All I Wanna Do

Odette [narration]: January 4, 1963: Dear Dennis, I've been abducted by my own parents. They found out what we were planning and now they want me as far away from you as possible. I'm not coming back to Chansory. They're hauling me in to some all girls' school in Connecticut. They think I'll be safe surrounded by some high walls and lesbians. This is the end of the world. One look tells you this place eats the hairy bird.

Odette: Up your ziggy with a wa-wa brush.

Odette [narration]: Dear Dennis, I miss you so much. I'm perishing in this penal colony. I'm completely alone. My roommates are demented.

Odette [narration]: Dear Mother and Father, today I was elected to the security counsel of the model UN. I'm so popular I got to play Russia.

Odette [narration]: Dear Mom and Dad, today was the dress rehearsal for Death of a Salesman. My roommate Tinka plays Willy Loman.

Odette [narration]: Dear Dennis, maybe I can escape from here and we can meet in New York.

Momo: Miss Goddard's girls are very smart.

Momo: Miss Goddard's girls are very organized.

Odette: I have a complaint about the school blazer. I find it a little restraining. It cuts off the flow of blood to my breasts.

Odette: None of your Floppin Buggies.

Verena: No more little white gloves.

Snake: Tinka! Tinka! Tinka! The wind calls your name, in the pond, in the trees, in the pack of Sandra, in the stars, in the moon. They all call your name. Tinka!

Tinka: It's what we've always wanted, boys at Miss Goddard's.
Verena: Oh yeah you'd just go out and greet them with open legs.
Odette: Hey now they're going to have to call it Miss Go-nads.

Verena: Right. Just imagine, we'll have to wash our hair every night. We'll have to sleep on rollers til our scalps bleed. Then we'll have to get up at six every morning for the comb out. Your lungs will be lined with hairspray. Then you need all this equipment to push up the tits and blitz the zits and spray the pits! Then you stagger into class and you look perfect but you're exhausted, you're too tired to even think but that's okay the teachers they won't call on you anyway, also you don't want to be smarter than the boys. They don't like that, so to wake yourself up you drink some coffee at lunch but don't eat the food. You'll be a permanent diet!
Tweety: I'm not going to change the way I am just because boys are around.
Verena: Come off it Tweety. I've seen you at school dances its like the three faces of Eve. You turn into this simpering wretch and the whole next week we have to put up with your suicide attempts because your date didn't like you!
Tweety: Verena!
Momo: Now you've done it. That was really uncalled for, Vagina.
Tinka: Look Von Stefan, I know you like this place the way it is but wake up it's not real life, real life is boy girl, boy girl.
Verena Von Stefan: No! Real life is boy on top of girl!
Momo: Would you two stop it.
Verena: You should know that.
Odette: Look, it looks like this is going to happen whether we like it or not so we're just gonna have to adjust.
Tinka: Yes, we'll just have to adjust.
Verena: Where would we be today if President Kennedy had said 'Oh well, looks like we'll just have to adjust to living in the shadow of nuclear warheads on Cuba'.
Momo: There ya go.
Odette: They're just boys Verena, not communists.
Verena: I'm not gonna live in the shadow of the Hairy Bird!
Tinka: Well that's your prob. You're afraid of boys!
Verena: You'd be afraid too except you've got nothing left to lose Miss Tinka!
Momo: Order! Order!
Tinka: Prude!
Verena: Tramp!
Tweety: Truce you guys! Quiet. Have some ravioli.

Abby Sawyer: They all... hate me. Sometimes I just want to rip off my stars and be just like everyone else.
Page Sawyer: Abby Sawyer, when you are at the top, there are always jealous people at the bottom who try to bring you down. Well, you just stick out your chin and say "POO."

Odette [narration]: Dear Dennis, be careful no one sees you when you come in the back way. You;ll be safe once you put on the jacket and tie, then everyone will think you're a St. Ambrose boy. Don't forget to put the rubbers in your pocket. If a guard stops you, eat them.

Odette: Go stuff the big kielbasa Mr. Dewey!

Tweety: Verena's gone, St. Ambrose is taking over, and next year I'm going to have to face Todd Winslow every day at breakfast. I WANT TO RETCH AND DIE!
Momo: They're going to pull down our grades.
Tinka: They're going to pull down more than that.

Odette: We've been jipped. Some of you may think that this school going coed is a great idea. Others of you may think it's horrendous. But right now, the point is that the board of trustees doesn't care what you think. Did they ever consult us? No. Did they ever ask us what we wanted? No. We're only a pawn in their game. They teach us self government and then they disenfranchise us. They teach us to take ourselves seriously and then they act as if we don't count. Well I say this eats the big one. We count! We want to vote, it's our future. They expect us to stand around and be docile and meek in our little white gloves while they wheel absolute power. Well I say no more little white gloves! Let's hear it. Do you want a vote? Well then demand a vote! Follow me to the dorms and we'll lock ourselves in until they agree to our terms. Come on everybody!

Abby: Mother, up your ziggy with a wa wa brush!

Tinka: The board of trustees has sold this school down the river. They want us to go coed with the St. Ambrose Academy, which is notorious for their drunken behavior, loose morals, and lousy singing.

Odette: Now, this may seem pretty simple, but now it's time to decide how you really feel about Miss Goddard's. Some of you may think of this place as a prison. Some old-fashioned prude's idea about keeping us out of trouble because we can't be trusted to look out for ourselves. You think times have changed and we can hold our own with boys. So you'll vote 'yes' on co-education. Miss Goddard's will disappear like the dinosaurs. Now, for others of you, you think this place has brought out the best in you. In here, they give you the nerve to reach into yourself and pull out your colors and wave them as high as you can. So you'll vote 'no' on changing this place. Because to you Miss Goddard's isn't a prison at all. It's a place to be free.

Verena: Coed school will be a nice change.
Odette: [to Frosty] Excuse us please.
Odette: You hypocrite. I thought you said you hated boys.
Verena: I've been thinking, perhaps they are like dogs. If we don't take them in, they run wild and are a danger to society.

Odette: Verena, up yours with a Breck bottle.

Today, Verena Von Stefan's MOI magazine has over a million women readers. Congresswoman Odette Sinclair has declared war on the tobacco industry. During a 1997 Barbara Walters interview, actress Tinka Parker came out. Adolescent psychologist Theresa Goldberg wrote the bestseller "Fatal Purge". Scientist Maureen Haines is developing the first male oral contraceptive. Radical activist Abigail Sawyer is still serving a prison sentence for her part in a 1970 bank holdup.
Miss Goddard's Preparatory School for Girls remains a single-sex institution to this day.
Their graduates over the years include thousands of corporate executives, 469 doctors, 387 lawyers, 209 professors, 3 movie stars, and 1 demagogue.