My Life as Liz

Liz: The people, places, and stories you are about to see are all real... at least the way I see it. Love & Rockets, Liz. Whatever MTV made me do this.

Liz: I am your mold breaker.

Liz: I used to be part of that shallow, bitch squad. Yeah I was that much of a douche face. I now affectionately refer to them as legion of doom.

Liz: Leader of the pack, Cory Cooper. Prevailer of doom to anyone who dares to think an original thought. shallow as a hobo's puddle of urine on a sidewalk.

Liz: If Taylor Terry is Darth Vader, then Cory Copper is the Emperor.

Sully: He's man-tastic.

Liz: Valentine's day dances are strictly for people who are like fourteen and have like dates.

Liz: That's why I like comic books so much. Because everything is black and white, good and evil, and there's always a superhero to save the day.

Liz: Ugh! Okay, here's what we're going to do. We're gonna get on stage and shake our little bon-bons to Single Ladies. And it's gonna be great!

Liz: Get it together Liz. I think you're weirding out all the weirdos.

Annie: Sometimes the biggest problems have the simplest solutions.

Sully: You just might be the ballsiest person I know that doesn't have balls.

Liz: If you had a kid, what would you name it?
Sully: Robert Downey Sullivan
Liz: I'd name it Rocket Power.

Bryson: Liz, this isn't how big people do things. We don't run away.

Liz: If only you had as much brain as you had boobies.

Bryson: Like she's completely okay with the fact that her boobies are bigger than her brain.

Liz: Friends don't let friends wear slinkets.

Cory: Just so you know I fucking hate you. And I hope you that fail, so good luck.

Cory: You're repulsive. Look at yourself, you look like you fell out of a dumpster.

Liz: Yeah, the whole slut look is way cooler.

Liz: I can't hear you. I don't speak dumb talk.

Liz: Hope that I die? Wow, thanks Cory for reminding me why I want to kick your ass so bad.

Liz: Look at it this way, you won dignity and respect. They're still hanging out at zero.

Liz: Well, that sorta sucked the joy out of everything.

Liz: One small step for this nerd, one giant leap for nerd-kind.

Liz: We can be the liberal, jewish, gay-loving, group for freedom.

Bryson: how about 'send Cory Cooper to the moon' club?

Liz: As if we needed to slaughter more animals in the name of home decor.

Liz: All Taylor has to do is say, "hey Miss Mills, I'm tall, blond, and pretty. And I think Liz should do a story on animal cruelty. Awesome."

Liz: She's like a perky blond terminator.

Liz: For someone shooting a story on animal cruelty she's awfully comfortable with a firearm.

Liz: Story of my life sweetheart. Disappointment. Get used to it.

Liz: Well I'm no relationship expert. But if you're questioning things then maybe you can find the answer in the dice.
Bryson: You want me to roll for my relationship?
Liz: If you can't find the answer leave it up to gambling. Odds, you guys are gonna break up. Evens, you're going to live happily ever after.

Liz: I've been waiting to turn 18 now for 18 years now. I mean, I am finally an adult. I can vote, rent machinery, buy all the porn and lottery tickets I want. The only problem is, I'm doing it alone.

Girl: Do you know how to make a thong out of tea bags?

Liz: The 'Anything But Clothes' party is all anyone has been able to talk about for the last two weeks. Apparently they consider the chance to shed their clothing and put on something more industrial, profound privilege. It's like having your name on the invite list makes you exist. Unless you're me, that is, I for one am purposely happy to never set foot in a single high school party. I mean, really, they're just a mother ship for drooling guys and gaggles of girls.

Sully: This is like an excuse to look at boobies. Sweet, wholesome boobies, round and bouncy.

Troy: BTW, not a best idea to talk about boobs in front of a girl you like. Make a note of that.

Taylor: You just say no before you actually think about what you're saying no to. I know things went bad between you and Cory but that doesn't mean that's going to happen every time you open up to somebody.

Liz: If you got burned by your best friend you wouldn't go making new best friends the next day, or years.

Liz: Maybe hanging out with guys is a defense move but so what. I hang out with people that make me happy. There's nothing wrong with that.

Sully: I'm one step ahead of you and ten steps ahead of Cory Cooper.

Liz: Sticking up for someone else is totally like a friend like thing to do, so does that mean we're like... Nah... but... yeah. right? Holy sh--!

Bryson: Any apples or oranges showing up I should know about?

Liz: So, parallel universes. Okay, so it's like this, when you make a decision in this universe, you make the opposite decision in this parallel universe. Which means, at any given moment, there is some crazy stuff going on. But what my question is, can you universe hop, like can you cross over from this current universe to this other one, by like accident or something. Because when a giant banana shows up at your door step, it's kinda hard to feel like you haven't.

Sully: You need to go out and have some fun. Let's go.

Taylor: Boys can't take a hint Liz, everyone knows that.

Liz: Boys are like quantum physics.

Liz: I want to punch you in the face so bad, you have no idea.

Sully: Did you know that Cory Cooper sleeps upside down in a cocoon of her own wings?

Liz: Definitely. My life would be totally incomplete without a plastic tiara on my head.

Liz: God I wish I could close line that woman.

Liz: Do you ever have one of those days where you get a terrible flesh wound and someone keeps dousing it in hot sauce?

Liz: Ugh I can't believe I wasted some much time and brainpower on a guy who couldn't find his balls if you dangled them in front of him. I am so tired of everything revolving around Bryson.

Liz: Taking a killer friend who would be capable of doing the robot for seven hours.

Liz: I do not want to discuss this with you right now, Oprah.

Cory: There's like not prom queen and prom queen. there's no good.

Troy: What are you not going to do?
Sully: Talk about boobs.

Liz: You're looking as sharp as a tack.

Sully: I'm just gonna kind of put it out there, you missed out on a great thing.
Bryson: Yeah, I know.

Taylor: The perfect prom queen would be someone who is genuinely nice to everybody.

Liz: His left nut has more personality than you do.

Liz: The best part about being at prom, is hanging out with Sully.

Cory: I just don't get it Tori, what's wrong with me. I just don't get it at all. I mean why didn't people vote for me, I feel like the biggest loser.

Liz: Oh my god, it's like she has feelings or something. If I leave now will that make me a better or worse person?

Liz: It's just high school.

Sully: Some things are better left unsaid.

Liz: You know when you've had a couch forever and it's really old and there's that stain from where you spilled ramen or whatever that is, and it's actually kind of gross but it's all you know and you're actually kind of attached to it. Burleson is my couch, is why moving to New York is a way harder decision than it's ever going to be. the dream has always been to get out of here and experience things on my own, to live in the one place where there are enough weird people to make me feel normal. But outside of all this disgusting sentimentality, what's really keeping me here?

Liz: After high school ends, it's just seems like everybody goes their separate ways.

Liz: I haven't told anyone because I don't want to get all sentimental and douchey about it, but now that it's the last day of school I'm getting all sentimental and douchey.

Liz: I guess there's one thing I learned, is that you can't always predict what it's going to feel like when the day you thought would never come, finally arrives.

Liz: Is it insane that I'm looking for signs and secret messages in people's license plates?

Bryson: I'm extremely stoked but I don't want things to go unsaid.

Bryson: You've gotta do what's right for you.

Liz: This is awkward. It's not like I thought he'd have the magic answer, but that's why I thought we were hanging out, to talk about things and get back to normal.

Liz: I'm sweating like a hooker in church.

Annie: Every kid has to stop wetting the bed sometime. You know what I mean.

Sully: That's like a slap in the face with a fish, to me.

Sully: Everyone calls it 'the melting pot,' but it's actually a dirty crappy toilet everyone takes a dump in. If you go to New York, you're going to turn into a pompous douche.

Liz: When it come to life changing decisions, no matter what advice people give you, ultimately it's up to you to figure out what's really important.

Liz: I never thought that doing what I wanted would be kinda scary and sad.

Liz: You've grown little grasshopper.

Liz: You know you're going to have to eventually let go.

Liz: You're all my family and it's going to be like hell leaving you guys. If I don't go now, then I won't go.

Bryson: You really are cool. You're like the coolest girl of anybody I know. You have a favorite comic book artist. You listen to some of the coolest music of anybody I know. I like that you had the courage to get up on a stage in front of an entire school to sing, win one for the nerds. I like that you have that red hair. I, just... I like you.

Liz: I don't really know what's going to happen from here, but it's okay. I mean, sometimes it's better when things aren't perfect. At least then you know they're real.