora, you filthy hag. I wouldn’t let you shine my boots.

Wanda: You mean you swapped me for a milk maid?!

Dupree: Being this cool is always a pain.

Mrs. Vernon-Williams: You may be a square Lenora, but you’re still a tramp.

Pepper: The first thing a Cry-Baby girl learns: our bazooms are our weapons!

Mrs. Vernon-Williams: Heavy hangs the head, that last night wore the crown.

Lenora: Wanna see these gunboats? I give, Cry-baby. I give bare second on the first date.

Crybaby: Grandmother, Uncle Belvedere, you've made me the happiest juvenile delinquent in Baltimore! And guess what? I met a girl!

Mrs. Vernon-Williams: Juvenile delinquents are everywhere. Right here in this community. Boys with long hair and tattoos who spit on the sidewalk. Girls who wear tight slacks. Hysterectomy pants, I call them.

Wanda: You wanna learn about America, Inga? In America, we like boys! We like hot boys! Boys with roaming hands and rushing fingers!

Wanda: Yeah, I'm just a bebop baby, and I don't take nothing from no one! See ya later, daddy-os. Have a cool Yule and a frantic First!

Milton's Father: Let Jesus Christ be your gang-leader!