Yours, Mine, & Ours

Helen: Homes are for free expressions, not for good impressions.

Darrell: You googled another man's wife.

William: Okay, everybody. It's time we call a truce. We need to unite against a greater enemy. And that enemy is Mom and Dad.

William: Trust me, they're biologically protected by the cuteness factor.

Frank: Occasionally, a little pat on the butt sends a clear message.

William: The Admiral always said: "A clean ship is a happy ship."

Now put your hands up in the air, and wave them like you just don't care. And if you think that Kelly is the best, let me hear you say, "Oh Yeah!"
Oh yeah!
Oh yeah?
Oh yeah!
Go Kelly! Go Kelly! The other team is
Smelly!
They're quaking like they're
Jelly!
We got sisters from
New Delhi!
Go Kelly! go Kelly! The other team is smelly! They're quaking like they're jelly! We got sisters from New Delhi!

Southland: Season One

Only 9,800 police officers patrol the city of Los Angeles, an area of 500 square miles and 4 million people...

Cooper: You are too stupid to live.

Cooper: Asshole Rodeo.

Dudek: What do you call two female officers in a squad car? A tuna boat!

Cooper: Yeah, Tori Spelling threw up all over his brand new patent Mary Jane's.

Cooper: At 0'dark:30 the next time you're up, you will drag your weary ass out of bed, you will put on your gun and your vest and you will do it all over again. You know why? Because this is a front row seat to the greatest show on earth. You wanna abuse it? Yes sir. You can, and you will. I guarantee it, because it is relentless, and it gets to you, and it seems like it changes nothing. But a day like today, with some interesting papers and a few good arrests, that's good. But if once in a while, you get to take a bad guy off the streets for good, then that my friend is God's work. So now you wanna be a pussy and quit? You quit. You're a cop because you don't know how not to be one. If you feel that way, you're a cop. If you don't, you're not. You decide.

Cooper: It is my opinion that despite the circle jerk of tonight, that Officer Ben Sherman performed his duties to the highest standard. He is and will continue to be a superior police officer. We will be very lucky if he serves this sworn career with the Los Angeles police.

Cooper: You may be a great shot, but you don't know shit about being a cop.

Cooper: Number one: Things aren't always what they seem. The victim may be the suspect. The suspect may be the victim. Number two: Wait for us. You do not take action by yourself. We work as partners.

Adams: Right, you get an award for saving lives, not taking them.

Dead unidentified female victims in Los Angeles are often called Sally in the Alley. Our detectives wanted to give this one a name.

27 Dresses

Kevin: What color is that - vomit?

Kevin: You'd rather focus on other people's Kodak moments than make memories of your own!

Jane: You tell him the truth or I will.
Tess: No, you won't. You wouldn't hurt a fly and you definitely wouldn't hurt me, I'm your sister.
Jane: That was yesterday. Today you're just some bitch who broke my heart and cut up my mother's wedding dress.

Kevin: Love is patient, love is kind, love means slowly losing your mind

Jane's Aunt: Must be so hard to watch your younger sister get married before you.
Jane: Yes. Then I remember that I still get to have hot hate sex with random strangers and I feel SO much better!

Jane: I feel like I just found out my favorite love song was written about a sandwich.

Kevin: No, but Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Drunk were bugging me.

Jane: I think you should just admit that you're a big softy, that this whole cynical thing is just an act so that you can seem wounded and mysterious and sexy...

Kevin: You kinda look like a shiny mermaid.

Jane: Wanna go find the ugliest stuff in the store and register Tess for it?

Casey: [after Jane turns down a drink offer from George] He asks if you want a drink. You smile and say, 'Vodka soda.' If you already have a drink, you down it. Then there's some flirting, some interoffice sex, an accidental pregnancy, a shot gun wedding, and a life of bliss. How many times do we have to go over this?

Jane: God, Casey, can't you keep it in your pants for one wedding?
Casey: Are you kidding? The only reason to wear this monstrous dress is that so some drunken groomsman can rip it to shreds with his teeth.

Jane: How refreshing! A man who doesn't believe in marriage.
Kevin: I'm just trying to point out the hypocrisy of the spectacle.
Jane: Oh! That's so noble of you. Do you also go around telling small children that Santa Claus doesn't exist? 'Cause someone needs to blow that shit wide open.
Kevin: A-ha! So you admit that believe in marriage is kind of like believing in Santa Claus!

Casey: What good is it being appreciated if no one is naked?

Jane: You write the most beautiful things. Do you actually believe in love and marriage and just pretend to be a cynic or are you actually a cynic who knows how to spin romantic crap for girls like me?
Kevin: I didn't follow that at all, but I think the second one, the spinning crap one.

Casey: So what happened?
Jane: He needed to know the truth.
Casey: You could have told him face-to-face. I mean, I know my moral compass doesn't exactly point due north, but... if I say something's wrong, something's wrong.
Jane: You're the one who's always telling me to stand up for myself.
Casey: Yeah, but that's not what you did. What you did was unleash twenty years of repressed feelings in one night. It was entertaining, don't get me wrong, but if it was the right thing to do, you'd feel better right now. Do you feel better right now?

Tess: "If Jane is the prototypical accommodating bridesmaid, then her sister Tess is cast as the overbearing, overindulged bride-to-be who at any moment might start stomping around Manhattan, breathing fire, and swatting planes from the sky."
Jane: I had no idea he was writing an article about me.
Tess: You? He called me Bridezilla! In the New York freaking Journal! I could tear him apart limb from limb!

Just Like Heaven

J.J.: God gave us alcohol as a social lubricant. Make men brave, make women loose.

J.J.: See this? This is the world. Join it. Stop swimming around in your mind. That is a dangerous neighborhood you should not go into alone.

Elizabeth: All I know is that when I'm not with you it's like I don't exist.

Elizabeth: Look, you have two realities to choose from: First one being that a woman has come into your life in a very unconventional way and she happens to need your assistance. The second one is that you're an insane person, and you're sitting on a park bench right now talking to yourself.

Dave: You're like an AM radio someone shoved in my head and I can't turn off.

Elizabeth: I may have been a lonely home-wrecking whore, but I saved lives!

Darryl: Can't you feel that, man? There's like this cancer-causing ray of spirit hate searing right towards your body.

Katrina: Osama, communism is way over, so like give your people some toilet paper.

Jersey Girl

Boy 1: My mom says that me and my dad have very healthy appetites.
Girl 1: My mom and dad are very religious. When they're in their bedroom at night, I always hear them yelling, "Jesus!"
Boy 2: My mom says my dad's eyes are brown because he is so full of sh-
Boy 3: My brother Jack is in eighth grade. He told me to ask my dad who he voted for, for President. I did and my Dad said he's a total Bush-man. That made my brother laugh really hard.
Boy 4: Whenever my Uncle Stu comes over to play pool with my dad, my mom says the basement smells like a Cheech and Chong movie
Boy 5: Well, it's like this. My dog ate my paper. I checked, but he didn't poop it out.

Gertie: My dad says life can be split into two categories: New Jersey... and New York. My dad was a Jersey boy who became the youngest and most successful music publicist in New York City. By the time he was 27, he had 100 people working for him. And even though they all loved him, he loved them even more. Daddy loved his job, but not as much as he loved my mom. Mommy was a book editor in New York City when her and Daddy met. Daddy said their jobs were kind of the same. They made slight corrections for their clients. Daddy worked so much that sometimes Mommy could only see him late at night. Daddy says that's why they both loved the city so much, it never went to sleep. And neither did he and Mommy. By after a year of romancing in the city Daddy said it was time to show Mommy where he came from. So he took her home to New Jersey and put her through what he said was the biggest test their love would ever face: "Introducing her to my pop". So that night, Daddy took Mommy to Pop's bar, where she got to meet Pop's other children, his best friends Greenie and Block. Daddy said because Mommy survived her first trip to Jersey he knew she was a keeper. He said they celebrated their engagement by going out for pizza. And that's how I got here. And with that, everyone lived happily ever after. Almost.

Ollie: Because George Michael is a pimp who is all about the ladies, my friend. Come on, "I Want Your Sex"? That sound like he's singing to a guy?

Ollie: That juice is called grease, Dad. It's bad for you. It clogs your arteries.
Bart: It's called juice. And it greases a father's insides so that he can better swallow the shit his son feeds him twice a year when he can be bothered coming to visit him.

Ollie: He's a two bit TV actor, who won't be around any longer than it takes for the ink to dry on the pages of the worthless rags you jerk-offs write for!

Maya: Man cannot live on porn alone.

Gertie: What are your intentions? What are your intentions with my father? Do you plan on marrying him? Because I was taught that only married girls show their girl parts to boys. Right, Daddy?

What a Girl Wants

Daphne: My name is Daphne Reynolds and I was born in New York City. I've lived my whole life with my mom in a fifth-floor walk-up in Chinatown. It's always been just the two of us, me and Libby. But every year on my birthday, I'd make a wish. That someone else could be there too. And every year when he didn't come, I'd ask my mom to tell me the same story.

Libby: Once upon a time, there was a young, very cool singer named Libby, who one day decided to go out and see the world. Little did she know that in the deserts of Morocco, fate was waiting for her. And his name was Henry. They fell madly, passionately, hopelessly in love and were married by the chief of a Bedouin tribe. Henry brought her back to England to meet his family so they could get married for real. But fate was not so kind this time. She was definitely not what they were expecting. But when Henry's father suddenly died, Libby knew there'd be more pressure on him to lead a certain kind of life because he was now Lord Dashwood and Libby was no one's idea of a lady. So even though it broke her heart, she knew she had to leave him. But a few months later, fate gave her the greatest gift of all: a beautiful baby girl named Daphne.

Libby: Daph, getting to know someone because they share the same DNA with you isn't the answer. It's about getting to know yourself.

Libby: I love you a million Swedish fish.
Daphne: I love you a million red M&M's.

Daphne: I thought that maybe the answer was taking a year or two off before college to find out what I'm supposed to do with my life. But deep down, I think I've always known, what I really need more than anything else in the world is to find him, to find my dad. Mom, you've always said it was up to me to write the rest of my story but you've been writing it for me, Mom. Now it has to be my turn.

Ian: I should warn you, the dog and bone's on the blink and we've no lift here. Phone is broken. Elevator, none.

Lady Dashwood: No hugs, dear. I'm British. We only show affection to dogs and horses.

Clarissa: Turn up in a sensible dress and some pearls and you might as well wear a sign saying, "Spot the Plonker."

Lady Dashwood: It means, ducky, hang in there, and you'll rock!

Ian: Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you're born to stand out?

Daphne: I really wish you'd pull your lip over your head and swallow it.

Ian: Cool. Just call me when Daphne re-inhabits your body.

Lady Dashwood: You know, my dear, it's not the crown that makes the queen. It's what's in here.

Libby: Take your hand off my daughter or you won't get a scene, you'll get a Broadway musical.

Daphne: Every birthday I would get all dressed up and I would wish that, if I was good enough you would come and find me. And now here I am, in the most beautiful dress I could ever imagine and you're here. You know what I miss now? I miss being me. I finally realized that is enough.

Lord Dashwood: Representing you would undoubtedly be the greatest honor of my political life. It would simply be impossible to do so if I'm not serving my own conscience. See, I've changed. And as important as my political aspirations are to me, there is one thing that matters more. Thank you.

Lord Dashwood: What it comes down to is, is that I love you, Daphne. I love you. I'm so sorry. I wouldn't change you, anything about you. I wouldn't change one hair on your head. Not for anything.

Lord Dashwood: Listen, Daphne, I just think when you're groveling it's important to bring a very large present.

Daphne: So I finally got my father-daughter dance. Of course it got interrupted when my boyfriend showed up. And then my parents started making out. But sometimes things aren't exactly how you always imagined. They're even better.

Daphne: Oh, just in case you were wondering what happened to Clarissa and Glynnis... don't worry. They ended up exactly as they should. So did Alistair. This is the closest he ever got to Parliament. My parents got married again. This time, it was legal. I think. As for me, I didn't end up at NYU. But before you get too disappointed, I did get into Oxford. What can I say? Like father, like daughter. It was my own happily ever after.

Head Over Heels

Amanda: This is Grinell, Iowa, my hometown, where all my family and friends live. But I'm not there now. I'm here, New York City. Home to eight million people, roughly half of whom are men. Which means half of the city is genetically predisposed to lie to the other half. You see, I'm the woman who has the world's worst judgment in men. I know what you're thinking. You might think that you do, but you don't. I do. My grade school boyfriend, Tommy, left me for someone with boobs. My high school boyfriend, Charlie, left me for, well, someone who didn't have any boobs. But that's all behind me now. I have a great job restoring paintings at the Metropolitan Museum. I'm in the Renaissance art division, where the men are easier to deal with.

Amanda: maybe that's why I like art better than real life. They can stay in love forever.

Polly: Nothing, just that you're going to die alone.
Amanda: Seriously, why do I need a personal life if my work makes me happy?
Polly: Because work isn't enough. You need someone to share your life with. And if you give up on that now, it might not be so easy to find later.

Holly: Okay, remember, when you walk in you're the most beautiful woman in the room.
Roxanna: Well, you're in the top four.

Roxanna: Oh, and most important, don't forget to turn them on, the headlights.