True Blood: Season Three

Tara: I don't know what I expect - trash is as trash does.

Pam: I should have told you that lavender is my favorite color.
Sookie: Pam, I'm in no mood for lesbian weirdness.

Lafayette: [to Lettie-Mae] Bitch! You, me, bridge ain't gonna never motherfuckin' happen.

Andy Bellefleur: We are going to get through this so long as we act like everything is perfectly normal.
Jason: I ain't even sure what normal is anymore.
Andy Bellefleur: Well for you, normal is goin' out and gettin' tail. So I suggest you start there.
Jason: No, that was the old Jason. I wanna be new Jason.
Andy Bellefleur: Well, when this thing blows over you can go out and not get laid all you want to. But for now, you gotta be the Jason Stackhouse everybody knows.

Lafayette: Good. Tequila and klonopin, baby girl. A steady diet of that will keep them thoughts away 'til y'alls more equipped to deal with them.

Hoyt: Well somebody musta told the truth about me then. My whole life has gone from happy to hell inside just a couple of days. No girlfriend. I got no roof over my head, unless you count my car.

Lafayette: [to Lettie Mae] Do everybody a solid. Instead of looking up at a god that let all this shit happen, you need to keep your eyes on your fucking daughter. She ain't right to be alone.

Reverend Daniels: [to Tara] This devil woman came to you and introduced you to a man and together they tried to pull you down into the pits of hell.

Andy Bellefleur: Say it with me! Conscious off - di*k on and everything's gonna be alright.

Jason: I'm starting to believe that the truth is poison.

Pam: I don't know what it is about me that makes people think I want to hear their problems. Maybe I smile too much. Maybe I wear too much pink. But please remember I can rip your throat out if I need to. And also know that I am not a hooker. That was a long, long time ago.

Jason: If you and me are gonna be roommates, there's a certain amount of pussy overflow you just have to get used to dealing with.

Lafayette: You're too busy praising Jesus to realize your daughter wants to move in with him permanently.

Sookie: It's 5 a.m. What are you doing eating my chicken in the dark?

Mrs. Reynolds: This is Jesus. He's a Mexican. But he ain't rape me yet.

Sookie: You wait to tell people how you feel about them, you never know what will happen.

Sam: I didn't realize this was a 'Whose Life is More Fucked' contest. If it means that much to you, you win.

Andy: You're a good guy, Stackhouse. You got a lot of heart. You're prettier than most girls.

Godric: A vampire is never at the mercy of his emotions. He dominates them.

Eric: You're going to invite me in so I can protect you. Or have passionate, primal sex with you. Or how about both?

Terry: I have a diploma from anger management, where I learned talking about your feelings is a manly thing to do.

Hoyt: The legal blood/alcohol level in the state of Louisiana is...
Jason: Drunk?

Eric: If you plan in rescuing a vampire during daylight, I have seriously overestimated your intelligence.

Lorena: The only way to show your love for a human is to stay away forever.

Alcide: No matter how well you think you know somebody, they can still turn around and kick you right in the nut sack.

Sam's mother: Sometimes I think that boy's cheese done fall right off his cracker.

Sookie: Can all vampires fly?
Eric: Can all humans sing?
Sookie : Are you kidding? I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket with a lid on it.

King: A woman is only a woman. But a good cigar is a smoke.

Arlene: People love giving redheads tips - and I've always been the only redhead at Merlotte's.

Franklin: If there's one thing I miss more than sunshine, it is good fruit.

Bill [to Lorena]: Any passion you felt was me killing my love for Sookie. It had nothing to do with you... It's been a long night, and I need to sleep. Now get the fuck out.

Talbot: You and your dusty love beast are at odds with my decor.

Sookie: I am not gonna die 'cause of your shitty girlfriend and a Mississippi pothole!

Russell: A King in front of them, a Queen behind them - and they're talking about a human girl.
Talbot: Men.

Tommy: He's little league. You're a smoking hot vampire. You're the Majors.

Mr. Northman: You can't live your life between a woman's legs.
Eric: I can try.

Franklin: Even when I'm away, I can feel your flesh molded to me. That's how close we are now.
Tara: That's really sweet.

Tara: We need to talk.
Franklin: Don't say that. Women say that, everything goes black, and I wake up surrounded by body parts.

Terry: I ain't worried. I've never been so not worried. This is what normal people do, Sam. They fall in love. They make each other laugh. They move in together. They raise kids. They fight over money. They get old and fat together. And it's normal. And it's happenin' to me. I can't believe it.

Arlene: Please don't eat me, I am pregnant. Oh that probably just made you want to eat me more.

Jessica: Just because my fangs popped out doesn't mean I am going to use them on you.

Lafayette: Go tell your mama that two faggots whooped your ass!

Sam: You're just a scared man in saggy underpants with no discernible life skills.

Summer: I really like you Hoyt and I really want you to taste my biscuits.

Jason: I didn't think I was smart enough to get depressed.

Talbot: Franklin's brains won't wash off the guest linens, I had to bury werewolves under the gazebo, and that Sookie bitch staked Lorena. I've had enough excitement, thank you.

Russell: Poor Talbot. Are your diamond slippers chafing?

Talbot: I'm bored. Take off your clothes.

Alcide: You can read minds and shoot light out of your fingers. Who am I to tell you what's best for you?

Arlene: That's Tara. She's all bark and, well, she bites, too.

Tara: Maybe you can flirt some sense into that girl 'cause logic sure ain't working.

Tara: Know what you sound like? One of those country songs about dumb bitches that let their men beat on them and cheat on them, all in the name of true love.
Sookie: Did you just call me a dumb bitch?

Jason: You got no right being in my head. That's... trespassing.

Eric: I enjoy a good head-ripping as much as any vampire, but in this case it might be wise to consider the value of the heads in question.

Talbot [to Russell]: You're acting like a century-old child!

Sookie: Just once I'd like to not find a dead body in my house. Is that asking too much?

Russell: We will eat you, after we eat your children. Now time for the weather... Tiffany?

Russell: Mine is the true face of vampires!

Franklin: I'll mourn you, Tara. I'll mourn you to my very marrow.

Lafayette's mother: I'll be damned. Maybe God loves fags!

Sookie: As much as you wanna be human, I think I'm closer to meeting you halfway to vampire.

Sookie: I don't know how you did things in the 1800s, but keeping a file on the woman you love is... creepy.

Terry: Arlene, I want to marry you. And together we will surround that baby with more love than it can handle.

Summer: I can tell you're a sexual person, Hoyt Fortenberry... I know God wants girls to wait, but I'm right about you.

Jessica: We get it. You don't like vampires. Well, I don't like narrow-minded skinny bitches with bad dye jobs.

Lafayette: Them fuckers is a whole new dimension of trash.

Bill: Sookie, it is not your blood I love. I love you. Your heart, your mind, your soul... you have brought light back into my life.

Bill [to Sookie]: Yours is the most delicious blood I've ever tasted. That's all I know.

Sookie: I'm a fairy? How fuckin lame!

Bill: It is more important than ever that we restrain ourselves, even if it is against our nature.

Eric: If I meet the true death without at least kissing you, Sookie Stackhouse, that will be my biggest regret.

Jason: Everyone in this town ain't what they're supposed to be. So... you turn into a panther. I love you.

Sookie: What would we be if we were normal? I can't even picture it.

Tara: No one cares about Eggs except me, and I'll miss him for the rest of my life.

Summer: I opened up my heart to him. I showed him my best underwear. There's nothing else I can do.

Sookie: I love you, Bill, but after this Mississippi mess, I'd be crazy to just trust either of you.

Russell [to Eric]: You are nothing more than a lump of muscle with a blood grudge.

Crystal: All I gotta do is marry my half-brother and let him breed me until I'm old or dead.

Lafayette: We could end up in Hell, or fuckin' South Dakota.

Pam: This is not just about your relationship, you infatuated tween. There's a bigger picture.

Eric [to Pam]: You know I love you more when you're cold and heartless.

Eric [to Russell]: Be brave. We'll die together.


Tara: Don't you think being a shape-shifter is something you should tell someone before you sleep with them.

Sookie: Stepping around the fact that your word is worth about as much as tits on a turtle.

Eric: If you two are done eye-fucking each other, can we go?

Jason: Sometimes the right thing to do is the wrong thing. I know I did the right thing.

Lafayette: You're a witch, who's a nurse, and a dude? How did I get so lucky?

Sookie: I feel better protecting myself, now that I know I am basically vampire crack.