Wedding Crashers

Mom! The Meatloaf! Fuck!

Gloria Cleary: Yeah. Do you want to watch me with another girl? How about those Brazilian twins we met at the ball game?

Jeremy Grey: Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bullseye.

Jeremy Grey: Listen, a bicycle is going to take a lot of balloons and frankly, uncle Jeremy is a bit tired. How about I make you something else?

Jeremy Grey: A friend in need is a pest.

Jeremy Grey: I got a stage five, virgin, clinger.

John Beckwith: You look beat. Soft mattress?
Jeremy Klein: Soft mattress? Maybe, or it could have been the midnight rape, or the nude gay art show. I had my sock, the one that I walked around in all day, played football, sweated in, stuffed in my mouth and duct taped in! I'm going to eat my breakfast over here. Don't talk to me.

Chazz Reinhold: Grief is nature's most powerful aphrodisiac.

Mrs. Kroeger: You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!

John Beckwith: Don't waste your time on girls with hats. They're all very prim and proper.
Jeremy Klein: Yeah? Well, little miss prim and proper just eye-fucked the shit out of me.

John Beckwith: You know how they say we only use 10 percent of our brains? I think we only use 10 percent of our hearts.

Jeremy Klein: I felt like Jodie Foster in "The Accused" last night.

John Beckwith: [to a group of children at a wedding] Love doesn't exist, that's what I'm trying to tell you guys. And I'm not picking on love, 'cause I don't think friendship exists either.


John Beckwith: Claire! All I wanted is to have a minute alone with you to explain everything. But I've never gotten that chance. So here goes. For longer than I care to remember, my business has been crashing weddings. I crashed weddings to meet girls. Business was good. I met a lot of girls. It was childish and irresponsible.


John Beckwith: Rule #15: give me an up-to-date family tree. That was your mistake; you just made me look like an idiot.

Jeremy Grey: Rule #35: Never commit to a relative unless you're absolutely positive they have a pulse.

Jeremy Grey: Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion!

Secretary Cleary: You know Gloria, she's always been impetuous. She had to have her sweet sixteen on her thirteenth birthday!

Secretary Cleary: Well, the guy wants to run for president, he thinks Moby Dick is a venereal disease.

Sack Lodge: Ok, you can just cut that psycho babble bullshit your mom tells you. You wanna help me kid? Do you? Why don't you run along and fetch me a 7Up, ok? 'Cause I might get vulnerable again.