The O.C.: Seth Cohen

Seth: Why don't you go back to Chino? I'm sure there are a bunch of really nice cars in the parking lot that you could steal.

Seth: She's got Tahiti written all over her.

Seth Cohen: Wow, I'm sorry. I should really learn to knock... in case, there's a threesome going on in the bathroom.

Seth Cohen: Why do they even need a fashion show? Every day's a fashion show for these people.

Seth: [to Ryan] Do you want to play Grand Theft Auto? It's pretty cool. You can like, steal cars and... not that that's cool. Or uncool. I don't know.

Seth: I listen to the same music as Marissa Cooper? I think I have to kill myself.

Seth: I don't know. He did say something about going down to Mexico and gambling on cockfights. I mean, I don't know what kind of jurisdiction you guys...

Seth: Okay, if we find him, then what? Then, if he's very lucky he gets to go back with his mom? I would run away, too.

Seth: Because he didn't want to go to a foster home. He didn't want to leave and I didn't want him to leave either. It's like, you force me to live amongst these-these pod people and the first cool person I meet, it's like, you kick him out of the house.

Seth: Nothing. We're just hanging out. Oh, look, it's somebody's birthday. I guess my invitation probably got lost in the mail.

Seth: I know. Fifth grade, when you two got your mack on during our class trip to the Museum of Tolerance. Back of the bus. Classy lady.

Seth Cohen: You know what I was thinking? I think that this being your last night and all, we should do something special. I don't know what. Possibly get a couple of tattoos or some hookers and lose our virginity. Right? Okay, dude, I don't know. There's a shark movie at the IMAX. If that's what you're into.

Seth: It's pronounced Tee-ah-HUANA. God, Mom, you are so white.

Seth: Open your mind here, dad. This isn't me we're talking about. With Ryan here, we have a chance to have a real athlete in the family. Someone to achieve all that your Jewishness has prevented me from accomplishing.

Seth: So when you lost your virginity, I was playing Magic: The Gathering.

Seth: I've got Jesus and Moses working on my side.

Seth: My father, the struggling Jew from the Bronx... and my mother, Waspy McWasp.

Seth: It's not like, like now that me and Anna broke up I'm now choosing you. Because the whole reason we broke up is because of me. It's always been you Summer. It's just always been you. I tried to fight it and I tried to deny it. And I can't, I can't do it, you're undeniable.

Seth: What is up with this AC? My Jewfro is frizzing out. I look like Screech.

Seth Cohen: I heard this terrible music and I knew it could only be self-absorbed actors with musical instruments.

Seth: I gotta go. Summer's having a hebrew hernia.

Seth: She was even nice to my mom and the nana has never been a fan of the Kirsten. She's like the Green Arrow to my mother's Hawkman.
[Ryan looks confused]
Seth: The Cyclops to her Wolverine, two people who have nothing in common suddenly getting along.

Seth: Summer did all the building. And the heavy lifting and the wiring of the electronics but I painted.

Seth: Ok, here's the deal. I hate it there. Now if you and Dad decide to move anywhere else on the planet then we can talk.

Seth: Intense issues seem to follow Ryan around.

Seth: Huh, so we leave for three months, you tear the place apart.

Seth Cohen: Today's topic: Capes - fey or kinda cool?

Seth Cohen: So, today's topics, we have some topics ... The Hulk. He gets bigger, all his clothes rip off. Except ... his pants. Why is that?

Seth Cohen: I'm afraid it is time once again for me to stand on that proverbial coffee cart and declare my love for her.

Seth Cohen: Look at him. He's like, what, the conventionally attractive, you know, athletic, confident, just ... completely non-neurotic, Wasp version of me ...

Seth Cohen: Dude, I don't even want Summer back. Unless that is what she wants. In which case that's not about me, that's about me supporting her and her wanting of, of, of... me. If that's what she wants.

Seth Cohen: This is the old Seth Cohen. I'm back, man. Red, white, and me.

Seth Cohen: Her with the tattoo, you with the wristband, that's like the ultimate wrong-side-of-the-tracks love story. Seriously, you are the Sid to her Nancy, the Kurt to her Courtney, the 50 Cent to her ... Mrs Cent.

Seth Cohen: These are fists. Or, as I like to call them, my twin ambassadors of pain.

Seth Cohen: [to Lindsay] Congratulations, you're a Cohen. Welcome to a life of insecurity and paralyzing self-doubt.

Seth Cohen: The story's old as time, really. Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy finds out girl is surrogate mother's illegitimate half-sister.

Seth Cohen: I'm so screwed. When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When I get mad, I turn into, like, a 75-year-old yenta called Sylvia.

Seth Cohen: What happens in the mall, stays in the mall.

Seth Cohen: It seems like the Fantastic Four is becoming fantastic again.

Seth Cohen: Yeah, but I figured, we're back together now, and, you know, A equals C and B equals C, then A equals B. You know what I'm sayin'.

Seth Cohen: That is one angry lesbian.

Seth: [about Sandy] Woah, he sings, he surfs and he reads minds.

Seth: All right ottoman, work with me. You're sexy. Get nasty. Work with me, you ottoman. You little- That's it. You're a cougar. You're a panther, and you're in the woods.

Seth: Let me just paint a picture of what could maybe happen. Now it's late at night and your thirsty. SO is she. So you meet up at the fridge. 'Hey.' 'Hey.' 'Yoo-hoo?' 'Maybe just you. Let's kiss on the mouth.' 'Okay.'
[He makes a weird face pretending to kiss someone]
Seth: 'Oh, let's French hard.'

Seth: That'll keep things at a snail's place.

Seth: I cannot believe I missed Death Cab. Just kill me. Seriously, shoot me in the face. Speaking of which, is Summer around?

[Seth and Ryan are looking for two drug dealers outside the Bait Shop]
Seth: Well they're not that way, 'cause that's the ocean.

Seth: Dude, Reed is all over us, and not in a good way.

Seth Cohen: Hey Ryan, apparently Mom's a drunk and today's the intervention. Plan your afternoon accordingly.

Seth Cohen: This isn't supposed to happen to us. We're not that family.

Seth Cohen: I know what happened to Marissa. I guess while we were in Miami Trey kind of attacked her or something, I mean she fought him off but that's how he got the cut on his head.

Seth: Genital warts
[Summer hits him]
Seth: is the answer.

Seth: Oh no, the Atwood grunt, that's never a good sign

Seth Cohen: Yes. Kumar Zimmerman. I'm half Indian, half Jewish. I am a Hinjew.

Seth: If he touches you any place weird, neigh as loud as you can.

Seth Cohen: [putting down the bag with the pregnancy test] When I found out it was your pregnancy test I totally freaked out, and I thought, this'll change everything. But then Ryan asked if I could imagine a time when I'd ever not wanna be with you, and I realized the answer is no.

Seth: Let's recap. I got disco'd by two girls in one night. And, unfortunately, not the first time that's happened.

Seth: You guys really wouldn't hurt me, because that would be so clichéd.
[they pick him up]
Seth: I guess you're fans of the cliché.

Seth: In fact, having you around to defend me, I've kinda gotten soft. Without anybody picking on me, there's really been no need for the Seth Cohen retaliatory zinger.

Seth: Too complicated for banter about boats and Hanson?

Seth: No. What about the Ryan and Seth go to Europe money, my man? Get back in there. We could get Vespas.

Seth: [showing off his fake IDs to Marissa] Sievy Sebulsky of Menlo Park. It's nice to meet you. Have you met my associate, Marty Navis?

Seth: [complimenting Sandy and Kirsten's parenting skills] Hey man, they raised me, okay? Proof, pudding. Speaking of pudding, Mother, do we have any tapioca on tap?

Seth: [about having sex with Summer for the first time] Ryan, I was Nemo, and I just wanted to go home.

Seth: How was the party dad?... I think someone called the cops.

Seth: Shhh! We're being stealth!

Seth: Wait. Hang on. I'm not goin' anywhere until somebody tells me what happened last night. Mom, would you please fill me in?
[Kirsten leaves]
Seth: Mom! I- Oh, I get it. I'm just here for the comic relief.

Seth: You can't ruin Chrismukkah. It's got twice the resistance of any normal holiday.

Seth: The timing in this house is a thing of beauty.

Seth: Well he can't have gone that way cause that's the ocean.


Seth: Look at all these people, these normal, non-traumatised people - in relationships, in love.

Seth: Wow, he came back, people never leave and come back.

Seth: Are you actually angry at me for being jealous of you being jealous of Zach?

Seth: If you were this sensitive and neurotic when we were daing maybe things would've worked out.

Seth: [about Kaitlin] She's Jimmy Cooper's daughter, theft is in her blood.

Seth: I'm not self-absorbed, am I, Ryan?
[Ryan looks away]
Seth: Me? Me? Me?

Seth: That's right. It is complicated. It's complicated by the fact that there's an Eddie, and this Eddie still obviously has feelings for Theresa. In fact that would actually make this romantic triangle more of a romantic... rhombus.

Seth: Oy humbug!

Seth: I said I wanted to marry her, not date her!

Seth: Hey.
[Ryan pushes him into a locker]
Seth: Don't blame me for your sexual tension.

Seth: Then Eureka Ryan! Eu-freakin'-reka!

Seth: Dude, I'm a child of southern California if I go out in this I'll melt.

The universe works in mysterious ways.

Seth: I'm just having an allergic reaction to the universe.

Seth: When the world zigs we're gonna zag.

Seth: I love you. We can kiss later.

Seth: Ryan got a car? I've been waiting three years for a car! I'm supposed to be the spoiled one!

Seth: Man, you home-schooling kids are pathetic.

Seth: We’re dangerously close to an after-school special here, Ryan. It’s marijuana. And I did it twice.
Seth: Dude, what do we do? I don't want to get thrown out of the hotel. I love the hotel. I want to marry the hotel and have little alcoholic, gambling-addicted kids with it. Is that wrong?

Seth: I love you, but if I have to spend my senior prom with you playing video games, I’m gonna kill myself.

Seth Cohen: Today's a good day for me, Ryan. I finally came clean, told the truth about not getting into Brown, and things are great. Life is so much better when you're honest, you just mean what you say, you say what you mean - I feel like you.

You're taking on Veronica Townsend. That's a death wish.