Dazed and Confused

Pickford: Walkin' down the hall, by myself, smokin' a jay with fifty elves.

Tony: [describing his dream] So there I am, getting it on with this perfect female body and...
Mike: What?
Tony: I can't say.
Mike: No, you can't give a build-up like that and not deliver. You know, a perfect female body, it’s not a bad start.
Tony: But with the head of Abraham Lincoln. With the hat and the beard, everything.

Mike: I didn't think drugs and alchohol were such a big deal they had to resort to Neo-McCarthyism to get rid of it.
Pink: I think they're just afraid that some of us are having too good a time.

Shavonne Wright: What the hell are you talking about girl?
Kaye Faulkner: Didn't even think about it did you?
Shavonne Wright: Gilligan's Island?
Kaye Faulkner: It's what called a male pornographic fantasy.
Shavonne Wright: [laughs] Oh my haha
Kaye Faulkner: Think about it! You're basically alone on a deserted island with 2 readily available women. One, a seductive sex goddess type. The other... a healthy girl-next-door-type with a nice butt. So the men have it all, the Madonna and the whore. Women get nothing! We get a geek, an overweight middle-age guy, and a nerdy scientific type.
Jodi: [interrupts] The professor... is sexy.

Benny: Okay, all you freshmen fucks, listen up!It's your lucky day. Usually you'll be spending your freshman summer getting your asses busted and running for your worthless little lives. But this year, because we feel so sorry for you, we're gonna take it easy on you and save us all a lot of time. So if you meet here, right here, after school today, you'll only get one lick from each of us. But if you run like cowards, well, it's open season all summer long, boys. Oh yeah, Mitch Kramer. Mithcie, Mitchie, Mitchie! We're looking for you, pal. Your ass will be purple before the day is over. Have a nice afternoon.

Assistant Coach: Any of you girls gonna be ready to play football this fall? huh?
Benny O'Donnell: I don't know coach, I've been doin' so well in English classes. I thought I might work on bein' a writer. What do ya think about that?
Assistant Coach: Boy, you wouldn't know how to spell your own name if it wasn't stenciled on your locker. No, seriously, everybody. Don't go be getting all soft on me this summer. You know you're sitting around the pool all day, chasing the muff around. Break down! Hellm man, my grandmother's tougher than all of you pansies. Course she's 6'3", 250 and runs a 4.5 40.

Pink: Don, have you ever thought about why we play football? How many times have you gotten laid strictly because you're a football player?
Don: I don't know. A few, probably.
Pink: A few? Don, all I'm sayin' is... I bet we could do just as well if we were in a band or something.

Dawson: Vicki. Come on, let's skip out and go get naked right now. Come on, let's go, let's go.

Dawson: You know, Ginny? I was thinking you and I could get together over the summer. I mean, it'll be illegal but I'll keep things quiet. I'll keep it mums the word. I promise. I swear to God.

Mitch: Er, Mr. Payne. Sir. You know every second that you could let us out early would really increase our chances of survival.
Mr. Payne: It's like our sergeant told us before one trip into the jungle. Men! Fifty of you are leaving on a mission. Twenty-five of you ain't coming back.
Mitch: Okay.

Ms. Ginny Stroud: Okay guys, one more thing, this summer when you're being inundated with all this American bicentennial Fourth Of July brouhaha, don't forget what you're celebrating, and that's the fact that a bunch of slave-owning, aristocratic, white males didn't want to pay their taxes.

Darla: Alright you little freshmen bitches! Air raid! That was pathetic! Let's try it again! That means get up, you lazy little bitches! Get up! Air raid!

Darla: That was horrible you slut girls! You little freshman sluts! Get up! Get up! Up! Up! Up! Air Raid!

Mike: That's what's fascinating, that not only the school but the entire community seems to be supporting this or turn their heads. They apparently have permission to use the parking lot. No parents seem to mind. They're selling concessions.

Darla: Well, seniors, we tried. We gave you all a chance. But since you little prick teases can't follow instructions, we're just going to have to try something else, won't we? Seniors? You love us. Smile. You love us.

Shavonne: Propose to Mr. Dawson.
Girl: Will you marry me?
Dawson: Don't know, what's in it for me?
Girl: Anything you want.
Dawson: Anything?
Girl: Anything.
Dawson: Go like this. Do you spit or swallow?
Girl: Whatever you like.
Dawson: Whatever I like? I would definitely marry you!

Simone: I did it when I was a freshman, and you'll do it when you're seniors. but you're doing great. Now fry like bacon, you little freshman piggies. Fry!

Tony: We were just discussing the utter stupidity of these initiation rituals, and we were wondering how someone such as you would subject themselves to the losing end of it all.
Jodi: What are we, having social hour over here? I'm supposed to be being a bitch.
Mike: Am I mistaken or was there some unspoken thing between you and that young vixen... you stud.
Tony: Well you know how it is.
Mike: Yeah, I bet she's pretty cute once you clean all the shit off her.
Tony: Yeah I bet she is.

Darla: Okay girlies, it's hot out here and I'm really sick of looking at all of you. So let's just get out of here. What are you looking at? Wipe that face off your head bitch.

Benny: We're gonna beat you like a runnin' mule.

Benny: Hope you got more than a jock strap under there, you little rat!

Tommy: Just because you're not gonna be able to sit down for the rest of the summer, don't let it affect your concentration.

Pink: It was vicious. Had some pretty cool seniors though. Like, they'd beat the hell out of you and then get you drunk, that sort of thing.
Mitch: Cool.

Pink: It’s best to get it all at once. After the first 10 licks your ass gets so numb you don't feel it.

Pink: Put some ice on it. After that, there's nothing a few beers won't take care of.

Darla: We know you they talk about us, what do they say?
Shavonne Wright: No they don't
Darla: You're lying you bitch. When you do that I know you're lying
Simone: Come on you can tell us.
Shavonne Wright: Don't get mad
Simone: I'm not gonna get mad I'm just curious
Shavonne Wright: Ok she called you a bitch and you a slut
[laughs]
Darla: She called me a bitch! That's funny! What a riot
Simone: She called me a slut? Oh my god what a bitch.
Shavonne Wright: Yeah she called you a slut
[laughing]
Simone: What a bitch she called me a slut. I'm gonna kick her ass
Darla: You said you wouldn't get mad
Simone: I'm not mad!

Wooderson: Say, man, you got a joint?
Mitch: No, not on me, man.
Wooderson: It'd be a lot cooler if you did.

Wooderson: All right, all right, all right.

Slater: Check you later.

Slater: The girls, man, in our classes, they're all prudes, man. Worthless little bitches, man. It's the girls ahead of us, man, they were wild. Our class is worthless, man.
Dawson:Well, maybe you've never gotten past the sniffin'-butt stage. That's what that sounds like to me.
Slater: Hey, man, it's quality not quantity. Alright man, and wait til' I get to college, man. I can't wait to get to college, man.
Dawson: Yeah, when I get to college all I'm gonna do is bang, bang, bang, bang!

Hirschfelder: I was getting there! I had my hand under her shirt!
Carl: Hear that, he was 'getting there'. Son, you wouldn't even know what to do if you got there.
Hirschfelder: Just because you guys are striking out...
Tommy: Grow up boy. That was our last junior high party.
Carl: That's right. We're in the big time now. We're freshman, where the girls will be puttin' out all the time. You're days of lying around and pullin' tongue all night are over.

Wooderson: Let me tell you what Melba Toast is packin' right here, all right. We got 4:11 Positrac outback, 750 double pumper, Edelbrock intake, bored over 30, 11 to 1 pop-up pistons, turbo-jet 390 horsepower. We're talkin' some fuckin' muscle.

O'Bannion: Hey Slater, you fuckin' hippie, give me drugs, man.
Slater: Go get some from your mother, man.
O'Bannion: We just bagged your mother.
Slater: Okay, fuck you dickhead.

Wooderson: Say, you're a freshman, right? So tell me, man. How's this year's crop of freshman chicks lookin'?
Dawson: Wood, you're gonna end up in jail sometime really soon. I know that for a fact.
Wooderson: No, man. No let me tell you. That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.

Slater: Listen, I'm gonna give you shotgun, but I want you to know, it's only 'cause I'm goin' inside. You keep that in mind.

Dawson: Faggot-sissy-pussy-freshman, throw it! Throw it!

Pickford: That bowling ball said 'Oof!' to that damn windshield.

Cynthia: God, don't you ever feel like everything we do and everything we've been taught is just to service the future?
Tony: Yeah I know, like it's all preparation.
Cynthia: Right. But what are we preparing ourselves for?
Mike: Death.
Tony: Life of the party.
Mike: It's true.
Cynthia: You know, but that's valid because if we are all gonna die anyway shouldn't we be enjoying ourselves now? You know, I'd like to quit thinking of the present, like right now, as some minor insignificant preamble to something else.

O'Bannion: You are an embarrassment to the game of pool and should be glad I even let you play at my table.

Dawson: You know that Julie chick? Loves you. You want her? Gotta play it cool, you know. You can't let her know how much you like ?cause if she knows, she'll dump you like that. Believe me. Like, if she asks you if you want a ride, you say, "No, I've got my own ride, but maybe I'll see you later." Sounds stupid, doesn't it? It works.

O'Bannion: This first lick I'd like to dedicate to your mother... fucker!

Wooderson: Yeah, well, listen. You ought to ditch the two geeks you're in the car with now and get in with us. But that's all right, we'll worry about that later. I will see you there. All right? I love them redheads!

Clint: You said, "Someone's tokin' some reefer."
Mike: No, I meant somewhere I smell some pot, you know? It was just an observation.
Clint: Oh, an observation, huh? Well who the hell are you, man? Isaac fucking Newton? Well guess what, man? I'm the one smoking marijuana, man, you got a problem with that?
Mike: No, of course not.
Clint: Well, why'd you say that, Chief? Come on, man. Don't let your mouth write a check your butt can't cash. So I'm blazin' with my friends, so I'm a fuckin' pothead, man. What's it to you, huh? Huh? What's the matter, pussy? Outta observations? What don't you observe while I punch your teeth down your fuckin' throat!
Pink: Come on, dude. Relax! Hey, he's cool man, relax!
Clint: I'll be watching you Newton. I only came here to do two things: kick some ass and drink some beer. Looks like we're almost outta beer.

Slater: This place used to be off limits, man, 'cause some drunk freshman fell off. He went right down the middle, smacking his head on every beam, man. I hear it doesn't hurt after the first couple though. Autopsy said he had one beer, man, how many did you have?
Mitch: Four.
Slater: You're dead, man, you're so dead. Look at the blood stains right there.

Mike: I'm gonna get that man.
Cynthia: What man?
Mike: That asshole on the way in. That super dominant man in a '50's greaser uniform.
Tony: I wouldn't suggest that, Mike.
Mike: Man, I got it all planned out. Most fights at places like this never get past a punch or two, man. It's almost natural instinct not to upset the herd. So all I gotta do is get in one good punch, play defense and wait.
Tony: What?
Cynthia: What are you talking about?
Mike: At first I was relieved to get out of the situation, but now there's this level of humiliation setting in that's gonna be with me for fucking ever! I'm not gonna let this be another situation which contributes to me being a little ineffectual nothing the rest of my like, you know?

Slater: Would you look at this fucking town, man. It's dead. Imagine how many people out there are fucking right now. Just goin' at it.

Mike: You're tellin' me, I'm being stalked by a fuckin' Nazi.

Benny: Coach is right, Don. Those guys don't care if we win or lose. Just remember that.

Michelle Burroughs: [singing] Watch them fly... away.
Pickford: Do you guys know what that song is about? It's about the aliens. We're the aliens, man. We're the savages. We're the savages.
Slater:Yeah, man, that song is about that. Yeah, man. You didn't know that? This country was founded... it was founded by people who were into aliens, man. George Washington, man, he was in a cult, and the cult was into aliens, man.You didn't know that? Oh man, they were way into that type of stuff.

Cynthia: It's like the every-other-decade theory, you know? The '50's were boring, the 60's rocked, and the '70's, oh my God, they obviously suck. Maybe the '80's will be radical. You know, I figure we'll be in our 20's and it can't get any worse.

Guy: George toked weed, man.
Slater: Absolutely, George toked weed, man. Are you kidding me? He grew fields of that stuff, man. That's what I'm talking about. Fields!
Guy: He grew that shit up in Mount Vernon, man.
Slater: He grew it all over the country. He had people growin' it all over the country, you know. The whole country back then was gettin' high. Let me tell you, man, 'cause he knew he was on to somethin', man. He knew that it would be a good cash crop for the southern states, man. So he grew fields of it, man. But you know what? Behind every good man there is a woman, and that woman was Martha Washington, man, and everyday George would come home, she would have a big fat bowl waiting for him, man, when he come in the door, man, she was a hip, hip, hip lady, man. And she was real cool. She'd harvest the crops, man. That's what I'm talkin' about. She'd put in, um, bushels and stuff and sell it, you know? Because they had to, you know, make ends meet and stuff. I mean, did you ever look at a dollar bill, man? There's some spooky shit goin' on there, man. I mean, and it's green too.

Pink: Not bad for a little freshman but you gotta watch out for older girls.
Melvin: Hey. Come here. We just wanna know something. You gonna be fucking that later, or are you gonna be a little wimp?
Mitch: How do you know I haven't already
Melvin: Go along man, I think its past your bedtime! Run along!
Pink: Why don't you go get a ride with her? Say we left ya. It'll work. Go. It'll work.

Mike: Don't air raid for that bitch, I hate that shit. It's like that Clint fucker in front of all his friends. Huh? Huh mother fucker.
Tony: Okay Mike.
Mike: Dominant male monkey mother fucker.

Slater: Let's go smoke a joint, man, on the 50 fuckin' yard line, man in honor of your daddy Coach Conrad.

Pink: Only the strong survive!

Dawson: Hell, my grandmother can hit harder than that. 'Course she's a 8 foot 4, 652-pound, hairy ass gorilla, drives a mac truck and runs a 40 in 10.2.
Wooderson: Hell, she's gotten bigger lately. She was only 6'2", 195 in my day. Still drvin' that mac truck, though.

Pink: Hut! Down. Marijuana on one. Reefer on two.

Cynthia: After a couple of years people won't even remember who won or lost.

Tony: Sure is nice to pile on some old pancakes and syrup after a night of beer drinking, isn't it?

Wooderson: Not to indulge in any alcohol, drugs, sex after 12, or any other illegal activity.
Pink: You're like my shadow.

Wooderson: Man, it's the same bullshit they tried to pull in my day. If it ain't that piece of paper, there's some other choice they're gonna try and make for you. You gotta do what Randall Pink Floyd wants to do man. Let me tell you this, the older you do get the more rules they're gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin' man, L-I-V-I-N.
Slater: If you're gonna sign that paper, man, you should throw a little grass in the middle, man. Roll it up, sign the joint, man. That's gonna tell them somethin'.

Simone: You act like you're so suppressed. Man, you guys are kings of the school; you get away with whatever you want. What are you bitching about?
Pink: Look, all I'm saying is, that if I ever start referring to these as the best years of my life, remind me to kill myself.
Dawson: Well, all I'm saying is that I want to look back and say that I did I the best I could while I was stuck in this place. Had as much fun as I could while I was stuck in this place. Played as hard as I could while I was stuck in this place... Dogged as many girls as I could while I was stuck in this place.

Coach Conrad: That's the kind of people I was talking about. Trouble like this means nothing to those clowns. You're the only with something to lose.
Pink: Coach, you don't even know them. How can you even pretend to talk that way, huh?
Coach Conrad: I want you to finally get your priorities straight and quit hangin' out with a bunch of hoodlums and sign your commitment to your team. Have you done that yet?
Pink: I'm still thinkin' about it.
Coach Conrad: No one's paying you to think about it! Just do it!
Pink: You know, Coach? I gotta get goin'. Me and my loser friends, you know, we gotta go get some Aerosmith tickets. Top priority of the summer. Oh, Coach. I forgot. I might play ball. But I will never sign that.

Mike: I'm just trying to be honest about being a misanthrope.

Darla: Oh that’s it, Miss Hot Stuff. I'm gonna make the next year of your life a living hell. LICK ME! All of you!



Mike: It's what everybody in this car needs is some good ol' worthwhile visceral experience.