Hitch

Never lie, steal, cheat or drink. But if you must lie... lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal... steal away from bad company. If you must cheat... cheat death. And if you must drink... drink in the moments that take your breath away!

Freaks and Geeks

Ken Miller: I have to get into a bar. Everything fun in life happens in bars.

Millie Kentner: You're high!
Lindsay Weir: How could you tell?
Millie Kentner: I know what high people look like. I went to a Seals and Crofts concert last summer.

Lindsay Weir: We're all unhappy. That's the thing about life.

Sam Weir: It's Cindy. She's kind of boring. It's weird hanging out with her friends. And, I mean, all she wants to do is make out and stuff.
Neal Schweiber: I'd kill to be that bored.

Bill Haverchuck: I heard my mom say to her girlfriend, "Any guy with feathered hair is *foxy*."

Sam Weir: Uh, dad, can I have an Atari from my birthday?
Harold Weir: An a-what-i?
Jean Weir: That's one of those expensive video games, isn't it?
Sam Weir: No, no! It's not expensive!
Harold Weir: Oh, well, the welfare lines are full of those video game players.

Bill Haverchuck: Fredericks, you're a turd... a stinky f-fat turd, go sniff a jock strap, you poop head. You love patting boys' butts... butt... you butt-patter! You're a perv and a loser and a stinky t-turd!

Neal Schweiber: My mom says women prefer guys with a good sense of humor.
Bill Haverchuck: But, uh, you're not funny.
Neal Schweiber: Screw you, I'm hilarious!

Bill Haverchuck: If I were Bionic Woman, what would I wear?

Jenna Zank: You know what punkers don't do? Call themselves punkers.

Daniel Desario: Am I a loser?
Harris Trinsky: You're not a loser 'cause you have sex, but if you weren't having sex, we could definitely debate the issue.

Alan White: Dr. Love, would you autograph my genitals?

Harold Weir: Everyone's a Democrat until they get a little money. Then they come to their senses!

Neal Schweiber: I'm Jewish. That's no cakewalk either. Last year, I was elected school treasurer. I didn't even run!

Nick Andopolis: Hey, I believe in god, man. I've seen him, I've felt his power! He plays drums for Led Zeppelin and his name is John Bonham, baby!

Kim Kelly: Are you calling me irrational? Because I'll tear your head off, Daniel. I'll tear it off and I'll throw it over that fence.

Discotheque DJ: Aren't you one of those guys who's always running in here yelling 'disco sucks?' What's the matter, cat got your bong, man? Is that how you learned to communicate? Running in here and yelling stuff? Is that what your precious "rock and roll" teaches you?
Ken Miller: No, it teaches me that DISCO SUCKS!

Daniel Desario: Will you knock it off, Blondie, you're gonna blow the speakers.
Kim Kelly: Oh I'm sorry Grandpa, I'll try not to blow anything of yours from now on.

Millie Kentner: You're on the pot!

Millie Kentner: She fornicates it!

Lindsay Weir: [to Nick] So... you wanna make out or something?

Ken Miller: I always say girl plus car equals dead animal.

Harris Trinsky: Love is like homework. You gotta study if you want to get an A.

Sam Weir: What am I supposed to do with a porno?
Neal Schweiber: You watch it. Over and over.

Kim Kelly: My aunt Cathy was so rad. She lived in L.A. She was on Kojak. She doinked Ryan O'Neal once at a party.
Lindsay Weir: Wow, she sounds awesome.
Kim Kelly: Yeah, well, she's dead. She OD'd on coke.

Lindsay Weir: [while hitchhiking] We're so sheltered, you know? There's this whole other America out there. The person who picks us up could be an artist or a psychic or an escaped felon. This is so exciting!

Harold Weir: [holding up his thumb] You think I don't know what this means? I know, Lindsay! It means, "Hey, stranger! Please lock me in your car, drive me to God knows where and *murder me*!"

Harold Weir: That Kim Kelly is a bad banana.

Nick Andopolis: I'm gonna be a Deejay, man.
[beat]
Nick Andopolis: And maybe a lumberjack.

Kim Kelly: [watching the marching band practice] Check out the pizza-face dork with the trombone! Why doesn't he just pop those things?
Daniel Desario: I think if he did, he'd die of blood loss.

Ken Miller: Look! It's Tuba Girl!

Ken Miller: [about Tuba Girl] That's not playing an instrument! That's like blowing into a toilet!
Lindsay Weir: Sounds better than your singing!
Ken Miller: Lindsay, here's an idea - how 'bout you break up our band so you can go make out with Nick? Oh, wait, you already did that.

Kim Kelly: He made out with Wendy Franklin at the Laser Dome. And now he wants to go there with me?
Lindsay Weir: So... are you going?
Kim Kelly: Well, yeah. What else am I gonna do?

Daniel Desario: [to Ken] You're in love with Tuba Girl?

Lindsay Weir: [about Tuba Girl] Oh, my God, you really like her, don't you?
Ken Miller: I feel... odd.

Bill Haverchuck: You know what would be cool? To find a girl in a bottle, like "I Dream of Jeanie". I'd like to make out with her on that little couch.
Sam Weir: Yeah, Cindy would look good in those puffy pants.

Scott: My dad found my grow lights and ran over them with his car.

Scott: [about marijuana] It's hydrophonic.
Lindsay Weir: Like the lettuce?

Bill Haverchuck: I don't like jokes. I don't think they are funny.

Bill Haverchuck: This push-up is too hard to push up.

Daniel Desario: That designated driver's pretty hot. I'd like to get her drunk.

Neal Schweiber: Bill, Dallas sucks.
Bill Haverchuck: ...You suck. Dallas rules.

Sam Weir: What's non-alcoholic beer?
Bill Haverchuck: It's just like beer, it just doesn't have that ingredient that makes you drunk.
Neal Schweiber: ...Alcohol?
Bill Haverchuck: Yeah.

Neal Schweiber: Friday night, always a good night for some Sabbath.
[Lindsay looks at him]
Neal Schweiber: ... 'cause, you know, Friday? is the the Sabbath... for the Jews.

Sam Weir: What am I gonna say to Cindy?
Bill Haverchuck: Don't say anything. Be dominant. It's all, all about dominance. I saw this monkey show on PBS, if you talk to her first, it's a sign of weakness and she will not pick you to be her mate.
Sam Weir: Are you drunk?
Bill Haverchuck: I think so, yes I am.
Sam Weir: Aw, man, go into my room, lock the door, and don't drink any more.
Bill Haverchuck: [after Sam leaves] That's very dominant.

Jean Weir: [to Lindsay, about Nick] What are you going to tell him?
Lindsay Weir: I don't know, Mom!
Harold Weir: I know what to tell him - tell him he's a grease bucket and you deserve better.

Jean Weir: If my parents ever read my diary, I would have been furious. Such a violation.
Harold Weir: Spooning with a stranger in the back of a van, now that's a violation!

Harold Weir: These stamps - I heard kids put LSD underneath them.

Harold Weir: What the hell?
Jean Weir: Harold, it's a Cornish Game Hen with a plum wine sauce. They're fantastic.
Harold Weir: What did you do? Put poison in the bird feeder?

Sam Weir: We're not adults. We're kids until we turn 18.
Neal Schweiber: Maybe you are, but when I hit 13, I became a man.
Bill Haverchuck: That's only in your temple, Neil, not in the real world.

Neal Schweiber: [about his Halloween costume] Hm... looking for Chaplin, only seeing Hitler.
Bill Haverchuck: [about his fake breasts, as the Bionic Woman for Halloween] No, these are not bionic. These are all me.
Alan White: [on Halloween, Bill is in costume] Shut up, you little girl.
Bill Haverchuck: I'm not a little girl, I'm a bionic woman.

Harold Weir: I feel that there comes a point in a young man's life when he should start testing the waters.
Lindsay Weir: What about me testing the waters?
Harold Weir: You can test the waters, too - after you get married!

Gordon Crisp: I don't like Sci-Fi - I love, love, love it!

Jeff Rosso: How dumb do I look?
Ken Miller: Do you really want to know?

Lindsay Weir: [about Mr. Rosso] Have you ever looked at him? He's kinda good looking.
Kim Kelly: Yeah, if you're attracted to guys that look like Jesus.

Neal Schweiber: You are a dimwit. And an imbecile. I blow my nose in your general direction.

Coach Ben Fredricks: Hey, hey! That's not in there!
Neal Schweiber: It isn't?

Bill Haverchuck: You cut me off mid-funk!

Sam Weir: You look a little bit like my grandpa.
Bill Haverchuck: Oh, is your grandpa super cool?

Kevin Handleman: Beer here!
Millie Kentner: No thanks. I prefer to get high on life.

Jeff Rosso: I. Have. Herpes. It doesn't hurt that much, but believe me, you don't want it.

Lindsay Weir: Can I please go now?

Jeff Rosso: I just blew your mind, didn't I.

Sam Weir: Hey Harris, what kind of presents do you get Judith?
Harris Trinsky: Judith has very particular tastes. About the only thing she ever wants is scented oils and plenty of time with her man.

Nick Andopolis: Hey, I heard Kim got an "A" on her Western Civics exam.
[beat]
Nick Andopolis: Oh no, that was *my* girlfriend. Hmm, but did you know that Lindsay got detention for flipping off her gym teacher?
[beat]
Nick Andopolis: No, wait, that was *your* girlfriend! Hmm.
Daniel Desario: I heard that Kim hit you really hard in the chest.
[beat]
Daniel Desario: No wait. That was me.
Daniel Desario: [slams Nick in the chest and walks away]
Nick Andopolis: Wow, that was really hard.

Addams Family

Pugsley: We're not shy!
Wednesday: We're contagious.

(Gomez refers to the girl popping out of the cake at a bachelor party)
Was she in there before you baked it?

Gomez: Children, why do you hate the baby?
Pugsley: We don't hate him. We just wanna play with him.
Wednesday: Especially his head.

Little Girl: ...and then Mommy kissed Daddy, and the angel told the stork, and the stork flew down from heaven, and put the diamond in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby!
Pugsley: Our parents are having a baby too.
Wednesday: They had sex.

Friends

Phoebe: If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.

Chandler: All right, look if you absolutely have to tell her the truth, at least wait until the timing's right. And that's what deathbeds are for.

Monica: Guys can fake it? Unbelievable! The one thing that's ours!

Chandler: I can handle this. "Handle" is my middle name. Actually, "handle" is the middle of my first name.

Monica: You can't fire me. I make your decisions and I say, "I'm not fired." Ha!#

Joey: What? You made a bet. A bet is a bet. You bet on a bet, and if you lose you lose the bet.

Rachel: If she wanted to be more like me, why couldn't she just copy my hairstyle or something?

Rachel: You've learned some new moves!
Ross: Someone at work gave me Sex for Dummies as a joke, but who's laughing now!

Monica: All right! All right. I got stung. Stung bad. I couldn't stand. I couldn't walk.
Chandler: We were two miles from the house. Scared and alone. We didn't think we could make it.
Monica: I was in too much pain.
Joey: And I was tired from digging the huge hole!
Chandler: And then Joey remembered something.
Joey: I'd seen this thing on The Discovery Channel...
Ross: Wait a minute! I saw that! On The Discovery Channel, yeah! About jellyfish and how if you... Ewwww! You peed on yourself!
Phoebe and Rachel: Ewwww!
Monica: You can't say that! You don't know! I mean I thought I was gonna pass out from the pain! Anyway I, I tried, but I, I couldn't... bend that way.

Monica: What happened here?
Chandler: Well, Joey was born. And 28 years later, I was robbed!

Ross: My wife's a lesbian.

Joey: What are you talking about? One woman? That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you. Let me tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there. There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing. Cherry Vanilla. You could get them with jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream. This is the best thing that ever happened to you. You got married, you were, what, eight? Welcome back to the world. Grab a spoon!

Chandler: Hey, you know, I have had it with you guys and your "cancer" and your "emphysema" and your "heart disease." The bottom line is smoking is cool and you know it.

Ross: You know what? I'd better pass on the game. I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.

Ross: First divorce: wife's hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second divorce: said the wrong name at the altar, kind of my fault. Third divorce: they shouldn't let you get married when you're that drunk and have stuff drawn all over your face, Nevada's fault.

Phoebe: Hey, if we were in prison, you guys would be like my bitches.

Joey: It's just my character that's not brain-dead.

Monica: So, Ross has never checked out of a room a minute before he had to.
Rachel: Yeah. One time, when we were dating, we got a late checkout. He got so excited, it was the best sex we ever had. Until, you know, he screamed out "Radisson" at the end.

Chandler: I didn't want you to be embarrassed to be seen on the dance floor with some clumsy idiot.
Monica: Oh honey, you could never embarrass me. Okay, you could easily embarrass me.

Monica: Between me and you, in this day and age, how dumb do you have to be to get pregnant?
Rachel: Hey, you know, sometimes you can do everything right, everyone can wear everything they're supposed to wear, and one of those little guys just gets through!
Monica: How?
Rachel: I don't know, maybe they have tools.

Chandler: Well, when I walk outside naked, people throw garbage at me.

Super Trooper

Mac: But our shenanigans are cheeky and fun!
Thorny: (referring to Farva) Yeah, and his shenanigans are cruel and tragic.
Foster: (after a pause) Which... makes them not really shenanigans at all.
Mac: (in a silly voice) Evil shenanigans!

Captain O'Hagan: I swear to God, I'll pistol whip the next guy who says shenaningans!

College Boy: You must have eaten, like, a hundred bucks worth of pot, and, like, 30 bucks worth of shrooms man.

Dimpus Burger Guy (into the microphone): Double bacon cheeseburger. It's for a cop.

Police Chief Grady: I'm sorry about that delousing. Just standard procedure.

Police Chief Grady: Desperation is a stinky cologne.

Farva: Just cleaning out the old locker, she stinks like ass but I'll sure miss her... I guess you could say that about all my girls.

Foster: If you were my wife, I'd massage your feet 'til you fell asleep.

Foster: Do I look like a cat to you, boy? Am I jumpin' around all nimbly bimbly from tree to tree? Am I drinking milk from a saucer? DO YOU SEE ME EATING MICE?

Thorny: You know, Farva, only you can make a dark man blush.

College Boy 2: No, man, I'm just saying... I'm sayin', if-if you own beachfront property, right, do you own, like, the sand and the water?
College Boy 3: Nobody owns the water. God owns -- it's God's water.

Mac: Your mother should've swallowed you, Rando!

Thorny: It stinks like sex in here.

Ramathorne: Do you know how fast you were going?
High kid: 65?
Ramathorne: 63.
High kid: But isn't the speed limit 65?
Ramathorne: Yes it is. But do you know why we're pulling you over? (Holds the bag of weed up) Littering...

Thorny: Littering and... littering and... littering, and smoking the reefer. And as punishment, we're gonna watch you guys smoke the WHOLE bag...

Captain O'Hagan: These boys get that syrup in 'em, they get all antsy in their pantsy.

Captain O'Hagan: I'll believe ya when me shit turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbet.

Captain O'Hagan: There was a time when we'd take a guy like you in the back and beat you with a hose. Now you've got your God-damned unions.

Foster: Okie silly dilly dokie-o. I'm an idiot.

Rabbit [referring to the Johnny Chimpo cartoon]: It's really funny, Cap! It's Afghanistanimation.

College Boy: He's already pulled over, he can't pull over anymore!

Thorny: Where are your shoes?
Foster: What are you, the shoe police?
Thorny: I am, and you owe me 20 laps around the bar.
Foster: Black magic only works on the rookie.
Thorny: That's brown magic.

Billy Madison

Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Billy Madison: Back to school. Back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool. I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don't get in a fight. Oh! Back to school... back to school... back to school. Well, here goes nothing.

Eric: Well, "sorry" doesn't put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach now, does it Karl?

Lunch Lady: Have some more sloppy Joes. I made 'em extra sloppy for yous. I know how yous kids like 'em sloppy.

Billy Madison: Sometimes I feel like an idiot. But I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.

Juanita: If you're gonna stay home today, you can help me shave my armpits!

Billy Madison: I am the smartest man alive!

Juanita: Ooh that boy's a fine piece of work all right. He's a fine piece of ass though, too.

Old Lady: What is a horseshoe? What does a horseshoe do? Are there any horse socks? Is anybody listening to me?

Old Farm Lady: If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.

Brian Madison: You were brought up with every advantage. I bought you everything. Toys, cars, vacations, clothes...

Frank: When I graduated from first grade, all my dad did was tell me to get a job.

Happy Gilmore

Shooter McGavin: Damn you people. Go back to your shanties.

Chubbs: Golf requires concentration and focus. Golf's no different from hockey. It requires talent and self discipline.

Chubbs: Hell no! Damned alligator bit my hand off!

Donald: You're gonna need a blanket and suntan lotion, cause you're never gonna get off that beach, just like the way you never got into the NHL... you jackass!

Dumb and Dumber

Lloyd: You said it, pal. Maybe we're not as good of friends as we thought. I mean, if one beautiful girl can rip us apart, then maybe our friendship isn't worth a damn. Maybe we should call it quits right now.

Harry: Yesterday was one of the greatest days of my life. Mary and I went skiing, we made a snowman, she touched my leg...

Lloyd: Hey, chicks love it. It's the shaggin' wagon.

Lloyd: Life is a fragile thing, Har. One minute you're chewin' on a burger, the next minute you're dead meat.

Harry: I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.

Harry: According to the map we've only gone 4 inches.

Harry: No, it's a cardigan but thanks for noticing.

Lloyd: We got no food, no jobs... our pet's heads are falling off!

Lloyd: I got robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart. I didn't even see it coming.

Harry: [after Lloyd trades the van in for a moped] Just when I thought you couldn't get any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!

Mental: Shut up! Now we don't even know who the hell they are! You don't kill people you don't know. That's a rule.

Harry: Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.

Boondock Saints

Connor: These are not polite suggestions, these are codes of behavior, and those of you that ignore them will pay the dearest cost.

Connor: You know what I think is psycho, Roc? It's decent men with loving families. They come home every day after work and they turn on the news. You know what they see? They see rapists, and murderers and child molesters. They're all getting out of prison.

Il Duce: And whosoever shed man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed, for in the image of God made He man.

Paul Smecker: This is an Irish neighborhood. I'm surprised you even got a phone call.

Paul Smecker: Oh, isn't that wonderful? All the lowlifes in quiet city Boston are dropping dead and you think it's unrelated!

Rosengurtie: Wait! Rule of thumb? In the early 1900s it was legal for men to beat their wives, as long as they used a stick no wider than their thumb.

Yakavetta: He's happy now, just killing us one by one. And worse, he's good at it.

Il Duce: When I raise my flashing sword, and my hand takes hold on judgment, I will take vengeance upon mine enemies, and I will repay those who haze me. Oh, Lord, raise me to Thy right hand and count me among Thy saints.

Connor: Destroy all that which is evil.

Connor: It's the real deal, Roc. Evil men, dead men.

Murphy: And we will send you to whatever god you wish.

Paul Smecker: Television. Television is the explanation for this - you see this in bad television.

Paul Smecker: Brilliant. So now we got a huge guy theory, and a serial crusher theory. Top notch.

Connor: You look like Mush-mouth from Fat Albert.

Murphy: We're sorta like 7-Eleven. We're not always doing business, but we're always open.

Murphy: Do not kill. Do not rape. Do not steal. These are principles which every man of every faith can embrace.

Paul Smecker: First of all, I'd like to thank whichever one of you donut-munching, barrel-assed, pud-pulling sissies leaked this to the press. That's all we need now: some sensational story in the papers making these guys out to be superheroes, triumphing over evil.

Paul Smecker: You know, you Irish cops are perking up. That's two sound theories in one day, neither of which deal with abnormally-sized men. Kind of makes me feel like Riverdancing.

Rocco: I'll catch you on the flip side.

Yakavetta: The 90's are killing me. I shouldn't have done that. You're not supposed to tell a guy you're gonna kill him no more.

The Wedding Singer

I think we all know that when you fall in love the emptiness kind of drifts away. So all that I'm saying is that when you fall in love like you guys the emptiness drifts away because you find something to live for, each other. And the way I've seen you two looking into each other's eyes all day long I can tell that you're going to live for each other for the rest of your lives. - Robbie Hart

Remember alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals no one likes you. - Robbie Hart

I don't think anyone could sing more than that kid. I think I saw a boot come out of him. - Robbie Hart

I feel like I'm doomed to wonder the planet alone forever. - Julia

And they can't drink without a fish. - Julia

You gotta get married before your hips start spreading and you get facial hair. - Julia's mom

I'm just trying to get someone to play with your ding-dong. - Sammy

Well I have a microphone and you don't, so you will listen to every damn word I have to say! - Robbie

You know it's funny. Some of us will never find true love. Like, take for instance... me. And I'm pretty sure that guy right there. And that lady with the sideburns. And basically everybody at table nine. But the worst thing is that me, fatty, sideburns lady, and the mutants at table nine, will never, ever find a way to better the situation because apparently, we have absolutely nothing to offer the opposite sex. - Robbie

Sir, one more outburst, I will strangle you with my microphone wire. - Robbie

Women got a thing about marriage. If you want to stay with them, eventually you're gonna have to marry them at some point. No big deal. There she is, the girl that finally beat me into submission. - Glenn

I think it's the little things that count. - Julia

The right one. I always just envisioned the right one being someone I can see myself growing old with. - Julia

The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants

Carmen: I’d like to think that fate had a hand in what happened that summer. That it was the pants’ destiny to find us. Where they come from and why they chose us, well, that will always be a mystery. But perhaps that was part of their miracle, that they sensed in that moment how much we needed them, how much we needed some little bit of faith to hold onto, when it seemed like everything we believed in was about to slip away. But wait a minute, I’m getting ahead of myself. We’d been a foursome for as long as I could remember. In fact, we were a foursome before we were born. Our mothers met at a prenatal aerobic class. They really didn’t have anything in common, except their due dates. The first one out of the gate was Bridget. The rest of us followed within the week. Bridget liked to take charge. And you know what? Sometimes that worked in our favor. And that’s how it always was with us: give and take. But mostly give. We were there for each other to understand the things that no one else in the world could. There were some things we would never make sense of. And we were there for those too. We were there for the things we couldn’t face alone. Or the ones we didn’t want to face at all. Together, it was as if we formed one single, complete person. Wild, unstoppable Bridget. Shy and beautiful Lena. Tibby the rebel. And me, Carmen the writer. We were 16 and had never been apart and all that was about to change.

Priest: Grief is never an easy burden to bear. And as we mourn the loss of this beloved wife, mother and friend… it only make her choice that much more unfathomable. What measure of despair compels one to commit such an act? We can only take comfort in the face that she is in a better place now… than she found here among us.

Carmen: 1. Each sister is going to keep the pants for a week.
Tibby: 2. No picking your nose while wearing the pants.
Bridget: 3. When sending the pants, we should write a letter detailing the most exciting thing that has happened to us while wearing the pants.
Carmen: 4. When it happens and we re unite we will document it on the pants themselves
Lena: 5. Any removal of the pants must be done by the wearer herself
Carmen: 6. We will never ever wash the pants
Tibby: 7. No double cuffing. Double cuffing is tacky
Carmen: 8. Tucking your shirt and wearing a belt at the same time
Bridget: 9. You can never say you look fat while wearing the pants
Lena: 10. Pants = love.
Bridget: Love your sisters and love yourself

Lena's Yia Yia: We guard you like a jewel.

Tibby: Human existence at its lamest.

Lena: I’ve never known that kinda of faith. It makes me so sad that people like Kostas and Bridget who have lost everything can still be open to love while I, who have lost nothing, cannot.

Eric: I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anyone with that much intensity. Ever. You know it’s more than that. You scare the hell outta me.

Bridget: Single minded to a point of recklessness.

Bailey: You know what I like most about the stars? You look at them, all of them up there and you just know there’s gotta be something more than...
Tibby: Life?
Bailey: There has to be.
Tibby: Are you scared?
Bailey: Not of dying, really. It’s more that I’m afraid of time. And not having enough of it. Time to figure out who I’m supposed to be to find my place in the world before I have to leave it. I’m afraid of what I’ll miss.

Lena: Bridget just lights everything up. She makes everything more fun. And Carmen is brilliant, but she doesn't know it. And Tibby marches to her own drum. I’m kinda jealous of her. Because she knows who she is. I think I know who I wanna be.

Lena: All my life, everybody has seen me a certain way.

Kostas: Some people show off their beauty because they want the world to see it. Others try to hide their beauty because they want the world to see something else.

Carmen: And you know what, Lydia? Just forget about the dress. We can tell everybody that Carmen's Puerto Rican. And it never occurred to you she might be built differently. Or that, unlike you and your daughter, she has an ass that the tailor didn't have enough bolts of material to cover, or better yet, just tell everyone there is no Carmen. Carmen doesn't exist!

Carmen: And why are you giving me this hypocritical lecture about treating people decently when you walk around screaming, “Screw the world” because that’s easier than feeling something?

Tibby: She drives you crazy. We’ll be doing interviews, right? Talking to people, and she’ll just jump in out of nowhere and start asking these questions. She’ll ask them anything she wants about their lives, like she’s trying to get to know them or something.

Bridget: It happened just how I imagined it always would. So why do I feel this way, Lena? How can something that’s supposed to make you feel so complete end up leaving you so empty. I just wish so much I could talk to my mom. I need her and that scares me.

Tibby: Well, maybe sometimes it’s easier to be mad at the people you trust. Because you know they’ll always love you, no matter what.

Lena: Papou, I need to say something to you. You can pretend that you don't understand me, but I know you do. People have always said to me that I take after Yia Yia, that I have her face and her smile but what no one ever sees is that there’s this whole other part of me that is just like you. Quiet and stubborn and afraid of showing too much. And then I met someone who changed everything and he showed me I can take a chance, even if it’s only for a moment. You had that same moment once, when you met Yia Yia. And you risked everything for it. That was your chance, Papou. And I’m asking not to have mine.

Dear Tibby, my heart is too full to write about this now. And you won’t believe I’m saying this but I really think the pants did bring this to me. We were right all along, Tibby. The pants are magic. And I know if you let them, they’ll bring you some too. All my love, Lena.

Carmen: You’ve never known, because I’ve never been able to tell you. You should’ve warn me, but it’s more than that. I feel like some outsider who doesn’t even belong to you anymore. It’s like you’ve traded me for something that you thought was better. I want to know why. Are you ashamed of me? Are you embarrassed? Just tell me what did I do wrong? Why did you leave? Why did you have to go? And then tell me that we were gonna be closer? But that never happened.

Tibby: You were right and I was wrong. But I’m wrong about most people. So...
Bailey: The important thing is you always change your mind about them.

Tibby: You just have to believe.
Bailey: They’ve already worked their magic on me. They brought me to you.

Bailey: ] Hey, it's me, Bailey. You don't have to use this in your movie or anything, although now that I think of it, fainting in Wallman's does kind of qualify me as a loser. But then again, wearing a price sticker on your forehead probably makes you one, too. Ya know, I don't know, Tibby, maybe the truth is there is a little bit of loser in all of us, you know? Being happy isn’t having everything in your life be perfect. Maybe it’s about stringing together all the little things, like wearing these pants, or getting to a new level of “Dragon’s Lair” and making those count for more than the bad stuff. Maybe we just get through it and that’s all we can ask for.

Carmen: As hard as it is to be sad about it, don’t you think maybe it’s harder not to be?

Bridget: I just want to feel good and happy and alive because if I feel alive then it doesn’t seem like she’s dead. And if I’m not sad, then it proves that I’m not like her.

Carmen: You don’t have to prove that to anyone. You have a strength in you that your mom never had. As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t find it.

Bridget: Problem is I wanted it for all the wrong reasons. And all the things that I was trying to run away from just ended up catching up with me that much sooner.

Bridget: Rule number 11: in the event of an emergency, the pants will automatically go to the sister in need regardless of the schedule.

Dear Bridget, I guess I was kidding myself to think that when the pants arrived they were somehow going to make everything better. I mean, I don’t blame them for what happened, but anyway I do hope they bring you better luck than they did me, and even more than that, Bee, may they bring you good sense. I know it sounds boring but trust me, from experience, a little common sense; it’s not such a bad thing, Bee. Wear them well. Love you, Carmen.

Carmen: I felt like I was living in some freak show known as “The Land of the Blonds.” And guess who was the freak? It was horrible. Okay, Paul, he doesn’t talk. He didn’t say a word. And Krista, she’s this perky little… nightmare. Her and her mom are like Sunshine Twins on uppers except when, God forbid, something happened with the wedding plans. Because, Tibby, I don’t think there was a single conversation that didn’t revolve around flowers, or hors d’oeuvres menus, or guest lists or tablecloths.

Yia Yia: He makes you drunk. You made promise to me. Does that mean nothing to you too? It does not mean nothing to break the hearts of those who love you? You call that nothing? In this life, family is the most precious gift we are given. The most sacred. Turn your back on them, and that is when you truly have nothing.


Carmen: It would be easy to say that the pants changed everything that summer. But looking back now, I feel that our lives changed because they had to. And that the real magic of the pants was in bearing witness to all of this and in somehow holding us together when it felt like nothing would ever be the same again.
Carmen: Some things never would be.
Lena: But we knew now that no matter how far we traveled on our own separate paths...
Bridget: Somehow we would always find or way back to each other.
Tibby: And with that, we could get through anything.
Bridget: To us, who we were and who we are. And who we’ll be.
Tibby: To the pants.
Lena: And the sisterhood.
Carmen: And this moment and the rest of our lives.
All: Together and apart.