Sons of Anarchy: Season 2

Clay: Nobody threatens Sam Crow... brown, black... or white... Now why don't you all pile back into your clown car, and head on back to Nazi-town...

Gemma: You think... you think God forgives you for doing bad things? I-- I mean like really... bad shit.
Father Francis: God forgives absolutely. We're the ones who usually can't.

Gemma: Love don't mean shit. Men need to own their pussy. His has been violated. He'll find another. It's what they do.

Tara: You keep saying you want to change things, but you keep repeating old behavior. You can't have it both ways.

Jax: Is there anything you love so much, you'd protect it, no matter the cost; the damage it did to you?
Tara: Yeah. Yeah, a child.
Jax: Yeah. That's how I feel about this club. Since I was five Tara, all I've ever wanted was a Harley and cut. Change won't happen quick, or without blood, but it'll happen. It has to.

Half-Sack: It's a little bit painful when I ride. Sometimes I feel it when I walk. Other than that, back to normal.
Tig: Is it gay that I want to see it?
Bobby: Gay curious.
Tig: Come on, drop 'em.

Clay: Sam Crow deals guns. You had your little romp as porn king. You tied us to prostitution. You got one of our member's old lady killed.
Jax: You are really gonna stand there and lay the guilt of a dead wife on me?

Hale: I know the greater devil when I see it. Zobelle is flooding this town with Darby's crank and pussy. And he wants me to shut it down to prove to Charming they don't need the Sons.

Gemma [to Jax]: I loved your dad. More than... more than I've loved any man. Great lay. Smart. Big heart. And very complicated. Sound familiar? His complications killed him.

Sons of Anarchy: Season 3

Clay: He made it through the Iraqi mine fields only to get taken out in a God damn kitchen.

Tara: We don't know who we are until we're connected to someone else. We're just better human beings when with the person we're supposed to be with. I wasn't supposed to leave...I belong here.

Clay [to Stahl]: Anything happens to my grandson, anything, I promise you I'm gonna shove a gun barrel up that bony ass of yours and I'm gonna blow that black heart of yours out.

Jax: I'm trying to find some kind of balance, Piney. The right thing for my family, the club. Every time I think maybe I'm headin' in the right direction, I end up in a place I never even knew could feel this bad. What did I do man?
Piney: You're loyal...decent. That's who HE was. And I miss him.

Gemma: Where you goin' with the baby oil?
Tig: I'm not gonna lie to you Gemma... I'm a very big man. And a little bit of lube sometimes, it's just the humane thing to do.
Gemma: Well I hope that's the Guatemalan hottie in there... and not my dad.

Priest (to Cameron): You killed a man that was part of an organization that we'd been allied to for more than 20 years. You kidnapped the grandson of the man responsible for that union. John Teller... was a friend.

Unser: This attack...I know what it means, what you guys gotta do.
Jax: I don't give a shit about retaliation. I'm gonna find my kid.

Nate: Days like this, when I can remember everything I usually forget, these are the worst days.

Jax: You're all very unbalanced individuals.

Nate (to Gemma): Her biggest regret... losing you. Don't let your family slip away.

Ashby: Jimmy's lost sight of who we are. He's not a soldier anymore... just a gangster.

Jax: You want to be an old lady, then act like one! Do you what you're told! Pack your s**t and head back to Charming.
Tara: I just helped you mother kill someone. That old lady enough for you?!?

Tig: Maybe you go red head for a while.
Gemma: Aw shit, I'd rather shave my head.

Jax: It's you and me. We're all we got... June.

Maureen: I piss you off, I get smacked around. I piss off the army, I end up with my head squeezed off by a razor wire.

Gemma: Quite the secret queen lately.
Tara: Yeah, well I learned from the best.

Gemma: There's not much more this bitch can do to me.
Clay: Don't underestimate her. She's been demoted, she's desperate.
Stahl: Hey I'm in the room kids.

Jax: When you talk to your boss, you let him know if I find out he's been lying about my son, I'm gonna track him down. I'm gonna beat the truth out of him. And then I'm gonna let Chibs cut him from ear to ear.

Darby: Just 'cause I ain't dirty, doesn't mean I'm a saint.

Alvarez: How could you let those bitches take your cut ese. You're an embarrassment to Latinos everywhere.

Unser: Truth is, I feel closer to SAMCRO then I do most folks in this house.

Jax: Right now you're not my mother. You're just a member's old lady and I'm telling you this is what you need to do to protect SAMCRO.

Jax: Tig just wants you to know how big his dick is. We'll vote again in a couple weeks. You'll be SAMCRO.

Tara: Your mother thinks this is about protecting me.
Jax: I am protecting you.
Tara: From what?
Jax: Donna, Abel, Sack. Take your pick.

Clay: Anything happens to this bird, Gemma will stuff you in this cage, make you wear a beak, and shit on newspapers.
Prospect: That sounds fair.

Gemma (to Tara): Secret babies are a bad idea.

Gemma: He's lost, baby. You have to be the constant. Ride it out.
Tara: I'm not as strong as you.

Tig: I love a good fiesta.
Juice: You do realize that pretty much every Latina you've boned ends up dead.
Tig: Hey, this comes with a price.

Opie (to Jax): I hope you wrapped your shit. That's a high traffic zone you were ripping through last night.

Lyla: This is not my fault.
Opie: No, but if you didn't eat pussy for a living you might have a different set of friends.

Fiona (to Jimmy): Get out! Come try and fetch me and Kerri again and I swear on my Catholic God I'll fill your thick Irish skull with bullets.

Gemma: Who the hell are these people? Using a baby like a God damn poker chip.
Jax: It's not just them. This happened because we deal guns with the Irish. Let's not kid ourselves we're the victims here.
Gemma: Maybe that profound awareness helps relieve your guilt, but now is not the time for soul searching. You focus on the hate you need to kill all these Irish pricks.

Ashby (to Jax): Your father knew the patch was a mistake, and so do you. Look at the violence in the last three days alone. Is that the life you want for your child. If you love him, give him more.

Ashby: I couldn't do anything to help save the son, but I can do something to save the grandson.
Jax: Save him from what?
Ashby: The life of his father.

Gemma: Unless we want a three-headed grandchild, looks like we're gonna need to share some family history.

Mo: I should take your right eye for talking shite about a man of God.
Gemma: Wouldn't be the first thing you took from me.
Mo: Well maybe if you didn't chew men up like a meat grinder, they wouldn't be oversees looking for tenderness.
Gemma: You dink of a whore!

Jax: Bottom line here...I found out I got a sister.
Trinity: Aye, a sister you nearly shagged.
Jax: You say that like it's a bad thing.

Gemma: If I was that mother, I'd rather have a half dead kid than have someone else raise my flesh and blood. You understand where I'm going with this?

Gemma: Now you are gonna tell us where our grandson is or I swear to God I will cut this baby in half.

Jax: I'm done listening to dead men, but don't pretend you were trying to help us. Greater good or not, we were just a means to your own end. You don't give a shit about this family... and the John Teller you knew 20 years ago, he didn't give a shit either.

John: My grief and introspection terrifies them... drives Gemma mad. Clay's pity has moved into profound loathing. I see my best friend and my wife growing closer and closer. I have no jealousy, truly. I feel nothing. Not even fear, and I know I should be afraid.

Clay: Nobody speaks Spanish... nothing?
Juice: I'm a Puerto Rican from Queens. I speak better Yiddish.

Jax: (to Gemma) I'd never turn on my club, or my family. I'm not my father.

John: Every day it becomes more clear that I don't belong here. I'm certain now that Clay and Gemma are together. They barely try to hide it from me. Gemma hates my apathy. She hates all of me. Her chill is terrifying. I know my days are numbered Mo, and when these letters stop you can be certain my death will come at the hands of my wife and best friend. At least my sweet Thomas will never suffer my life. I miss him so much. I only pray that Jackson finds a different path. He already reminds me so much of myself.

Jersey Shore: Season Two

Pauly D: Angelina rooming with me and Situation could be a good thing or a bad thing. I don't want the drama in Miami, but then again maybe there'll be a slow night, it's raining, we got no chicks — you never know what can happen.

Pauly D: Can't do nothin' in this weather. Can't tan, can't creep. Girls don't come out in this weather, they stay in the house.

The Situation: Who does AAA call when AAA gets stuck?

Snooki: If you're gonna hand me a bottle of SoCo, something just comes over me - I just go crazy!

Snooki: I don't go tanning tanning anymore because Obama put a 10 percent tax on tanning. McCain would never put a 10 percent tax on tanning. Because he's pale and would probably want to be tan. Obama doesn't have that problem. Obviously.

Vinny: My uncles, they just want me to bang everybody, but I'm interested in more quality girls.

Sammi: I would legit beat the living shit out of Angelina and Ron at the same time if Ron and Angelina ever hooked up.

Snooki: I feel like a pilgrim from the fucking '20s washing this shit in the sink.

The Situation: I'm gonna bring a little Jersey down to MIA, which is Miami, and I'm excited.

Snooki: My bronzer is leaking off my face.

Sammi: [to Ronnie] Gym, tan, smush, huh?

JWoww: When I saw Angelina I was like 'that's the icing on the cake.'
Snooki: I'm going to act like she's a fly on the wall and pretend she's not there.

The Situation: Ron is at the club hooking up with grenades, which is a bigger ugly chick, and land mines, which is a thinner ugly chick, and ... loving life.

Snooki: You're a white rat and you're fucking pale and you're nasty.
Angelina: Yeah well you're too tan and you're disgusting.
Snooki: I AM tan and I like being tan BITCH!

The Situation: Can I place an order?
Delivery guy: What's the name?
The Situation: Situation.
Delivery guy: Name?
The Situation: Yeah. Situation. S-i-t-u-a-t-i-o-n.
Delivery guy: Whatever man, what's your order?

Sammi: I feel like Ron is mind gaming me a little. And it's not cool.

Pauly D: Ronnie's new nickname is IFF. The I'm Fucked Foundation. He's a client and the president!

The Situation: The whole Sammi-Ronnie situation? Not a good situation.

Pauly D: Somebody just grabbed my ass ... I think it was The Situation.

Pauly D: My boss seems to think that my hair is gonna fall off and go into the ice cream. This hair ain't movin' my dude. 150 miles an hour on the highway on a street bike. Doesn't move. What makes you think it's gonna move in a gelato shop?

The Situation: We have an abundance of wife beaters ... and we wear them before we got out before it's T-shirt time. Right before we go out we take off the tank and then we put on our fresh shirt.

The Situation: JWOWW ... I've seen her working out, doing combos at the gym ... and I've gotten a little taste of a smack myself. I have an idea of what Angelina's about to go through and it's like Rocky vs. Apollo. Rocky doesn't have a chance right now.

JWoww: The sex shop is perfect. Perfect, perfect, perfect. It's my scene. And when I get into my scene I get into my clothes.

Snooki: The glasses are all bling bling ... But when you put them on you can't really see. So I don't think you can drive with them because you can't really see.

Snooki: My first thought was: I don't wanna clean this up. My second thought was: I just fucked up dinner. My third thought was: What the fuck am I gonna eat?!

Ronnie: I'm just gonna deny, deny, deny until Angelina says something ... and World War III starts.

Snooki: I'm walking blind here! Do you have any pickles?

JWoww: [to Angelina] You wanna stay, you can get your ass beat. Stay, get your ass beat. Stay, get your ass beat! Stay, get your ass beat! Sleep with one fuckin' eye open!

The Situation: At one point I splashed water on my face and I realized ... We got grenades! We are in the midst of grenades.

Vinny: It just so happens our initials are MVP. Mike, Vinny, Pauly. We are the MVPs of MIA ... supporting the GFF.

The Situation: I think Sammi has an idea, but she just doesn't want to believe it. It all dates back to when you thought the Tooth Fairy was, you know, alive.

Pauly D: The truth will come out! It's gonna blow up in his face. He's like IFF!

Pauly D: Ronnie and Sam, they get in one little fight, and Ron thinks that just because they're in a fight, he's allowed to creep.

Sammi: We're having another great night out, then the next thing I know, I turn around and Ronnie's shitfaced wasted. And I don't appreciate it.

Vinny: As you can see, I got a good fade going ... they know how to do it in the hood.

Vinny: So me and Ronnie go to this new barbershop. It's kind of a hood barbershop. I have thick, Silician hair ... If someone can cut a black person's hair, they can typically cut mine.

Vinny: I actually like Enzo. The fact that he calls me Vincenzo really makes me feel at home. That's what all the old school Italians in my family call me.

JWoww: [to Angelina] At the end of the day, that kid's my brother, and if he can't hit you, I will. You're lucky you're so drunk. Wait 'til tomorrow.

Pauly D: I've seen drunk people before, but that was like bipolar or something ... I think that's a problem.

Snooki: Ow. It hurts my vagina.

Angelina: I didn't know being drunk and people making mistakes was that bad.

Vinny: Jenni's tits defy gravity... Albert Einstein should come back and rewrite his laws of physics and rework them around Jenni's tits.

JWoww: [on phone to Emilio] So while you're fuckin' them nasty bitches up there, I'll sure Nicole's gonna get it in down here. So at the end of the day you lose her as it is, and you're still a drunk skank with no job.

JWoww: [on phone to Emilio] I will call the cops on you if you call again or I will take the next flight out to fuckin' New York to beat your ass.

Snooki: Eventually Sammi's gonna find out, and ... I don't know what to do. It's just a big ball of fuckness. That's a new word: fuckness.

Snooki: White's in in Miami... what if you get your period? It's ruined.

The Situation: Ronnie is feeding steaming ALPO to Sam, on a plate, 'cause he's doggin' her so much.

Snooki: It's not a good idea to come in here with a boyfriend.

Snooki: Guys are douchebags and I hate them all. They don't know how to treat women, and I feel like this is why the lesbian rate is going up in this country.

The Situation: Ron is the President of the I-double-F.

JWoww: [typing] Ron made out with two girls and put his head between the waitress' breasts. Boing.

Vinny: I'm in Miami. I don't want girls studying for finals. I want girls studying for dick!

Ronnie: [wasted] I don't hate you because I love you.

Snooki: You farted and it's coming in my mouth & nose.
Angelina: Oops.

The Situation: You need to on your tip-top game with your GTL to stay FTD to get the girls to DTF in MIA ... say that 5 times fast.

The Situation: Ronnie doesn't want to give up his cookie, and that's Sam. You need to give up your cookie, son, so you can go find another one. I'm eatin' chocolate chip cookies every night, dog.

Ronnie: She's beating a dead horse at this point. At some point when the horse is dead you gotta leave it alone.

Vinny: I swear to God that looks like a garbage bag! I think Victoria should have kept this one a Secret.

Ronnie: Angelina... she's got diarrhea of the mouth.. I was like mind your business ... I gotta deal with Sam, you're gonna have to deal with me.

Sammi: I specifically didn't go out because I was waiting for you at home. Like a bitch.
Ronnie: You are a bitch.

Ronnie: I don't like tests, that's why I didn't go to college... don't test me, 'cause I will fail a majority of the time.

Vinny: Pick three for each one of us, and the grenade just goes to sleep.

The Situation: I put the hippopotamus to bed.

The Situation: I'm sort of a softy sometimes. I'm a sensitive dude.

Angelina: The Situation was a man in that situation.

Snooki: Sympathetic. Word of the day... that's a big word!

Sammi: I found this note. This note pretty much told me that Ron gets with fat chicks, hooks up with girls, holds hands with girls, got a girl's number...

Ronnie: Right away, I know it's Snooki or Jenni. But then I read the letter and see the word 'wisely' and I know Snooki doesn't use that kind of vocabulary.

Ronnie: I'm definitely not a saint. If I walked into a church, I'd probably burst into flames to be honest with you. [But] I think I can probably talk my way out of the hole I dug. I mean, how deep is a grave?

JWoww: If they end up back together, she looks like the dumbest bitch.

The Situation: I'm hooking up with this girl, your girl's girl, and your girlfriend's girlfriend's girlfriend. Somebody's gotta do it.

Snooki: It's like putting a watermelon into a pinhole.

Vinny: [to JWoww, on his bling] It's like your tits. Looks sick, but it's fake.

Vinny: With this spray-tan, this chain, and this fitted, how could she not love me?

Vinny: If she wants to come into my bed and throw it at me, I'm gonna take it.

The Situation: I'll be flipping pancakes while people are punching each other in the face.

The Situation: I don't even know. Who knows, dog. That's the first time. The first time that has happened. But I'm a trooper! I'm The Situation, man!

The Situation: I'm not ready to perform right now. I'm like a Ferrari. I'm high maintenance.

Pauly D: [to Vinny] Your eyebrows are so bushy that they collect so much more bacteria than normal eyes would.

Vinny: Right now, Pauly would hook up with me, he's so drunk.

Sammi: Whoever wrote me the note, thank you, I appreciate it because I look like a fucking idiot.

Romeo + Juliet (Movie)

Two households, both alike in dignity,
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;

Sampson: No sir, I do not bit my thumb at you sir, but I do bite my thumb, sir!

Benevolio: Part, fools! You know not what you do!

Romeo: Ay me. Sad hours seem long.

Romeo: Here's much to do with hate, but more with love. Why, then, O brawling love! O loving hate!

Mercutio: That dreamers often lie.

Mercutio: True, I talk of dreams, which are the children of an idle brain, begot of nothing but vain fantasy, which is as thin of substance as the air and more inconstant than the wind, who woos even now the frozen bosom of the north, and, being anger'd, puffs away from thence, turning his face to the dew-dropping south.

Juliet: My only love sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown, and known too late! Prodigious birth of love it is to me, that I must love a loathed enemy.

Romeo: Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again.

Romeo: It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief, that thou her maid art far more fair than she.

Juliet: What's in a name? that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

Romeo: O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?
Juliet: What satisfaction canst thou have to-night?
Romeo: The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine.
Juliet: I gave thee mine before thou didst request it.

Romeo: Love goes toward love, as schoolboys from their books, but love from love, toward school with heavy looks.

Juliet: Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.

Mercutio: If love be blind, love cannot hit the mark.

Huge

Will: Everyone wants us to hate our bodies, but I refuse to.

Will: Oh right health, you want to tell me she's here for her health.
Amber: Don't tell me what I'm here for.

Becca: You see, everyone's overweight, so the playing field is... more like there is one.

Will: I feel like inside me, there's an even fatter person waiting to get out!

Will: Do I seem gay to you? Like on a scale of 1 to... Ellen?

Alistair: I want to be one the cat people. I bet they're really graceful.

Ian: I don't want a number to decide my whole view of myself.

Alistair: Ever try to make G.I. Joe dance in the sky? It's depressing.

Rand: There may be a self-destructive part of us that doesn't want us to get better, that's more comfortable with pain.

Privileged

Megan: Rose and Sage... pretty names...great spices... it's like I have Tourette's.

Boss [about Megan's hair]: It's just so bright
Megan: Everyone loves Lucille Ball but no one does anything about it.
Boss: This isn't about the hair, though it is really distracting...

Sage: I know who you are and p.s. I puke outfits cuter than that one.

Charlie: Yeah my job comes with a hair net, I don't judge.

Megan: Oh room, I may love you even more than car.

Megan: With great power comes great responsibility... shout out to Uncle Ben... Uncle Ben is Spiderman's uncle, not mine, I just wanted to make that clear.

Marco: I hate seeing people sleep...it's just one of my things...and wrists.. I hate looking at people's wrists...

Megan: God is not a republican... he's not a democrat... I don't think he's affiliated with any politcal party... is this vodka?

Megan: It's like they don't even appreciate all the knowledge bombs I'm dropping on them.
Charlie: Maybe that's because you're calling them knowledge bombs.

Sage: You're Rose Baker. You're hot! Come on, the guy had bacne last year, he should be kissing the ground you walk on!

Sage: Are you deaf AND fat? I just said she was dating someone.

Charlie: I don't. Giving high school girls advice is not my forte..I rock at bowling I don't even need the bumper things.

Sage: It's like watching Mary Poppins on crystal meth.

Laurel: It's nice to see you on top of things...
Megan: I like to be on top.... of things... in work situations.

Marco: Oh yes, I just love unnecessary encounters with law enforcement officers... you're on your own sledge sister..

Sage: I so would have rocked my mug shot...
Marco: I'm sure there will be plenty more opportunities.

Sage: You think you can lecture me on being a good sister? I'd jump in front of a bus to save Rose from being hurt. You'd throw Lily under a bus for fun.

Megan: What's the oracle? Other than a scary lady from the Matrix? Best movie ever, am I right?

Megan: Exactly, what else is new? Uh, nothing. You're still a trampy little tramperstein and I'm still an idiot for being nice to you.

Marco: A kiss on the beach doesn't mean they're registered at Tiffany's.

Megan: I had to go on a date just so people wouldn't think I was a lesbian..
Marco: I could see that...
Megan: I know I would make such a great lesbian.. but sadly, I'm straight.

Megan: I just came to my senses and remembered she's a boyfriend-stealing trampy tramp.

Charles: Therapized?
Megan: It's a new verb I'm working on. Of or related to having too much therapy. It's going to be in the book.

Megan: Being in the principal's office kinda makes you feel like a kid a again. You probably are a kid. Bad kid if your sitting here. I was a good kid. Not that I'm judging you. Just saying. Hugs, not drugs.

Megan: The whole tutor and headmaster feels like a whole Andrew McCarthy movie gone to DVD.

Megan: You can't not try because you're afraid your gonna fail... that'd be like not wanting to go on a date because you're afraid all guys will cheat on you... that'd be like not writing because you're afraid you're not gonna get published anyways.
Rose: Are we talking about Sex and the City now? Because I loved that movie..

Marco: Man at the front door carries a surfboard as an accessory. Has a smile that can light up my Christmas tree through February.
Megan: Charlie!
Marco: Ahh Charles. bachelor number three, a fine specimen.
Megan: I'm not dating him.
Marco: I hate you.

Megan: What is lithium?
Rose: An anti-depressant?
Megan: I was going with alkali metal...

Rose: I needed a specific kind of porn... Can we go back to chemistry?
Megan: Why do you need a specific kind of porn? Why do you need any kind of porn. Why is porn a need? Why can't I stop saying porn?

Rose: Just in case, I am on the pill... there is no way I'm getting preggers in high school.

Marco: Guys like you don't end up with girls like Megan... not now at least... maybe at the end of the movie.

Megan: And if I say all guys like big boobs you'd say?
Jacob: Not me, I hate them.

Charlie: She bought porn? Who buys porn anymore? It's all free on the internet.
Megan: Cost is not the issue here.

Megan: Which one do you prefer? And i'd like to remind you, I am a very vulnerable girl who's about to go on her first sex date in two years so mocking would be in very poor taste.
Marco: Way to knock the wind out of a girl's sails.

Megan: Who told you I was dating someone?
Will: Marco, the original gossip girl.

Megan: ...she was gonna have sex with Bobby Gardner.
Marco: the gardener?
Megan: We didn't have a lawn, much less someone to keep it neat.

Megan: I had this whole speech planned...
Marco: I'm sure it was good
Megan: Instead I let her watch porn and called her a slut.

Lily: Your friend... Parsley... Sage... the tall one!

Megan: Just cause that ship has sailed... doesn't mean it has to sail every time.

Megan: I'm talking about good old fashion self-respect... kinda big in the 90's... I hear it's making a big comeback.

Megan: Patience schmacience. I have a knot so deep in my neck it's almost a bone... I named it Sage.

Rose: It's not gonna be a high school party.. Older people are coming... Actually Will's gonna be there.
Megan: Excellent... Yeah I'll bring enough Bengay for the both of us. That's arthritis medicine.

Sage: It's an emergency... We didn't know Laurel was going out of town and everyone was gonna ditch their party for ours.. Okay that we do know... Whatev's... Work it out with your therapists people.

Megan: You girls underestimate me. This is an impenetrable force I'm all knowing, all seeing.

Megan: It'd be weird for the girls to see their headmaster in a speedo.
Charlie: Well if the man wears a speedo, I cannot allow you to date him.

Rose: I want you to invite her... your sister Lily.
Megan: Yeah... right. I hear Charles Manson is up for parole soon... Maybe he wants to catch some rays too..

Megan: I'm warning you, Lily is a disaster. This is your china shop. If you want to, invite the bull.

Lily: 9000 rooms in this house and the two of them decide to share?

Charlie: The case of Sage's exploding face has officially been solved. Apparently Betty and Veronica here thought it would be a good idea to put muscle relaxers in Sage's drink.

Megan: No kissing on campus. That was rule... I'm not sure which rule that was, but it's an important one.

Marco: You're not gonna start singing songs from Annie are you? Because I bet my bottom dollar that you could.

Charlie: Not every guy is gonna cheat on you.

Rose: Sage is just mad because our friend Precious is getting all famous.
Sage: She's not famous, she did a movie with elephants and subtitles.
Rose: I hate subtitles.
Sage: Yeah everyone does.

Marco: In my heart your up here writing trashy romance novels, don't take that away from me.

Marco: Why don't you write her a Dear John letter while your at it.
Charlie: What are you talking about?
Marco: Don't be coy with me Chuckles.

Marco: Now pass the ketchup, I need to drown out the taste of my first ever chili dog.

Megan: I hooked you up with an organization called "Once Upon a Dress." They provide donated dresses to high school girls who can't afford them for prom and homecoming.
Sage: So they wear used dresses? I'd sooner borrow someone's tooth brush.

Megan: Good morning ladies!
Sage: Okay that "first thing in the morning chipper voice" you do has to stop.

Megan: A doctor that does house calls, how quaint.
Marco: He gets $5,000 a day.
Megan: By quaint I mean holy crap.

Megan: Welcome to the public school system girls.
Sage: Oh that reminds me, I forgot to TiVo prison break.

Megan: This is the type of place most kids go to school.
Sage: Now I know why there's so much crime in this country.

Megan: He's a completely different person. He's sober, employed.
Marco: I do love a girl with low standards.

Megan: You look pretty dapper yourself.
Marco: I was gonna go all out with the musk, but then I remembered it's a straight crowd.

Lily: They're eating with us?
Sage: It's our house and our food, so technically you're eating with us.

Megan: It's like a perfect storm of everyone who gives me anxiety in my life. All that's missing is Kurt Fulman.
Marco: Old boyfriend?
Megan: No, tenth grade lab partner, had a lazy eye, freaked me out.

Sage: You have some serious balls stealing a bracelet and then wearing back to the scene of a crime.

Rose: I would give up every single one of my tennis bracelets to have dinner with my dad again.

Marco: That's the secret to a creme brulee. Plus using a torch makes me feel butch.

Sage: I know we were like fairy godmothers today, except not all old and dumpy.

Marco: You ever gonna tell me what the clickidy clack is all about or am I going to have to wait in line on Barnes & Noble with the rest of the riff raff?

Marco: Last I heard there were no reports of pigs flying or hell freezing over.

Rose: I don't know what's sadder: that you keep all your papers or that you wear that thing around your neck.
Megan: I brought this for you, I'm not that big of a fashion victim, though it does match my cardigan.

Will: If it's any consolation, I did the same thing. The first real pictures I ever took were practically illegal.
Megan: If this is going to a naked school girl place, I don't want to know about it.

Megan: Is it too late to jump off the balcony?
Will: I'd be very sad if you did, even though you are on the ground floor.

Mandy: I had you pegged as this chill Abercrombie guy, and you have more drama going on than a sorority house.

Rose: I just really need an objective opinion from an older person and you're like the oldest person I know who that doesn't work for me.
Charlie: It's a weird little world you live in Rose.

Sage: I am so sick of you worshiping at the altar of Megan Smith.
Rose: What is that supposed to mean?
Sage: You've been acting all righteous ever since her and her poly cotton ass has walked into this house.

Laurel: You're staying on, you have all the cards, we'll see how honorable you really are.

Megan: My friend Caryn is flying in from New York and she's going to stay with me the next few days and I was hoping you could show us some of that rich ass Palm Beach living. You know maybe we could take a spin on one of your yachts tomorrow afternoon.
Will: How many yachts do you think I have?
Megan: Okay well if the yachts unavailable, we can go for a ride on one of your horses or elephants.

Caryn: I can't believe you live here.. I am in awe.
Sage: And I am in awe of your outfit.
Caryn: Thanks.
Sage: Not a compliment.. why do people just assume?

Caryn: You realize one pair of their shoes would cover my rent for a month.

Sage: We want longevity, a career. I mean look at Madonna that woman is literally a hundred years old and she's still relevant, that's what we want.

Laurel: You've made your bed, Megan, I suggest you learn how to lie in it.

Sage: Why would an American guy join the Italian army? It makes no sense. My ass can write better than Ernest Hemingway.

Rose: Wait, how can you be done already I'm barely half way.
Sage: Well maybe if you didn't all waste your time looking up every other word you'd be done too.
Rose: Megan says increasing my vocabulary is the easy the way to boost comprehension.
Sage: Well Megan is old.

Caryn: Will is basically the hottest guy ever, how haven't you thrown yourself at his feet?

Megan: I don't mean he has to live wit them, he's not a slacker or anything. I mean if my family owned half the oil in this country I'd probably live with them 'til I got married.

Megan: You girls are dressed a little fancy for a night of studying.
Sage: We're going out.
Rose: We just figured it was canceled because you have a friend it town... Hi Marci.
Megan: It's Caryn, nice try.

Megan: Pork fried rice, the effects of msg, extreme bloating.

Will: I've been refilling your coffee for over a year now peter, you never had a problem with it before.
Peter: I didn't know you wipe your ass with my paychecks before. I'm sorry, was that too blunt?

Marco: What's with the furrowed brow? Someone suck the cream out of your eclair?

Marco: Okay if I knew you were throwing a pity party I would have whipped up some hors d'oeuvres.

Megan: I still cannot believe your boss would fire you over this. Not only is it unfair but it's totally illegal. You know what, give me his phone number. I can be totally scary over the phone.

Marco: Well, well, well. Someone fell out of bed and into a makeover. what's going on, red?

Will: You don't have to worry, this isn't a rebound thing. I've been out with a few women since lily and I broke things off. So by definition...
Megan: You rebounded.. and scored. Look at me using the sports metaphors!

Megan: This is not how I wanted to look when I see the guy that I'm trying to be casual about casually dating.
Marco: But mentioning your pickle breath is a rock solid turn on.

Megan: I'm all about having lots of eggs in the basket. Yes, yes, I might like one egg more than the other but the fact that I have other eggs puts the pressure off the one egg I like really like so it won't crack.
Marco: I have no idea what you just said but now I'm jonesing for an omelet.

Sage: Clearly lying to Megan is just the gateway drug.

Sage: You're getting all perspirey, you look like the help.

Megan: What are you doing climbing up my balcony?
Will: In my head this was romantic, but now I see that it's just creepy. And for the record, you're on the ground floor so there wasn't any climbing involved.

Charlie: I have nothing to prove and only $400 / month to gain.

Megan: Hi, I'm Megan, Rose and Sage's tutor. We met at the parent-teacher BBQ. We discussed our mutual love of corn.

Megan: Sage, you can leave. I need to scream at your sister in private.

Megan: You're grounded, indefinitely. We're talking the X Games of grounding, without the games. After your little French final tomorrow, you are confined to these four... make that six to eight walls. No phone, no Internet, no Pilates. Consider your new status "grounded to infinity."

Rose: Get out... are you guys a couple?
Megan: Uh no, we are not sharing. You know why? You're grounded from all fun things, including gossip, chit chat, delightful banter. You are grounded from banter.

Charlie: Will just lost a job, right? Probably the first real rejection the guy's ever had. So instead of focusing on the imaginary test you thought you gave him, why not try being the great girlfriend he needs right now?

Rose: Zachary Todd. He wears a choker, it's really hot.

Sage: I get really mad when my blood sugar gets low.

Rose [to Miles]: We also have an indoor pool, but that's more for special occasions, like those three days of winter we get.

Megan: I will take two days off your grounding if you promise never to bedazzle anything of mine again.

Miles: I'm really glad you found me because I always thought we deserved a better ending.

Will: I do know that part of being a good boyfriend is listening... and big presents never hurt either.

Sage: Yeah with you and at like parties and stuff. But you know how you're always saying, school just comes easy for me. Well being adorable just comes easy for you. It's a gift Rose, you should cherish it.

Megan: Will's a playboy right?
Marco: Generally speaking, absolutely.
Megan: So why isn't he playing me? I'm ready to go. Wearing to go. Every night's the same -- just when we get to the good part he says "oh it's getting late" or "I have an early tennis match." I mean who plays that much tennis?

Megan: Well yeah. I thought we'd, you know, have a few drinks, get a little loosely goosey. I kept drinking when you kept drinking and you're much bigger than I am and all of a sudden I got very loose very fast.

Keith: Do you ever get tired of being the Alice to all these little bratty Bradies?
Marco: I do get a little weary, mainly because I don't get to see Sam the butcher nearly enough.

Megan: I sustained a head injury trying to whore it up as per your instruction and as a head trauma victim I thought it'd be appropriate to have supply closet sex with him.

Megan: Respect is for grandmas. I want naked and stuff.

Marco: it's okay, this way the world maintains a love hate balance. I'm happy for you two high school musical looking misfits.

Megan: If Rose were a serial killer, Sage would just stay in jail to braid her hair.

Rose: Why would you lie to me so early in our relationship? I mean that is something you do in like week two when things get really hard.

Rose: As far as nerds go, you're even cooler than Michael Cera.

Megan: Cancel the check!
Will: The bank's closed.
Megan: You're a billionaire, isn't there a special number you call?
Will: Yeah it's 1-800-I'm-rich.
Megan: That's not even enough numbers.

Zach: I don't know how you girls can walk so fast in those heels.
Girls' Friend: Rose can teach you, she's your size.

Megan: Sage, when I was your age, my biggest concern was trying to get Ethan Hawke to marry me. The Realty Bites Ethan Hawke, not the "I left my wife for my nanny and haven't showered in ten days" Ethan Hawke.

Will: I'm sorry I told you to ditch your family. The woman I fell in love with could never give up on anybody.

Charlie: I love you Megan.. Tell me you feel the same way and I won't go. Tell me you need me to stay.

Rose: What if he started avoiding you after you told him you never had sex before?
Sage: I would hate him.
Rose: Exactly. Almost as much as I hate emo.

Megan: When all is said and done, he's my best friend in the whole world and I have to say goodbye.
Will: And what I'm saying is you've already kissed your best friend goodbye.

Mandy: You play and sweet and adorable but the truth is you're completely selfish. You're the worst kind of bad person cause you think your good but you're not. You're not a good person at all.

Charlie: Owe! You're unusually strong for a little person.

Sage: Umm.. you're obsessing over a fat girl from spacecamp and I'm overreacting? My guy is a religious zealot!

Keith: I did the math and it turns out Smirnoff vanilla vodka is cheaper than artificial insemination.

Marco: Waiting for a distraction is not a plan.
Megan: Well it's less fattening than your turtle plan.

Megan: Some might say she's single-handedly revitalizing the economy with her shopping addiction.
Rami: Some might ask you to take that silver lining and hang me with it.

Rose: You know how I moved in to my own room about a month ago after I found out you guys all lied to me about different stuff?
Megan: You decided to kill us and leave our bodies in the woods?
Rose: Wow, that's super dark Megan.

Sage: I don't need bullets points to make people agree with me, I have a black AMEX card for that.

Zach: I don't know if I'm ever gonna be the type of guy that can go number two in the woods.

Rose: All this personal growth stuff is stressful.. it's hard figuring out who you want to be.
Sage: Frankly I don't know why we started trying. Things were a lot easier when we just shopped... I blame Megan.
Sage: Totally.

Dude, Where's my car?

Jesse: Special Treats equal Sex!

Jesse: Dude, where's my car?
Chester: Where's your car, dude?

Chinese Lady: And then...?
Jesse: No "and then"!

Jesse: I got three words: Anger Manage-ment.

Chester: "Dude." What about mine?
Jesse: "Sweet." What about mine?

Chester: A barn?
Jesse: Is it red?
Chester: No.
Jesse: Then it's not a barn!

Jesse: Shibby!