Steel Magnolias

Clairee: She can't be more than 18. She hasn't had time to have a past.

Truvy: This is the 80s. If you can achieve puberty, you can achieve a past.

M'Lynn: All abuse is heaped on the mother of the bride.

Ouiser: He is a boil on the butt of humanity.

Ouiser: Men are the most horrible creatures, honey. They will ruin your life.

Clairee: All gay men have track lightin'. And all gay men are named Mark, Rick, or Steve.

Ouiser: I try not to eat healthy food if I can possibly help it. The sooner my body gives out, the better off I'll be.

Ouiser: Southern women are supposed to wear funny looking hats and ugly clothes and grow vegetables in the dirt.

Truvy: God don't care which church you go to, as long as you show up.

Ouiser: A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Clairee: You have the handwriting of a serial killer.

Ouiser: I do not see plays, because I can nap at home for free. And I don't see movies 'cause they're trash, and they got nothin' but naked people in 'em! And I don't read books, 'cause if they're any good, they're gonna make 'em into a miniseries.

M'Lynn: I find it amusing. Men are supposed to be made out of steel or something. I just sat there. I just held Shelby's hand. There was no noise, no tremble, just peace. Oh god. I realize as a woman how lucky I am. I was there when that wonderful creature drifted into my life and I was there when she drifted out. It was the most precious moment of my life.

M'Lynn: I'm fine! I can jog all the way to Texas and back, but my daughter can't! She never could! Oh God! I am so mad I don't know what to do! I wanna know why! I wanna know *why* Shelby's life is over! I wanna know how that baby will *ever* know how wonderful his mother was! Will he ever know what she went through for him! Oh *God* I wanna know why? Why? Lord, I wish I could understand! No! No! No! It's not supposed to happen this way! I'm supposed to go first. I've always been ready to go first! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I just wanna hit somebody 'til they feel as bad as I do! I just wanna hit something! I wanna hit it hard!

Clairee: We'll sell t-shirts sayin' "I SLAPPED OUISER BOUDREAUX!" Hit her!

Clairee: M'Lynn, you just missed the chance of a lifetime! Half o' Chiquapin Parish'd give their eye teeth to take a whack at Ouiser!

Shelby: Remember what Daddy always says - an ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure!

M'Lynn: Shelby, as you know, wouldn't want us to get mired down and wallow in this. We should handle it the best way we know how and get on with it. That's what my mind says, I just wish somebody would explain it to my heart.

Ouiser Boudreaux: Oh! Well don't you expect me to come to one of your churches or one of those tent-revivals with all those Bible-beaters doin' God-only-knows-what! They'd probably make me eat a live chicken!

Truvy: Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.

Truvy: Smile! It increases your face value.

Clairee: Ouiser could never stay mad at me; she worships the quicksand I walk on.

Ouiser: Annelle, take your Bible and shove it where the sun doesn't shine.

Ouiser: You are evil, and you must be destroyed.
Clairee: Mother Nature's taking care of that faster than you could.

Clairee: The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.

Clairee: That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.

Ouiser: I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood 40 years!

Ouiser: The only reason people are nice to me is because I have more money than God.

Clairee: Well, you know what they say: if you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!

Truvy: There's so much static electricity in this room, I pick up everything but boys and money.

Shelby: Well, we went skinny dipping and we did things that frightened the fish.

Shelby: Mama, I don't know why you have to make everything so difficult. I look at having a baby as the opportunity of a lifetime. Sure there may be risk involved, but that's true for anybody. But you get through it and life goes on. And when it's all said and done there will be a little piece of immortality with Jackson's good looks and my sense of style, I hope. Please, please I need your support. I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.

M'Lynn: You are special Shelby. There are limits to what you can do.

Clairee: The older you get, the sillier you get.
Ouiser: Yeah, well the older you get, the uglier you get.

Truvy: There is no such thing as natural beauty.

Truvy: I don't like her. I don't trust anyone who does their own hair. I don't think it's natural.

M'Lynn: Oh Ouiser, Drum would NEVER point a gun at a lady!
Ouiser: Oh! He's a real gentleman! I bet he takes the dishes out of the sink before he PEES in it!