Everwood: Dr. Harold Abbott

And behold the people... who had every attribute of dogs, except loyalty.

When I first joined my father's practice, I too went out of my way to become available to all people at all times. I soon realized that exhausting myself was no good for anyone least of all for my family who needed me the most. Being a small town physician is a marathon, Doctor, not sprint. And if one of us is going to win this race, you are going to have to stay in it.

If you wanna break records, you'll have to top my delivery of Jane Desieth's triplets in the women's hosiery aisle of the local Stop and Shop.

You're donating your body to science to further the medical understanding of the North American Dimwit.

Let their parents worry about them. Newsflash! You're not here to save the world, Dr. Brown... just to annoy it.

Well... Um, I have an announcement to make. Due to your mother's warped sense of humor, I'm going to be hosting a sex education assembly at your high school this week. I realize this may be a bit uncomfortable for the both of you, especially considering the highly sensitive subject matter, which is why I wanted to open it up to a family discussion. Any thoughts?

Wondering where your little 'hoodlum' is?

Well, for God's sake, don't tell 'him' that. If they knew we were concerned, they would eat us alive. Teenagers, they, they can smell weakness. They're like dogs.

He's fifteen, he's testing you. You are failing the test.

Listen. I know you wanna be your son's friend, but he doesn't need a friend right now, he needs a parent.

He cut class, you punish him. Take away his phone privileges, don't allow him to... pierce anything for the next six months but do something. Be his father.

Your mother harps on you to go out more often because she doesn't want to see you miserable. I'm saying it because, I don't ever want to see you feel guilty for having a life. Now Colin was never so happy as when you were laughing. As far as being crazy, I won't call anyone crazy, if you won't.

You would. Oh how could anyone in their right mind take that nomadic quack's insights seriously.

Not that! My assistant, Louise. She was a completely normal person before you got to her with your rabid, invasive, self-indulgent paws on her. And stop filling peoples heads with this garbage. Have you no scruples? You wreak people's lives and you charge them for it.

You're like a televangelist.

Because we, The Abbotts, represent everything the people in this community wish they were. We command respect from our neighbors. They look up to us.

Are there no safe havens anymore?

Words are a poor substitute for actions where love is concerned but, my love for you, Rose, is immeasurable. You make sense of my silly little life.