True Blood: Season Three

Tara: I don't know what I expect - trash is as trash does.

Pam: I should have told you that lavender is my favorite color.
Sookie: Pam, I'm in no mood for lesbian weirdness.

Lafayette: [to Lettie-Mae] Bitch! You, me, bridge ain't gonna never motherfuckin' happen.

Andy Bellefleur: We are going to get through this so long as we act like everything is perfectly normal.
Jason: I ain't even sure what normal is anymore.
Andy Bellefleur: Well for you, normal is goin' out and gettin' tail. So I suggest you start there.
Jason: No, that was the old Jason. I wanna be new Jason.
Andy Bellefleur: Well, when this thing blows over you can go out and not get laid all you want to. But for now, you gotta be the Jason Stackhouse everybody knows.

Lafayette: Good. Tequila and klonopin, baby girl. A steady diet of that will keep them thoughts away 'til y'alls more equipped to deal with them.

Hoyt: Well somebody musta told the truth about me then. My whole life has gone from happy to hell inside just a couple of days. No girlfriend. I got no roof over my head, unless you count my car.

Lafayette: [to Lettie Mae] Do everybody a solid. Instead of looking up at a god that let all this shit happen, you need to keep your eyes on your fucking daughter. She ain't right to be alone.

Reverend Daniels: [to Tara] This devil woman came to you and introduced you to a man and together they tried to pull you down into the pits of hell.

Andy Bellefleur: Say it with me! Conscious off - di*k on and everything's gonna be alright.

Jason: I'm starting to believe that the truth is poison.

Pam: I don't know what it is about me that makes people think I want to hear their problems. Maybe I smile too much. Maybe I wear too much pink. But please remember I can rip your throat out if I need to. And also know that I am not a hooker. That was a long, long time ago.

Jason: If you and me are gonna be roommates, there's a certain amount of pussy overflow you just have to get used to dealing with.

Lafayette: You're too busy praising Jesus to realize your daughter wants to move in with him permanently.

Sookie: It's 5 a.m. What are you doing eating my chicken in the dark?

Mrs. Reynolds: This is Jesus. He's a Mexican. But he ain't rape me yet.

Sookie: You wait to tell people how you feel about them, you never know what will happen.

Sam: I didn't realize this was a 'Whose Life is More Fucked' contest. If it means that much to you, you win.

Andy: You're a good guy, Stackhouse. You got a lot of heart. You're prettier than most girls.

Godric: A vampire is never at the mercy of his emotions. He dominates them.

Eric: You're going to invite me in so I can protect you. Or have passionate, primal sex with you. Or how about both?

Terry: I have a diploma from anger management, where I learned talking about your feelings is a manly thing to do.

Hoyt: The legal blood/alcohol level in the state of Louisiana is...
Jason: Drunk?

Eric: If you plan in rescuing a vampire during daylight, I have seriously overestimated your intelligence.

Lorena: The only way to show your love for a human is to stay away forever.

Alcide: No matter how well you think you know somebody, they can still turn around and kick you right in the nut sack.

Sam's mother: Sometimes I think that boy's cheese done fall right off his cracker.

Sookie: Can all vampires fly?
Eric: Can all humans sing?
Sookie : Are you kidding? I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket with a lid on it.

King: A woman is only a woman. But a good cigar is a smoke.

Arlene: People love giving redheads tips - and I've always been the only redhead at Merlotte's.

Franklin: If there's one thing I miss more than sunshine, it is good fruit.

Bill [to Lorena]: Any passion you felt was me killing my love for Sookie. It had nothing to do with you... It's been a long night, and I need to sleep. Now get the fuck out.

Talbot: You and your dusty love beast are at odds with my decor.

Sookie: I am not gonna die 'cause of your shitty girlfriend and a Mississippi pothole!

Russell: A King in front of them, a Queen behind them - and they're talking about a human girl.
Talbot: Men.

Tommy: He's little league. You're a smoking hot vampire. You're the Majors.

Mr. Northman: You can't live your life between a woman's legs.
Eric: I can try.

Franklin: Even when I'm away, I can feel your flesh molded to me. That's how close we are now.
Tara: That's really sweet.

Tara: We need to talk.
Franklin: Don't say that. Women say that, everything goes black, and I wake up surrounded by body parts.

Terry: I ain't worried. I've never been so not worried. This is what normal people do, Sam. They fall in love. They make each other laugh. They move in together. They raise kids. They fight over money. They get old and fat together. And it's normal. And it's happenin' to me. I can't believe it.

Arlene: Please don't eat me, I am pregnant. Oh that probably just made you want to eat me more.

Jessica: Just because my fangs popped out doesn't mean I am going to use them on you.

Lafayette: Go tell your mama that two faggots whooped your ass!

Sam: You're just a scared man in saggy underpants with no discernible life skills.

Summer: I really like you Hoyt and I really want you to taste my biscuits.

Jason: I didn't think I was smart enough to get depressed.

Talbot: Franklin's brains won't wash off the guest linens, I had to bury werewolves under the gazebo, and that Sookie bitch staked Lorena. I've had enough excitement, thank you.

Russell: Poor Talbot. Are your diamond slippers chafing?

Talbot: I'm bored. Take off your clothes.

Alcide: You can read minds and shoot light out of your fingers. Who am I to tell you what's best for you?

Arlene: That's Tara. She's all bark and, well, she bites, too.

Tara: Maybe you can flirt some sense into that girl 'cause logic sure ain't working.

Tara: Know what you sound like? One of those country songs about dumb bitches that let their men beat on them and cheat on them, all in the name of true love.
Sookie: Did you just call me a dumb bitch?

Jason: You got no right being in my head. That's... trespassing.

Eric: I enjoy a good head-ripping as much as any vampire, but in this case it might be wise to consider the value of the heads in question.

Talbot [to Russell]: You're acting like a century-old child!

Sookie: Just once I'd like to not find a dead body in my house. Is that asking too much?

Russell: We will eat you, after we eat your children. Now time for the weather... Tiffany?

Russell: Mine is the true face of vampires!

Franklin: I'll mourn you, Tara. I'll mourn you to my very marrow.

Lafayette's mother: I'll be damned. Maybe God loves fags!

Sookie: As much as you wanna be human, I think I'm closer to meeting you halfway to vampire.

Sookie: I don't know how you did things in the 1800s, but keeping a file on the woman you love is... creepy.

Terry: Arlene, I want to marry you. And together we will surround that baby with more love than it can handle.

Summer: I can tell you're a sexual person, Hoyt Fortenberry... I know God wants girls to wait, but I'm right about you.

Jessica: We get it. You don't like vampires. Well, I don't like narrow-minded skinny bitches with bad dye jobs.

Lafayette: Them fuckers is a whole new dimension of trash.

Bill: Sookie, it is not your blood I love. I love you. Your heart, your mind, your soul... you have brought light back into my life.

Bill [to Sookie]: Yours is the most delicious blood I've ever tasted. That's all I know.

Sookie: I'm a fairy? How fuckin lame!

Bill: It is more important than ever that we restrain ourselves, even if it is against our nature.

Eric: If I meet the true death without at least kissing you, Sookie Stackhouse, that will be my biggest regret.

Jason: Everyone in this town ain't what they're supposed to be. So... you turn into a panther. I love you.

Sookie: What would we be if we were normal? I can't even picture it.

Tara: No one cares about Eggs except me, and I'll miss him for the rest of my life.

Summer: I opened up my heart to him. I showed him my best underwear. There's nothing else I can do.

Sookie: I love you, Bill, but after this Mississippi mess, I'd be crazy to just trust either of you.

Russell [to Eric]: You are nothing more than a lump of muscle with a blood grudge.

Crystal: All I gotta do is marry my half-brother and let him breed me until I'm old or dead.

Lafayette: We could end up in Hell, or fuckin' South Dakota.

Pam: This is not just about your relationship, you infatuated tween. There's a bigger picture.

Eric [to Pam]: You know I love you more when you're cold and heartless.

Eric [to Russell]: Be brave. We'll die together.


Tara: Don't you think being a shape-shifter is something you should tell someone before you sleep with them.

Sookie: Stepping around the fact that your word is worth about as much as tits on a turtle.

Eric: If you two are done eye-fucking each other, can we go?

Jason: Sometimes the right thing to do is the wrong thing. I know I did the right thing.

Lafayette: You're a witch, who's a nurse, and a dude? How did I get so lucky?

Sookie: I feel better protecting myself, now that I know I am basically vampire crack.

True Blood: Season Two

Jason Stackhouse: When you love someone, you gotta love it all. Otherwise it ain't love.

Bill Compton: Your bedtime will be at 4 a.m. and not a minute later. And whilst you're under my roof, hunting is completely forbidden.
Jessica Hamby: Like I'd know where to find people in the bum-fucked town! Are we even in a town?

Maryann Forrester: Ms. Thornton. MaryAnn Forrester. I've heard all about you. What a rare opportunity this is. I've always wondered what it'd be like to gaze into the eyes of some one so devoid of human compassion. That she would abandoned her own child when she needed you the most.

Maryann Forrester: The Greeks knew there was the flimsiest veil between us and the divine.

Eggs: We're all luckier than we can imagine.

Sam Merlotte: I can't be what ever you want, when ever you want anymore. I'm tired of charin' my ass on your back burner.

Sookie Stackhouse: Oh my god. Is it that easy for you to kill? Does human life mean so little, you can just kill on command? Toss someone in the water? I can't have people dyin' everytime I confide in you. I never felt more inhuman than when I had to kill Rene. It still haunts me and now you're made me feel like I killed another person. I feel sick... I always thought as different as we are, some how we can still be together. And now I don't know. I don't know anything.

Bill Compton: Sookie... I cannot and I will not lose you. For all the ways I have dismayed, aggrieved or failed you, I swear I will atone. But I am not sorry. I refuse to apologize for what you have awakened in me. You, you are my miracle, Sookie. For the first time in a hundred and forty years, I felt something I thought had been lost to me forever... I love you.

Royce: I'm sorry I hassled you about bein' gay. If it makes you feel any better once when I was fifteen at Safety Patrol camp I let my bunkmate blow me.

Sookie Stackhouse: We've never had 'make up' sex before.
Bill Compton: How does it compare to 'you thought I was dead' sex?

Sookie Stackhouse: You know you might wanna try going a little easier on her. It's hard enough being a teenager without...

Sookie Stackhouse: How is that any different from being a teenage girl? No humanity, check. In the grips of overwhelming transformations, check. Cannot control impulses, check. Alright, uh... how is that different?

Pam: I thought prostitutes were good at keeping secrets.
Lafayette Reynolds: Oh, don't get it twisted honeycone. I'm a survivor first, capitalist second and a whole bunch of shit after that. But a hooker dead last! So if I've got even a Jew at an Al Qaida pep rally's shot at getting my black ass up out of this motherfucker I'm taking it!

Tara Thornton: How many times do I have to tell you comin' into work when you don't have to is pathetic. It's like goin' back to high school and visitin' your teachers.

Tara Thornton: So basically you're like a step-mother to a vampire?

Sookie Stackhouse: Sweetie, vampires don't cry regular tears. So when you cry, you're gonna cry blood from now on.

Maryann: Abracadabra, Sam. What I just did to you, I can do anytime, anywhere. So unless you want your customers to know your little secret, you better thick twice before you threaten me ever again. Do we understand each other?

Sookie Stackhouse: I don't normally curse. But you have seriously fucked me here!
Jessica Hamby: Hey, I know and I'm sorry. But I swear it was like it wasn't even me doing it. It must be all those new vampire impulse control issues.
Sookie Stackhouse: Fuck your impulse control issues!

Lafayette Reynolds: Not if you turn me. I'd be good as ever. Look I'm already a person of poor moral character. So, I hit the ground running and I damn near glamor people already. Gimme what ya'll got. Not only will I be a badass vampire, but I'd be your badass vampire.

Sarah Newlin: Keep in mind that your ring is made out of pure silver. Protect it with your heart because one day it might protect you.

Lafayette Reynolds: And you can put me to work in the bar. I'm a good dancer, you've seen it on my site. Shit, I'd get up there and move earth and heaven Go-Go style.

Sookie Stackhouse: The more open my mind gets, the more evil I see.

Steve Newlin: You know Sarah doesn't whip out her pudding for just anybody.

Hoyt Fortenberry: This might sound kind of funny, but I was just sitting there thinking, "How come you don't ever meet a nice girl, Hoyt?" And then you just walked right in.
Jessica Hamby: How do you know I'm a nice girl?
Hoyt Fortenberry: 'Cause of your smile, I guess. You can tell a lot about someone by the way they smile.

Eric Northman: I imagine she's referring to the human in my basement... The human who traded sexual services with a vampire in order to sell his blood - which as you know is a grave offense.

Sarah Newlin: When the vampires came out of the coffin, I went with my big sister Amber to march for their equal rights. Two months later, Amber disappeared. Got hooked on V. I know they killed her. Got rid of her body in whatever way they do.

Eric Northman: You surprise me. That is rare quality in a breather.

Bill Compton: She is a vampire! She has no family!
Jessica Hamby: I'm a monster and I'm gonna be alone forever because of you!

Bill Compton: That does not give you license to behave like an irresponsible child! She is a loaded gun, Sookie. Not a doll for you to dress up and play with!

Tara Thornton: You can't expect her to learn if you don't give her any positive reinforcement.

Jason Stackhouse: Dear God. You gotta help me out. I don't know what's right or wrong no more. Maybe I never did. Just... please, please give me another sign. 'Cause I'm lost. I'm so fuckin' lost.

Ginger: That's the thing about being with vamps, ain't it? You always forget to eat. I've lost 37 pounds since I got this job. Way better than fat farm.

Eric Northman: Your human is getting cocky.

Sookie Stackhouse: I use to get so mad when people judged vampires just for being different. It's like they were judging me too. I told myself their fear was nothing but small mindedness. But maybe that's what I wanted to believe. 'Cause the more open my mind gets, the more evil I see.

Jason Stackhouse: Evil is makin' the pre-medicated choice to be a dick.

Sookie Stackhouse: You can't just sit around waiting for your perfect idea of a man to come along. Life is way too damn short.

Jason Stackhouse: Vampires are not a joke! There's a war goin' on and you're either on the dark side or you're on the side of the light! And there ain't no in between!

Jessica Hamby: I know you feel like shit because you had to make me and you should feel like shit! But guess what? I'd never kissed a boy before that. Meetin' Hoyt is the only good thing that's happened to me since... my whole new life started. No, I'm not ready for any thing to happen to fast. I-I'd been happy just to go on kissin' him all night long... Is it my fault my fangs come out when I get turned on?

Maryann Forrester: Go, flourish and don't ever say 'no' to yourself.

Tara Thornton: I always cry on my birthday. It's always the worst day. No matter what I do, I end up cryin'. 'Cause my birthday always sucks.

Sam Merlotte: As what ever the hell you are. A witch, a sorceress, a demon, I don't know what you are. I don't know what you're doing here, but these are people I care about. And I will not stand by if you try and hurt any of them.

Eric Northman: I admire you Bill it takes a real vampire to admit he cannot protect his human.
Bill Compton: And it takes a true monster to not care about anyone or anything other then himself.

Godric: What you love most... life.

Daphne: You're carrying that secret like a two-ton sack of feed on your back and it doesn't have to be that way.

Bill Compton: I would no more allow you to feed on that young man than to watch pornography on television!

Sam Merlotte: Well 'sorry''s not good enough. Not only did you leave us high and dry. But there are people here who give a shit about you. We didn't know if you were alive or dead... You know ordinarily, right about now you'd be telling me to fuck off in some colorful and creative way. You wanna talk, do some talkin'.

Lorena: For a vampire, you're a terrible liar.

Sookie Stackhouse: Oh, right. You know in person she looks like vanilla pudding.

Tara Thornton: 'I don't know' isn't a place, Eggs! It's a state of mind. It's a state of mind I don't like being in!

Luke McDonald: Sex outside of marriage is a sin.

Luke McDonald: Well, let's say you're gonna do it outta wedlock, gotta make sure the girl you do it to ain't married either.
Jason Stackhouse: Right. 'Cause adultery's bad.
Luke McDonald: One of the worst, right up there with incest and beastiology. But all of 'em put together ain't half as bad as if you do it to a vampire. Or to a dude. Or a vampire dude. That's like creme de la creme sin. There ain't no repentance for that!

Bill Compton: If Sookie is hurt in any way because of you, I will not stop until I drive a stake through whatever semblance of a heart you have left.
Lorena: It's true. You're in love with a human. That's so tragic, it's funny.

Eric Northman: You've got to be joking me. 'This' is the Fellowship of the Sun? That's their army? Scared little boys with bibles and crossbows?
Isabel: Don't underestimate them. Support for their movement is growing. Their leadership camps are over flowing with self righteous extremists, all willing and ready to die for their cause.

Jason Stackhouse: It just don't make sense how something that wrong can feel so right.

Jessica Hamby: I'd have totally been a slut if I coulda gotten away with it. Me and my friend, Lori, we had this bet since eighth grade over who'd lose it first. And she was like pregnant before I even got my first kiss and my dad was sucha dick head. So what's your excuse?
Hoyt Fortenberry: I was gonna wait, you know, till I met the right one. Well the right one never showed up. By then I had waited so long, I figured I couldn't give it away to just anybody. So now I'm twenty-eight... most girls probably think I'm like some kinda bi-sexual gay or somethin'. Not that I got any kind of problem with them. But I'm not.
Jessica Hamby: I'm not most girls. I'm not even a girl, technically. But if you're okay with it... I'd be your first.

Maryann Forrester: Feeling sorry for things is just an excuse not to celebrate your own happiness.

Daphne: Bein' apart of something devine is worth dyin' a thousand time, you'll see.

Hugo: I use to be like you. Thought I was a real emancipated thinker. Especially when Isabel took me to bed. The sex was... amazing. The best ever... well, you know. It's addictive, isn't it? To be desired by something that powerful.

Hugo: I know he and his friends are having you do their dirty work. I mean a telepath's gotta be a real trophy for a vampire.

Lafayette Reynolds: First time in my god-damned life, I ain't chasin' after trouble and it just keeps walkin' through my front door. Loot at you. Damn! Ain't nothin' good can come outta somethin' so pretty.

Lorena: You're making a fool of yourself with that girl. You have no future with her. Everyone knows it but you... Some day you'll see this for what it is. An act of love.

Arlene Fowler: Thank Jesus Christ, Santa Clause, and Hari Krishna.

Sookie Stackhouse: He's your maker, isn't he?
Eric Northman: Don't use words you don't understand.
Sookie Stackhouse: You have a lot of love for him.
Eric Northman: Don't use words I don't understand.

Sarah Newlin: Oh, for heaven's sake, grow a brain cell. Paintballs!

Sarah Newlin: You Stackhouses are nothing but a bunch of heartless... two-faced... vampire-fuckers!

Steven Newlin: The war has begun, you evil whore of Satan. You vampires cast the first stone by killin' my family! The lines have been drawn. You're either with us or against us. We are prepared for armageddon.

Lorena: This human act you do for your girlfriend is charmin' and all. But we both know better.

Steve Newlin: That's noble, but she's just as culpable as you are. She's a traitor to her race. The human race. She hardly deserves mercy. Maybe we should tie her to you so you could meet the sun together.

Sookie Stackhouse: 'It's complicated' is not an answer. Every time I've needed you, you've always come runnin'. Even in broad day light. What kept you?

Eric Northman: The bond between a vampire and his maker is stronger than you can imagine. Perhaps one day you'll find out.

Sheriff Bud Dearborne: If it's like you said, that there's something out there that's fixin' to get you, than jail's about the safest place to spend the night.

Eric Northman: They do nothing but fan the flames of hatred for us.

Lorena: Oh, hello darling. I was just getting to know your plaything. You always did like to pray on the innocent.

Lorena: Did you know your boyfriend hit me over the head with a fifty-two inch plasma screen television earlier tonight? Everyone always they're so thin and light. But let me tell you when wielded properly, it's quite a weapon.

Godric: Indeed it is. You're old vampire. I can tell. You've had hundreds of years to better yourself, yet you are still a savage. I fear for us all. Humans and vampires, if this behavior persists.

Bill Compton: The pain you suffer you have inflicted upon yourself.

Lorena: We're immortal. Our paths are bound to cross eventually.

Steve Newlin: On the final day of reckoning, we'll see who goes to heaven and who goes to hell.
Jason Stackhouse: I reckon I've already been to heaven. It was inside your wife.

Hoyt’s mom: Girls who call boys at all hours of the night like that are only looking for one thing. Money.

Steve Newlin: How can you be a God loving person but love something God detests?

Bill Compton: It doesn't matter if we ever meet again. You may be immortal, Lorena. But you are dead to me.

Bill Compton: Eric has had a thousand years pratice at deceit... He lied to prove his power to me. He counted on your goodness. There's no shame in that.

Jessica Hamby: I'll get used to it. Maybe there's an operation. I can't be the only vampire virgin.
Hoyt Fortenberry: You know, intercourse isn't the only way to have sex.
Jessica Hamby: But I want to have intercourse.
Hoyt Fortenberry: Well sure... We can do everything when we figure out how.
Jessica Hamby: You should break up with me.
Hoyt Fortenberry: Hell no. That thing that growns back, it's just a thing. I ain't perfect either. I'm the guy people laugh at.

Maryann Forrester: Look at you. A few bumps and bruises? A small price to pay for bliss.

Jason Stackhouse: Our whole family's gone. Everybody who counts. We're all alone. We're all that's left.
Sookie Stackhouse: So you know what we gotta do. We gotta grow up. We gotta stick together and we gotta be good to each other or we're lettin' them down.

Sookie Stackhouse: I didn't have any say about being normal. We're born the way were are.

Arlene Fowler: She was clumsy, stupid and mean. But I wouldn't wish that kinda death on a possum.

Eric Northman: You're ruthless because of the people you love. You'll do anything for them. Your brother, your friends... me.

Sookie Stackhouse: God doesn't punish. God forgives.

Godric: A human with me at the end and human tears. Two-thousand years... and I can still be surprised. In this I see God.

Detective Andy Bellefleur: People thought I was crazy, 'cause I thought I saw a pig!

Lafayette Reynolds: This has got to be the worst motherfuckin' intervention in history.

Lafayette Reynolds: If ever there was a time to listen to a white man, Tara, this would be it.

Lafayette Reynolds: She don't need no backwoods witch. She needs Thorazine and a padded cell.

Terry Bellefleur: Bullshit. God has horns.

Sam Merlotte: Andy, listen to me. She is a super-natural creature and she is immortal. She has powers and she's not leavin' till she gets what she wants, which I think is me.

Lafayette Reynolds: Jesus and I agreed to see other people, now that don't mean we don't still talk from time to time.

Sophie-Anne: All this alpha-male posturing. Why don't the two of you just fuck each other and get it over with? I could watch.

Sophie-Anne: I haven't enjoyed sex with men since the Eisenhower administration.

Sophie-Anne: What gives you the right to say 'no' to the femoral blood of a good human? You know what your problem is, William? You're a snob. I hate snobs. Tiny, tiny souls or penis's.

Sophie-Anne: I have several new members at court. A Latvian boy, has to be tasted to be believed. Not polluted like most humans. Just exactly the way they use to taste just after I was turned. Before the Industrial Revolution fucked everything to hell. Should I summon him?

Sophie-Anne: Never under-estimate the power of blind faith. It manifests in ways that bend the laws of physics or breaks them entirely.

Tara Thornton: We have to go get him. Eggs needs to get out now! How many times have you put yourself in danger for the man you love? How come you get that option and I don't? I finally found a strong, beautiful man who loves me, and y'all wanna keep me from rescuing him because you're afraid I might get hurt? How hurt do you think I'm gonna be if we wait and something happens to him!

Jason Stackhouse: Sometimes you need to destroy something to save it. That's in the Bible or the Constitution.

Sookie Stackhouse: Like there was no limit. Like anything could happen and probably will. You feel your insides expanding but there's also this... this emptying out right at the very center of your being and you don't want it to stop, ever.

Lafayette Reynolds: He's always in my head. Sex dreams is all kinda nasty and fantastic, which freaks me the fuck outs because I hates that mother-fucker more than you'll ever know.

Maryann Forrester: A ritual is a powerful thing and calling forth that kind of energy... that's god's ritual.

Eric Northman: Oh come on, Pam. They're funny. They're like humans, but miniature. Teacup humans.

Sophie-Anne: Maenads are sad, silly things... the world changed centuries ago and they're still waiting for the God who comes.

Sophie-Anne: Of course not. Gods never actually show up, they only exist in humans' minds, like money and morality.

Detective Andy Bellefleur: Well yeah, women do just throw themselves at you. You don't even have to do anything.
Jason Stackhouse: Yeah well, actually I do. I work out like a mother-fucker and I watch a lotta porn to learn stuff. What else?... My best friend killed my grandma and my girlfriend. I come from no money. My momma and daddy died when I was eleven.
Detective Andy Bellefleur: So did mine!
Jason Stackhouse: Your daddy died in Vietnam, but your momma ran off with some yankee race car driver. You may hate me, Andy Bellefleur. You may think you're better than me and maybe you are. But you and me are the ones who have received the callin' to save this town! So obviously God wants us to bury the hatchet.

Jason Stackhouse: 'Cause I ain't never taken any pussy away from you. There is more than enough pussy to go around.

Jason Stackhouse: This town might be full of crazy rednecks and dumb-asses, but they're still Americans.

Jason Stackhouse: It's like if a tree falls in the woods, it's still a tree ain't it?

Sookie Stackhouse: I'm a waitress. What the fuck are you?

Maxine Fortenberry: What would it do you to keep your own mother locked up in her own house. Norman Bates!
Hoyt Fortenberry: You know I'm going to take everything you've said for the last two days, about me, about daddy and I'm gonna lock it up in a little box and I'm gonna forget it ever happened.
Maxine Fortenberry: This is bigger than your petty little feelings. A god is coming into our midst. Does any part of your puny brain understand what that means?
Hoyt Fortenberry: We're stayin' home!

Maryann Forrester: He is the vessel. He appeared to me naked. A virgin drawn to the very statue that represents the birth of my god. 'Should have sacrificed him than and there. But I foolishly let him get away.

Maryann Forrester: It's the food of the gods. My husband will love it. It's the very thing that gives him life.

Sophie Anne: It's pure luck. Yahtzee is the most egalitarian game in the world. You could be my social, physical or intellectual inferior, but your chances are equal to mine. It's the perfect antidote for this world, where things of inferiority and superiority do matter.

Sophie Anne: You may be the strongest, oldest vampire in my queendom, but if I wanted I could own your fangs as earrings!

Sam Merlotte: Well, never say never when there's the Internet.

Sam Merlotte: You saw me turn into a dog. So apparently that was worth abandoning me over. I spent the next nineteen years making sure nobody knew what I really was. That's what you left me with.

Bill Compton: I love nothing more than to see you happy. It's really quite selfish.

Sookie Stackhouse: It's a good thing you don't eat, 'cause I wouldn't share it with anyone. I think of a better way to top off the best meal of my life.

Eric Northman: I do not love humans.

Sophie-Anne: One vampire falling in love is bad enough.

Coralee: God bless who ever made those jeans! I swear, I'd wear him like a scrunchie!

Jason: That sonuvabitch. It's like he sucked out my brain and planted all his own babies there.

Terry: I want you to imagine a golden, glowing ball, radiating warmth and safety.

Eric: The vampires here, they're like cowboys. If they don't get Godric back they'll want justice. They'll start attacking people.

Daphne: If you're worried about me seeing you naked, I have seen boy parts before and water ain't exactly opaque.

Hoyt: You should try the chicken fried steak. It's like a chicken and a steak got together and made a baby. A delicious, crispy baby

Jessica: This is so embarrassing. I'd die if I wasn't already dead