Grey's Anatomy: Mark Sloan

Subtle's never been my strong suit. So, do you ever go out with co-workers?

Derek and I always did have the same taste in women.

You're Derek's lusty intern right? Heard about you all the way back in New York. You’re famous.

We're the dirty mistresses.

My $400 an hour shrink says that it's because behind this rugged and confident exterior, I'm self destructive and self-loathing to an almost pathological degree.

You know, it's funny. Derek walks in on me naked with his wife, actually in the throes, and he just turns around and walks away. But he sees me so much as talking to you, and I'm on the ground bleeding. Interesting, don't you think?

If what happened between me and Addison is so unforgivable, how do you justify what happened between you and Meredith? You want me to be the bad guy, fine. But I’m not the only bad guy here. Derek, you and me, we’re the same.

If you can’t handle coffee, you can’t handle plastics. Maybe you should head back to the gyney squad where stuff’s all squishy and pink.

If you want to be chief, you have to fight with the big boys.

We agreed on I wouldn’t sleep with anyone for two months; we didn’t say I wouldn’t look. You didn’t think I would hold out.

Hold down the fort, Chief.

I like nurses, they’re helpful and smart and already good at their jobs. So as a going away gift to them, I’m going to let you hang with Jim while I go do one last rhinoplasty at Seattle Grace. I do like to leave city just a little bit prettier than I came.

I’ve known you my whole life; I grew up with you so I know what you’re thinking. That there is a year of your life wasted, trying to make it work with Addison and you could have been with Meredith. That you could be happy right now, that all this, everything, that you and Meredith could have a real chance. Still, I thought you should know the truth. I thought that I owed you that, as a friend.

Your marriage is over Addison. All you have to do is admit it and then you can come back home with me. I'm going to the bar across the street. Meet me there.

How do you expect to work out a marriage if you can’t even be honest with him?

Double scotch, single malt. You look sad.

As long as you don’t tell him the truth, you get to be the good guy, and I’m just the chump that seduced his wife. Real fair.

What if you're wrong? What if, just this once, life comes down on the side of the dirty mistresses?

McSteamy? Is that what you're calling me?

Plus I slept with my tennis partner’s wife and he went out and bought a gun.

Once a man whore, always a man whore. Right?

She goes back to becoming an unhappy man who’s stuck with a penis. There are millions of us out there.

How's my favorite dirty mistress?

People talk around here. I listen.

So this can be just a drink or it can be more than a drink.

Is it ‘bring a hot blonde to work’ day? No one told me.

I am your attending. And if you want in on my surgeries, you’re going to learn how to fetch and stay and heel. Don’t fetch angry.

Shepherd and Grey are on the rocks, Burke and Yang are engaged... You need highlights... Highlights. That's why your hair looks so odd. I'll go save lives now...

People don’t come to me to fix what’s on the outside. They come to me to fix what’s on the inside. So if that means giving someone a straighter nose or bigger breasts, so if that helps a person get by, I don’t run, I don’t hide, I don’t take space.

The most refined, professional, lady-like doctor in this hospital came to my defense tonight. Best she could come up with was "he's a whore."

I'm telling you, these interns are out of control.

Sexed-up stalkers.

You're a bad liar.

Cheerleaders just dance around, Poms are dancers.

Oh my God, hot cheerleader ass!

They're medical professionals. A healthy level of fear is encouraged.

We all made mistakes Addison, all three of us, but somehow I lost my best friend and the woman I love.

Two girls getting nasty and loving it? That’s hot. One girl talking about how it sucked? That's depressing. Wrong! Just wrong.

These women, they over think everything.

It’s your fault, you know, I never even thought about little Grey in that way until you told me not to. You planted a seed.

It’s hard to sleep when you don’t feel safe in your own house, isn’t it?

She came to my hotel room, took off all her clothes, and said “Teach me.” It’s like I had no self control. She violated me with her nakedness.

I am not going to a meeting to discuss my obsession with my best friend’s girlfriend’s half sister.

You only live once, you can’t waste it.

Pain and agony for a little bit of pleasure. I get it.

It doesn’t feel so bad, when I’m doing it. It’s good. It’s great. And maybe if you weren’t so scared of getting burned, you’d feel the same.

Walk tall. All you can do is be brave enough to get out there. You fought and you loved, you lost.

Clichés became clichés for a reason. Because they work. It’s great isn’t it. When you feel so strongly about a person and it’s not about the sex. It is... it’s true.

We’re surgeons. We’re men. We lose patients. It doesn’t give him the right to go around acting like a drunk, frat boy.

You think you broke me little Grey? You’re the one that put me back together.

Surprise parties are hostile. They’re dark. People jump out and scream at you. They never come to any good.

I wouldn’t have to sleep with the nurses if you would put out.

You don’t sleep with another man’s girl. I learned that the hard way.

I’m a grown man. I can screw whoever I want.

I get it. You got used to being the one person she could count on. Then suddenly, you’re supposed to just move on, get a life that doesn’t involve taking care of one person you thought needed you. It’s hard.

You and Derek. You’re all “Don’t screw the nurses and the drug reps.” You did a psych rotation. You know what happens when you tell someone not to think about an elephant. I walk around the hospital, trying not to make eye contact with the women. I’m lonely, and unhappy. I don’t see how this is a solution.

So, asking you out tonight, probably a bad idea?

First she said no. Then she said yes. Then she said no again, because she doesn’t want to have a meal with me, she just wanted sex. Who treats people like that? Like an object, like a piece of ass?

That's just a hobby. Professionally, I’m more focused on my work as a male escort.

Lunch is not romantic.

I don’t know if I’d call it a date. Doesn’t going on a date imply actually going somewhere?

It’s code for something dirty. You eat her pound cake, she eats your pound cake.

I pounded her cake she pounded mine. Excellent pound caking.

That woman is not a single, malt scotch, my friend. She is bad, cheap wine that gives you a headache you feel in your teeth.

You wanna rub up against me, you gotta buy me some drinks first.

I’m the one that could use a friend. I didn’t come to Seattle for Addison, I didn’t come to Seattle to be chief. I came to Seattle for you. Okay, I came to Seattle to get you back.

Gotta love Halloween. When all the crazies come out to play.

It’s like half my job torturing interns.

I’m holding someone’s future in my hands.

Cheerleaders just jump around. Poms are dancers.

In the medical profession, a healthy level of fear is encouraged.

You’re not the kind of guy who makes out with nurses in scrub rooms.

Do you notice that even when you’re insulting me you manage to tell me how pretty I am?

Lady in the streets, tramp in the sheets. Am I right?

I’m like a guru. They come to me for help and I gently guide them on a path of truth and wisdom.

What kind of moron are you O’Malley? Are you a special moron from the aisle of complete and utter morons?

She’s a dead mouse on the kitchen floor. At some point you’ve got to pick it up and throw it away.

Cowboys don’t have friends.

Surgery is like the Wild West. You need to get your claim to Montana from the bank, you’ve got to put a fence around and shot the ass off anyone who walked by. Karev’s a cowboy, you’re not.

It’s hard to sleep when you don’t feel safe in your own house.

It’s your fault, you know. I never thought about Little Grey in that way. You planted a seed.

She came to my hotel room, took off all her clothes and said ‘Teach me.’ It’s like I had no self-control. She violated me with her nakedness.

You are Meredith Grey’s little sister. You are forbidden fruit. You are 25. You’re a fetus.

Walk tall. All you can do is be brave enough to get out there. You fought, you loved, you lost. Walk tall Torres.

Clichés became clichés for a reason, because they work. It’s great, isn’t it? When you feel so strongly about someone and it’s not just about the sex, it is, it’s true.

No, I haven’t had time to swing by Peds yet and ask the nurse to point out the doctor who kissed my friend in a dirty bar bathroom.

You’re like the Dali Lama of surgery. People all over the world come here to let you cut into them. You know what else? You look good doing it.

Just because a guy doesn’t publish fancy clinical trials, take on flashy surgeries, or have creepy, perfect hair, he’s less of a man?

Supporting someone and respecting someone aren’t the same thing. You need to tell him that.

I may be irresponsible and untrustworthy out there, but I’m not in here.

I give up. If I hadn’t fallen for Little Grey, you’d found some other reason not to respect me like you always have. To you, I’m always going to be the charity case the Shepherds had to take in.

How does one exactly live in a tree? I mean, how does one exactly, say, eliminate waste?

You should call them and plead temporary insanity. You don’t have to end it with roller girl just say you did. That’s because it’s none of their business. You shouldn’t have to hurt this much.

This may be bad timing but I’ve got to ask you. What did that guy have? I mean, he wasn’t much to look at, but you and Stevens and Torres. Tell the truth. Was he, you know, hung?

You have become a crazy person I do not recognize. I want Lexie back. Can I get Lexie back?

That’s how I know my job is safe, Dr. Yang, because I reattach babies’ arms.

If she loves you she’ll understand if you can’t, perform. Cuddling’s nice too.

Come on. It’s just an erection. All the guy wants is a woody. God forbid you get to be his age and your kids won’t let you have one. He’s your father. He’s taken care of you your entire life. He’s given you everything and now he needs something and you want to throw that in his face. You know how many people would jump at the chance to give back to their parents who would sacrifice everything without blinking? And there’s nothing wrong with dating a younger woman. It keeps you young and that’s my professional opinion.

I have an idea. How about we don’t answer any patient questions with the phrase, ‘Um I don’t know.’

And you’re no blond. You can’t pull that off. Blonds are either bad ass or fun and you’re a brunette!

I wouldn’t have to sleep with nurses if you’d put out.

Appropriate is boring.

Lex, I’m still in love with you. I tried not to be but I am. Sloane’s not around, there’s no baby. And I don’t want to sleep around. I want another chance. I’m in love with you.

Nothing says good morning like shower sex.

I'm going to need some more consonants.

You're a crappy listener. Add that to the list.

I probably shouldn't have used permanent marker. My apologies.

I don't want to be the cool uncle. The cool uncle's only cool until the kid's like nine and then the cool uncle's just creepy.

Poor, Mr. Green Eyes. Let's not pretend being beautiful's a burden.

That goo looks great. I say stick with the goo.

Peanut butter cups. She's a stress eater. You get her eating, you get her talking. She loves peanut butter cups.

Use that Avery sparkle!

We're co-parenting us, all of us. This isn't a joke. It's not some cute arrangement where you humor me and use me for babysitting when you want to see a movie. This is my child. We're doing this together. You don't get a bigger vote. I'm a parent!

I've lost too many babies in my time. Addison terminated. Sloan disappeared. I'm not letting it happen again. I don't care what kind of baby it is.

You're Derek Shepherd. There's a reason I've been jealous of you my whole life, and it's not your hair. You're going to be okay. Even Sophia knows that. Right, Sophia? Say hi to Uncle Derek.

I'd choose her over you in the divorce. You know that, right?