Billy Madison

Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Billy Madison: Back to school. Back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool. I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don't get in a fight. Oh! Back to school... back to school... back to school. Well, here goes nothing.

Eric: Well, "sorry" doesn't put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach now, does it Karl?

Lunch Lady: Have some more sloppy Joes. I made 'em extra sloppy for yous. I know how yous kids like 'em sloppy.

Billy Madison: Sometimes I feel like an idiot. But I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.

Juanita: If you're gonna stay home today, you can help me shave my armpits!

Billy Madison: I am the smartest man alive!

Juanita: Ooh that boy's a fine piece of work all right. He's a fine piece of ass though, too.

Old Lady: What is a horseshoe? What does a horseshoe do? Are there any horse socks? Is anybody listening to me?

Old Farm Lady: If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.

Brian Madison: You were brought up with every advantage. I bought you everything. Toys, cars, vacations, clothes...

Frank: When I graduated from first grade, all my dad did was tell me to get a job.