Gossip Girl: Nate Archibald

I hate pretentious asshats who try to steal other people's girlfriends.

Should have gone with mercury poisoning.

Are you in the air? Because Blair is the boss of all of us. Seriously, Serena, you smell like the floor of a brewery.

Once the Buckleys leak it, we'll release the real photo. It'll look like the Buckley's faked the one. Then people will finally see them for the villains they really are.

Come on, Serena. The guy proposed to P.J. sister to pay off his gambling debt. Wake up, the guy's hardly innocent. I am sorry I had to lie to you.

Time flies when you're having a Wii tennis death match.

You're Blair Waldorf. Punishment is your middle name.

Serena, I lost my virginity to you on a bar at the Campbell Apartment. When I woke up the next day, the person I lost my virginity to, the person I loved, was gone. Never to be heard from again for a year.

I told you I was good in the kitchen.

I told you this would end badly. Threesomes, man. Don't believe the hype.

Oh my God. This is NOT your next story for the New Yorker. I'm sending it out to an entirely different magazine.

Affairs with married people, threesomes, it just so happens everyone's problems are within my area of expertise.

If it makes you feel any better, you were a great fake girlfriend.

Post-threesome stage one. Whereas one if not both girls try to prove that she's the one you belong to.

My name is Nate Archibald. I'm Tripp van der Bilt's cousin. I know there's a lot of buzz going around about what happened this morning at the Hudson River, and it saddens me to tell you all that the story about it being a hoax ... it is true. However, my cousin, Tripp van der Bilt, had no knowledge whatsoever of it being a setup. My cousin is not only the most moral, honest and courageous guy I know, he's still a hero. And how do I know this? Because I'm the one who set it up.

I just expected more game from the guy who dated Serena van der Woodsen.

I thought you lived in Brooklyn, not a cave.

Can we just move into the punishment portion of this meeting?

Two words for you. Role play.