Instant Star Season Two

Jude: Summer jobs are a right of passage and this year I kinda got the greatest one. I became musical super girl and flew through every summer night. Living a life that would make a rocker's life elite: three trusty boy sidekicks, no chores, and bus full of empty calories. When it was quiet, this music super girl just plain couldn't believe her life, because most girls would love this job. Most girls would never want to come home. But they'd be wrong because coming home was the sweetest part of all.

Jude: Jamie Andrews. I'm a man managed enough to manage the unmanagable.

Jude: Doing it alone in the alley? That's the first sign of addiction, Quincy.
Tommy: I can stop any time I want.
Tommy: Come on. The first taste's always free.

Jude: Right. Okay, well, I'm just going to go home and put on a dress that your ex-wife has chosen, and go sing a song that Darius has picked out that I'm going to be singing after the kids who are replacing me. So, I say what?

Tommy: Look I don't want to sound like someone's dad. But sometimes we all gotta do things we don't want to do. it's called playing ball, Jude. Some of us gotta do it from time to time.

Jude: I feel like a wardrobe malfunction in progress.

Jude: Well, beautiful mermaid things do, but not the horrible, fakey, fraud things in tortured shoes belong in the back.

Jamie: I love you. Real Jude. Fierce Jude. The one who forgets to comb her hair, the one who writes songs that makes me want to punch people or cry. Sometimes simultaneously. You go out there. You be the Judiest Jude that you can be. they're going to love you just like I do. I promise.

Tommy: What about the part when I asked you to play ball? What do you thin that meant? That you were supposed to go out there tonight and pitch a diva fit?

There are mistakes and there are mistakes. There's not shoveling your icy sidewalk and there's realizing an iceberg about to sink your luxury liner. The captain of the Titanic would like to go back and add more lifeboats. Just like I'd give anything to go back to last night and sing what Darius wants. But I can't go back. All I can do is keep swimming and hope that someone throws my a life boat before I drown.

Jamie: If he's Johnny Depp, I'm Prince William.

Sadie: Look, don't get in between Jude and Tommy. They choose each other every time.

Sadie: It's called being a realist Jamie. You should try it before my little sister breaks your little heart.

Tommy: Yeah, because high school boyfriends know about music careers.

Sadie: Mom, why don't you say we 86 the royal dorks already?

Tommy: Right,'cuz nothing says legitimate singing contest like space prostitutes.

Jude: I'll sleep when I'm dead, Quincy.

Jude: In the last evil 48 hours I nearly lost my record contract and actually lost my boyfriend. Still they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, so I guess I should be worrying. Too bad I can barely squeak.

Van: You're a doll. No seriously you're like a doll, all blond, and manufactured. I can see my seven year old daughter want to shove you in the dream camper with your crotchless boyfriend. Speaking of which, are you getting any plastic boyfriend action, princess pop star. No boyfriend? I guess you should grab one quick before your career is over. Too late. Any last words before you hit the bottom of the delete bin?

Kyle: Just so I'm clear Jude, you're admiting you blow.
Spiederman: Well Van, if my blow you mean suck, then yes, I suck harder than an airplane toilet.
Kyle: Sounds to me like your clogged up.
Spiederman: You're clogged up, so there.

Tommy: All right kids, recess is over..."Over-rated" rolling on take one.
Spiederman: Over-rated, already got one.

Liam: I suppose her consistency could be considered a virtue.

Tommy: You could try a little less constipation and a little more Joplin.

Tommy: In the immortal words of Johnny Cash, you want them to feel it in their guts, you've got to sing it from your guts. So go find some.

Jude: I have emotional laryngitis.

Jude: No comeback is worth a Jamie encounter.

Jude: You think I'm over-rated, Skid mark. How about you tell your new girlfriend here, that nobody even likes you on the tour bus. We only keep you around because you're an okay guitar player. Or how about the fact that you wear the same ninja turtle pajamas every single night. Just had to say that. You, rock, You, ugh.

Patsy: I don't do industry dorks.

Patsy: Don't be mad. Be merciless.

Stuart: Find me a father who would finds bailing his daughter our of jail at 4:20 in the morning is a real chuckle.

Tommy: Pimp me out to your hot little friends? Might be pushing it.

Sadie: Excuse me B, get your hand off my hunny. What you're after is worth more than $2000. Trust me I would know.

Sadie: You can keep your sorority big nose, and snaps you the plastic surgeon that can handle that ginormous beak.

Jude: There's no encore so you all can shove it!

Jude: There's a girl that's glad is good for your hair. It makes it soft.

Jude: I didn't understand a word Mr. McCord said in physics. But I have my own secret about time and place. The Jude Principle says that sometimes the time, place, and other person can sometimes line up into perfection. Anyways, when that happens, I like to call it Tommy Time. Apparently the Darius and Liam continuum can squash the Jude Principle and end Tommy Time, at the speed of light.

Jude: In stores now, Jude Harrison's Greatest Divorce Hits, featuring Dad's number one single, "Take our love and shove it." And Mom's all-time shower favorite, "Daddy moved out, I moved on." Plus the bonus bootleg track, "Stuck in the middle with Jude."

Jamie: My Nana's pretty old school, as in no pierced punks before marriage.

Jamie: I'm pretty sure you're aware that breaking bottles over people's heads is wildly dangerous and quite possibly demented.

Patsy: Once you get past the kindergarten hair and strictly mall clothes, you don't suck as much.

Jamie: That's the best non-compliment I've ever received.

Mom: Oh it was over when you toured your travel agent.

Tommy: The last time I saw Saturday morning it was still Friday night.

Jude: I have two parents tearing each other apart, a four-month hiatus, and now that you're a corporate king of music everywhere, no you.

Spiederman: The dark lord Spiederman commands you pay your fee, mere mortals.

Kwest: Don't touch the board yo, not unless you want to keep that hand.

Jude: Don't. It won't help if you two spew any more testosterone and pee all over each other.

Patsy: Back for seconds, huh. I like a man with a big appetite.

Patsy: I like disappearing, when it gets time to disappear.

Tommy: It's a nice space. I like it.
Jude: Yeah. It feels right... Like a place where anything can happen.
Tommy: You know, you're a full-fledged artist now. You fight hard, and pretty soon you won't need anyone else.
Jude: I wouldn't have sung it like that if you didn't make me stand on my head first, and then shown up.
Tommy: We got a lot more in us, huh?

Jude: Can you just promise me one thing? Until then, if the door in there is ever locked -
Tommy: I'll just kick it down.

Jude: Dad said, people used to take better care of their cars. Maintenance matters in life, because in life you're never know when you're gonna hit a giant bump. If life is like cars, I hope my shock absorbers are working at giant capacity.

Mason: Miss Harrison, is it true you pay her to be your best friend?
Jude: Off the record, I pay extra for the curls.
Mason: Miss Harrison is it also true we have to media train because you got sent off to jail?
Jude: Hey! I'll show you a horror movie.

Sadie: My academic advisor says that anything that gets you out of your comfort zone is a victory.

Jude: So, I know that you said things come in threes. But when did you start hating me enough to be the third?
Kat: You have this glamorous life. I can't compete.
Jude: I'm not competing.
Kat: Yeah, but I am, and I can't win. I get a boyfriend and he's in love with you, I make a dress and you get designer freebies, I get a car and you get the coolest old car in the world. And then you get flowers from Tommy freakin' Q?

Jude: This year's must-have accessories for the rocker girl include a great new party song, a Fender telecaster, and a boyfriend. You know what, forget the boyfriend. Give me a killer back up band any day of the week.

Tommy: I love being a part of the Babysitter's Club.

Tommy: Banish those dirty thoughts, Yoko.
Jude: Excuse me?
Tommy: Yoko Ono. She fell in love with John Lennon. Broke up the Beatles.
Jude: Yeah, I know who she is, Gramps. I can't be the Yoko of my own band
Tommy: Thou shalt not make the concept album, thou shalt not let the drummer sing, and thou shalt not romance within the band.
Jude: Those guys are like my brothers.
Tommy: Your sophomore album is coming up and you've never sounded as good as you do with that band. So don't mess it up.
Jude: I don't have plans to.

Jude: Lately, I've kinda been the queen of pushing everyone away.

Wally: Dudes, we got something funnier than that clip of the squirrel on water skis.

Porsia: Some people think performing is only worth doing if you'll be a star.

Spiederman: I hope you model better than you play bass.

Porsia: Performing is 90% attitude.

Jude: I'm just sick of scaring everyone away.

Jude: Why would I want anything with such an incredible jack ass?

Jude: We have to find a new guitarist. One who can make us laugh and keep my nerves under control.
Tommy: Won't be easy. I mean, Vin Spiedermans... they don't exactly grow on trees.
Jude: Well, he had his chance, right?
Tommy: You think you can replicate that kind of chemistry with just anybody, Jude?
Jude: What? First you were like, "Jude, chemistry's bad, don't let it into the band." Now chemistry's good?
Tommy: No, but... when sparks fly, it *can* be really good for the work.
Tommy: You know what I'm saying?
Jude: Yeah, I think I do.

Jude: When I'm with him I feel like my ideas just click differently. You know, I feel like we could just jam forever.

Jude: Hello, Chicken-Jackass International.

Porsia: True diva never caves.

Spiederman: Just, you know, garbage picking isn't on my most attractive wualities list.

Jude: Some things just belong together. Sid and Nancy, peanut butter and jam, Sadie and musical theater. Okay, maybe not that last one. Other things that go together, people I love and the lies I tell to keep them happy.

Liam: Sorry to disappoint you Mr. Andrews, but I don't date my employees.

Tommy: Put your lips away Papa, I get your girl now.

Jude: It's like a model bomb went off. And they all look starving hungry.

Liam: We don't write the lyrics or the rifts, but we're the guys that make sure those little things make it out into the world.

Liam: Let me tell you a little secret. Musicians are like children. They've gotta be a little afraid of you in order to do their best stuff.

Sadie: Tommy here has been holding his own private auditions for America's Next Top Model.

Jude: I stopped buying what he's selling.

Sadie: Have you ever liked a guy so much it made you like yourself even less?

Jude: Show me a girl who's said she's never practice an award's speech in front of a bathroom mirror. And I'll show you a fibber. I used to put a towel on my head to pretend I had long pink hair and talk into Mom's hairbrush. I'm a nominee thank you. I'll ever bring my own hairbrush and towel.

Spiederman: Hair is important Jude. There's a whole genre of 80's rock devoted to it.

Jude: Apparently my hair is uncooperative.

Spiederman: I wasn't joking. Nobody wants to see that butt ugly hairdo up on stage again.

Jude: He's so completely gay, it doesn't matter.

Spiederman: She's like this awesome rock goddess, whether she's covered in mud or angry at me or whatever. She's just incredible. I'm proud of her. Way to go dude, Jude.

Jude: Sorry you can be such a butt-head.

Mason: Juderman. You guys are adorable.

Sadie: After her public dumping last birthday, I'm even giving Jude my pink candle.

Jude: Rule number one of Jude's birthday.
Sadie: No singing that song.

Jude: In your birthday horoscope you get to find out the famous people who share your birthday with. I share mine with Beethoven and Verdi. Cool. I also share my birthday with one of those bearded guitar players from ZZ Top. And then there seems to be certain lying, cheating people I'd rather not to spend my birthday with at all.

Jude: Hey, can you stop writing your groupies on your crack berry and listen to me.

Kwest: Hungry engineers don't make hit records, D.

Jamie: I'm sorry. Do you mean, did I hear about my ex-friend who fired me as a manager then hooked up with my girlfriend two nano-seconds after we broke up?

Waitress: If you are caught with forbidden utensils they will be taken and melted in our communal forge. If you need anything, stand on your hind legs and holler. Ug Ug is my name.

Spiederman: What can I say? Girl likes my sense of fun. Although I'm sure she misses your romantic trips to the morgue.

Spiederman: Don't chaoke dude, you gotta save air for your blowup girlfriend.

Jamie: You're at dinner with her family, Stifler. A little deportment.

Sadie: Jamie told Jude not to date you. He said you play guitar worst than madonna and you have the IQ of her cone bra. Spiederman does this great impression of you. It involves him pulling his pants up to his chest and reading. It makes Jude howl.

Tommy: You know, people... they don't always see who you really are. But I need you to try.
Jude: I always thought I saw the real you.
Tommy: Believe me, in me, again.

Jude: The good thing about school is, that it's way easier than real life. The good thing about real life is, that there are no midterm exams.

Darius: Just because you're muddy, doesn't mean it's not still you.

Patsy: People always buy crap music.

Porsia: Smile. Look pretty and say, I don't hate school at all.

Jude: I don't hate school not like Tommy hates school.

Tommy: What? I just get nervous around screaming girls that try to tear my clothes off.

Tommy: "Hey kid get used to people not liking your stuff"?

Tommy: And you know why you need me? Because I always pull you through, I always tell you to keep going. That little girl is going to quit Jude, because no one told her to keep going.

Spiederman: Dude, leave your women troubles at the door. This is a place for music.
Jamie: Isn't music always about women troubles?

Spiederman: Patsy loves a few precious things in this world. Whiskey on her cereal. A rowdy guy on a guitar.
Jamie: You said a few. Few is more than two. I'm not old enough to buy whiskey and I can't play guitar.
Spiederman: Ain't no romance in pie charts. You wanna turn Patsy on or not?

Sadie: Don't you stereotypes just misspell song titles anyways? I mean, there's only one R in 'dirty'.
Jude: Stereotypes can be smart too. I mean, Darius has three degrees.
Sadie: While Tommy Q punched people and dropped out at grade 7 to his eternal drunken regret. Okay, you didn't hear that from me.

Jude: You have to say what you have to say. It's the most important thing in the world. They're all going to see how good you are if you keep going. You gotta pick good influences too.

Jamie: Look, you can smash my calculator.

Jude:It is about music. I'm going to have trouble making my mouth permanently sealed
shut.

Jude: Spied, for question four, write "All us quitar stars think elbows are for losers."

Jude: When I was a kid, my sister Sadie loved to dress up. Then she's hide in some weird place in our house. Then Sadie would wait and pop out when I least expected it. Kinda like that, and I hated it just as much back then. Because when you're not expecting something, it feels 20 times more awful, even with your sister there.

Jude: You say distracting, I say inspiring.

Spiederman: Ladies and gentleman. The "Why can't we have Kwest" blues. King Kwest was the best. He made us a big sandwich fest. But now he's lost his crown. And now we're stuck with Lord Squinty Frown.

Jamie: What's the difference between a musician and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family.

Jude: No vacancies for evil.

Spiederman: Dudes, we didn't break in here to bicker like little girls. We broke in here to teach pretty boy a little lesson about humor.

Tommy: Yeah I went shopping at the "Hip-Hop Moguls-R-Us."
Darius: Once I start strangling somebody I get this hysterical deafness.
Tommy: You know, I wanted a new vibe in here. I thought I'd pimp it out a little. I gotta say, I am all about this cougar right now.

Tommy: This ain't the Prank King style. This is amateur. But I bet I can tell you who the amateurs are.

Spiederman: Dude, you killed him?
Tommy: Look, man, he came in screaming, alright? He said I stole his stuff! And then he came at me and struggled with the gun, and then - D, I forgot... What happened next?
Darius: You shot me, T.
Tommy: That's right, I shot him.

Jude: We never really were Romeo and Juliet anyways.
Spiederman: More like Bart and Lisa Simpson.

Tommy: I took a chance. Shoot me.
Jude: Hmm. Taking chances seems to be all the rage these days.

Tommy: You go into my studio again, and I will squash you until your converse shoes and your emo haircut are neighbors! You left this on my soundboard.

Jude: You should be a mushroom cloud of hair gel and leather! Our album just got turfed!

Tommy: Sometimes you are just so... seventeen.

Tommy: It's romantic, it's got passion, it's...
Jude: It's about you! On the tour bus, coming home and seeing you was almost all I could think about. And, I wanted to put those feelings away. To stay safe.

Jude: My favorite part about wrapping an album is holding the mixed CD in my hand for the first time. It's proof, shiny, smooth, silver proof that I did it, that we did it. And with those few words, my shiny proof, my album, just turns into another plastic disc of nothing.

Jude: Why? Because I didn't want to make out with you on a stinky bus with a fist full of syrup?

Spiederman: The thing is, actions speak louder than words. And your actions, I think they're trying to say something.

Jude: If you're doing an impersonation of Sadie, you'll need bigger hair and a bigger snare.

Jude: "Most of us go to our graves with our music still inside of us." Wow, sometimes you can be so twenty-four.

Tommy: You know the first time you finished an album I was the jerk, who didn't get you anything.

Jude: Don't touch the hotel bedspreads, they never really wash them.

Jude: Every question you have in life can be answered by Joey Ramone lyrics. Joey wrote "Touring. Touring's never boring. Let's go, let's go." But he also wrote, "Do you love me back? What do you say? Do you love me back?" Only one person can answer that question for me, Tommy Quincy, do you love me back?

Darius: You don't have to dream, that's what I'm hear for.

Sadie: What is this? Some sort of kinky, James Bond fantasy of yours?

Liam: You've got 13.5 minutes to find me a rock star smile.

Sadie: I don't date industry guys.
Kwest: I don't date girls who push my buttons.

Jamie: I'm kinda obsessive compulsive when it comes to you.

Jude: I want to run away and hide in Mason's guitar case. And go on tour.

Mason: Hey, what happens on tour, stays on tour.

Jamie: Jude, there are people who love you, at home, here in this room. Theres only one way to get your music back.

Jude: Yeah, face it. I have to face the music.

Darius: Most artists hit number one before they have a breakdown. But you gotta do everything all unique, huh?