Everwood: Edna Harper

Well see, I'm in a doctor's office, wearing my nurse whites. My taxes?

Do I strike you as the mourning type?

There's my hunk of a burnin' love as we speak. See you on the flipside, Doctor Rune-y.

Doctor doodle doo.

I find it hard to believe you'd use the word "plethora."

You've got your panties in a bunch that we're gonna steal all your patients? DON'T WORRY. There's enough hoity toities around these parts who don't wanna wait all day in the same room with folks from the wrong side of the mountain.

You know what your trouble is, Junior? Your whole life you've wanted this town to see you the same way they saw your father: wise, generous, big hearted. Trouble is, people can't see what's not there.

You're paying me. We're in this foxhole together, compadre. Don't worry about everyone else. They'll come around. They always do. It's sort of the nature of this place, you're up one day, you're down the next. In the meantime, we have some excellent periodicals.

Ouch. Back on the boardwalk. Oh I'd feel sorry for you, sweetheart, but I enjoy winning too much.

Your mouth is a bigger safety hazard than that old bridge and nobody's torn you down... yet!

It's laziness is all. Bunch of sluggers run the world. People would rather destroy a historical monument than patch a damned hole!

Why in the world would you do a thing like that, has your brain gone AWOL?

Husbands aren't as easy to wrangle as kids, for one thing, they're heavier.

About a hundred times now! I swear, you yammer on like an old woman. Besides, we're almost there.

Your pops and I shared our first kiss on that bridge. He proposed to me on that bridge. And the day I found out I was pregnant with you, I took him down here and told him. I know you think I got on with things too quick after he was gone, I probably did, but your father's death, Harold, is what made me realize, more than ever, just how valuable our one shot at life is. And I didn't want to miss a second more of it. Anyway, I loved him very much! I wanted you to know that.

I understand, but the doctor is out. Waaay out! You can keep crying like that till the botox wears off, but it's not gonna bring him back from the woods any sooner! Monday, that's right!

When I was in Camroon Bay, my second tour, the nasty one, a shell tore through the top of our tent. Landed right between six bunks. We all should've gone up messy right then. But, someone, somewhere, saw fit to make that shell a dud. It just sat there politely un-exploded. Ever since, I figure, I owe Him a lot of favors and me and God, we share a very... comfortable, don't ask/don't tell relationship.

Delia, if I take you for ice-cream, would you promise to stop asking questions?

Don't give me that. A babysitter's job is to make sure the kid doesn't die, that's all.

At ease! Now you listen good, Lieutenant. This young lady here has a question for you concerning your faith. What's required is a regulation Jewish answer for how you know God exists. Are you prepared to answer such a question?

Ah. She's been making a devil's barf full of noise the last dozen miles but I think I've got her fixed.

I worry about my Harold, too. He died two years ago. For a long time I used to wonder if he was OK. If he's... anywhere even. If he can see me. I used to make myself nuts over it. But you know what? You know what? I didn't see it till you came along. Making myself nuts was my way of knowing he's still around. Because you looking all over for God, that's your mom. That's how you know she's OK. She's in you, looking. OK, Private, let's press on.

Not at all. But if you ask me to baby-sit again, you'll meet God.

Word in the Q-T, doc.

No. Let me tell you this, and I mean no offense by it but I'm not entirely sure anyone's ever told you this before: There are some things that you. Can't. Fix.

If you wanna see him, I've gotta have a reason. You could be the Unabomber for all I know.