Sunday, January 24, 2010

Random Quotes found on Hockey Players FB accounts

"i play hockey and i fornicate, cause those are the two most fun thing to do in cold weather" -Mystery Alaska

"Take some time to live"

"If this is as good as it gets, then its good to be us"

"we went skiing all day, she touched my leg.... KILL HIM" lloyd christmas, dumb and dumber

"i'm the ass man" logan blair

"my last calc test i took the answer was 90 so i put down 2 plates" Meat stick Blair

"Your an all-american and our captain so act like it!"....."I believe I am!"

"It doesn't matter if you score on the ice"-Brett Hull

"she's hooked up with probably 7 guys and im going to be #8!" ~a round table classic haha

Go BIG or go home.

Fall 7 times, stand up 8.

Get Drunk and Be Somebody

"Is ice hockey hard? I don't know, you tell me. We need to have the strength and power of a football player, the stamina of a marathon runner, and the concentration of a brain surgeon. But we need to put all this together while moving at high speeds on a cold and slippery surface while 5 other guys use clubs to try and kill us, oh yeah did I mention that this whole time we're standing on blades 1/8 of an inch thick? Is ice hockey hard? I don't know, you tell me. Next question." -Brendan Shanahan

It's not worth winning if you can't win big

The Buried Life

"What do you want to do before you die?"

#4. Sneak into a Playboy Mansion party.

Jersey Shore: Season One

Angelina: I am all natural. I have real boobs. I have a nice fat ass. Look at this shit, I mean, come on, I'm hot.

Mike: This is The Situation right here, my abs are so ripped up it's ... we call it The Situation.

Mike: Yo, I mean, this situation is gonna be indescribable, you can't even describe the situation that you're about to get into with The Situation.

Mike: You can hate on me all you want to, but what can you possibly say to somebody that looks like Rambo, pretty much, with his shirt off.

Angelina: I am the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island baby.

Angelina: How do you go in a f*%king jacuzzi with a thong and a bra? Wear a thong bikini ... that's a little bit more classier if you're gonna wear anything at all, ya know what I mean?

Vinny: Guys with the blow-outs and the fake tans, and guys that wear lip gloss and makeup, those aren't guidos, those are retards.

Sammi: I'm the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet, but do not fuck with me.

Sammi: Your #1 mission is to go out and find the hottest guido and take him home.

Sammi: A guidette is somebody who knows how to club it up, takes really good care of themselves, has pretty hair, cakes on makeup, has tanned skin, wears the hottest heals, pretty much they know how to own it and rock it.

Sammi: If you're not a guido then you can get the fuck outta my face.

Pauly D: I was born and raised a guido. It's just a lifestyle. It's being Italian, it's representing, family, friends, tanning, gel ... everything.

Pauly D: There's no way I'm going to Jersey without my hair gel. Can't leave without my gel.

JWoww: I am like a praying mantis, after I have sex with a guy I will rip their heads off.

JWoww: I have a bad habit of playing little emotional games with men. When they date me it's cool in the beginning, we do our thing in the first month, and then I send them on a roller coaster ride to hell.

Ronnie: You just take your shirt off and they come to you, it's like a fly comes to shit.

Snooki: My ultimate dream is to move to Jersey, find a nice, juiced, hot tanned guy and live my life.

Pauly D: Dude I got a fuckin' tanning bed in my place, that's how serious I am about bein' a Guido and living up to that lifestyle. My tagline is 'I'm Your Girl's Favorite DJ.' I want the girls to cum in their pants when they hear my music.

Snooki: When I woke up I was like what did I do last night? Like what did I do? I fucked up ... story of my life.

JWOWW: You have your penis pierced. I love it... I just saw your penis.

Vinny: I don't give a f**k if you're fat, you're ugly, you're 45 years old. I'll dance with ya. I think it's hilarious.

Mike: Everybody at the Shore definitely knows The Situation. As far as I know, everybody loves The Situation, and if you don't love The Situation, I'm gonna make you love The Situation.

Mike: Everybody loves me, babies, dogs, ya know, hot girls, cougars. I just have unbelievable mass appeal.

Mike: With me and Sam, it's not a matter of if she wants to hook up with me; it's a matter of just when I decide.

Mike: I wait till the last minute to shave, I wait till the last minute to put the shirt on 'cause you feel fresh. These are rules to live by, shave last minute, haircut the day-of, maybe some tanning and the gym. You gotta do the guido handbook.

Angelina: I feel like this job is beneath me, I'm a bartender. I do, like, great things.

Angelina: If a girl's a slut, she should be abused.

Angelina: Yo, I will cut your hair while you're sleeping!

Vinny: When I hear the music, I start fist-pumping, I start dancing, I'm pulling girls on stage and now... Vinny came out to play baby.

Sammi: You only learn, you grow, you move on, you have to push through every situation that you're in.

Pauly D: In a weird Snookers world, like me and Snookers would make the best, like, little guidos and guidettes, little poofs and blow-outs on our little kids.

Pauly D: Don't let the hair fool you, like, I'm not a bitch.

Jenni: I left the club early because I didn't want to cheat on my boyfriend, and I felt like eating ham and drinkin' water. Ham.

Ronnie: If I was just gonna get sloppy, I should have just pounded out what's her name on Friday night.

Ronnie: That's what you get for putting a fat girl's ass in your face! That's how you get pink eye!

Ronnie: Oh, the Ron-Ron Juice is the sh!t that gets the night going. I mean whenever that sh!t comes out it's always a filthy night.

Snooki: My ideal man would be Italian, dark, muscled ... juice-head guido.

Snooki: Snooki's staying and I'm ready to party. I'm ready to meet sexy guidos and I'm ready just to f*%king be single. [permalink]

Snooki: I am a princess at home, like, I am the f*%king princess of f*%king Poughkeepsie. Here, I am nobody. I'm, like, emotionally exhausted.

Ronnie: I'm gonna break it down dancing, I love the beats, I got my creepy patent move.

Mike: Angelina was like a half-ass firecracker. It just fizzled out real quick and made a loud noise

Vinny: Saturday night, I'm going to Headliners. I'm looking to have more of a classy night tonight

Snooki: Mike can be a nice guy. Like, he shows his good side then he shows his jerk off side. But that's what I like ... a good guy and a jerk off, it's all in the same.

Snooki: I had a feeling where I wanted to make out with somebody, so, umm, I just made out with Ryder, because all the guys like that.

Snooki: Pickles is my thing.

Ronnie: We hold hands in front of you, we cuddle in front of you, we make out in front of you, like what else do we need, do I need to beat it front of you, too?

JWoww: I guess I'm single, I don't know. If I am we got a problem on our hands. I'll show my true side ... my true, dirty, f*%king filthy side.

Pauly D: She just doesn't want to feel like a trash bag because she has a boyfriend and she kissed me with her tongue.

Sammi: I didn't even know what was going on in my head ... I'm like 'I'm gonna fuckin' knock a bitch up!'

Sammi: Next thing you know, the grill is legit burnt. Smoke. Like flames.

Mike: I'm like, chill out, Freckles McGee.

Ronnie: Mike would bang a Gatorade bottle if it had a pulse.

Pauly D: You got to stay fresh. Fresh haircut. Fresh outfit. Fresh tan. Just fresh.

Snooki: He's a really good guy. That's the kind of guy I need in my life. I think his name is Ron.

Pauly D: You have to stay fresh to death.

Ronnie: I was trying to put you in the equation. Like, you, in the equation!

Snooki: When I say I'm ready to go wild, I'm gonna go wild.

Ronnie: Yeah, we smooshed.

Ronnie: I'm gonna fucking get at her so bad right now. I'm gonna eat her alive. Bro, seriously? You wanna play this game?

JWoww: Snooki, Snickers came out of the woodwork, which is hysterical - it was the best thing I ever saw in my life.

Pauly D: When I go into the club I have a game plan ... I don't wanna waste my time and take home a girl that just wants to hang out, I just wanna get to the business. So. You gotta light it up and then you move on and at the end of the night you see who you end up with.

Pauly D: I couldn't have sex with my girl, she had her period. I go to take her pants off ... she wouldn't let me ... no big deal.

Pauly D: They were acting kinda stupid, but we just made the best out of the situation like we always do and just ride out.

Sammi: Yes, I had sex. Like, hello, you're gonna have sex if you're into somebody. It's natural.

Mike: I was thinkin' heavy fire and I didn't wear my bulletproof vest and I just don't know if I'm gonna make it.

Mike: You better be hittin' the gym and if you're not hittin' the gym for like an hour or so, you know, you may have a problem. Okay, cause I'm at the gym for like an hour-and-a-half... ya know? Workin' on my fitness.

Mike: I got girls back here almost every night, there's not a time that I don't have girls coming back. Girls love The Situation.

Pauly D: We're beatin'-up-the-beat, that's what we say when we're doing our fist pump. First, we start off by banging the ground, we're banging it as the beat builds 'cause that beat's hittin' us so we're fightin' back, it's like we beat up that beat.

Snooki: Friggin' duck phone!

Mike: Pauly D. was with the grenade ... When you go into battle, you need to have some friends with you, so that just in case a grenade gets thrown at you, one of your buddies takes it first.

Sammi: This little shrimp thing is like bopping all around, on the circle and like doing her thing, doing backwards flips with her thong hanging out; her whole crotch is in the air.

Mike: I'm hooking up with my girl. Pauly is hooking up with his girl. And we're going to have sex. That's the situation.

Snooki: I'm a vet tech. I save animals. I don't kill them.

Ronnie: Mike's out on the boardwalk with this chick. I don't understand. Schnookers just got punched in the face and we're all heated ... and the Situation's creepin'.

Pauly D: I think what happened to Snookers brought us closer to Snookers, definitely, 'cuz now we kinda feel bad. She's a real person.

Sammi: I yanked some bitch's hair for you.

Vinny: The boss' girl ... I am gonna get evicted!

Snooki: Please don't tell me I have missing teeth!

Ronnie: I would send her a picture of my c*ck and a pack of bubble gum and say, chew on this!

Pauly D: We're probably gonna have to chill with them at least three times before anybody hooks up. They're nice girls ... they're not, like, whores.

Pauly D: There are some girls who are respectful, who you have to actually treat like girls, uh, human beings.

Snooki: I tried to eat, but I couldn't get it in my frickin' mouth, 'cuz I'm disabled.

Vinny: These kids are robots. I could see basketball, pool, beach. Laundry? I don't see it.

Snooki: He friggin' jumped out of the car like it was on f*%kin' fire.

Pauly D: Someone needs to teach her how to fight or duck.

Snooki: Oh my god. Fucking Christmas.

Sammi: Ronnie's in prime creep mode.

Ronnie: If I didn't care, then I'd go find another creature outside.

Mike: It's like the Navy Seals. I get sent out first, do a little reconnaissance, bring girls back.

Vinny: GTL. Gym. Tanning. Laundry. That's how you make the guidos.

Mike: The only thing we care about is gettin' girls and going to the gym.

Sammi: No man will ever touch me ever twice like that.

Vinny: Mike is so grimy. She has my saliva in her mouth. I wonder how I taste?

Vinny: I don't know if she's using that for protection.

Snooki: I'm not a guido. I'm a guidette.

Snooki: I'm saving myself for cowboy.

Vinny: I'm think that she might have a crush on me, so ... it's gonna be a wild night.

Snooki: If I had to have sex with one person here, it would probably be him, because I know he's a nice guy, he's gotta be clean.

Snooki: I'm not trashy, unless I drink too much.

Snooki: If you leave, I'm going to stuff your nose with Tampons.

Mike: It's obvious that Sammi has a crush on me... it goes back to the days of prehistoric kindergarten.

Vinny: Yo, Pauly D has a little situation on his hands... she's definitely a stage 5 clinger.

Snooki: I came in with a bang and I'm going out with a bang.

Mike: Next thing you know, Snooks' clothes just started coming off.

Mike: It takes a special type of a person to get through this. We all should be proud that we balled out and had an awesome time.

JWoww: Tall, completely jacked, steroids, like, multiple growth hormones ... that's the type I'm attracted to.

Sammi: To us, past the Jersey Shore.

Snooki: I was honestly going to put my hat down so I could get money.

JWoww: There are so many juice heads out there. I'm like a kid in a candy shop.

Mike: If you're hungry, try a snickers.
Snooki: Yeah, try me.

Mike: If a guy doesn't like you ... it's called fuck you, and there's so many people out there in the world that's gonna like you for you.

Sammi: I feel like it is the perfect place to go to. Like, somewhere out of Seaside. We're getting away from it all.

Pauly D: We stayed boys throughout this whole thing. This bond that we shared brings us together and no one can ever take that away from us, ever. Like, we take that with us for life, this bond ... That was deep.

Ronnie: I regret that I got caught. I don't regret that I hit the kid, because he had it coming.

Mike: Sometimes you have to walk through the weeds to get to the flowers.

Mike: Hey Ma, this is my new girlfriend for a couple months until I break up with her for summer!

Pauly D: We like to beat the beat up.

Friday, January 1, 2010

My Girl

Veda: I was born jaundiced. Once I sat on a toilet seat at a truck stop and caught hemorrhoids. And I've learned to live with this chicken bone that's been lodged in my throat for the past three years. So I knew Dad would be devastated when he learned of my latest affliction.

Veda: Dad, I don't want to upset you, but my left breast is developing at a significantly faster rate than my right. It can only mean one thing: cancer. I'm dying.

Shelly: I'll take real good care of these people. They deserve it. They're dead. All they've got left is their looks.

Veda: I only surround myself with people I find intellectually stimulating.

Veda: He forgot about the time I wanted to be a magician. I was really good at making myself disappear.

Shelly: The first rule of eye makeup is that you can never wear enough blue eye shadow.

Veda: 'Ode to Ice Cream' by Vada Sultenfuss. I like ice cream a whole lot/It tastes good on days that are hot/On a cone or in a dish/This will be my only wish/Vanilla, chocolate, rocky road/Even with pie, a la mode.

Shelly: You could be in a room with 100 men and not like any of them, or you could be in the room with one man and he could be the one you wanted.

Bingo old man: If you weren't 200 years old I'd kick your wrinkled ass!

Veda: I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls. Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over the cliff.

Veda: Why do you think people want to get married?
Thomas J: When you get old, you just have to.

Veda: I'm gonna marry Mr. Bixler.
Thomas J: You can't marry a teacher, it's against the law.
Veda: It is not.
Thomas J: Yes it is, 'cause then he'll give you all A's, and it won't be fair.

Thomas J: Veda, would you think of me. If you don't get to marry Mr. Bixler?

Thomas J: What do you think it's like?
Veda: What?
Thomas J: Heaven.
Veda: I think... everybody gets their own white horse and all they do is ride them and eat marshmallows all day. And everybody's best friends with everybody else. When you play sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets picked last.
Thomas J. Sennett: But what if you're afraid to ride horses?
Veda: Doesn't matter 'cause they're not regular horses. They've got wings. And it's no big deal if you fall 'cause you'll just land in a cloud.

Shelly: She won't come out. It's been a whole day. You have to do something, Harry.
Harry: The funeral's starting.
Shelly: Open your eyes, she's eleven years old! Her only friend in the world is dead.
Harry: I know that, but what do you want from me?
Shelly: Stop hiding, Harry! You run, Harry. When I first came here, the idea of working with dead people didn't exactly thrill me. When I saw a family that lived here, I thought, if I'm living without a family, at least I can work with one and maybe, once in a while, be invited in for supper.
Harry: Yeah... and when those suppers are disrupted because there's a car crash, or there's a fire, or a little boy steps on a beehive...
Shelly: I'm not asking you to stop caring for those people. But life isn't just death, Harry. Don't ignore the living, especially your daughter.

VEda: Weeping willow with your tears running down, why do you always weep and frown? Is it because he left you one day? is it because he could not stay? On your branches he would swing, do you long for the happiness that day would bring? He found shelter in your shade. You thought his laughter would never fade. Weeping willow, stop your tears. There is something to calm you fears. You think death has ripped you forever apart. But I know he'll always be in your heart.