Jersey Shore: Season Two

Pauly D: Angelina rooming with me and Situation could be a good thing or a bad thing. I don't want the drama in Miami, but then again maybe there'll be a slow night, it's raining, we got no chicks — you never know what can happen.

Pauly D: Can't do nothin' in this weather. Can't tan, can't creep. Girls don't come out in this weather, they stay in the house.

The Situation: Who does AAA call when AAA gets stuck?

Snooki: If you're gonna hand me a bottle of SoCo, something just comes over me - I just go crazy!

Snooki: I don't go tanning tanning anymore because Obama put a 10 percent tax on tanning. McCain would never put a 10 percent tax on tanning. Because he's pale and would probably want to be tan. Obama doesn't have that problem. Obviously.

Vinny: My uncles, they just want me to bang everybody, but I'm interested in more quality girls.

Sammi: I would legit beat the living shit out of Angelina and Ron at the same time if Ron and Angelina ever hooked up.

Snooki: I feel like a pilgrim from the fucking '20s washing this shit in the sink.

The Situation: I'm gonna bring a little Jersey down to MIA, which is Miami, and I'm excited.

Snooki: My bronzer is leaking off my face.

Sammi: [to Ronnie] Gym, tan, smush, huh?

JWoww: When I saw Angelina I was like 'that's the icing on the cake.'
Snooki: I'm going to act like she's a fly on the wall and pretend she's not there.

The Situation: Ron is at the club hooking up with grenades, which is a bigger ugly chick, and land mines, which is a thinner ugly chick, and ... loving life.

Snooki: You're a white rat and you're fucking pale and you're nasty.
Angelina: Yeah well you're too tan and you're disgusting.
Snooki: I AM tan and I like being tan BITCH!

The Situation: Can I place an order?
Delivery guy: What's the name?
The Situation: Situation.
Delivery guy: Name?
The Situation: Yeah. Situation. S-i-t-u-a-t-i-o-n.
Delivery guy: Whatever man, what's your order?

Sammi: I feel like Ron is mind gaming me a little. And it's not cool.

Pauly D: Ronnie's new nickname is IFF. The I'm Fucked Foundation. He's a client and the president!

The Situation: The whole Sammi-Ronnie situation? Not a good situation.

Pauly D: Somebody just grabbed my ass ... I think it was The Situation.

Pauly D: My boss seems to think that my hair is gonna fall off and go into the ice cream. This hair ain't movin' my dude. 150 miles an hour on the highway on a street bike. Doesn't move. What makes you think it's gonna move in a gelato shop?

The Situation: We have an abundance of wife beaters ... and we wear them before we got out before it's T-shirt time. Right before we go out we take off the tank and then we put on our fresh shirt.

The Situation: JWOWW ... I've seen her working out, doing combos at the gym ... and I've gotten a little taste of a smack myself. I have an idea of what Angelina's about to go through and it's like Rocky vs. Apollo. Rocky doesn't have a chance right now.

JWoww: The sex shop is perfect. Perfect, perfect, perfect. It's my scene. And when I get into my scene I get into my clothes.

Snooki: The glasses are all bling bling ... But when you put them on you can't really see. So I don't think you can drive with them because you can't really see.

Snooki: My first thought was: I don't wanna clean this up. My second thought was: I just fucked up dinner. My third thought was: What the fuck am I gonna eat?!

Ronnie: I'm just gonna deny, deny, deny until Angelina says something ... and World War III starts.

Snooki: I'm walking blind here! Do you have any pickles?

JWoww: [to Angelina] You wanna stay, you can get your ass beat. Stay, get your ass beat. Stay, get your ass beat! Stay, get your ass beat! Sleep with one fuckin' eye open!

The Situation: At one point I splashed water on my face and I realized ... We got grenades! We are in the midst of grenades.

Vinny: It just so happens our initials are MVP. Mike, Vinny, Pauly. We are the MVPs of MIA ... supporting the GFF.

The Situation: I think Sammi has an idea, but she just doesn't want to believe it. It all dates back to when you thought the Tooth Fairy was, you know, alive.

Pauly D: The truth will come out! It's gonna blow up in his face. He's like IFF!

Pauly D: Ronnie and Sam, they get in one little fight, and Ron thinks that just because they're in a fight, he's allowed to creep.

Sammi: We're having another great night out, then the next thing I know, I turn around and Ronnie's shitfaced wasted. And I don't appreciate it.

Vinny: As you can see, I got a good fade going ... they know how to do it in the hood.

Vinny: So me and Ronnie go to this new barbershop. It's kind of a hood barbershop. I have thick, Silician hair ... If someone can cut a black person's hair, they can typically cut mine.

Vinny: I actually like Enzo. The fact that he calls me Vincenzo really makes me feel at home. That's what all the old school Italians in my family call me.

JWoww: [to Angelina] At the end of the day, that kid's my brother, and if he can't hit you, I will. You're lucky you're so drunk. Wait 'til tomorrow.

Pauly D: I've seen drunk people before, but that was like bipolar or something ... I think that's a problem.

Snooki: Ow. It hurts my vagina.

Angelina: I didn't know being drunk and people making mistakes was that bad.

Vinny: Jenni's tits defy gravity... Albert Einstein should come back and rewrite his laws of physics and rework them around Jenni's tits.

JWoww: [on phone to Emilio] So while you're fuckin' them nasty bitches up there, I'll sure Nicole's gonna get it in down here. So at the end of the day you lose her as it is, and you're still a drunk skank with no job.

JWoww: [on phone to Emilio] I will call the cops on you if you call again or I will take the next flight out to fuckin' New York to beat your ass.

Snooki: Eventually Sammi's gonna find out, and ... I don't know what to do. It's just a big ball of fuckness. That's a new word: fuckness.

Snooki: White's in in Miami... what if you get your period? It's ruined.

The Situation: Ronnie is feeding steaming ALPO to Sam, on a plate, 'cause he's doggin' her so much.

Snooki: It's not a good idea to come in here with a boyfriend.

Snooki: Guys are douchebags and I hate them all. They don't know how to treat women, and I feel like this is why the lesbian rate is going up in this country.

The Situation: Ron is the President of the I-double-F.

JWoww: [typing] Ron made out with two girls and put his head between the waitress' breasts. Boing.

Vinny: I'm in Miami. I don't want girls studying for finals. I want girls studying for dick!

Ronnie: [wasted] I don't hate you because I love you.

Snooki: You farted and it's coming in my mouth & nose.
Angelina: Oops.

The Situation: You need to on your tip-top game with your GTL to stay FTD to get the girls to DTF in MIA ... say that 5 times fast.

The Situation: Ronnie doesn't want to give up his cookie, and that's Sam. You need to give up your cookie, son, so you can go find another one. I'm eatin' chocolate chip cookies every night, dog.

Ronnie: She's beating a dead horse at this point. At some point when the horse is dead you gotta leave it alone.

Vinny: I swear to God that looks like a garbage bag! I think Victoria should have kept this one a Secret.

Ronnie: Angelina... she's got diarrhea of the mouth.. I was like mind your business ... I gotta deal with Sam, you're gonna have to deal with me.

Sammi: I specifically didn't go out because I was waiting for you at home. Like a bitch.
Ronnie: You are a bitch.

Ronnie: I don't like tests, that's why I didn't go to college... don't test me, 'cause I will fail a majority of the time.

Vinny: Pick three for each one of us, and the grenade just goes to sleep.

The Situation: I put the hippopotamus to bed.

The Situation: I'm sort of a softy sometimes. I'm a sensitive dude.

Angelina: The Situation was a man in that situation.

Snooki: Sympathetic. Word of the day... that's a big word!

Sammi: I found this note. This note pretty much told me that Ron gets with fat chicks, hooks up with girls, holds hands with girls, got a girl's number...

Ronnie: Right away, I know it's Snooki or Jenni. But then I read the letter and see the word 'wisely' and I know Snooki doesn't use that kind of vocabulary.

Ronnie: I'm definitely not a saint. If I walked into a church, I'd probably burst into flames to be honest with you. [But] I think I can probably talk my way out of the hole I dug. I mean, how deep is a grave?

JWoww: If they end up back together, she looks like the dumbest bitch.

The Situation: I'm hooking up with this girl, your girl's girl, and your girlfriend's girlfriend's girlfriend. Somebody's gotta do it.

Snooki: It's like putting a watermelon into a pinhole.

Vinny: [to JWoww, on his bling] It's like your tits. Looks sick, but it's fake.

Vinny: With this spray-tan, this chain, and this fitted, how could she not love me?

Vinny: If she wants to come into my bed and throw it at me, I'm gonna take it.

The Situation: I'll be flipping pancakes while people are punching each other in the face.

The Situation: I don't even know. Who knows, dog. That's the first time. The first time that has happened. But I'm a trooper! I'm The Situation, man!

The Situation: I'm not ready to perform right now. I'm like a Ferrari. I'm high maintenance.

Pauly D: [to Vinny] Your eyebrows are so bushy that they collect so much more bacteria than normal eyes would.

Vinny: Right now, Pauly would hook up with me, he's so drunk.

Sammi: Whoever wrote me the note, thank you, I appreciate it because I look like a fucking idiot.