Gossip Girl: Rufus Humphrey

I suggest you kids stay out of it; let these van der Woodsen women fight it out themselves!

I'm confident that there's no depravity that brand-new Léron sheets can't erase.

Telling a woman you like her clothes isn't lying. It's self-preservation.

As hard as it is for me to believe, there's something more important in life than waffles. I'm not going to let you sit one more day cooped up in that apartment.

I'm not quite in the mood to celebrate any of your former husbands right now.

If he were a vampire, I could slip garlic in her waffles or something.

You're young, you'll get over it.

I look at you and I don't see my daughter anymore.

I know you like him but you can't hang around with people who are mixed up with drugs.

It must have been one Hell of a kiss for you to build all these lies around it.

Did my son just walk out before playing the Q on a double letter? That is so not the Humphrey way.

What Scott saw was you grasping at anything you can to push me away.

You're scared because you're in love with me like you've never been in love with any of your husbands. Because unlike a Bart Bass someone like me can actually break your heart. And I know because right now you're breaking mine.

We can keep asking each other if we can do this. We can keep planning, and adjusting, and talking some more. Or we can just leap. So let's leap! Let's get married!

I knew I let you kids watch The Parent Trap too many times.

I know I'm not the first guy that your mom's brought into your life, but if you and Eric will let me, I'd really like to be more to you than just Lily's most recent husband. Let me help you with this.

Look at us — you going to Yale. Jenny might actually make it to 16.

I just had a full conversation with this opera-goer about 'The Magic Flute'. And he pretended like that was exactly what he just watched. I'm beginning to get these society people. It's all a big game pretending you know what you're talking about.

Lil, I'm waiting for you this time. Six months, six years. I'll be here.

He's not still reading one of those Dan and Serena should-be-or-shouldn't-be threads is he?

If by okay you mean extraordinarily depressed, then yes.

I just got the call. Lincoln Hawk is hitting the road. We're opening for The Breeders. I guess that Luscious Jackson reunion didn't work out.

So, uh, Alison's leaving. She's spending some time alone with the kids. And I seem to have walked all the way from Brooklyn to your doorstep... without a jacket... in the snow. So, what the hell? I miss you. And I have been missing you for a while.

Hey Lil, you know everything closed on Christmas? The diners claim to be open 24/7... it's false advertising.

I thought he should know how it feels to lose you. Cause, trust me, it's not fun.

Maybe if musicians got off their blogs and picked up their guitars, the music business would be in better shape.

I was going to be Iggy, but I didn't want to scare the children.